Chapter 14
LEO
Sunday, November 26
The light from my lamp barely reaches the corners of the sitting room as I sip my morning coffee. I’m on my sofa, facing the window with a view of the river. It’s too cold now for mornings on the patio. As I scroll through my X feed, catching up on the news and random updates, I spot Vivian heading out for a morning run. I hate that she runs alone in the dark. It’s early—5:30—a lot earlier than usual for her. I remember she had a date last night, and for reasons I can’t quite pinpoint, I find myself needing to know how it went.
I run upstairs, quickly change into warm running clothes, and rush outside.
After eight minutes of running, I see her in the distance. I close the gap, calling her name. She doesn’t turn around, and I know she has her AirPods in, blasting a playlist. I’m within feet of her, and she still doesn’t turn when I call her name again. Finally, I catch up and tap her on the shoulder.
She whips around, yelling, “Holy shit,” panic-stricken as she drops her phone and pulls apart her Birdie, sounding an ear-piercing alarm. Realizing it’s me, she shoves me. “Jesus! What the FUCK, Leo!” She removes her AirPods, laces her hands behind her head, and paces back and forth, gasping for breath and trying to calm her nerves.
I pick up her phone and check for damage as I calmly approach, feeling terrible. “Viv, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” The Birdie is still screeching, waking neighbors and drawing unwanted attention. Her eyes are frantic and wild as I reach for her hands, gripping them in mine. I pry the Birdie from her grip and reattach it to the hook on her running belt, silencing the alarm and leaving us with ringing ears and Vivian’s sharp breaths.
“Hey. Hey,” I say, searching her eyes. “Look at me.” Her eyes slowly move to meet mine. “It’s okay. It’s just me. I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She clutches her chest, her voice shaking. “Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”
“I’m so sorry. You’re okay, yeah?”
She nods. “I will be. Sorry, I just can’t catch my breath.” She laughs, “Shit, my heart is pounding.”
I wrap my arms around her, squeezing gently to help her calm down. “I guess we know your Birdie works,” I say with a chuckle, trying to soothe her. “That thing just woke the whole goddamn neighborhood.”
Laughing, she pulls away from me and playfully nudges my chest. “Don’t you ever do that again.”
“I won’t, I swear. What are you listening to anyway? Is it loud enough?” I joke. “You know, I really wish you’d learn some self-defense. An attacker could easily grab the Birdie from you and reconnect it like I did. And since there aren’t many people around right now, it’s not enough. Plus, your music is way too loud for you to be aware of your surroundings.”
“Okay, Dad.” She rolls her eyes. “I told you I’d let you teach me some things.”
“Alright. Well, let’s get that on the schedule. It’s important. Can I run with you? ”
“Yeah, of course. But I think I just want to walk for a minute. My heart rate just went high enough to replace a mile of running.” Smiling, she turns to walk, and I follow suit, side by side.
“How was your date last night?” I ask coolly.
She looks at me with surprise and a hint of confusion. “You don’t really want to know about my date, do you?”
“Of course I do. Friends talk about these things, don’t they?”
“Yeah, I guess they do.” She hesitates a moment, gathering her thoughts. “It just feels different now, talking about this with you.” Keeping her gaze straight ahead, she continues, “But it was good. I actually had a lot of fun with him. He was nice and funny, our personalities clicked, and the conversation flowed easily…” I listen, taking in her words. “And… he’s a good kisser,” she adds, her tone laced with deliberate sharpness.
I raise an eyebrow, a teasing grin forming on my lips. “Oh, so you got on base then?”
She laughs softly, shrugging her shoulders. “Maybe, maybe not.”
“I’m glad you had fun. You deserve that.”
Damn it, why does this bother me so much?
“Did you book your flight home for Christmas yet?” I ask, hoping to shift the topic.
“I did. The flights dropped last week right before Thanksgiving, so I snatched up a ticket. I’m going home December seventeenth to the thirtieth. I’m excited to see my friends and my parents.”
“That’s great, so you’ll be home for Mer’s New Year’s Eve party? You’re planning to come still, yeah?”
“Yes, I’m planning to come. That’s why I’m coming home on the thirtieth.” She bends down to tie her shoe, a slight sigh escaping her lips. “I don’t have anywhere else to go. Do you wanna run?” she asks, standing and looking down the Riverwalk, her breath visible in the chilly air.
“Yeah, we can run.” We set a comfortable pace, running side by side. The cold bites at my face, and while I enjoy cooler temps for running, it’s pushing my limits. I usually avoid running outdoors once the temperatures drop below the thirties, and it’s probably mid-thirties right now .
We run in silence for a good half mile, the sounds of our breathing and feet pounding on the sidewalk blending with the city’s hum. Each exhale forms a misty cloud before dissipating into the crisp morning air. It’s Sunday, so we pass an occasional runner, but it’s mostly quiet and still. The moon’s reflection shimmers on the river, casting a light that contrasts with the city’s distant murmur. It’s peaceful, and one of my favorite ways to start a morning.
She breaks the silence. “When is the fall semester over?” Her concentration remains unbroken as she stares straight ahead.
“In a week and a half, December sixth.”
“Wow. I didn’t realize you got done so soon. That’s great that you get the whole month of December off.”
“It is great. I’m thinking of going to London the day after the semester ends, for a week. I was going to look at flights today. My brother and his wife just had their first baby a few days ago, so I’m officially an uncle.” A smile spreads across my face at the thought. “I’m so happy for them. I want to go meet my new niece and see the two of them; it’s been a few months since I’ve been back.” I pause to catch my breath.
She looks at me with a smile that reaches her eyes. “Oh my gosh, you’re an uncle! That’s so exciting! Why didn’t you tell me your brother was going to have a baby? I didn’t even know he was married.”
“It wasn’t intentional, it just never came up.”
We reach our halfway point and turn around, the city skyline looming ahead.
“Still… that’s a big deal, a big thing in your life.” She grabs ahold of my elbow and slows us to a walk. “Seriously, Leo. I tell you everything. Why don’t you ever talk about your family or London?”
I gesture forward. “Let’s keep running, this isn’t the time to dive into that.” I sprint forward, only to be pulled back and slowed by her.
“Come on, give me something. It’s your home and what makes you—you. I want to know about your family, and your life growing up there.”
I lace my fingers behind my head, taking a deep breath. “You know how it took you months to open up to me about Ben?”
She nods, her expression softening. “Yeah. ”
“Well, this is like that. I don’t want to talk about it right now, so please respect that, and stop pushing.” My voice is clipped, harsher than I intended. She’s taken aback, her eyes widening in shock and hurt. I soften. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”
She’s clearly upset, but nods in understanding. “Okay. Yeah, I get it, I’m sorry for pushing. I just want to understand you.” Her voice is quiet, laced with sincerity and a hint of sadness.
“I know. And I love that about you.” I give her a half smile. “C’mon, let’s keep running.”
We pick our pace back up. “What’s her name? Your niece,” she asks.
“Emma. Emma Jones Weston. My brother’s wife’s last name is Jones.” I can’t help but smile, thinking about my brother and his family. “I’ll show you a picture of her when we get back. She’s adorable and so tiny.”
I glance at her, a surprised look on her face. “I didn’t know you were so fond of babies.” She playfully nudges me. “Look at you, having a soft side I didn’t know about. Have you ever wanted kids of your own?” She’s still prying… poking—albeit subtly, not about my family but families in general.
I let out an exhale. “It’s not something I give much thought to, honestly. I wouldn’t want a broken family, and my lifestyle doesn’t really permit that, so I don’t see how I would have kids.” I say in between breaths. “I like kids well enough, and honestly, I haven’t been around many babies, so I can’t speak to that. But I’m excited for my brother and Nichole. If this little baby can bring them so much joy, then I know it will for me as well because I love my brother, and the things that make him happy make me happy too.”
She laughs. “I don’t know what to say right now. I’ve never seen this side of you.”
“Well, I’m a complex man, Walker.”
“Apparently.” We run in silence for a few more minutes and slow to a walk as we reach our last half-mile .
“You do know how babies are made, right?” she jokes. “Because you are having a lot of sex with people that you really don’t know well. What if you had a whoopsie? It’s not like that couldn’t happen.”
I chuckle under my breath and stare up at the sky. “Oh my God. Are we really having this conversation? You worried about my safety habits with my sex life?” I give her a mischievous grin. “Trust me, I’m careful. I’m not looking to add ‘ dad ’ to my list of titles anytime soon.”
“That’s great. But my question is, what IF you got someone pregnant? What would you do?”
I let out a deep breath, contemplating the seriousness of her question. “I would do the right thing, whatever that meant in the moment.” I slow my walking pace slightly, glancing at the ground as I gather my thoughts. “I would support her in whatever way she needed. If she didn’t want the baby, I’d respect her decision. If she wanted to keep the baby, I’d be there for both her and the child.” I look up, meeting her eyes. “I’d struggle with not being involved in a child’s life if I knew it was mine.” I pause, searching her face to gauge her reaction.
“Okay, so let’s just say, hypothetically, someone gets pregnant, the baby is yours, she wants to keep it, and she wants you to be in its life. Do you try to be a family? Live together and do the whole works?”
“God, you’re so cheeky.” I shake my head with a smirk. “No, I’m not going to force myself to try to fall in love with someone I didn’t have those feelings for in the first place. That doesn’t seem like a healthy way to go about life or build a family. I would focus on building a friendship with her and hope she’s more than just a pretty face. We would raise the child amicably, co-parenting as best as we could.”
“And you know she’s pretty because?” she teases, giving me a hard time as usual. It’s our thing—constantly giving each other shit.
“Because I don’t bring home anyone who isn’t attractive,” I reply with a smirk.
“Oh my God,” she says, rolling her eyes.
As we near my townhouse, she suddenly stops and looks at me with a soft smile and genuine admiration in her eyes.
“What’s that look for? ”
“You’re a good guy, Leo. A genuinely good guy.” She grins. “I don’t understand the philosophy that guides your life, or your sexual shenanigans. Well, no, I do understand them; I just don’t get why you reject the idea of anything more ever coming from them. But regardless, you are a great person. I’m lucky to know you.”
I chuckle softly. “Oh, c’mon now, I’m tearing up… Come inside, let’s have coffee.”
“Ugh, I’m all gross and sweaty. I need to shower.”
“You can wait to shower. I’m sweaty too. I’ve seen you at your worst, you know. Just come have coffee.”
She sighs, “Fine.”
We walk into my townhouse, the warm air intensifying the sweat on my skin. I remove my jacket and beanie, running my fingers through my damp hair. Vivian is already at the fridge, grabbing the milk. I watch her as she moves to the espresso machine, expertly pulling out the two portafilters.
“Do you want a latte or a cappuccino?” she asks as she tamps the espresso.
“Cappuccino,” I answer, admiring her ass as she works my espresso machine. I love watching her move comfortably around my kitchen, it’s incredibly sexy. I sit at the counter and check flights for London on my phone, while she steams the milk.
I find a flight for December seventh that arrives the next day at 11 AM, and a return flight a week later. I’m selecting my first-class seats when Vivian slides my cappuccino toward me and unzips her jacket, revealing her incredibly toned body and great tits. She’s wearing a matching green set that makes her eyes pop. Her top barely grazes the waistband of her leggings, teasing a bit of skin, and her tank pushes her tits up, placing her incredible rack right at eye level as she leans into the counter and sips her cappuccino.
She catches me staring and smirks. “You know, if you’re going to stare, you could at least try to be a little less obvious.”
I shake my head with a grin. “Well, Jesus, you take your jacket off and stand right in front of me. Where am I supposed to look? ”
“I’m sorry. It’s fucking hot, and I’ve gotta let the girls breathe.” She grabs her cappuccino and walks around the counter to sit next to me. “What are you doing on your phone?”
“Booking a flight to London, which reminds me, I need your flight info so I can upgrade you to first class when I book my ticket to Paris.”
“Who says I’m not already in first class?” she teases, placing her elbow on the counter and resting her chin in her hand as she looks at me.
“Are you?” I say, amused, meeting her gaze.
She laughs. “No. I did book business class, though. That’s still good, right?”
“Yeah, it’s better than economy, but it doesn’t even compare to first class.”
“Okay, I’ll send you my flight info later. What will you do in London while you’re there, aside from visiting your brother and his family?”
“I’ll mostly spend time with Andrew, but I’ll have some business meetings, see my dad, and hang out with my friend Brian. We like to hit the local pubs.” I sip my coffee. “He’s coming here for Christmas and New Year’s, so I’ll get to spend plenty of time with him.”
“Oh? You’ve never mentioned him before. You have this whole secret life that I don’t know about.” She puts her hands up, innocently. “I’m not prying, by the way, just stating facts.”
“It’s not a secret. Brian comes every year for New Years, this will be the first time he’s coming for Christmas. He’s my longest childhood friend, and we went to university together… He’s like a brother to me, you’ll like him. What do you have planned for when you go back home?”
“I don’t have a lot of set plans yet.” She takes a sip of her cappuccino. “I’m taking my niece and nephew to Zoo Lights with Ben’s sister, Melissa. We do that every year. It’s just a girls’ thing with the kids—get them hot cocoa, the whole deal.” She sets her cup down and leans back in her chair. “Aside from that, I’ll go to Ben’s house on Christmas Eve. I don’t know if that’s weird, that I still do stuff with them, but they are my second family. I’ve known them since I was fifteen.”
“I don’t think that’s weird at all.”.
She sighs and runs a hand through her hair. “I’m staying with my parents because both my houses are rented out during that time. I’ll spend Christmas Day with them, and of course, Sarah and I will see each other multiple times, but no specific plans yet.” She smiles, thinking about it. “I’ll be happy to go from this cold to Utah cold; it doesn’t even compare.”
I nod in agreement. “The Chicago cold is bloody brutal. It sounds like it’s going to be a great trip. You’ll have to send pics.”
“I will for sure, and you too, from London. I’ve only been there once, and it was in high school. I don’t remember as much as I’d like to.”
“You’ll have to come back with me sometime.” I pause, remembering something. “Speaking of pictures, I forgot to show you a picture of Emma.” I pull up the photos Andrew sent me and hand my phone to her. “Look how bloody beautiful she is.”
She takes my phone, her beautiful smile spreading across her face. “Oh my God. She is so perfect.” Her voice is a whisper, as if she’s in a cathedral and doesn’t want to disturb the peace. “Look how tiny she is!” She swipes through the photos, a sense of longing coming over her as she strokes the phone, trying to grasp my niece in her fingers. A pang of sadness hits her face, and I realize that one of her most painful memories just surfaced. It makes me feel like shit.
“God, Viv, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about what these photos might do to you.” I wrap my arm around her shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze as I lean in.
“Don’t be sorry,” she says, wiping a tear from her face. “It’s not your fault. I’m so happy for your brother and Nichole.”
“I know, but that was shitty of me. I can’t imagine that kind of loss, losing someone that you created with the person you loved more than anyone else… and then losing them both.”
“It’s okay. I don’t want people to not experience this joy just because I lost mine. She’s beautiful, and I’m so excited for you to meet her. I want you to share the experience with me. Please don’t hold back because of my past.” She places her hand on my leg, “I can tell this means a lot to you. ”
“I will, I promise.” Giving her another squeeze, I stand up. “Let’s do something to get your mind off this. Want me to teach you some self-defense?”
“Yes, that would be great,” she says, a smile taking over her face.
We move to the family room, and I teach her a few basics: strikes, blocks, how to escape a hair pull, a chokehold, and how to prevent being taken to the ground. We work on her technique, and I give her a few real-life scenarios and tips to be aware of her surroundings. She’s a natural—already strong and physically fit, she just needs practice.
She goes home to shower and get some work done before returning later for dinner. After dinner, we make some popcorn on the stove and settle on the couch to watch the British version of Love Island. The show is a bloody mess, a psychological shitshow, but she loves it.
I have a large white sectional with two brown leather chairs opposite. We sit with the popcorn bowl between us and our feet up on the coffee table. There’s a comfort in these moments with her, an effortless ease that feels like we’re an old married couple.
“Nick asked me out again,” she says casually, her eyes fixed on the TV. “We’re having lunch on Tuesday.”
“That’s great,” I reply, keeping my voice light.
Inside, a familiar knot tightens in my chest. What if she falls in love with the wanker? The thought of losing this closeness terrifies me.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be with Vivian. I imagine us not just sharing a couch, but a life—laughing at inside jokes, supporting each other through everything, and having incredible sex.
God, sex with Vivian would be insanely good. Once you’ve had sex with someone you love, though, it becomes personal, intimate—something Vivian had with Ben, but then lost. The thought of being that close to her, in every way, is intoxicating. But the fear of loving her only to lose her is too strong.
I’ve lost too much already.