19. Dex
I have never seen Sunny’s mom this mad in my entire life.
And that’s saying something. As Sunny clings to me, sobbing and shaking, my first instinct is to take her in my arms, put her in my car, and drive away while I’m still breathing.
Her mom looks like she wants to kill me with her bare hands.
But when Sunny pulls away, she threads her fingers through mine and leads me past her mom, into their house.
Fuck.
As soon as the door’s closed, her mom starts screaming at me. “Did you put her up to this? Was this your brilliant idea, or?—”
“Mom, this was my decision,” Sunny interjects. “I haven’t even told him yet.”
“Told me what?” I ask. I keep my focus on Sunny’s sweet, beautiful face because, if I catch a glimpse of her mom’s bulging eyes one more time, there’s a good chance I’ll have a panic attack.
“She wants to move to Los Angeles ,” I hear her mom spit out. Sunny smiles at me through her tears.
She wants to move to LA with me .
My dad got a clean bill of health today—and now this . It’s the best goddamn day of my life.
“But what about law school?” I ask Sunny as soon as it occurs to me.
“There are law schools in LA. But honestly, I think I’d be happier writing. I could get an MFA?—”
“Sunny, did you really graduate with honors in political science so you could write smutty love stories?” her mom snorts.
“This is a joke! Writing romance is for bored housewives. You’re way too smart for that.
And why do you have to be the one to make sacrifices for him ?
” she continues, pointing a shaky finger at me.
I’m still looking away from her, but I can see it out of the corner of my eye.
“Why doesn’t he move to Indiana? Give up his career? ”
“That doesn’t make sense, Mom,” Sunny says. “Dex has dreamed of being an actor since he was a kid.” She faces me. “I’d never want you to give up that dream for me.”
Before I have a chance to respond, Sunny turns back to her mom. “Dex was born to be a star. You’ve seen him perform—you know his talent is rare. Acting is his craft, and he’d be doing the world a disservice by not sharing it. Not to mention, he loves it. Nothing makes him happier.”
It’s the truth. Nothing else makes me as happy—except Sunny. But I can’t rely on her to be my only source of joy. It wouldn’t be fair.
“Besides,” Sunny continues. “Don’t I deserve to be happy too?”
“Happiness is fleeting,” her mom yells. “You have to be practical, Sunny. Exactly how do you plan to pay for an MFA? Because I sure as hell won’t be helping.”
Sunny’s bottom lip quivers, but she holds her ground. “I’ll get a loan,” she says.
Her mom crosses her arms and laugh. “And be in debt for the rest of your life? Writers don’t make money, sweetie. How will you pay it back?”
This is where I come in. “We’ll be fine, Sunny. I’ll start auditioning as soon as we get to LA. I’ll take any roles I get. We’ll save some money. And one day, I’ll make it big. I promise you, I won’t give up until it happens.”
I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth. How can I promise that I’ll be a successful actor? Entertainment is the most fickle business there is. Even if I bust my ass, there’s only so much I can control. Whether or not I get my big break could simply boil down to luck.
Sunny slowly turns her gaze from me to her mom, who takes the opportunity to lay into her again. “Is that really what you want to do, Sunny? Wait for your actor boyfriend to become rich and famous so he can pay off your debt?”
She makes us sound pathetic. And Sunny’s so pragmatic. There’s no way she’ll go through with this.
Will she?
I never dared to dream that Sunny would come back to LA with me—but she wants to. Is she really going to let her mom get in the way?
I look over at Sunny, hoping she’ll say something to put my mind at ease. But her mom’s not done quite yet.
“If you go to California, Sunny, I will not pay your way. But if you attend Indiana University—like we planned—you won’t have to worry about a thing. I’ll cover your tuition, your apartment, your food…all of it. It’s only three years. He can wait. If he cares enough about you, he’ll let you go .”
Her mom’s words are so pointed, I know exactly what she’s doing. That was the same phrase she used to shoo me off her lawn two years ago.
If you love her, honey, you’ll let her go.
I never told Sunny what her mother did, and I don’t plan to.
I wish I could be more spiteful. If Sunny knew the truth about her mom’s meddling, she’d definitely come to LA with me.
But at what cost? Sunny only has one blood relative in her life.
No matter how shaky their relationship is, I can’t take that away from her.
If I did, I’d be no better than her mom.
And as meddlesome as she is, at the end of the day, she’s only trying to protect her daughter. Because she loves her.
I cannot fucking fault her for that.
I watch Sunny waver. And I don’t want to make her decision any harder than it already is, so I jump in. “Your mom’s right. I’ll wait as long as I have to. You decide what you want to do, and I’ll support you. No matter what,” I say, with a pointed glance at her mom, who smirks at me.
For a moment, there’s silence. Then Sunny takes a ragged breath. “I want to sleep on it,” she says.
She doesn’t want to let me down in front of her mom. She won’t give her the satisfaction.
But my heart is broken, regardless. For about thirty seconds today, one of my biggest dreams came true .
Then I lost it.
We were up half the night packing her things.
By the time we’d finished loading her car, it was three in the morning.
I asked her if she wanted to come home with me and sleep in my bed.
She said she couldn’t, because she’d never want to leave.
She promised she’d stop by in the morning to say goodbye.
And here we are.
She looks so broken. I’d sell my soul to make her feel whole again. That’s how much I love her.
I should tell her.
She hasn’t said a word since she got out of her car. She has her arms wrapped around me, and she’s trying not to cry. Now she’s turning away.
Is this it? Is she really going to leave without saying anything ?
“Sunny—wait.”
I’m going to tell her I love her. I can do it now. She saw me endure the worst panic attack of my life—helped me through it, in fact—and she didn’t judge me. She didn’t run away from me, or reject me. No, she loved me.
She loves me.
I take her hand in mine. “There’s something I’ve been wanting to say to you for years,” I tell her. “And I can’t keep the words in any longer. I just—I want you to know that?—”
“Don’t.” Sunny touches her finger to my lips.
My palms start sweating.
“I know what you’re going to say and, trust me, Dex, if you finish that sentence…there’s no chance I’m getting in my car and driving to Indiana.”
I nod.
I didn’t think my heart could hurt any worse than it already did. I was wrong.
“I can’t hear those words coupled with goodbye,” Sunny goes on with teary eyes. “So, do me a favor, please? Save them for when we can really be together. When we aren’t separated by thousands of miles, and infinite uncertainties. When the stars align. Okay? That’s when I want you to tell me.”