Chapter 19 Teddy
TEDDY
The morning drags by, each sound and movement predictable as clockwork. I’ve grown used to the routine, but for some reason, the monotony gnaws at me today. The only real breaks come with Ivy’s check-ins, her voice cutting through the boredom.
She’s just finished explaining the latest adjustments to my meds when I hear the smile in her voice. “You have company.”
My head jerks up. I blink, spotting a faint shift where he must be standing.
“Don’t look too surprised, I promised I would be here before the holidays,” Jasper quips from the doorway.
“I wasn’t expecting you until later,” I say, happiness pulling at my mouth. “But I’m glad you’re here, brother.”
“Looking sharp, Seaborn.”
I chuckle. “I’m wearing hospital-issue comfy wear and compression socks while my own clothes are in the wash.”
“Still. You look better than you did when I last visited.”
For a moment, the weight in my chest eases. It feels good to be told I look better, even if I can’t see it myself.
“Jasper ?kerman, meet Ivy Campbell.” I gesture between them. “Ivy is the one keeping me alive and mostly sane.”
My friend steps deeper into the room, his voice growing a touch more formal. “Nice to meet you. I’m a friend and former teammate.”
“I know who you are, Mr. Highest Scorer in the League for the past three seasons. It’s so lovely to meet you,” Ivy says, her tone a little brighter than usual.
It’s subtle, but I catch it. For someone as steady as her, that flicker of excitement over meeting another hockey star is unexpectedly endearing.
“Oh, you’re a hockey fan. That’s an interesting development,” my friend remarks.
“My family has been rooting for the Woodpeckers since the team was formed.”
“Even better. Thanks for taking care of Teddy Boy over there. He’s such a pain in the ass, but we tolerate him on good days,” Jasper teases.
“I’ve noticed.” Ivy walks around the bed, standing closest to it. “Everything looks good. I’ll give you two some time to catch up. Call if you need anything.”
She touches my shoulder gently before leaving. I listen as her steps fade down the hall, then turn to my friend. He speaks before I can.
“Well, look at that. I thought Em was exaggerating when she said you might have the hots for the nurse. Such a cliché.”
“Keep your voice down,” I warn through clenched teeth.
“Or what?”
“I’ll kick your ass the moment I’m out of here.”
“Oh, I’m scared now.” Jasper laughs and drags a chair over. “Joking aside, how are you doing?”
I release a heavy sigh, thinking of how to describe my current mood. “Somewhere between exhausted and numb. I can’t see more than slight differences in light and shadows. My head hurts most of the time. Yet, I’m considered lucky.”
“You’re allowed to be pissed.”
“Believe me, I am.” My fists clench, nails biting into my palms, a physical outlet for the anger boiling beneath the fatigue. “It makes no fucking sense why I’m the one who has to go through this. I keep asking myself, why me? Is it because I was such an asshole before or what?”
Jasper exhales hard, the kind of breath that carries more weight than words.
“Don’t do that to yourself, Teddy. You didn’t deserve any of this.
No one does. Being cocky on the ice or rough around the edges off it…
that’s just you. And we love you for it.
This—” His voice dips, tight with emotion, “—this was Farrington being reckless, not some twisted karma cashing in. Stop thinking that.”
I want to believe him, but the doubt clings stubbornly to my insides. “Yeah, maybe. Hard to shut that voice off, though.”
“When I saw the replay…fuck, Teddy. It was brutal. I’ve seen lots of hits, but yours was the hardest thing I’ve ever watched in my life. When Em told me you weren’t waking up—” He lets out a long shaking breath. “I thought we lost you.”
My throat closes up. My eyes sting, wetness threatening as I swallow hard. I don’t want him to hear the crack in my voice, but the thought of how close I came to being dead hits heavier when spoken aloud.
“I thought so too,” I admit quietly. “It still feels like I’m halfway gone some days.”
“You’re not gone, brother. You’re right here, still fighting. That’s what matters. And as long as you’re fighting, we’ve got you. Hear me?”
I nod, leaning into the pillows, emotionally exhausted. It’s time to switch topics. “How long have you been in town?”
“Got in late last night from Dallas. My folks are flying in tonight for the holidays. Vivian’s parents will also be here tomorrow.”
“You ready for the proposal?”
“As ready as I’ll ever be.” He chuckles nervously. “It’s all planned; a walk through Central Park, same route we took on our first walk there together. I’ll get down on one knee at Bow Bridge. It’s her favorite spot.”
A warmth spreads through me at the mental image. Despite the mess of my own life, I can’t help but feel happy for my best friend. “I can’t wait to see the ring.”
“It’s a vintage princess cut diamond on a white gold band. One of those square ones. Vivian told me she doesn’t want a massive stone, so I’m hoping she’ll love it, even if I picked a larger diamond than she’s expecting.”
“I’m sure she’ll be the happiest woman in Manhattan. She’s been waiting for this moment, too, you know.”
“True,” Jasper comments. “Speaking of which, I got the gift for Ivy as requested.”
He flips open the jewelry box and guides my hand inside. Cool metal meets my fingertips as he settles the bracelet into my palm. I let my thumb drift across its surface, finding the two dangling charms.
“I’m pretty nervous about giving this to her tomorrow.”
“When Vivian and I spent our first Christmas together, I gave her a jewelry set as well. She still wears it regularly, telling me how it reminds her of those early days.”
The bracelet slips between my fingers. “But I’m not dating Ivy. Hell, I couldn’t even tell you what she looks like.”
“I’d be more than happy to give you a few details if you think it helps.”
It shouldn’t matter, even though I’ve been trying to picture her for the past few weeks. A big part of me wants to know more about the brilliant woman who has captured my attention. I nod as an answer.
“Let’s get away from this box they call your hospital room then,” Jasper suggests.
My head snaps toward his voice, brows lifting. The idea of leaving the room with him hadn’t even crossed my mind. “Where are we going?”
“Anywhere better than this sad place. I even got permission from the nurse station on the way in. I told them you needed to get out and I’d try to sneak you out the side door unless they gave me permission. They were cool with it.”
A ripple of anticipation stirs inside me. The last time I was out the neuro wing or physio was with Ivy, feeling the snow on my skin. The thought of moving beyond these four walls again makes my entire being feel lighter. “Let’s go then.”
I’m bundled into the wheelchair and wheeled down to the cafeteria.
The air shifts from sterile to rich with the smell of coffee and fried food the closer we get.
I inhale deeply, savoring it like I’ve just stepped into another world.
Somewhere close by, a coffee machine hisses, followed by the metallic clink of coins dropping into a vending slot.
Jasper parks us at a table near the windows, the faint warmth of sunlight brushing across my skin. “Hang tight,” he says, clapping my shoulder before heading off. I listen to his retreating steps, the low rumble of his voice blending with the hum of conversation as he places the order.
My friend returns and presses a hot cup into my hand as he says, “so, about Ivy. You sure you wanna know?”
I curl my fingers around the warmth, my stomach knotting with both hesitation and excitement. “I’ve been trying to picture her, but I don’t have any real details. Not even her hair or eye color.”
“I can’t tell the exact shade of her eyes, but I’d put money on blue. What really stands out is her dark blue, medium length hair. It’s bold, a little edgy, and hard to miss.”
“It’s so easy to picture her with shock-colored hair,” I comment, liking the sound of the detail. It fits her personality to a T. “What else?”
“She has a lip ring and her right arm is covered in tattoos, ivy leaves winding all the way from her wrist to under the short sleeves of her scrubs.”
I sit back, momentarily overwhelmed. The image sharpens in my mind, her laugh and her touch weaving with these new details. She’s no longer a blur in my imagination.
“Anything else?”
“She has a muscular build, but more in the confident way than the gym rat way. She carries herself well.”
A smile ghosts across my lips as pride wells up in me. “She races Ice Cross. You know, downhill skating with jumps and turns.”
“No kidding?” He whistles. “I met one of the well-known Finnish racers a few years ago and he showed me some tape. Mad respect.”
“That’s her thing. She trains year-round for it.”
“Damn. No wonder you’re into her.”
I rub the back of my neck. “That’s the problem. I’m not supposed to be, but she’s the only thing keeping this hospital from feeling like a prison.”
“Why is it a problem?”
“She’s my nurse.”
“For now.”
“Em said the same thing when we last talked.”
“Because she’s right,” he deadpans. “Look, I get it—boundaries, ethics, all that—but you should’ve seen your face when she left the room.”
I kick him under the table, aiming for his shin. “I can’t see my own face, you idiot.”
“Don’t be a smartass. You turned toward the door, your body missed her before your brain caught up.”
Shaking my head, I bite back a grin. “You’re annoyingly observant.”
“And you’re oblivious.”
We fall into silence, the low buzz of the cafeteria filling the space between us.
A burst of laughter from a nearby table cuts through, the sound sharp and unwelcome.
It pulls me back to a time when life was simpler.
When I was the one laughing, not sitting here chasing shadows.
The sound is a sobering reminder of just how far I am from the life I knew, and how long the climb back will be.
There’s the scrape of a chair before Jasper unlocks the wheels with an exaggerated flourish. “Alright, come on, Seaborn. Let’s get you back to your luxury suite.”
“Do I get chocolate on my pillow?”
“If I manage to steal one from the nurses’ break room. But now, your chariot awaits, sir.”
The elevator ride is quiet except Jasper humming a popular Christmas song off-key under his breath. It’s stupid and endearing and so him.
When we reach my room, he helps me into bed. I ease into the pillows with a relieved sigh. The constant tiredness is no joke.
“I feel like we should FaceTime Em or something, but I’m wiped. I’m ready for a nap.”
“She said she would call you after her day of meetings. So don’t you worry about it.” Jasper pats my shoulder. “I’ll get out of your hair. But seriously, give Ivy the bracelet. If there’s ever a time to be bold, it’s now.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“Before I forget: Merry Christmas, Teddy. I’m so fucking glad you’re still here with us.”
A lump pushes up my throat. Maybe it’s the holiday season or how close I came to not being here at all, but another small crack opens inside me. “Merry Christmas, Jasper.”
My friend clears his throat. When he speaks again, his voice is quieter. “I know I haven’t said it often…but I love you, brother.”
Everything in me goes still. Those three words hit harder than they should.
People toss them around every day, after all.
Plenty of kids grow up hearing them until the words fade into background noise.
Not me. My parents never said them. Not one damn time.
Uncle Jake was the only one who ever let me hear those words as a kid, and thank fuck for him.
“Right back at you,” I manage as tears slip down my cheeks.