Chapter Eight #3
It was asinine that jealousy drilled a shiv into me because she called him “Gav,” but there it was all the same.
She’d had him for four long years, and now she was taking him again.
“Cool. Thanks.” I wanted to sling my arm around him and stake my claim.
I’d have whipped it out and peed on his leg if I thought it would help.
“So you’ll be back the thirtieth? But you have to see your folks and stuff, right?
I guess I’ll just see you whenever.” I tried for casual and probably failed wildly.
Gavin stared at me, opening and closing his mouth a few times. Finally, he said, “Oh.”
Shit. What did that mean? As I scrambled to think of what to say, Candace backed out. “I’ll wait for you in the car. Later, Charlie!” She waved and made her escape, closing the front door behind her. Now Gavin and I were left staring at each other.
The roar of a football game echoed from the den beyond the kitchen.
Words whipped through my head like a hurricane, and finally I went for a shrug that probably looked like a seizure.
“I mean, assuming you want to see me again.” He did, right?
I’d felt so close to him, but talking about it made it all suddenly weird and awkward.
“Is that…do you want to see me again?”
Yes, yes, yes! But I deflected, because I suck. “Is that what you want? If this was just a hookup, that’s cool.” If by “cool,” you mean the worst thing ever.
“I don’t think so.” He dropped his chin and stared at the ground.
Wait, what? “You don’t think so…like, you don’t want to see me again?”
He jerked up his head. “No. I don’t think it’s cool if it was just a hookup.
” Raising his hands, he said, “Let’s start this again, and stop talking circles around it.
” Gavin’s shoulders rose as he inhaled and exhaled deeply.
“I don’t want this to only be a hookup. I want to see you again as soon as I can.
I’m really tempted to bail on skiing, but it would be way too rude. ”
“Oh.” I smiled so hard my face hurt. “Okay. That’s awesome. I want to see you again too. I want to see you all the time, basically.”
“Yeah?” He ducked his head and smiled sweetly. “Good. I want that too.”
“You didn’t tell your dad you were even with me on the trip, so I thought maybe…
” Crap. Didn’t mean to actually say that out loud.
I hitched my shoulder spastically. “I caught a little of your call when I got out of the shower yesterday. I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop.
It was just, you know, thin walls. Sorry. ”
His face creased. “No, I’m sorry. It really wasn’t about you. I have to tell them about me first. But I knew if my dad found out you were with me, he’d probably freak, and we had to get back on the road. It just wasn’t the right time.”
“I get that. I do. But you’re going to tell them soon? About you? And about me…about us? There’s an us, right?”
“There’s totally an us. A hundred percent.
” After glancing down the hall, he stepped close, nuzzling my cheek and breathing me in.
“I hate leaving you right now. But I’ll text and—” He stood up straighter, blinking.
“Crap. I don’t actually have your number.
” He pulled out his phone, and I rattled off the digits.
“Let me just call you, and then you can add me.”
My phone buzzed, and my heart skipped as I took it out of my pocket and looked at the picture of Gavin on the screen. He was about to say something else, but his jaw snapped shut.
“What…is that…?”
We both stared at fourteen-year-old Gavin, all bony shoulders and dimpled grin, the auburn in his hair just coming out as it dried. The sun peeked through the willow tree shadowing the side of the pond.
The screen went dark as the call hit my voicemail. I cleared my throat. “I guess I never deleted your contact.”
His nostrils flared slightly as his Adam’s apple bobbed. Then he pulled me close and just held me against him, leaning down to press his face into my neck. He murmured something I couldn’t make out.
When he straightened up, he kissed me gently. The tremor that flowed through me was buttery warm.
“I need a picture.” Gavin brushed a hand over my hair.
“I’ll send you one while you’re skiing. I’ll send you a bunch. You can pick.”
“Mmm. Intriguing. Will you be wearing pants in any of them?”
“Unlikely.”
Gavin grinned, a flare of light, quickly dimming. “Anyway. I’m coming back New Year’s Eve, and they’ll be home. I’m going to tell them everything.”
I rubbed his sides. “You must be worried about what they’ll say.”
He tried to smile. “Just a little. I’m going to do it, though.
I’ve been keeping this all inside for so long.
I can’t do it anymore. No matter what happens, I have to be honest. I have to be…
real. You know what I mean? I’m going to tell them.
I am.” He glanced down the hall. “Were your parents always cool with it?”
“Yeah. My mom said she’d already guessed, and when I told them, Ava was in the hospital after the diagnosis.
” I grimaced. “I guess I picked a hell of a time, but I felt like I was lying to them, and I hated it. But they said they were really glad I told them. I think Ava being sick put shit in perspective.”
“I’m so glad she’s better. She’s such an awesome kid, Charlie. You’re really lucky.”
I was really lucky, and I had to swallow hard over the lump in my throat as I nodded.
“I should go. I’ll see you in five days. Actually, more like four days and twenty-three hours. Not that I’m counting.”
I pressed our lips together, and we wrapped our arms around each other. I wanted to push him up against the door and kiss him for days. “Four days, twenty-two hours, and fifty-nine minutes,” I muttered.
With a final kiss and wave, he was gone, and I locked the door, turning to lean against it as I listened to the Allens’ car reverse and drive off down the street.
“You looove him.”
I twisted my neck to see Ava at the top of the dark stairs, where she’d apparently been eavesdropping. I couldn’t even be mad, though. I tried to hide my smile. “Why do you think that?”
Ava’s grin lit up her whole face as she clambered halfway down and parked herself. “You totally do. I can tell. You can’t get that look off your face.”
“What look?” But I laughed, because I knew I had to have the goofiest smile.
“That one. Like you’re about to float away on a fluffy cloud of looove.” She giggled. “He has the same look.”
That made my heart jump. “Yeah?”
“Definitely. He looks like he wants to make kissy faces at you all the time.”
My fluffy cloud of looove darkened a bit as doubts hissed like rain. What if he changes his mind? What if his parents freak and he runs back into the closet? Back to Candace? What if he decides he doesn’t like me after all? He got by without me before.
“What’s wrong?”
I blinked back to attention to find Ava watching me with her little brow furrowed. “Nothing. I just need to shake off my doubts.” I gave my limbs a spastic shimmy. “Want to help?”
Clapping with such joy it made my heart swell, she bounded down the stairs.
We shook ourselves like crazed dogs fresh out of the pond, hopping around until we collapsed by the Christmas tree in the den in a heap of laughter.
Dad was glued to the game, and Mom glanced up from her e-reader to ask if I’d spiked the eggnog.
Best Christmas ever.