Chapter 18 Ivy #2
“When I’m racing, I’m not helpless or watching someone slip away with too little time and too few answers.
I feel free.” My eyes flick toward him, but I don’t hold the look.
My fingers twist the edge of my hoodie, like I could wring the truth out of the fabric instead of admitting it out loud.
“On the track, it’s only me and the ice.
If I win, it’s because I worked hard for the results.
If I crash, I stand up and try again. That’s the clarity that sharpens everything.
The track is the one place I can breathe without second-guessing. ”
His face is unreadable, but his head is tilted. He’s really listening, seeing me more clearly than most people ever try to.
“I also needed a reminder that I’m not just the girl who holds hands through goodbyes and bad scans,” I add, softer now. “That I’m alive.”
“Do you ever get scared?”
“All the time.” The confession tugs a wry smile across my lips. ”The fear first creeps in right before I launch. My pulse hammers in my throat, and for a split second, I ask myself why the hell I chose to be here.”
Even now, talking about it, my palms grow damp, and I can picture the ice under me. The phantom rush prickles at my skin like static, heat rising in my face as if my body doesn’t know the difference between memory and reality. I take a deep breath, enjoying the rush I normally only get when racing.
“The fear never vanishes, but it transforms. Every nerve in my body wakes up and every thought narrows to the turn in front of me. I’m terrified and liberated in the same breath.
It’s the only place where fear doesn’t crush me under its weight.
It fuels me instead,” I explain, putting my feelings in words.
“That’s pretty much why I love it so much. ”
“Damn,” he murmurs, awe in his voice. “You’re such a badass, Ivy Campbell.”
“It takes one to know one,” I reply with giddiness.
He polishes off the last bite of pancakes. “Once I can see better, I’m coming to one of your races.”
Hope clings to every word, like he believes his vision is coming back. I want to match his confidence and let it wash over me the way it seems to steady him. But a part of me aches with the fear of what if. What if it doesn’t?
“Are you sure you’re ready for that much adrenaline?” I joke to lighten my mood.
“Only if you’re racing.”
It’s all too much—the closeness and the way he says things that shouldn’t make my stomach flip but absolutely do. My mind has been spinning all day, and suddenly I can’t hold any of it in. The words tumble out before I can stop them.
“I saw you fully naked when I helped you shower a few days ago. I didn’t mean to, I swear!”
His brows lift in surprise. There’s no panic or discomfort on his face—only curiosity and the faintest clue of amusement tugging at his lips. Mortification hits me like a slap. “I’m sorry, but I just thought you should know,” I rush on, words tripping over each other.
There’s another pause, long enough for me to want to melt through the floor. I swallow hard, wishing I could rewind the last ten seconds. Why did I say anything? Why now?
“Ivy,” he says calmly, a smile spreading over his face. “Take a deep breath for me.”
I obey without thinking. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. My shoulders relax a notch, even as warmth creeps all the way up my neck.
“You thought I’d be angry?” he asks, still smiling.
“It was a moment of vulnerability. You should feel violated and angry.”
“Thanks for the consideration.” He huffs a short laugh. “Obviously seeing me naked made a lasting impression, or you wouldn’t still be thinking about it.”
My jaw drops, heat crawling up my throat. He’s actually joking while I’m over here dying inside. “Wait—you’re fine with this?”
“Ivy, I’m more than fine; I’m flattered.”
I throw my hands up in exasperation, unable to stop the reluctant laugh that bubbles out of me. “You’re impossible.”
“Maybe, but unforgettable.”
Groaning, I cover my face with my hands. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“Don’t be.” He reaches out, brushing my knee, giving it a tight squeeze. “You’ve taken care of me when I couldn’t even stand. You’ve seen me cry, freak out, walk into furniture…and now you’ve seen my dick. No big deal.”
“Oh my God,” I mumble behind my palms. “You’re making this weird.”
“I’m not, but I could, if you want me to.”
“Teddy!” I throw a pillow at him.
He laughs, catching it clumsily. “Look, Ivy. I trust you. If it was an accident, then we can move on. But if it wasn’t completely an accident…”
“Don’t finish that sentence, Theodore Bancroft Seaborn the Fourth,” I warn, cheeks flaming.
“Whoa, pulling out the government name,” he raises both hands in surrender. “For the record, I appreciate your honesty and the compliment.”
“What compliment?”
He grins like the cocky winger he is. “I bet you enjoyed seeing me naked more than you’re willing to admit.”
“You’re such a menace.”
“And you’re still thinking about my dick, so I guess we’re even.”
Blushing, and so damn glad he can’t see me, I stand and gather the empty containers. “I should go.”
“Thanks for visiting and bringing me food.”
“Anytime.”
As I reach the door, he calls after me. “Ivy?” I hum in response. “Next time, schedule a late-night breakfast date. I loved the surprise, but knowing you were coming would’ve made my entire day.”
“Careful, Seaborn. That sounds dangerously close to flirting.”
He flashes a charming smile. “Must be the syrup.”