10
I know Chase would never hit on Emily because he suspects there”s something between us. He keeps trying to get it out of me. I stand my ground! This guy is good with his questions and his innocent air. But still, when I see the two of them laughing, having a good time, and above all looking like they”re confiding in each other, my blood runs cold. I feel like Emily is slipping away from me, and I want to be the one she can do all that with.
So, when we are alone, I can”t contain myself, and when I kiss her, everything makes sense.
Her lips are incredibly soft and warm. It”s as if the world around us stops. It”s not just desire, passion, ardor, it”s deeper, more meaningful.
I take her face in my hands and slowly withdraw. She looks up at me with her big blue eyes, filled with surprise and other emotions I can”t quite put my finger on.
“Liam...” she whispers. “You... We can”t...”
I swallow my own confusion.
“I”m sorry,” I mumble, and without asking for more, I take off.
Suddenly, I feel vulnerable, and all I want to do is go home.
The darkness of my room envelops me as I lie on my bed, my thoughts swirling like a storm. The events of the last few days have swept me up in a tsunami of emotions, and I can”t find peace in my own head.
Emily...
Her name echoes in me. I remember her eyes, her lips, the way she laughs. But in the midst of these memories, there”s also a truth I can no longer ignore. I”m fighting against myself, caught between my desire to be with her and the ambitions I have for my career.
That kiss turned my emotions upside down. Emily touches me in a way I never expected. What the hell? We both decided we”d better be friends. Well... Her, more than me... But she was right! And yet, here I am - confused, upset and distracted.
I sigh, staring at the ceiling.
Emily or my career?
I feel like I have to choose between an arm and a leg. And whichever way I choose, there will be consequences.
I try to imagine what it would be like not to see Emily at all, to avoid her, to ignore her, to cut her out of my life. Just thinking about it terrifies me - as if I had to give up an important part of my life.
Can I afford to have a relationship while advancing my career? Can I reconcile the two without conflict? Is love really an obstacle to becoming a professional? Some people have done it, haven”t they?
I”m trying to think of all the professional players I know who are happily married.
Dude, do you think you”re looking at a celebrity magazine? And we”re talking about a relationship, not marriage, get off!
And yet, she encourages me in my studies, anchors me in my daily life, pushes me and always sees the best in me. She knows a thing or two about hockey now! What more could you ask for? Should I open up to her about all this?
I rub my forehead.
But Emily has her own dreams and goals, she”s made that clear, and I don”t want to hold her back in any way.
Damn.
My reflections are meaningless, since she did set limits.
I close my eyes and try to calm down a little.
Maybe I just need a little time to figure out exactly what I want... There”s no point in boning her and then running away. What a jerk...
***
The next day, I”m supposed to meet her for our study session, but the mood is overshadowed by our kiss and, above all, my hasty escape. I can”t even look Emily in the eye. However, I notice that, against all odds, she has come.
The feeling that she, too, would like more than friendship keeps creeping into my head. Am I kidding myself that we have a chance?
Meanwhile, Emily tries to explain a class note to me, but I just don”t get it.
After about half an hour, as she patiently repeats herself, I interrupt her:
“Sorry, I can”t concentrate. It doesn”t make sense. Can we stop for today?”
Her blue eyes look up at me.
“If you prefer, yes. It”s fine with me actually, I”ve got stuff to do...”
Already, she”s gathering her things as if it”s too good an opportunity to get the hell out of here and, in turn, away from me. That”s all I deserve, after all.
“See you tomorrow, Liam.”
I watch her leave the library and rest my head on the table in front of me.
It really can”t go on like this. Maybe I could talk to Chase after practice... After all, he knows me best and might be able to advise me.
The feel of the ice under my skates is pleasant, and the sound of my glides echoes softly in my ears. However, I”m not at my best and I can feel my teammates tightening around me.
My shots are weak, my passes uncertain, and I”m making mistakes I didn”t even make when I was starting out.
“Focus, Liam!” shouts Coach Franklyn, his voice urgent, but barely seeming to pierce the fog in my head.
I can feel the pressure on me - as a captain, as a player who”s normally reliable. But today, I”m not.
Brad, a defender, approaches me, a snide expression on his face.
“Is it Lucas Stern”s blood-pissing nose that”s still got you going?”
My cheeks heat up and I feel anger rising inside me.
“Shut up, Brad.”
“Or else what? The captain will jump down my throat?”
He laughs, pleased with his joke, and I feel piqued. Chase intervenes just in time, nudging me back to the side of the rink with the flat of his hand.
“Easy, Liam. He”s just looking for you...”
Coach Franklyn is watching us, and I”d rather take off my skates than continue training, at the risk of hitting someone.
“For God”s sake, Liam, what”s happened to you? Your altercation with Stern, and now this?”
He scratches the back of his neck, annoyed.
“Sorry, coach. I”m going to get some fresh air, and tomorrow I”ll be fine.”
“You know I went to a lot of trouble to make sure you didn”t get called into the administration office. Stern deserved it, right, I have no doubt about that, the guy”s a jerk. But still... think about your file.”
Yes, I know, and my future.
“Duly noted, coach.”
I can”t say anything else, and I”d rather withdraw.
***
The air in the park has cooled and the street lights have already been on for a while, when Chase approaches me with a smile.
I hope he can give me some advice. He”s someone who knows a lot about women”s issues, as well as men”s, and may have another perspective on my situation.
He smiles encouragingly as he sits down next to me.
“Feeling better?”
Lying on the lawn, I sit up on my elbows and grimace.
“Thanks for earlier. Brad got on my nerves...”
“I get the impression that right now, you”re pretty much on edge,” he says.
“I can”t stop thinking about a lot of stuff, yeah, and it”s starting to show.”
Chase frowns.
“Does it have anything to do with Emily?”
I nod.
“It”s really complicated. I think that...”
I hesitate for a moment, struggling to put it into words. Especially out loud.
“I think I really like her,” I finally say.
“No kidding!”
Chase bursts out laughing, and I look at him surprised.
“Fuck, is it that obvious?” I exclaim, a little offended.
“Because I know you. Don”t worry, the others just think you”re grumpy at the moment, that”s all.”
I sigh.
“I just don”t know how to deal with it. On the one hand, I want to get closer to Emily, but on the other, I”m afraid that a relationship would damage my career. The coach has talked my ear off about this so much!”
Chase nods slowly.
“It”s not an easy decision. But I think it”s important to be honest with yourself and find out what you really want. Franklyn or not.”
I stare up at the dark sky, thoughts still swirling in my head.
“I feel like I”m between two worlds: Emily and ice hockey. To think that I used to try to reconcile studies and sport, and now feelings are getting in the way. Fucking temptations!” I exclaim.
Chase wraps his arms around his knees before speaking.
“And why shouldn”t they be part of the same world? You think too much about the two things you like, seeing them as two different entities.”
I think for a moment before answering.
“I want to be with Emily, while pursuing my goals.”
Chase smiles gently.
“Well, you see, you”re making progress! It might not be easy, but if you”re prepared to invest time and effort in both areas, you might find a way to reconcile them. Emily”s also helping you with your lessons, so she”s not going to be the one to upset you in that respect - in fact, since you”ve been seeing her, you”ve improved a lot!”
“But how can I be sure that I won’t regret my choices later?”
Chase raises an eyebrow and laughs.
“Dude, if you find the answer, tell me! That”s what makes a choice difficult most of the time. But, sometimes, you have to take risks. Above all, you should talk to Emily about your feelings, your fears, your goals. Maybe together you can find a way that works for both of you.”
“If she wants me! She keeps throwing the word ‘friendship’ in my face...”
“You”re not helping her with your attitude.”
“You’re right...”
Chase smiles and punches me in the shoulder.
“It”s going to be great!”
As we continue chatting, my thoughts gradually clear up. I still don”t know exactly what I should do, but at least I feel better equipped to face the challenges ahead.
One thing”s for sure: I have to talk to Emily.
***
I bite my lower lip nervously. In a few minutes, Emily will be at my door.
The sun is already approaching the horizon and I”m desperately trying to stay calm. When she knocks, my heart almost leaps out of my chest - she”s here.
We say hello, and she passes me by, leaving in her wake the perfume I love so much. Fruit, spring, sunshine. I invite her to sit down, and it feels like a repeat of last time.
Tension immediately builds between us. I look at her briefly before sitting down next to her. Taking a deep breath, I gather all my strength and begin to speak.
“I”ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I”ve had a few bad days at training and I”ve been feeling a bit under the weather. I realized I had to make a decision.”
Emily watches me with curiosity and apprehension. She lets me continue.
“Emily, you really mean a lot to me. The time we spend together, our studying, our exchanges, our...”
I refrain from saying ‘kisses’.
“I realize that you”re taking up more and more space in my mind,” I continue, my voice hoarser than I”d like it to be. “I know we said we”d be ‘friends’, but I just can”t do it. You”re... You”re always in the back of my mind.”
I drop it like a bomb. I don”t think I really put it into words, but it had to come out.
Her eyes open in surprise and her mouth rounds.
“I wanted to tell you, because I had to be honest and let you know why I run away most of the time. Not because I”m making fun of you, no. It’s the opposite actually. Because you mean so much to me, despite the limits you”ve set.”
A moment”s silence follows my words, and I see her eyes light up. I”m suddenly filled with hope. That everything I”m feeling is mutual.
Am I to deduce that her famous limits were a bluff?
She swallows before answering.
“That”s... quite a statement!”
I lower my eyes and my heart tightens, waiting for what comes next. Maybe... maybe I really am just a friend? That would be hard to hear, but at least I”ll be able to move on.
Unexpectedly, her hand rests gently on mine, and I raise my eyes to look into hers.
“Liam, I can”t get used to the idea that we”re just friends either. I just can”t...”
“Do you want us to stop seeing each other, then?” I formulate slowly.
“No! Idiot! I... I want more!”
She blushes. A blush I love more than anything. I grab her hand and a warm shiver runs down my back.
“Emily, I think I am falling for you. Me, who”s never had a stable relationship. Me, who always dismissed it with a wave of my hand.”
A ball of emotion forms in my throat.
Crap. Is this what love is?
“And I think I am falling for you too. Dealing with my feelings was too difficult, which is why I suggested we be friends, but even that... I couldn”t do it. I wanted to come and tell you one night after your training session, but I overheard you and the coach. He was telling you that nothing should interfere with your goals.”
“But you won”t get in my way; on the contrary, without you, I can”t concentrate.”
She smiles and places her lips on mine. We kiss softly, slowly, sweetly, like a first real kiss. There”s this connection that ignites between us, and our bodies instinctively move closer together. It”s as if we can finally let go of something real and strong.
Her hands slide over me, down my shirt, greedy, curious, and I do the same, eventually throwing her top across the room. She reaches into my little condom basket herself to grab one, which makes me smile. She”s remembered my hiding place! This time, we get up together and move to my bed, to a cozier nest to share another moment of ecstasy together.
With our clothes off, I gaze at her, my dick stiff with excitement. Her thighs are offered, her breasts, her graceful body, and her intimacy just waiting for me. Once the condom is on, I slide into her with ease, hearing her moan in my ear.
These little cries are enough to make me lose my mind and I start to thrust into her faster and harder. Her legs wrap around my hips and she pushes her pelvis towards me. Our rhythm matches, intense, and our skins start to glisten with sweat.
It”s fucking good. This is really good.
I come and go, giving her no respite, and she ends up biting a cushion so as not to panic my neighbors with her screams. I pound into her with force, feeling the walls of her sex absorb me. It”s as if we were made for each other.
Suddenly, I feel her tipping over, she gasps harder, squeezes my shoulders, and it turns me on even more. My pleasure increases and we cum in unison, letting ourselves fall back against each other.
I want this every day...