Thirty-One
O ne fuck and I’m begging her to move in with me. I couldn’t be more whipped. I’d laughed at the others when it happened to them, but it all made sense now. Why the hell would I want to go back to the way things were, when I could have her beside me all the fucking time?
“Ice… you know what Reacher said.”
I shrugged. “Fuck him. He was angry, and out of line. Besides, he fucked up your career, and put you in this position, so it’s his responsibility to provide you with a roof over your fucking head now.”
She snorted, releasing my hands and leaning into me, until my arms surrounded her, like they were on some kind of fucking autopilot.
“I don’t think he’ll see it that way. Maybe I don’t have to be gone for long though. Maybe just long enough to get some kind of handle on my finances, or something. Maybe I can get funding to set up my own little office. I don’t know. I do know that my rent is due in two weeks, and right now I don’t even have enough in the bank to cover it, not if I want to eat, and… oh god… I can’t even drive anywhere anyway. My car is still impounded.”
“And you might have to stay local for your hearing.” I hated reminding her of that, but I’d use any tool in my fucking arsenal to make her stay.
She shuddered. “I’ve made such a mess of things, Ice. Was it really so wrong to want to be with you? Why did everything fall apart like this?”
I know she’s not blaming me, not at all, but I fucking am.
“I’ll sort this. Get dressed.”
I headed for the bedroom, grabbing my phone, and speed-dialling Reacher.
“You didn’t come home last night.” He rarely says hello when he answers a call.
“I stayed with my old lady.” I heard a gasp from her, well, and one from him too. Nice. Stereo .
“Ice…”
“Listen, you fucked up her life, and somehow, for some crazy reason, she’s not kicking me to the fucking curb, but she’s gonna lose her house, so I’m bringing her home with me. She’s gonna live at the clubhouse. You got a problem with that?”
Reacher groaned.
“I told her she was banned.”
“And? What’s your point? Just change your mind.”
He cursed. “And what if she fucks you up again? I’ll be the idiot who let her back into your life.”
I snorted, reaching out to slap Lissa’s ass as she passed me, half-dressed. She shot me a glare, and slapped at my hand when I tried to do it again.
“Yeah, sorry to burst your bubble, Pres, but you didn’t let anyone do anything. She’s mine, and I’m gonna be with her either way. I’d rather that be in my home, but I guess that part is your call.”
He was quiet for a moment.
“So this is an ultimatum. Either I say yes, or you don’t come back? Fuck’s sake, Ice. You gonna put pussy before your family?”
“She’s not just pussy, for fuck’s sake! I love her .”
Lissa gasped, and I turned to look at her, wishing I’d said it to her first. That was the way it should have happened. Dumb fuck.
“Fuck it. We’re coming back. If you want her out, you’ll have to throw us both out. In front of everyone.” I ended the call and crossed the room, grabbing Lissa’s throat in a light grip.
“ I said it . I should have said it to you rather than him, but it’s true. I fucking love you, and I’m not giving you up. I meant what I said. I keep you, or they lose me.”
“Keep me? I’m not a pet, Ice.”
I grinned, tightening my grip on her throat which, I noticed, she didn’t even attempt to pull away from.
“You’ll be more than my pet, little vixen. You’ll be my prey . I’ll hunt you, chase you down, and fuck you just like I did last night.”
She took a deep breath, her skin going a little pink.
“If you can catch me.”
“Well, I love a challenge, darlin’, so I say bring it on.”
When her phone rang, and she stepped away to answer it, I made use of her shower, and dressed again, wishing I’d had the good sense to bring spare clothes. My t-shirt was a twisted mess, after being used as a makeshift restraint last night, but wearing it made me think about last night again, and if she hadn’t ended her call in tears, I’d have probably jumped her again.
Lissa
I knew the call was going to be a bad thing, because it was my boss calling, or I guess, ex-boss. Nothing was finalised yet, but it was going to happen. So why did her calling to tell me I was officially fired fill me with such despair? I’d expected it. I’d expected her sniffy haughty tone, and her curt attitude, but it still tore me apart, to have it confirmed.
I’d barely finished the call before Ice was holding me, stroking my hair as I sobbed into his chest. There’d been the tiniest chance that things could have been resolved, or at least that was what I’d let myself believe, and now that my hope had been crushed, I was broken. Broken-hearted. Devastated.
My phone buzzed again, and Ice snatched it from my hand.
“Who’s Cammy?”
He shrugged and tossed the phone onto the bed.
“Babe, don’t break your heart over this, okay? I’m gonna fix things. I’m gonna make it all okay again. Just trust me. And you know what? Fuck it. We’re not going anywhere right now. We’re gonna have some coffee, and you’re gonna talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling about everything. Get it off your chest. You said you never had someone to listen, but that’s not the case anymore. You have me, and when you cry, I’ll always hold you. I said I love you, and that wasn’t bullshit.”
He was saying all the things I needed to hear right now, so I agreed, and we sat down with coffee, and I told him about my fears now that my job was definitely gone. I told him about how pathetic it was that I wished I could get my pictures back from the walls of my old office, but I couldn’t go back there. How I would have to ask Cammy to get them.
I told him about how dire my financial situation was. That part was really hard, because I’d foolishly been enjoying my salary, rather than saving when I should have, and the result was no safety net for me right now.
He listened, he stroked my hair, he caressed my face, he brushed tears away, and he kissed me gently and sweetly, like he could actually prove his love with each touch. How could I even consider leaving town and losing this? Losing him?
“So what you’re saying is, you need some time to get your shit together.”
I nodded. That was all it was. Just some time to go back home until I can get things in order, then come back, and hopefully he’d still want me.
“Fine. You’ll come back to the clubhouse with me, and we’ll get your stuff stored before the lease runs out. You’ll have time to plan and not worry about shit, because I’ll handle the other stuff. I make money with the club, and I can look after you, until you want to try something new. Oh, and don’t worry about your pictures. While you were talking, I told Has-Been about them. He’s getting them for you.”
I had this vision of him striding into the centre, and marching into my office, to take pictures down from the walls, while Cammy stood there open-mouthed, and probably drooling, while the bitchqueen blustered, and whined, and moaned. He’d probably tell her to go fuck herself, and I wished I could see that part.
“So you’re just going to look after me, like I’m some dependent, who can’t look after herself?”
Ice shook his head, looking slightly frustrated with me.
“No, dammit. I’m gonna look after you, like a man looks after his woman, like a biker looks after his old lady.”
Shit. I knew what that meant. I knew because of my father. Dear old dad who never helped to raise me, but showed up now and then just to piss mum off, and throw money at her. I remember him but only as this huge, towering person who came and went so fast that I couldn’t even picture his face. I only knew what it looked like, because of the few photographs mum kept. He’d shouted a lot, I remembered that too.
I wondered where he even was now. He’d stopped turning up when I was small, after the last shouting match, and I didn’t even know what club he ran. Was it anything like Ice’s club? Was he anything like Reacher? I bet they saw a different side of him.
I had this weird yearning to try and find him, to see if he was really as bad as I thought he was. Or if, like Ice, he had a persona that others saw, but it wasn’t the real him.
“Lissa?”
Ice tilted my face up because I’d been staring at, well, nothing, and lost in my thoughts.
“I don’t want you to worry about any of this shit, okay? Did I scare you with the ‘old lady’ thing? It’s not something I’d force on you. I’m not like that. But Jesus… there’s this part of me that just wants to throw you over my shoulder, and take you back to my room, and lock us in there together.”
He rubbed at his eyes, and cursed.
“Is it okay if I go look for paracetamol in your kitchen?”
I nodded, watching him get up and head into the kitchen, his shoulders tensing slightly before he disappeared. Was his shoulder hurting him again? And if so, why wouldn’t he just tell me? Had we hurt it with our crazy behaviour last night? Did I struggle too much?
He sat back down, and dragged me against his side again.
“Right, so… what do you want to do with our day? Let’s pretend we’re on holiday together. What shall we do?”
I moved so I could see his face, reaching up to cup his cheek. It was warm, a little clammy, and his forehead was damp.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded, but suddenly that grin looked forced.
“Just fighting a headache. It’s fine, babe.”
“Not your shoulder?”
He shook his head. “I’m used to being careful. It’s nothing to worry about.” His hand trembled slightly as he reached up to cover mine, over his cheek.
“You’re suffering. How long have you been feeling withdrawal symptoms, Ice?”
He scowled, and looked at the ceiling as he tipped his head back.
“A few hours. It’s fine. I can handle it.”
“Ice, I don’t want you to ‘handle it’. I want you to tell me when you’re not feeling good. This is all part of the journey.”
“Yeah? Well, the journey fucking sucks ass .”
I fought a smile. “So I hear.”