Chapter 21
21
ADRIAN
On Monday night, I arrive home late on purpose, pushing beyond my already crazy schedule. I unlock the door as quietly as possible, hoping not to wake Rowena. After spending the weekend together at my boss’s house, I’ve been intentionally avoiding her today, getting up at the crack of dawn and sneaking in past midnight like a thief. It’s not that Rowena did anything wrong—quite the opposite, actually. She’s been perfect. Too perfect.
I feel the pull, the temptation to let myself get close to her. But I don’t do relationships, not anymore. They never end well, always crumbling apart no matter how good things seem at first. So I have to maintain a safe distance.
Easing the door closed with a faint click, I slip off my shoes and loosen my tie. But when I step into the living room, I freeze. Rowena is curled up on the couch, fast asleep, with the flickering light of the TV playing across her serene face.
Damn, she’s beautiful. The way her long chestnut hair spills over the cushion, her dark lashes fanned out against her cheeks. That familiar tug pulls at my heart, a string drawing me to her.
I debate carrying her to bed, but I don’t want to risk waking her. Instead, I grab the soft throw blanket that has half slipped off and drape it over her, tucking it around her shoulders. Her glasses have fallen to the floor, so I pick them up and settle them on the end table.
As I straighten up, Rowena stirs. Her hazel eyes flick open and meet mine, still hazy with sleep. My breath hitches.
“Hey,” Rowena says, her voice adorably husky. “I was waiting for you.”
There’s no accusation or annoyance in her tone, just a simple statement of fact. She rubs at her eyes and tucks her long legs underneath her as she sits up. The urge to gather her in my arms, to bury my nose in her hair and never let go, is nearly overwhelming.
Rowena glances around, seeming to get her bearings. She spots the glasses and puts them on. “What time is it?”
“Midnight.” I shove my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching for her.
A tiny smile curves her lips. “You really do work late, huh?” Then her expression turns more serious, almost hesitant. “Are you too tired? Or can we talk for a bit?”
I scream at myself to make an excuse, to tell her we can chat another time and then go back to keeping my distance. But whatever she wants to discuss has to be important for her to wait up this late.
She shouldn’t be relying on me like this. We need to maintain separate lives, I firmly remind myself. No getting too tangled up.
But instead of heeding my own advice, I sit on the couch right next to her, close enough that our thighs almost brush. Too damn close.
I angle myself to face her, giving Rowena my full attention even as I silently curse my lack of willpower. “What is it?”
In the shadowy light, Rowena stands straighter. “Well, there are two things,” she begins, nervously twisting her fingers together in her lap.
I nod encouragingly, determined to at least not screw this up since apparently I’ve made myself available to her tonight. “I’m listening.”
“The first one is pretty easy.” Her eyes find mine. “My best friends want to meet you.” She raises her hands before I can respond. “I know it’s not how our fake relationship works. But they said it would look weird, maybe even suspicious, if they just showed up at the engagement party without having met you.”
I stifle a smile, shaking my head. “Sounds like you’ve got some pretty ingenious friends, Rowena.” The way her name rolls off my tongue feels dangerously intimate in the dimly lit room.
She grins back at me, and that invisible string around my heart constricts, pulling me deeper into her orbit. “Oh, you’re right. They’re also super overprotective and will grill you harder than a steak at a summer barbecue.” Rowena tucks an errant lock of hair behind her ear. “So, it’s up to you if you want to meet them. No pressure.”
I should say no. Keep those boundaries firmly in place. Instead, I nod like the fool I am. “Sure, let’s do it. I’m game for a little friendly interrogation.” I flash her a grin, trying to ignore the sinking feeling that I’m digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole I might not be able to climb out of.
Our lives, which were supposed to stay neatly separated, are getting more entangled by the minute. Rowena seems to take my agreement as a cue to launch into a quick update about the engagement party, rattling off details about the venue and the guest list.
“Oh, that reminds me.” She taps her forehead. “I’ll need a list of your friends and family to invite. How many people do you think you’ll have on your side?”
I shuffle my feet on the rug, feeling a twinge of guilt. “Just my mom,” I admit. “And I’ll be telling her the truth about our arrangement. I can’t let her believe she’s going to have a grandchild when it’s not real. It would break her heart when she found out.”
Rowena’s expression softens, and she reaches out to give my hand a gentle squeeze. I fight not to respond. Not to pull her into my lap and do unspeakable things to her.
“I understand,” she says quietly. “That’s thoughtful of you, Adrian.”
I work air down my nose, ignoring the tingles where she touched me.
Rowena’s shoulders slump. “I wish I could be as honest with my parents, but they’d never understand a marriage of convenience. I’d rather let them think we got divorced down the line than have them know the truth from the start.”
Another wave of guilt washes over me. Our arrangement may be mutually beneficial, but maybe I should’ve tried harder to find a different way to help her, expecting nothing in return. The thought of Rowena lying to her family because of me doesn’t sit well.
Instead of voicing my doubts, I reach out and gently tilt her chin up, so her hazel eyes meet mine. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. Your parents will have a grandbaby to love and cherish.” I’m such an asshole right now. “By the time they find out the truth, they’ll be so head over heels for the little one, the rest won’t matter.”
Rowena manages a small smile, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. She nods, seemingly trying to convince herself. “You’re right. They’ll love the baby no matter what.”
Her fingers fidget with the hem of her T-shirt. I can sense she has something else on her mind. What more could there be?
“There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about…” Rowena hesitates, confirming my suspicions that she kept the hardest topic for last. “I… I don’t feel right about not telling the baby’s father he’s going to be a dad.”
My eyebrows shoot up in surprise. I wasn’t expecting that. “I thought you said he was a jerk?”
She nods, her eyes downcast. “He is. And honestly, I’m scared to face him. But I keep thinking that my kid might never forgive me if I don’t at least try to let Liam know.”
Liam —I instantly despise the name.
Rowena’s next words come out in a rush, as if she’s afraid she’ll lose her nerve if she doesn’t get them out fast enough. “You probably prefer as few people in the know as possible, but I just don’t think I can?—”
“It’s your call,” I interrupt politely. “I’m with you whatever you decide.”
I shouldn’t. This is madness. Her douche ex could expose us out of spite. Blackmail me. Even so, I don’t care.
Her eyes widen in surprise. Then, slowly, a genuine smile spreads across her face, lighting up her features in a way that cuts deep.
“Thank you, Adrian.” Her voice is thick with emotion. “That means more to me than you know.”
I nod, dismissing my racing pulse. I’m doing the opposite of what I should, making myself available, taking risks to do what’s right for her and potentially disastrous for me, but when Rowena looks at me like that, I can’t bring myself to care about the downsides.
“When are you meeting him?”
“That’s the thing.” Rowena readjusts her glasses. “When I talk to Liam, I was wondering if you might come with me? And pretend to be my, uh, mean and scary new boyfriend?”
I grin wide. “Isn’t that already what we’re doing? Minus the mean and scary part, I hope.”
She grins. “Yes, but I need you to really sell it. I want Liam to know in no uncertain terms that this baby isn’t some ploy to get back together with him. And that he can’t use it to manipulate me again.” Her eyes are pleading as they meet mine. “I just… I want him to see that I’ve moved on. That I’m not the same na?ve girl he used to control.”
Words leave my mouth before I even have a chance to second guess them. “I’ll be there. Whenever you need me. I promise.”
The relief that washes over her face is palpable. Without warning, she leans forward and wraps her arms around my neck, crushing me into a tight embrace.
For a moment, I’m frozen, unsure how to respond. But then, slowly, I allow myself to relax into the hug. My arms come up to encircle her waist, pulling her closer. I breathe in the scent of her shampoo, relishing the softness of her curves pressed against me.
It’s a dangerous indulgence, I know. But just for a minute, I let myself savor it. This feeling of being needed. Of being wanted.
Reluctantly, I pull back. “We should get some sleep.” My voice sounds rough to my ears .
Rowena nods, her cheeks flushed as she stands from the couch. “Right. Goodnight, Adrian.”
“Goodnight, Rowena.”
I watch her walk down the hall and turn just her head over her shoulder, whispering, “Thank you,” before she disappears into her room.
Later, lying in the darkness of my bedroom, I stare up at the ceiling and let out a heavy sigh.
“Man,” I mutter to myself, “what the fuck are you doing?”