Chapter Five
Gavin
It was just before six p.m. when I pulled off the interstate and into a McDonald’s parking lot.
A headache was coming on, and I’d turned off my nineties hip-hop playlist some miles back.
Charlie dozed in the passenger seat, curled toward the window.
His T-shirt and fleece rode up a little, and I could see a swath of pale skin, close to the bone marrow scar.
I forced my complete attention back to the road. The sun was gone already, and I rubbed my eyes. We’d driven all night and through a steel-gray day across Iowa, Illinois, and Indiana, switching off sleeping and driving.
I found a spot, but left the engine running for the moment, reluctant to wake Charlie.
I had the insane urge to reach over and trace the shell of his ear with my finger.
He’d seemed fine after his fall in Lincoln, but a bit more rest wouldn’t hurt.
Maybe I could just leave the car running while I ducked in to piss and grab fries and a Coke.
But I could hear my mother’s voice, stridently warning me about the what-ifs.
“What if an axe-murderer steals the car? It only takes two seconds!”
My smile faded as the pang of hurt echoed through me.
What would my mother say if she knew I was here with another gay guy?
Or if she knew I was gay at all? What about my dad?
What were they going to say when I brought home my first boyfriend?
Would I even be able to, or would we keep talking about the weather and the Red Sox, pretending nothing had changed?
Maybe Charlie will end up my boyfriend after all.
I inhaled sharply at the flare of want that hit me, and Charlie jerked up, blinking. “What?” He stared at me, and then peered around. “What is it? Where are we?”
“Outskirts of Sandusky. Everything’s fine.” I turned off the engine. “I just need a little break.”
“Ohio?” He smiled, and it tugged on my heart. “Awesome. Last thing I remember is South Bend. How are you doing? I can take a turn driving if you want. We’re getting close now. I can’t wait to see Ava and my folks.” He stretched his neck to one side, wincing.
“You okay?”
“Just a little stiff. Falling down hurts, dude.” He rolled his shoulders. “It’s cool. Let’s get some food and then I’ll drive.”
“Let me see. Face the door.” I turned as much as I could and reached for him, sliding my hands below the collar of his fleece and rubbing his neck gently.
A breathy shudder rippled through him. “Cold hands,” he murmured.
“Oh, sorry.” I pulled them back and huffed a few warm breaths over my fingers, rubbing quickly. Kneading his muscles again, I asked, “Better?” He squeaked out a response that I thought was a yes. I leaned closer. “Relax. Drop your head.”
He did, and after a minute I could feel his shoulders lower.
My mom got tension headaches once in a while, and I’d seen my dad give her rubs a bunch of times.
I used my thumbs on the knots of his spine, and Charlie exhaled a low moan that went straight to my dick.
Biting my lip, I told myself to stay in control.
Charlie was in pain, and that’s what this was about.
But as I rubbed and pushed at the knots in his flesh, I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to touch all of him. To be naked together and run my fingers everywhere.
I jerked back, dropping my hands. My cock strained against the zipper of my jeans, and I was officially pathetic, getting off on helping someone with their stiff muscles. But when Charlie looked back at me, his lips were parted and his eyes were dark, and—
My phone lit up on the console between us, Candace’s squinty smile bright on the screen. We both stared at it, and Charlie clenched his jaw. He was already opening the door. “I’ll give you some privacy,” he muttered.
“Charlie—” But he was already gone, hurrying into the McDonald’s. I wanted to chase after him and lay it all out about Candace, but I hadn’t talked to her in days. “Hey,” I answered.
I could hear the grin in her voice. “Hay is for horses! How are you doing? I just wanted to check in. There’s some crappy weather coming, and we want to make sure you don’t keep driving through it.
If you don’t make it back in time, you can just meet us in Vermont.
My parents said they’d pay for your bus ticket. ”
“It’s cool, Candace. We’re in Ohio. Not far now.” Although this mention of “crappy weather” set my gut churning.
“Who’s we?”
Shit. I hadn’t mentioned Charlie to her when we’d texted since I wasn’t sure how she’d take it after the pizzeria incident, and there was no point in upsetting her.
She wasn’t my girlfriend anymore, but she was still my friend.
“Oh, yeah. I was going to explain it all when I see you. I ended up driving with someone from high school. Small world, huh?”
She laughed. “What? Seriously? That’s crazy. Who?”
“Uh…Charlie Yates.”
Candace was deathly silent for a few moments. “Oh. Well…that’s… Um, he lives right on your street, doesn’t he? How is he doing? Is his sister better? I heard she was.”
It was typical Candace—always kind to everyone. I had to swallow hard as my throat tightened with a swell of affection. “Yeah, she’s in remission. But he promised her he’d be home for Christmas, so I let him come with me.”
“That’s nice of you. Is he…have you been seeing him out there?” She was trying to sound casual, something she’d always been terrible at.
I had to chuckle. “No. We ran into each other at the rental agency at the airport right after I got the last car. It was one of those weird coincidences. You should know, he feels really bad about what happened. He said he owes you an apology. It was…he should never have said what he did to you. It was not okay. But he’s not a bad person. ”
“It wasn’t okay to punch you either, for the record.” She was quiet for a moment. “I guess if you say he’s not a bad person, I believe you. I know he was going through a super hard time back then.”
“You’re really amazing, you know that? I miss you so much.”
“I miss you too, sweetie. Am I still allowed to call you that?”
“Always.”
“Cool. I need to get your advice on my boy problems when you get home. College dating is very complicated.”
“And you think I can help? You must be desperate.”
“Well, maybe it’s time you started dating. Because I’m told that part of the whole benefit of having your high school sweetheart turn out gay is that he gives you inside tips and advice about men. So I expect you to brush up, okay?”
I laughed. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Is Charlie still seeing that guy?”
“No. They broke up.” I knew I should say more, and I tried to find the words. “It’s been… I’m glad I’m getting to know him again. We were really good friends that summer before ninth grade.”
The silence dragged out. “Oh. I never knew that.”
“It was…complicated. And the way it ended—the way I ended our friendship—was messed up. Because we were more than just friends. He didn’t punch me for nothing that day at the pizza place.”
“Wow. I guess I should have figured that out, huh?”
“No. I should have been honest with you. A lot sooner than I was. I’m sorry.”
“We all make mistakes.” She sighed. “I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t hurt to hear this. But it is what it is, right? We can’t change the past. Drive safe, okay? Check that weather report. And… Well, say hi to Charlie for me.”
“You really are the most awesome girl in the world, you know that?”
“Maybe I’ll get that on a T-shirt and wear it around campus.”
“Is this where I give you dating advice and tell you not to do that?”
Her peal of laughter warmed me all the way through. “You’re getting it already.”
We said goodbye, and I hurried inside to find Charlie. I found him standing just inside the door, watching a TV screen on the wall. A swirling red cloud of doom hovered over the Midwest, creeping out to the East Coast. Shit. The headline on the bottom of the screen shouted:
SNOWMAGEDDON RETURNS
My heart sank. “Charlie…”
But he was already walking out. I followed as he strode to the other side of the huge parking lot, which was mostly empty.
As if to prove the dire forecast right, snowflakes started coming down.
We were both wearing our fleeces, but neither of us had remembered our hats and mitts.
I tugged my sleeves over my hands. The wind was completely still.
I could smell the snow coming—that unmistakable moisture in the air—as the storm clouds gathered to blot out the stars.
Charlie stopped at the edge of the lot. A snowy field stretched out into the distance, and the hum of the highway behind us was the only noise in the night. Charlie wrapped his arms around himself, facing the farmland.
“We won’t make it. I’m not going to be there for Christmas morning. She’ll have to open her stocking without me. I promised her, but I’m not going to be there.” His tone was flat and lifeless.
“They might be wrong. We might—”
“They’re not wrong.” He was eerily calm. “You saw that weather system on the screen. There’s no way we can go fast enough, even if we can keep driving.”
He was right—getting back to Norwalk in that storm was pretty much impossible. “I’m sorry. But Ava will be fine. It was just a dream, Charlie. She’s okay. You’ve done everything you could.”
“Yeah. I still just…” He cleared his throat. “It’s fine. You’re right. I guess you’ll be late getting to Vermont. Is Candace upset?”
“Vermont doesn’t matter.” I closed the distance between us and stood behind him. After a deep breath, I brought my hands to his shoulders. “I’m so sorry about Christmas.”
He bowed his head, and I wanted to press my lips to the back of his neck. “Please don’t.”
I frowned. “What did I do?”
Spinning out of my grasp, Charlie stumbled back a few steps to the edge of a hard snowbank the plow had created. “This!” He gestured at me. “Don’t be nice! It makes it so much harder.”
“You’d rather I be an asshole?” Apparently I couldn’t win.