Chapter 18 #2
Eventually, his grandmother decided she was tired and had enough talking for one day. She gave both of them a goodnight kiss on the cheek before retiring to her bedroom.
“She needs to catch up on her dramas,” Min Jae explained as the sounds of her TV floated through her bedroom door. “And I still need to shower, if you don’t mind.”
Andy shook his head. “Nah, I don’t mind. I’ve got at least a dozen messages to respond to before they take away our phones again.” He grabbed his phone from the shorts on the floor and plopped onto Min Jae’s bed. “I’ll be here if you need me.”
Min Jae chuckled as he wandered into the bathroom, closing the door behind him and standing in the darkness.
As wonderful as the day had turned out, he’d ridden quite the emotional rollercoaster and needed a moment or two for himself.
Many things had changed in his life that day, things he’d never in a million years have expected.
He’d confessed his feelings for someone.
He’d slept with that someone. And his grandmother hadn’t disowned him.
It was a lot. Finally gathering himself, he stripped down and got to business.
When Min Jae returned, Andy was still reclining on the bed his phone held aloft as his thumbs flew across the screen.
Min Jae finished drying his hair before hanging his towel on the footboard beside Andy’s.
He bent to retrieve his sleeping mat, rolled up under the bed, when Andy cleared his throat.
“Uh, I don’t know about you, but I think we’re probably fine sharing the bed now, right?”
Min Jae looked up to see Andy, head craned up, looking at him with a knowing smirk.
A simple, charmingly domestic request. They’d recently fooled around in that bed.
Why would sleeping in it together be a problem?
But Min Jae’s mind finally rebelled against him, fed up with a day of monumental change that threw out plans he’d been working at for literal years.
Suddenly, it wasn’t Andy in the bed. It was 1222, leering at him from the king size bed in his Park Grand Hotel suite.
Then it was Hotel Mango Junior Suite. Then another, and another, as dozens and dozens of leering men in hotel beds appeared before him.
“Hey, earth to Min Jae?”
Min Jae shook off his terrifying vision, focusing instead on Andy’s concerned frown.
“Sorry.” He sighed, dropping the sleeping mat, walking around the bed, and sitting on the edge beside Andy.
“There’s just–” He stopped, the words catching in his throat.
How could he live with himself, keeping someone he had genuine feelings for in the dark about his past?
How could he possibly trust someone enough to confess his darkest secret?
He shook his head. No, if he was going to have any relationship with Andy, he deserved to know the truth.
The whole truth. “There’s something I need to tell you. ”
Andy’s frown dipped a bit more. “What? You didn’t just give me syphilis or something, did you?”
Min Jae shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I haven’t slept with anyone else since I was last tested, so you’re good.
” Strictly speaking, not true, but 1222 had shown him a clean bill of health in an attempt to bareback that night, which Min Jae had refused anyway.
He sighed again, knowing it only made him sound more dramatic, but desperately needing to release some tension.
“It’s something you should know about me.
” He slowly, haltingly admitted to his sex work, not daring to meet Andy’s gaze as he explained everything.
“After I lost my mom, I was in so much debt,” he added, “I still am. And I needed to support my grandmother, and pay for physical therapy and dance studio time, and–”
“Okay,” Andy interrupted. “I get it. You needed the money.”
Min Jae quietly waited, rubbing his thumbs across his knuckles, his gut coiled so tightly that he thought it might burst, as Andy fell silent.
Adding anything more would just risk more of Andy’s angry disgust before finally rejecting him.
There was no way he’d do anything else. It’s what Min Jae probably would’ve done if their positions were reversed.
“Look at me,” Andy finally said. Commanded. Min Jae did so, seeing the same fierce determination on Andy’s face he’d had before storming off that morning. “Here’s what I don’t get. You’ve got so many layers, Min Jae. Every time I turn a fucking corner there’s something new.”
Min Jae nodded. “I get it. It’s not something most people would accept, so–”
“That’s not it,” Andy snapped, cutting in, his voice loud enough that Min Jae wondered if his grandmother would hear.
“I don’t give a shit about that. Sex work is the same as any other work.
If you were careful and protected yourself, then I couldn’t care less.
” He huffed, his tight jaw still working to catch up to his words.
“It’s all the goddamn secrets. You hate me, then you want to kiss me.
You invite me here for the weekend, but only to discuss your strategy.
And then you sleep with me anyway, after admitting you have actual feelings for me.
” He huffed again, roughly, almost a scoff.
“And now this? Shit, Min Jae. I haven’t even known you all that long. Where does it end?”
Min Jae blew out a long, slow breath. A sigh just wouldn’t cut it anymore. “This is it. There’s nothing left.”
“You’re not exactly filling me with confidence here,” Andy countered.
“I’m sorry.” Min Jae finally tore himself away from Andy’s piercing gaze, looking down at his hands awkwardly shoved together in his lap.
“I don't know how to do this part. Being honest. It's the only secret I had left to give.” He focused on his thumbs, still massaging his knuckles, letting his surroundings fade into black nothingness. He’d finally confessed his darkest secret, despite his certainty that Andy would reject him. At least that was done. Things couldn’t–
“Hey.” Andy said, quieter now. “You don’t have to look at me if it makes you uncomfortable. But you have to say more. I need to hear more from you if you want me to be okay with this.”
Tempted to do otherwise, Min Jae did look at Andy.
His expression had softened to match his tone, his brows gently furrowed, his frown more concerned than angry.
He hadn’t shut the door on Min Jae yet. In fact, he’d just invited Min Jae to step through and return to where things were still okay between them.
It was a gamble, saying more, and Min Jae had gambled so much already.
Part of him, the part that had kept him safe and protected through every shitstorm he’d faced, told him to let things go. He had an out now. Use it. Stay safe.
“I’m sorry,” Min Jae said, again, ignoring the voice in his head telling him to shut up, following the voice in his heart instead.
“I’m sorry to hit you with all this. Sorry that my life’s not neat, sweet, and cookie-cutter safe.
Sorry that my feelings are chaotic and out of my control.
” He shifted, dragging a knee onto the bed as he turned to face Andy directly.
“I’m not ashamed that I did what it took to survive, but I’m not naive, either.
I’ve built my entire life around keeping this secret because I knew what it would mean if anyone found out.
That usually means keeping people at arm’s length because I can’t afford to be found out.
Not when I’m finally so close. Then I met you.
” He reached for Andy’s knee but stopped himself.
No, not yet. “You’re the first person I’ve told because whatever’s happening between us feels real.
You deserve the choice to walk away based on the truth. ”
Andy let Min Jae hold his gaze, silently digesting what he’d just heard, his eyes narrowed, his jaw tight.
He relaxed his jaw first, followed by his eyes, then his shoulders, before reaching for Min Jae’s hand.
Min Jae let him take it. Whatever happened, it would be based on his real life–his real self–and that was okay.
Andy loudly exhaled through his nose and gently squeezed Min Jae’s hand.
Min Jae inwardly braced himself for the inevitable rejection.
Andy surged forward, stopping a hand’s width from Min Jae’s face, startling him from his stoic acceptance. “You’re a big dummy if you thought I wouldn’t be okay with all this once you explained it.”
Min Jae frowned. Andy could’ve just ripped off his t-shirt and ate it, and it would’ve made more sense. “What?”
Andy grinned, squeezing Min Jae’s hand again. “You heard me.” He leaned closer, his warm breath caressing Min Jae’s face. “It was very brave to say all that. And bravery is sexy.” His grin brightened. “I’m gonna kiss you now.”
Min Jae gulped, his mind still racing to catch up to reality. “What?”
Andy chuckled, finally closing the gap, his lips meeting Min Jae’s with enough energy to spark an inferno, burning away his anxiety, shame, and resolve.
He pressed back, meeting Andy’s tongue for a lively dance as he reached for the back of Andy’s head.
He brushed his fingers through Andy’s hair as Andy cupped the back of his neck and slowly slid his hand down Min Jae’s back.
The voice in Min Jae’s head–the one who told him to walk away–was gone, leaving only the voice in his heart to sing with absolute joy.
For whatever reason, despite all the shit life had heaped on him, he’d found someone he could be honest with.
Totally, completely honest. For the first time, Min Jae felt absolutely seen and accepted.
Pulling away from their kiss, Min Jae grasped Andy’s shoulders and pushed backward until he could climb atop Andy’s waist. “I know we already did this today, but–”