Thirty-Six
W hat a fucking shitshow! First of all, my lady fucking disappears on me, and then I decide I’m gonna be the bigger man, and apologise to that fucktard, and then? Then I find out he’s got my fucking woman in his room, and he’s half naked, AND mouthing off at me, like I’m the bad guy! That motherfucker!
It couldn’t get worse right? Except it did. Because right around the time I lunged at Has, and tried to punch his fucking lights out, I heard a voice at the bedroom door. A voice that shouldn’t fucking be there.
I looked up from my tussle with Has, while Lissa was screaming at us to stop, and there she fucking was. And then, as I was distracted by the bizarre and unexpected appearance of a girl I shagged a few times ages ago, Has took the opportunity to land his fist firmly in my face, like the bastard he’d always been.
“What the actual fuck?!” And there was the last voice any one of us wanted to hear. We watched as Reacher edged Jessica away.
“Who the fuck are you?”
She just smiled serenely, like my life wasn’t being decimated right in front of her.
“I’m here to see Ice. He’s my guy.” What the hell? I turned to look at Lissa who burst into floods of tears, and ran out of the room, pushing past Reacher, who looked more confused than anyone.
“I don’t even want to get into this. You, lady, out. You’re not anyone’s girl, not around here. Has? Ice? My fucking office right now. Ally, can you go sit with Lissa until we know what the fuck is going on here?” The fact that he didn’t throw her out instantly was a huge relief, but he’d said it, hadn’t he? Any more drama and we were done. Fuck .
Jessica was still standing there like a statue as me and Has shoved away from each other and got up to follow our Club President, because you didn’t keep a guy like him waiting. As I passed her, she reached for my arm.
“I missed you.”
I recoiled from her touch, shaking my head.
“I forgot you, so leave, will you? It was just a few shags, for fuck’s sake.”
Her face dropped, and then a snarl replaced the sweet smile, and she moved fast.
“Fuck you!” Her knee crushed my nads, wrenching a pained yell from me, as I crumpled on the floor, and then she was running.
“Tommy? See that she leaves, and tell the others she doesn’t come in here again. Oh, and I wanna know who the FUCK let her in without an escort in the first damn place!” I could hear Reacher yelling at Tommy, but I was more worried about the fact that my dick had barely worked before, and now she’d tried to invert my fucking balls too.
“Jesus…”
Has crouched beside me; his nose was bleeding, and there was a red mark on his cheek where I’d hit him. I didn’t feel bad about that, because he fucking deserved it.
“Is it really painful?”
I nodded breathlessly, resting a hand on the floor, to try and stop me from landing on my ass.
“Yeah? Good.” He got up and walked away, heading after Reacher, while I took several deep breaths, trying to push the pain back enough to stand up again. When I did, I was walking like a fucking cowboy, with my nuts screaming in protest as I moved.
I reached the door to Reacher’s office, and he jerked his head at the chair Has wasn’t already occupying.
I made my way carefully, sitting down like an old man as I tried to not crush my junk, and also aware that my shoulder might kick off again. Jesus, what the fuck was the point of living like this?
“I half want to tell you both to get the fuck out of my club, and sort your shit out, but I get the feeling that it’s not gonna fix anything. So, what set it off this time?” Yeah, it wasn’t the first time we’d come to blows, not even the second or third.
I opened my mouth to call Has-Been all the assholes under the sun, but I realised something. He wasn’t. It was me.
“My fault.” The words were out before I could stop them, even surprising Has, who turned to stare at me with almost comically wide eyes.
“The fuck? Did you really just man the fuck up at last?”
I flipped him off, feeling our relationship settle back into the usual mild animosity we appreciated and understood.
“Ice?”
I looked back at Reacher.
“I was fucking her, back when I was getting that shit for Ry and his old lady. I know you know all about that. That’s all it was though.”
He groaned, resting his chin on his hand.
“She clearly thinks it was more than a little dicking around, kid.”
I rubbed my face, and winced. The bastard caught me on the cheekbone with that fucking sucker punch.
“Yeah, well, it’s not like I had a chance to make it clear it was just a bit of fun. I did get stabbed and left for dead, I dunno, maybe you remember that?”
“Oh, here he goes again. I got stabbed wah wah wah, I mean, who hasn’t?” I flipped Has off again.
“My point is, I forgot she fucking existed, Pres. How the hell am I supposed to remember every girl I fuck?”
I could hear Has muttering under his breath, but I stayed focused on Reacher. I was scared I was about to get kicked from the club, and everything I’d done, everything I’d hidden… it was all to prevent exactly that. It was my home, the only place I’d ever felt like myself in.
He was rubbing his fingers over his eyebrow studs, staying silent for way too many painful moments.
“Am I gonna need to put you two in fucking therapy? We can’t keep having you come to blows like this. You’re brothers, and I know we all shoot our mouths off sometimes, but, fuck me, can you just try to get on like you’re not both immense dickheads?”
Has was laughing, but I was still worried.
“Am I being kicked out, Pres?”
Lissa
I ran to Ice’s room, fully planning to grab my things and get the hell out while I could. Reacher might not have physically thrown me out yet, but he’d been very clear. Any more drama and I’m gone, but who knew that drama would come from another fucking woman?
“Gahhhh!” I picked up Ice’s mug and threw it at the kitchen cupboards, seeing shards fly in all directions as it shattered, splashing the remnants of cold liquid everywhere.
“Wow, nice shot.” I turned to see Reacher’s old lady standing in the doorway. She stepped inside and shoved the door shut behind her, muting the sound of Reacher yelling somewhere down the hall.
“Don’t worry. I’m just getting my stuff.” At least I still had a home for a little longer, even if I didn’t have any way of getting there without spending money I didn’t have on a taxi.
Alicia took my arm and led me to the sofa, nudging me into a seat.
“Tell me what happened.”
Was I still crying? Yes, and how the hell had I not run out of tears yet?
“He has a girlfriend, or at least, things are more serious than he led me to believe when he said he’d slept with one other woman recently. My god. Am I the other woman? Am I the bitch who’s wrecking a relationship?” I really had hit rock bottom, and there was nowhere left to go.
Alicia was shaking her head.
“Don’t make any assumptions, babe. Honestly, I’ve never known him to bring a woman back here, so I’m sure it’s a misunderstanding. I’ve never seen her before.”
That didn’t mean he wasn’t serious with her, it just meant that he’d kept his personal life away from the clubhouse, which I could understand to a degree, because otherwise everyone knew everyone’s business.
“I really thought he loved me, Alicia. He even said the words.”
She nodded. “He said it to Reacher too, and he was blown away. He put the phone down and just stared at me like he’d just had a big shock. I was worried it was bad news about Stitch, but when he told me what Ice had said, I was just as surprised. I haven’t known him very long, because he was stabbed not long after I… uh… joined the family.”
I’d noticed the reference to Stitch, the second one I’d heard with some kind of suggestion that he was ill.
“Is Stitch okay? I haven’t met him yet, but Ice was worried about him.”
She looked uncomfortable, glancing around the room.
“Why don’t I get Tommy to bring up a couple of coffees for us?”
“Will I be here long enough to drink it?”
It was only when our drinks had been delivered that she sat beside me and took a breath.
“You have to understand, what’s going on with any member of this club isn’t really my business or yours. They’re very secretive, especially around me. I mean, they voted against me being Reacher’s old lady, so they hardly confide in me, but he does. He needs someone to talk to, especially with Stitch being away. They’re like this double act, this kind of, I don’t know… they’re so in sync with each other, and what they want for the club, and this distance is hurting them both.”
I felt like she needed someone to talk to as well, and wasn’t that my job.
“You know I’m a therapist, and that offers confidentiality, with whatever you say.”
I saw her grimace, and I knew exactly what she was thinking. I’m not a therapist now, am I? I’m a disgraced wannabe therapist, with a worthless set of qualifications, because reputation in this business was everything.
“You don’t have to tell me anything private, just is he going to be okay?”
Her breath hitched, and she squeezed her eyes shut for a moment.
“I don’t know.” Her voice was a whisper, but I got the point. It was bad.
“I’m so sorry. Is he coming back soon?”
She covered her face for a moment.
“God, I hope so. Reacher needs him back, and I’m worried about his health.”
“Reacher’s?”
Alicia nodded at me, her eyes a little red with unshed tears.
“You’re a good listener. I guess that helps in your line of work. It’s a pity you can’t set up here. There’s a lot of stressed out bikers in this club, and a shitload of secrets. Seriously, it’s more dramatic here than a damn theatre group. What you just witnessed? That’s not unusual around here. There are so many frayed tempers and so much damn bravado. Nobody just talks about what’s wrong. They stew on it, and then they lose their shit, and there’s yelling, and punching, and honestly, if I didn’t love Reacher so damn much, I don’t know if I could put up with it.”
Her idea was cute, but there was little chance of any of them trusting me with their secrets, if they couldn’t even trust each other at all. Especially now that I’d been ruined professionally.
“I don’t think I’ll even be here after tonight. Reacher gave me one last chance, and I think two of his members trying to beat the crap out of each other probably just used that up… and I still don’t know what to think about this girl. She sounded so sure that they’re a couple. Why would she say that if they aren’t?”
Alicia shrugged. “Some people delude themselves into thinking something is real when it isn’t. That’s probably all it is.”
I tried not to dwell on the fact that I may have been the one deluding myself this whole time.