Thirty-Three
I couldn’t bear the look on her face. He’d made her ashamed, and she had nothing to be ashamed of, not a damn thing.
“Shut the fuck up, Doc, before I bury my fist in your face.”
They both looked at me, pure shock on my lady’s face, and it took me a moment to figure out why. Hell… this was getting confusing.
“Him, babe, not you. Obviously. He’s Doc, but you’re Lissa to me now, anyway.”
She swallowed, her shoulders bunched up and tense.
“He’s right, Ice. I’m not fit to counsel others, I mean, look what I did. I’m a hypocrite.”
“You fucking stop that right now. Doc, apologise to her, before I really lose my shit.”
He shrugged. “Sorry, lady. I was only asking because I believe Reacher’s on his way back from wherever he was when you sneaked her in, that’s all.”
Lissa’s eyes widened. “Oh my god, I should go.”
I grabbed her hand, making sure my grip was good and tight.
“Not. Fucking. Going. Anywhere.” My words were gritted out against a wave of pain and nausea, which I really fucking hoped would stop with whatever the fuck Doc had given me.
“Oh god. Can I get a cool cloth or something for his head?” Lissa was finally meeting Doc’s eyes, and I watched him closely to make sure he behaved.
“I got some shit over there you can use.” He pointed to a drawer, and she dug out a cloth, and ran to the sink to soak it in water.
“Good one you got there, brother. Don’t let her slip through your fingers.”
I met his grin with a sharp one of my own.
“Not fucking planning on it.”
Did it feel like heaven when she started dabbing at my face with that cool damp cloth? Hell to the yes. The way her eyes were on mine the whole time, it was fucking everything. She cared. She fucking cared about me. She might not have used the ‘L word’ like I had yet, but she was getting there, even if I was the reason that she had nothing left but me. Jesus, when I put it like that, even I wondered what the fuck she was still doing here.
The door opened, and Reacher stood there looking exhausted, but then when didn’t he? We’d had a dramatic couple of months in the club, and I could see every fucking day of it wearing on him. Fucker needs a break. He had a heart condition after all.
“Hey, Pres. You remember Lissa, right?” I offered him a shit-eating grin, but weirdly even that seemed to fucking hurt right now.
“Yeah, thanks, Jackass, I get your point. Doc, can we get a minute?”
Doc was good at disappearing rapidly, so a minute later the door closed, and it was just the three of us. Lissa was chewing her lip, as she carried on mopping my face like it was sweating a whole hell of a lot more than it actually was.
“How are you feeling?”
I shrugged, feigning carelessness.
“Like a junkie who really needs a fix.” Lissa gasped, and Reacher shook his head.
“But we’re not going to let that happen again, are we?”
Lissa looked at him then. “Is that directed at me? Because I tried to stop him last time, and I’ll do anything to stop him if he tries again.”
Reacher sighed, dragging a hand through his hair.
“I told you not to come back here-”
“Pres-”
“Let me finish, please. I was pissed. I was an asshole. If my old lady is to be believed, the words were uh… ‘hypocritical asshole from hell’ and she wasn’t wrong. I messed up your job, and ruined things for you, Doc, and I’m really sorry. I don’t necessarily think you’re the right person to be helping Ice, but I shouldn’t have done what I did.”
I grabbed her hand as she tried to retreat.
“Reacher, that’s the shittest apology I’ve ever heard, even from you, and I’ve known you a while. She didn’t cause my relapse. If anything, she delayed it longer than it would have been. If it hadn’t been… uh… I was on a knife edge anyway. She gives me something to live for. A reason to want to succeed.” She was too fucking quiet. It was like she felt intimidated by him or something. Where was the sassy woman from that first meeting?
“Lissa?”
She was slow to meet my eyes, but she did it at last.
“Don’t be cowering in front of him, or trying to fucking be submissive, or some shit. He’s just the Club President. I’m your fucking man, and you sure as hell don’t do that with me, nor would I want you to.”
Her lips twitched. “I’m just… look, I know I haven’t shown my best self since you guys have known me, but I’m actually, well… not always a fuck up. I swear, I earned my doctorate through hard work, and commitment, and until I met Ice, I hadn’t put a foot wrong. Not during my entire life. I’m ashamed of the way things have gone, because I’ve always done my best to…” she sighed, “to be a sanctimonious asshole. My god, listen to me. Why the hell did I think I’d be the best person to try and guide people, when I’m getting fed up with the sound of my own voice.”
I dragged her fingers to my lips.
“I’m not. Keep talking, babe.”
Reacher groaned. “Look. Fuck… okay, I get it. You guys are… whatever the fuck you are, and clearly insisting you do this outside of the clubhouse is just gonna drive away someone who really fucking needs his brothers right now, just like we need him. I have so much shit to worry about right now, I can’t be dealing with this too, but hear me , one more fucking moment of drama involving either of you, and this ends. I don’t care what you say at that point, because I’ll hold firm on banning her for life. I’ll even take it to the fucking table, just to make it fucking final. Hear me? One more fuckup, and this is done.”
Lissa
T he man looked exhausted, like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I had no idea what other dramas a club like this might have going on, but it looked like he was losing sleep over it.
In any other situation, I’d probably offer to listen, or try to help, but I couldn’t help feeling intimidated by him, because the more he raised his voice, the more he reminded me of my father, and the more I wondered if he’d go from yelling to punching someone. I didn’t know how severe his mood swings were, or how bad his temper was, and I had no desire to find out.
“No drama, I promise.” My voice was far more diminutive than it had been even a minute before.
“Jesus. Can you fuck off now, Pres? I gotta dig my woman back out of the fucking hole you scared her into.”
He shoved up from the chair he’d only just dropped into.
“Might want to work on your manners there, kid. I believe the words you’re looking for are ‘thanks for coming by to make sure I’m okay’.”
He grinned as he walked away, reaching the door before he turned back.
“We love you, kid. Don’t make us lose you.”
The club doctor let Ice leave once it was obvious that the anti-emetic was working, and he should be able to keep food down. Even then he suggested we go for something gentle on his stomach. He also gave Ice a flyer detailing the withdrawal symptoms he might experience, and even offered to stay onsite for the night in case he was needed. He wasn’t all bad, and it helped to know that these people, as abrasive as they’d been to me, were so desperate to keep Ice safe and healthy.
We sat down with a cup of tea, for the sake of his stomach, and he had a bowl of soup that someone had popped up from the kitchen downstairs.
“So, apart from the way they feel about me, the club seems pretty caring, you know, when it comes to you.”
Ice nodded, and spoke in between mouthfuls of soup.
“The club wasn’t always like this. Most of us are fairly new, and joined over the last decade, since the old president was replaced, and Reacher and Stitch took over. I don’t think you’ve met Stitch, but he’s uh… he’s away being treated for something that they’re keeping top secret.”
I was starting to understand some of the burden on Reacher’s shoulders.
“I think I expected it to just be like a boy’s club, you know? You guys all high fiving each other and talking about pussy.”
He burst out laughing. “Yeah. There’s a lot of that, to be honest.”
“So, do you need to go high five anyone for getting to mine?” I shouldn’t have asked just as he took a mouthful of tea. He half-choked, half-spat the tea in my general direction.
“Jesus, Lissa. You fucking vixen.”
It was such a relief to see him laughing again, that I thought I’d try feeling him out about the other thing intriguing me.
“So, why don’t you like Has-Been?”
He shook his head at my sudden subject change, which was intentional to keep him on his toes.
“I don’t know, I just don’t. I’m trying, babe, but I just don’t know. Something about him just makes me want to punch his lights out.”
Hmmm. Something to revisit later, maybe.
“So tell me something about your family. You never talk about them.”
He groaned, shoving his teacup and empty soup bowl along the low table.
“Seriously? You wanna shrink me right now?”
“It’s this thing people do called a ‘conversation’. If you don’t want to talk about them, that’s fine. Let me tell you about mine instead.”
“Fuck’s sake, babe, it’s not that interesting. My mum’s married to a sanctimonious prick. A copper, yeah, but… he did save her from my dad, so I guess he gets a tiny bit of leeway for that.”
I wriggled closer on the sofa, to rest my head on his shoulder.
“Only tell me what you feel comfortable sharing.”