Thirty-Seven
I felt like my life was hanging in the balance, more than it had ever done before. More than the knife edge of addiction versus being clean, or survival versus death. If I lost the club, that was pretty much the end for me, especially if I couldn’t get Lissa to listen to me either. What the fuck would I do?
“Listen, asshole, I’ve had just about enough of all of you as I can take right now. That woman is trouble, and you know how I know? Because I’ve never banned a single fucker from this club before and thanks to her, it’s happened twice in one week. Tell me why I shouldn’t go right ahead with that, and keep her out.”
I pulled at my hair, wishing it didn’t fucking feel like someone else’s.
“I don’t know what you want me to say, Reacher. I love her. I fucking love her, and I can’t lose her, but I can’t lose the club either. Please don’t tell me I have to choose. That’ll finish me off for good.”
He sighed, glancing at Has-Been, who was staying way too fucking quiet for once.
“You got anything to say?”
Has nodded gravely. “Just that I could have taken him, but he jumped me when I wasn’t ready. That’s all it was, otherwise, I’d have put him down like the bitch he is.”
“Fuck’s sake. I can’t believe I’m doing this, but I need you guys to think hard about what the fuck you’re doing, and what you want, because this has to end now. I want you both confined to your rooms for the next forty-eight hours, and then we’re gonna talk again. If you can’t agree to build some kind of reconciliation between you, then we’ll need to take it to the table. And Lissa? She’s gone-”
“Fuck!”
“She goes back to her place for now , or for at least as long as you’re on lockdown. I want you to have space to think. That’s my decision. Take it or leave it, but that’s what it is.”
I was nodding, because it wasn’t a ‘she’s gone forever’, and right now I’d take what I could get.
“Agreed. Has?”
He shrugged. “Whatever, but who’s gonna tell Lissa?”
I glared at him, hating the way her name sounded on his damn lips. I wanted to punch them until he couldn’t fucking utter her name again.
“She’s my fucking woman, so I’ll tell her.”
Reacher stood up and headed for the door.
“ I’ll tell her. You two stay here until she’s gone.”
I followed him to the door.
“Pres, please. She’s stewing over a fucking misunderstanding right now, and I need to clear that up with her first. I can’t let her leave here thinking I fucking cheated on her or something.”
“You’ll sit the fuck down and trust me to make things right.”
“Like you did before?”
His glare could have lasered me to death, so I sat back down, and then winced, because fuck me, my balls.
Lissa
W hen the door opened and Reacher stood there, looking like he could breathe fire, I knew my time at the club was done. I just nodded, fighting yet more tears, and reached for my bags, while Alicia tried to hug me or stop me, or something.
“Hold up a minute.” I stopped at Reacher’s voice, wondering how many new ones he was about to tear me, because he’d warned me, and somehow I’d messed things up again.
He gestured to the sofa, and Alicia helped me sit back down.
“Want me to stay?”
Reacher shrugged at his wife, and she snorted.
“I was asking my girl here.”
He shook his head, a grin on his face for a few seconds.
“Look, Lissa…”
“I know, you warned me, and I’m sorry. I don’t mean to be trouble, and I don’t know why things went the way they did so fast…”
He heaved a heavy sigh, looking at Alicia.
“She’s as bad as you for trying to finish my sentences, woman. Have you been coaching her?”
She flipped a rude gesture at him.
“No, old man, but you should let her listen to you, because it really fucking helps.”
He closed his eyes. “So now you want me in therapy too? With her?”
Ouch . I reached for my bags again, because I didn’t have to put up with this, right? Just a week ago I was a respected professional, who actually changed people’s lives for the better, and now I was just making them worse.
“Please, Lissa, dammit. Just give me a minute. Look, I suck at this shit, yeah? I’m fine with bikers, because I’m used to how they operate, even if they do surprise me now and then, but the feelings stuff? Yeah, ask Ally, I’m out of my depth, but I’m fucking trying.”
I rested my hands in my lap.
“I appreciate that. I really didn’t expect to meet someone like Ice, or feel the way I do. I never planned for any of this. In fact, I’m not sure anyone ever plans for something like this. I’ve lost everything, Reacher. I don’t know how to prove to you that my feelings for Ice are real, and that I’d always do my best for him.”
He rubbed at his beard thoughtfully.
“Even though an hour ago you were in Has’s bedroom, because you thought Ice cheated on you?”
I sighed, glancing at Alicia, who gave me a reassuring nod.
“It was a shock. That girl was so confident about the fact that they were a couple, and he’d mentioned there being someone else a while back. I guess I was feeling insecure already, and that was enough of a shock that I was hurt and upset. Has-Been saw me in the hallway, and just wanted to help.”
Reacher groaned, leaning back in the chair, looking completely exhausted, beyond exhausted even. I saw Alicia watching him carefully, before she moved into the chair beside his, and rested her hand on his arm.
“You need rest, old man.” He chuffed out a tired chuckle.
“When I’m dead, woman, remember?” Her hand went from stroking his arm to slapping it hard.
“Don’t say that, dammit. Finish up here, so we can go and rest.”
He opened his eyes and stared at me.
“I’m locking both of the boys down for a couple of days. Do you have somewhere to go while I resolve their shit for them? After that, I’ll lift any restrictions on you being here, if that’s what you both want. For the record, whoever that bitch was tonight, she’s nothing to Ice. Somewhere he dipped his dick a while back, that’s all.” Alicia slapped his arm again and he shot her a glare that would have had me backing away, but she just smirked.
“Rude.”
“She’s definitely banned from here, but you can come back.” He shot me one of those fierce looks next. “As long as you’re helping my boy, and not hurting him, get it?”
I nodded, feeling a cold loneliness sinking back into me. Wow, had it always been there? Had being here chased it away, when I hadn’t even known I was feeling it?
“I understand. Thank you for giving us a chance. Can I see him before I go?”
He shook his head. “They’re already on lockdown, girl. I’m sure he’ll find a way to contact you, but if he doesn’t, just know it’s because I’m actually succeeding in something for once in this fucking place.” He stood up and dragged Alicia up with him.
They were heading for the door, and I suddenly realised I’d have to walk unless I asked for help, and could I even do that? Could I bring myself to ask this challenging, sometimes terrifying, man for a favour, after all of this? Hadn’t I shown enough weakness already in front of him?
“Uh, you got a way of getting home?”
He’d read my mind, and relief flooded me as I shook my head, my cheeks reddening with shame.
“I’ll send someone to drive you, but not on a bike. If you’re Ice’s, you don’t get on the back of another bike, yeah? That’s how it works.” He left, while I dwelled on the fact that I’d already broken that rule. Would it be a problem? I’d heard Ice trying to make amends with Has-Been, before it all went wrong. I’d been so proud of him for trying, for making the effort, and then I’d ruined that too.
“Hey, love. I’m your ride home.” The biker I’d met before poked his head through the door. “Ryder, remember?”