18. Sunny
I t’s the first time I’ve been back in Beachwood since Dex and I broke up.
I can’t imagine he’d be here now. He’s a college graduate, like me, but he’s probably busy in LA, auditioning for a movie role, or a TV show, or another commercial for acne products he’ll never need because his skin is so goddamn perfect.
Still, I took the long way to the grocery store yesterday so I didn’t have to drive by his house.
Even if Dex isn’t home, running into his parents would be almost as painful.
I haven’t seen Mia since I last left Beachwood either.
There are butterflies in my stomach as I wait for her at our favorite high school coffee shop.
And not the good kind of butterflies. Although Mia and I are still friends, we’re definitely not as close as we once were.
It’s my fault, for pulling away. Through all the ups and downs with Dex, then Asher, I’ve found it nearly impossible to be myself around her.
She deserves to be excited about her future with Evan.
But if I tell her the truth about how I’m feeling, it’s bound to kill the mood, and I don’t want to feel like I’m bringing her down all the time.
When she walks through the door, though, Mia is beaming. “Sunny!” she squeals as she runs over to hug me. Her eyes are misty. “It’s been too long,” she says.
She’s different. Taller, somehow. I look down and see a stylish pair of black pointed-toe heels on her feet.
She’s dressed in a pretty sleeveless blouse, tucked into a pencil skirt that hits right above her knees.
Her long, dark hair is cut slightly shorter and looks perfectly sleek.
In my Northwestern t-shirt and matching athletic shorts, I feel like a college freshman who just rolled out of bed.
I put time into my hair and makeup, at least, but now I wish I’d worn something else.
Mia giggles. “I’m totally overdressed, I know. I just had an interview! It was at an engineering firm in Cleveland. It’s literally my dream job, Sunny! I mean, for now, at least. I really hope I get it,” she says as we take a seat at the table.
Mia’s wanted to be an engineer since she was seven.
Her dad loves to recall how she’d take apart her brothers’ toys so she could rebuild them.
Being the only girl among her siblings and cousins, Mia wasn’t the least bit intimidated when she chose a major that was skewed male.
She had a dream, and it’s easy to see she’s on her way to making it happen.
Gone are the days of Abercrombie-clad Mia, I guess. She looks so put-together. When we talked on the phone a couple of weeks ago, she told me she and Evan are looking for an apartment together. He has an accounting job lined up in Cleveland. Everything’s falling into place for them.
“Congrats on your interview!” I tell Mia. “I’m sure you knocked ’em dead. I ordered you a decaf cinnamon latte, by the way,” I say, pushing the paper cup toward her. “Is that?—”
“Still my favorite? Yes,” she confirms before taking a sip. “Thanks, Sunny! So, how’s your summer so far? You’ve only been back a week, right?”
I nod. “My mom got married last Friday.”
“That’s right!” Mia exclaims with wide eyes. “How was it?”
“It was sweet,” I tell her before taking a sip of my coffee.
“They had a small ceremony at the courthouse. Luis’s daughters flew in for it.
I really like them—Lily and Elena. They stayed at our house all week.
We watched movies together, and drank wine, and went out to eat. It was a good distraction for me.”
I said that last part sort of unwittingly. I didn’t intend to take the conversation in this direction. But Mia pounces.
“How are you doing since breaking up with Asher?” she asks me, her dark eyebrows knit together. Maybe she’s still in interview mode, but her hands are in her lap, and she looks a bit rigid as she leans forward, waiting for my answer.
I shrug. “I’m okay. I’m more concerned about him. He really wanted to stay together. But Asher’s a catch. He’ll make some lucky woman extremely happy one day.” I sigh. “I hope he finds her soon.”
Mia’s gaze travels to her lap. “What about you?”
I don’t understand. “What about me?”
Mia looks back up. “Have you…talked to Dex at all?”
It’s like there’s a fire raging inside me, and Mia lit the match. I close my eyes and exhale. “I haven’t heard from Dex in years, Mia. Not since the night we broke up. ”
Why can’t she let this go?
“Wait…are you serious?” she asks.
I open my eyes. “Of course I’m serious. Why?”
Mia looks away, shaking her head. “I gave Dex your number,” she says in a near-whisper. She clears her throat before she continues. “He sounded desperate to talk to you, and I?—”
“You did what ? When?” My hands are trembling. I put down my coffee.
“It was a while ago. End of junior year. I tried to give you a heads-up—I kept calling and leaving messages—but you never called me back! So after a while…I just gave up. And the next time you called me, you were in a relationship with Asher, so I figured you and Dex had talked and?—”
“We didn’t talk,” I say, my voice shaking. “You gave him my number—without asking me first, I might add—and he didn’t even call.” I choke back a sob. “I guess he decided it wasn’t worth it.” I hide my face in my hands, but it’s obvious I’m crying.
“Oh, Sunny,” Mia says. I feel her hand on my wrist. I let her sandwich my palm between hers. Her hazel eyes are glistening. When I look down at our hands on the table, I see something else shimmering. An actual engagement ring with a princess-cut diamond.
Mia pulls her hands back. No wonder she’d been sitting with them in her lap. She was hiding her ring from me.
I sniffle. “When did Evan propose?” I ask her softly.
She blinks at me through tears. “The day we graduated. I wanted to tell you when we talked on the phone but?—”
“I’d just told you about my breakup with Asher.” I finish for her. All this time I’ve been pulling away from Mia, she’s been holding back too. I guess we really have drifted apart. “I hate that you feel the need to walk on eggshells around me.”
Mia’s cheeks redden. “Sunny, I?—”
“And why did you think it was okay to give my phone number to my ex? I trusted you!”
“Sunny, I gave Dex your number because I want you guys to work things out. I want you to be happy, can’t you see that? You’re one of my closest friends, and?—”
“One of your closest friends, who doesn’t even know your boyfriend proposed ? Mia…how are we supposed to be friends if you can’t even share one of the happiest moments of your life with me?” I say, my lips quivering. “I feel like I barely know you anymore.”
“Well, join the club,” Mia says, wiping her eyes. “Because I’ve been feeling that way about you for as long as I remember.”
Her words are like a shock of cold water, extinguishing my anger. Leaving me with nothing but flickering embers and the ashes of our friendship.
“I have to go,” I say without meeting her teary gaze. “Best wishes to you and Evan.”
I’ve been lying in bed for nearly an hour, but I can’t sleep because the fight with Mia keeps replaying in my mind.
Around 11:00 p.m., I give up and go down to the kitchen for ice cream.
I put three generous scoops of rocky road in a bowl and eat it standing at the kitchen counter while looking at pictures on the side of the fridge.
My mom has taken down every photo of me and Dex but one.
We were about six years old, eating cotton candy at the zoo.
I remember the day so vividly, because it was my mom who took us on one of her rare afternoons off from work.
I pull the photo out from under its refrigerator magnet, and I’m holding it in my hand when she walks in.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she says sleepily as she fills her water glass. She looks over my shoulder to see what I’m holding. My heart pounds like she caught me doing something wrong.
“You know,” she says slowly, “John’s been sick.”
“What?” I ask, immediately turning toward her. “Mr. Dexter?” My chest tightens. I pray she’s talking about someone else. Not Dex’s dad. I love Dex’s dad.
My mom nods. “Prostate cancer. I’ve been debating whether or not to tell you.”
“ Debating ? What? Oh my god! Is he going to be okay?” My entire body is shaking.
“He’s got the very best doctor in the city, I made sure of it,” my mom says as she hands me a tissue. I didn’t even know I was crying.
“I have to go over there,” I say, which makes absolutely no sense, but it’s the only thing I can think to do. The only thing I want to do.
My mom tries to reason with me. “Sunny, it’s late! Just wait until morning.”
I don’t answer her. I’m too busy trying to find my keys. I thought I’d left them in the kitchen, but maybe they’re on the front hall table.
“Sunny, are you listening to me? The Dexters are probably sleeping. You don’t want to disturb them.”
They’re not on the front hall table. A jolt of panic surges through me. Now I’m sweating. Where the hell did I put them?
“Sunny!” my mom repeats angrily.
I must have left them in the pocket of my raincoat. I turn around to check.
“Found them,” I say with a sigh of relief. I clutch my keys to my chest. “Mom, I know it’s late, but I don’t care. If Dex is there, he needs me. If I’m this distraught—and Mr. Dexter isn’t even related to me—imagine how his son feels.”
I leave without waiting for my mom’s rebuttal. I drive to Dex’s house with no plan except to drive there and park in the driveway and ring the doorbell. And that’s what I do.