5. Sunny
M ia parks across the street from the Ardens’ house, which is practically vibrating with the booming bass of the hip hop songs we listened to in middle school.
The anticipation of seeing Dex is nerve-wracking enough on its own, but add in the thumping throwback tunes and the drunk jocks on the porch howling at the moon, and now I’m a total wreck.
I flip down the sun visor and check my reflection in the mirror to make sure I haven’t reverted back to thirteen-year-old Sunny.
I was pretty quiet on the car ride over, but hopefully Mia chalked it up to the fact that I’d just been dumped. I didn’t want to tell her. It was so embarrassing to admit, mere hours after I’d told her about Chris. But I didn’t want her mentioning to anyone at the party that I’m in a relationship.
I don’t have the audacity to expect that anything will happen between me and Dex tonight. I’ll be happy just to know he’s still my friend.
But I’d like to keep my options open.
Of course I didn’t tell Mia that Chris broke up with me because I have feelings for Dex. I told her he dumped me for Kim from down the hall. It’s not far-fetched. I’ll bet anything they’ll be hooking up before long.
“You okay, Sunny?” Mia asks me. That’s when I realize I’ve just been staring across the street.
I paste on a hopefully convincing smile. “It’s been a long day, but I’m fine.”
Mia nods and gazes down at her lap for several seconds. “Look, Sunny,” she says when her eyes are back on me. “I probably shouldn’t even bring this up…I know you and Chris just broke up, but…”
She hesitates again. Mia never hesitates. It’s making me nervous.
“What, Mia?” I ask with more urgency in my voice than I intended.
“Well—why the heck did you and Dex never date in high school?” she blurts out.
I scoff. “Me and Dex? What are you?—”
“Oh come on, Sunny. You’re perfect for each other. You can pretend all you want, but I’m done biting my tongue. I can tell the two of you are in love.”
I’m stunned. “Are you saying…do you really think Dex has feelings for me?”
Mia smiles. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one’s watching. It’s just like me and Evan. I know true love when I see it. And you act like you couldn’t care less who he’s dating but, when he slow danced with Jenna on prom night…you cried.”
I suck in a breath. “How did you?—”
Mia bites her lip. “I followed you into the bathroom. I heard you sobbing in a stall. And I honestly didn’t know whether you’d want me to help you. I mean, you’re my best friend, Sunny, but sometimes I feel like I hardly know you. It even took months for you to tell me you had a boyfriend!”
She’s right. I avoided telling her about Chris because I was afraid she’d call me out. She’d ask me, “What about Dex?” and the image I’ve been trying so hard to uphold would fall apart. I can feel it happening now.
“I’m sorry, Mia. You’re my best friend, and I want to tell you everything…but being an open book doesn’t come naturally to everyone.”
The idea of showing people who I am terrifies me. If they don’t like what they see, will they leave me? With no family in the picture besides my mom, I can hardly afford to find out.
“If you’d told me about Dex, I could have been there for you, Sunny.”
“Mia, there’s nothing to tell! Dex and I are friends, and that’s all we’ll ever be. He’s dated plenty of girls in our class. If he really wanted to, he could have dated me.”
It’s the most honest thing I’ve said in a long time.
“Sunny, have you noticed that Dex has never asked a girl out himself? He says yes when they ask, probably because he doesn’t want to hurt their feelings, but he’s never the one to initiate. And the girls who ask him out never get past a few dates.” Mia tilts her head. “Why do you think that is?”
Of course I’ve noticed. I just never let myself read into it. If Mia has a theory, I’d like to hear her say it. “Why do you think that is?” I ask, my gaze shying away from hers.
“Because he’s been waiting for you , silly!” she says, laughing.
I look into her eyes. “You don’t know that. Do you?”
Mia’s grin fades when she shakes her head. “I’ve never talked to him about it, I swear. I know you wouldn’t want me to. But I think you should. Maybe tonight’s too soon after your breakup, but…it’s just something to think about.”
“I’ve really missed him, Mia,” I confess. “We lost touch over the past few months, and I want him back in my life. No matter what that looks like.”
Mia takes hold of my hands. “Well, let’s get in there,” she says, nodding across the street. “And just remember, I’m here if you need me.”
When we’re out of the car, Mia looks me up and down. Despite my nerves, I feel confident that I picked a really good outfit. I’m wearing a black, form-fitting shirt and a short floral skirt.
Mia grins. “Dex is gonna die when he sees you.”
As we make our way inside, Mia gets pulled into a game of “Never Have I Ever,” but not before making sure I’ll be okay without her.
I set her free and, before she runs off, she winks at me.
On my own, I take a minute to survey the room.
The house is crowded as hell, and pretty dark too, but it doesn’t surprise me that the first face I register belongs to Oliver Dexter.
He’s standing in the middle of a crowd, telling a story.
All eyes are on him and—I can tell—he’s loving every second of it.
He looks so confident, so at ease, so happy , he’s practically glowing.
When he delivers the punchline, everyone bursts into laughter.
I turn away, my pulse racing, my throat dry, wondering if coming to this party was a big mistake.
Dex seems to be doing perfectly fine without me in his life.
My eyes dart to the front door. If I leave now, he’ll never even know I was here.
I spot Mia across the room, laughing among a group of girls that includes Jenna Andersen’s three best friends but, to my relief, Jenna isn’t with them. I’m about to tell Mia that I developed a migraine and need to call a cab, when I feel someone’s hand on my waist.
“Sunny? Is that you?”
I know immediately who’s behind me. It’s like time stops when he touches me.
I spin around. “Dex,” I whisper. And when I see the way his eyes light up as he looks at me, the tightness in my chest eases. I can breathe.
“God, I missed you,” he says, pulling me into his arms. The world around us fades, and we’re the only two people in the room now.
I bury my face in the crook between his neck and shoulder. “We were supposed to talk every day,” I say, my eyes stinging.
Dex pulls back to look at me, but keeps his hands on my waist. “I know. I’m so sorry, Sunny, I have no idea what I was thinking. I guess I figured I should give you some space. You told me you were dating someone, and I didn’t want to get in the way?—”
Despite myself, I laugh.
Dex’s brow furrows. “What?” he asks.
“Nothing, it’s just…it’s a moot point now. That relationship is over.”
Dex half-smiles. God , I missed that.
“It’s really hard being so far away,” I say.
“I know.” Dex pulls me in close again, one hand around my waist, the other cradling the back of my head. “It’s okay. We’re home now.”
I smile as Dex takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen to get a beer. “Okay,” he says when we both have drinks. “Tell me everything I’ve missed.”
We only talk to each other the rest of the night.
On a soft suede couch in the living room, we sip Natty Lights in red Solo cups and talk about the highlights of freshman year.
About drinking games, and late night mac and cheese cooked in illicit crockpots.
About open mic nights, and acing pop quizzes on three hours of sleep.
About frat parties and fragmented memories of spring break.
I tell Dex about the fake IDs my friends and I made with packing tape and hotel keycards, and he laughs and makes me show him mine.
“There is absolutely no way that you actually got into a bar in Chicago with this thing,” he says, still laughing and flicking the card for emphasis.
“I did! You have to believe me!” I insist, playfully squeezing his shoulder, then letting my hand travel down the length of his arm. He curls his fingertips around mine for a few seconds before letting go.
“Well, this is the worst fake I’ve ever seen, so I’m guessing they let you in because you’re pretty,” he says, looking down at his cup.
I feel a smile start to creep onto my lips, and I quickly take a sip of my drink in an attempt to hide the gigantic grin that’s looming behind it. This is the first time Dex has ever called me pretty .
Just then, Mia swoops in. “Hey, Dex!”
“What’s up, Mia,” he says with a smile. He stands to give her a hug, and when he sits back down again, he rests his arm on the back of the couch—around me.
“I think I’m going to head out,” Mia tells Dex. “Did you drive? Would you mind giving Sunny a ride home?” Then she turns toward me. “Is that okay?” The way she looks me in the eye, I know she’s leaving early on purpose. And I absolutely love her for it.
“Of course,” Dex and I both say at the exact same time. Then we look at each other and smile.
“Perfect! I know you guys have a lot of catching up to do. Call me tomorrow, Sunny!” Mia yells as she zips through the crowd toward the door.
Dex tilts his head toward mine so he doesn’t have to shout above the drunken squeals behind us. “It’s really loud down here,” he says. “Do you want to go upstairs?”
I smile and nod. And when I do, he looks at me with those eyes—the same eyes I saw him give Jenna at prom, during the last slow dance. The ones that made me cry alone in a stall.
But his eyes are fixed on me now. My face is so hot I feel feverish.
And then we’re in the guest room, sitting on the bed. The door is locked.
Dex’s gaze travels from my eyes down to my lips. He looks like he wants to devour me. My blood pulses in all the places I’m desperate for him to touch me.
He leans in slowly, and he kisses me so softly, I’m almost convinced I imagined it.
But when I touch my hand to his face, he’s there, and he’s real, and I smile, and he kisses me harder this time, and I kiss him back, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be.
“Wow,” Dex says breathlessly, barely tearing his lips away from mine. “You’re a really good kisser.”
“You too,” I say with a smile before we continue making out. After a minute or two, he pulls away and looks at me, his thumb sweeping across my cheek.
“They’re happy tears,” I say.
A part of me wonders if I should feel embarrassed—but I’m honestly too fucking ecstatic to care. Dex kisses me again, then moves his mouth to my neck, and just the touch of his lips on my skin is already infinitely more pleasurable than a hundred nights I spent with Chris.
I straddle Dex’s lap and peel off my shirt, grateful that I decided to wear my good bra tonight. He leans back, and his gaze falls from my eyes, to my chest, and down to my waist.
He shakes his head. “My god , you’re sexy.”
“I have boobs now,” I tell him with a giggle.
Dex lets out a breathy laugh as his eyebrows lift. “I see that.”
When his gaze meets mine again, we stop laughing, and his expression shifts, like suddenly he remembers I’m Sunny . His childhood best friend—just a more grownup version.
And that’s when he closes his eyes and kisses the space on my chest where my heart lies, beating for him, and only him.
My hands move up his muscular arms and over his broad shoulders and up the nape of his neck until my fingers are in his hair, and he wraps his arms tight around me and we kiss like it’s something we’ve done a million times before.
Then, with one hand still wrapped around my waist, he moves his other hand up my thigh and under my skirt. “Can I touch you?” he asks me softly.
I bite my lip and nod my consent. And when he touches me, the pleasure I see in his eyes is just as intense as the pleasure I feel with every stroke of his fingers.
I’ve imagined this moment so many times, but it’s real now, and he’s touching me exactly the way I like to touch myself, like somehow he’s privy to my innermost thoughts and deepest desires, and I can hardly catch my breath because, Oh my god, Oliver Dexter is touching me , and within a few minutes, I’m almost to the point of unraveling.
“Wait,” I tell him breathlessly. “I want you.”
Dex leans back and locks eyes with me, his chest rising and falling in rhythm with mine. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “Yes. I’m sure.”
“You only had that one beer, right?” he asks, his brow furrowed.
I laugh. “Yes—and I didn’t even finish it. Don’t worry, Dex. I really want this,” I assure him. “I want you .”
With his arms still tight around me, he lays me down on the bed. He takes off what’s left of my clothes, and then I help him strip off his. He pulls a condom out of his wallet and puts it on.
“Have you done this before?” he asks when he’s on top of me.
Have I had sex before? Yes. Have I had sex with someone I’m madly in love with? Never. I honestly don’t know how to answer. “Does it matter?” I ask him.
“No, I just…I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers.
“You won’t hurt me, Dex. Trust me, I’ve never been this turned on in my life.”
He responds by pressing his lips to mine.
For a minute or two we kiss, and then he pulls back to look at me again.
I nod, and he continues to watch me as he pushes inside me, and when he’s in all the way, my eyes flutter closed, and I arch my back and sigh, and Dex makes this delicious sound I’ve never heard him make before, and we move together so effortlessly—a dance between lovers—and if he were to ask me again if I’ve ever done this, I now know the answer would be a resounding no—no, never in my life have I ever felt anything like this.
I had no idea it could be this fucking good.