Chapter 18
Min Jae immediately cursed himself for letting that slip as Andy’s eyebrows shot up. He’d panicked, but there was no taking it back.
“She knows?” Andy replied, almost too loud for a whisper. “What do you mean she fucking knows? She knows what?”
Min Jae quietly sighed, leaving his guardpost at the bedroom door to approach Andy where he sat on the bed. “I meant that she knows about me. Being, you know?” He sighed. Despite just having Andy’s dick in his mouth, he somehow couldn’t say the word out loud.
“Gay,” Andy quietly responded. “That you’re gay.” He sighed as Min Jae nodded. “Ah, I get it. Of course, she knows. She’s known you your whole life.”
Min Jae frowned. Why was Andy being so cavalier about things when getting caught was a career-ending moment? Sure, things were different in America, but not that much different. If they–
A soft knock on the door interrupted Min Jae’s train of thought. “I can hear you both whispering in there like a couple of school boys,” his grandmother said through the door. “Finish whatever it is you're doing so you can come help with dinner.”
Min Jae’s blood froze in his veins. His instinct was to rush back to the door, which had no lock, to prevent her from coming inside and seeing a naked man in his room. Well, two naked men if he counted himself. But the noise would only have given them away.
Of course, she knows. Andy was absolutely right.
Min Jae’s grandmother had known him his whole life.
She definitely didn’t know everything about him or what he’d done, but she most certainly did know who he was.
Did that mean he could just admit to her what he and Andy were up to?
Well, not exactly what they were up to, of course, but the general idea.
She'd never interrupted Min Jae like that before, but that was only because he’d never brought anyone home for sex.
What he and Andy had just done in his bed was the first time he’d done anything with anyone in that bed.
And it was Andy’s secret, too. Min Jae couldn’t assume Andy would be okay with sharing the details of their private activities with his grandmother, despite Andy’s seemingly tepid response to them almost getting caught.
“Okay,” Min Jae called out. “We’ll be right there.”
Andy shrugged and pushed himself off the bed into a long, languorous stretch.
Min Jae couldn’t help but stare at Andy’s naked form.
The way his long, lean muscles stretched and moved.
The way his skin practically glowed. The way his–nope.
Thinking about that was already having its intended effect on him, and he had no time for that.
Andy dropped a warm hand on Min Jae’s shoulder.
“Look, we're totally busted, and I'm covered in your goo.
So, I'm gonna take a shower.” He went to his suitcase, sitting in the corner on the floor and bent to grab some of his clothing, treating Min Jae to a perfect view of his ass.
He turned, catching Min Jae watching him, and winked.
“Let me know what you tell her,” he added as he wrapped his bath towel around his waist, “so I can back you up.”
Min Jae closed the door behind Andy, taking a moment to dress himself again in the shorts and t-shirt he’d been wearing before finally facing the music in the kitchen.
His mind wasn’t doing him any favors, racing along at a million kph while he considered what he’d possibly say to his grandmother.
Some kind of lie, offering a plausible explanation for being in his room with Andy with the door closed.
The truth wasn’t an option. And it wasn’t really any of her business anyway.
It would have to be another lie. Another of their fictions. That was the only way.
Min Jae found his grandmother in the kitchen, already pulling containers of leftovers from the refrigerator. She didn’t look at him, her movements calm and purposeful as she began spooning rice into a bowl.
“Grab some dishes, would you?”
Min Jae nodded, walked to the cupboard, and began taking down plates.
She may not have been watching him, but her attention was on him all the same, a thousand-watt spotlight catching him in its blinding glare, leaving him nowhere to hide.
“Grandmother,” he started, his voice a little hoarse, his back still to her.
“About Andy. We were just talking. It wasn’t anything to worry about. ”
His grandmother set a pot on the stove top with a quiet thunk.
Min Jae stiffened as the hushed sound of her footsteps on the linoleum floor shuffled closer.
She gently gripped his chin with her small, warm hand, turning him to face her.
No anger or disappointment in her expression.
Not even curiosity. Just a heart-shaped smile that made her eyes crinkly in the corners.
“Min Jae,” she said, her voice soft but firm, “I’ve never asked you to explain the life you live out there.” She gave his chin a gentle squeeze. “And I’m not going to start now.”
Something in his grandmother’s simple words and loving expression seemed to unclench a fist that had been squeezing his heart for years.
He’d often dreaded what he saw as the inevitable moment he’d get caught.
It didn’t matter how careful he was compartmentalizing the different parts of his life–and he’d been so, very careful.
The truth always came out one way or another.
But he’d thrown caution to the wind, surrendering to his feelings–his desires–with no regard to the consequences, and that moment had finally come.
Instead of vilifying or disowning him, his grandmother had simply reminded him that who he was always mattered more than what he did in her eyes.
The tension in his shoulders, in his jaw, in his gut all disappeared with a single, shuddering breath.
Min Jae didn't say anything. He couldn't. Instead, he just stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her small, frail body, burying his face in the familiar, comforting crook of her shoulder.
She patted his back, a gentle, quiet, steady rhythm of acceptance, letting him shrug off his carefully constructed masks and just be a grandson, offering him a small, quiet, and desperately needed relief.
Min Jae pulled away from his grandmother's embrace just as the sound of the shower cut off in the bathroom. She gave his cheek one last, gentle pat. "Now," she said, all business again. "Let's get this food on the table before our guest returns."
Min Jae took down the bowls while his grandmother began reheating the savory bulgogi in a pan, the mouth-watering ganjang and garlic aroma immediately filling the air.
He was just placing the last of the side dishes on the table when Andy appeared in the doorway, his hair damp, wearing a fresh t-shirt and shorts.
Andy grinned. “Looks like everything's almost ready. Guess I timed that right.” He caught Min Jae’s attention. “Can I help with whatever’s left?”
“Nonsense,” Min Jae’s grandmother chirped without turning from the stove. “You’re our guest! Sit, sit.”
Andy chuckled. “I insist.” He walked to the counter beside Min Jae, his heat and presence a solid thing in the small space. "At least let me carry something," he added, reaching for the bowls of rice.
Min Jae’s grandmother cheerfully relented, working Andy into her routine like he’d always been there, the three of them dancing around the tiny kitchen with surprising ease.
Because that’s how Andy was, even when he was still Min Jae’s rival.
No matter how much Min Jae had tried to ice him out, Andy was still there, poking at his walls with his goofy, handsome grin, disarming him with the same charm he’d easily disarmed the Dream Makers with.
Min Jae sighed to himself. What if? What if Andy had always been there? How different would his life have turned out, having someone like that in his life? But he pushed the thoughts away. His life had been how it was, and Andy was here now.
As they ate, Min Jae’s grandmother gently prodded for stories about the show, looking for things she hadn’t seen in the broadcast. Min Jae reminded her that they’d all signed an NDA, but Andy waved off the excuse and began talking about all the little details that didn’t matter.
His favorite foods in the cafeteria. The fact that Practice Room Seven was always just a little colder than all the others.
How he’d sometimes genuinely forget the camera crews were there, leading to some near-miss accidents in the hallways.
How he’d expected to be considered an outsider by all the other guys, and how hard it had been saying goodbye to all the friends he’d made instead.
Min Jae’s grandmother drank it all up like her cheap soju, enjoying it as if it were the best, most scandalous gossip in the world, even giggling a few times.
They passed dishes back and forth as Andy told his stories.
Min Jae refilled Andy’s water glass. Andy pushed the platter of bulgogi closer to Min Jae.
They shared a quick, knowing eye-roll when his grandmother insisted Andy have a third helping of japchae. Like he’d always been there.
Once they’d finished eating and cleaning up, Min Jae’s grandmother took out her special bottle of soju and three glasses, pouring one for each of them.
As they sipped, she told a long, overly detailed story about going with her late daughter to Min Jae’s first dance recital, filling it with the sort of observations only a grandmother would make.
Min Jae didn’t mind, even when she got to the part where he’d split his pants onstage but valiantly danced through it, his red underwear hanging out the back for all the world to see.
It was her favorite story, and he’d heard it often.
Andy laughed so hard his eyes teared up, and almost did a spit take.