20. Sunny
I t’s the first day of kindergarten all over again.
I’m anxious. Overwhelmed. Astounded that every other student in the room seems happy to be here except me.
There’s a bit of nervous excitement in the air, of course.
That’s to be expected on the first day of law school.
But I don’t see anyone else freaking out like I am.
I’m sitting on the edge of my seat. My right leg is bouncing up and down at high speed.
My hands are braced against my desk. I must look like I’m about to make a run for it.
Maybe I should. I don’t belong here. I belong in LA with Dex.
But if I drop out of law school, or even defer my enrollment, my mom will disown me.
Truthfully, I don’t care the slightest bit about her money.
But supporting me financially is the only way she’s ever shown me love.
She never played with me, or baked with me, or made art with me when I was a kid.
But she’s always worked hard to clothe me, and feed me, and put a roof over my head.
So what will it mean if she decides to cut me off?
“Did we have reading for this class?” someone asks me.
I practically jump out of my seat. I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t noticed anyone sit down.
“Oh…um, yeah,” I respond, looking to my left. He’s busy pulling books out of his backpack, so luckily I don’t think he saw me flinch. “We were supposed to read chapters one and two.” I bite my lip. “It was kind of a lot.”
“Got it. Thanks,” he says, totally unperturbed as he turns to me. “Jeremy, by the way.” He reaches out his hand.
“I’m Sunny.”
“Sunny,” he says. “I like that.”
I’m about to thank him when he asks a follow-up question. “Is there a story behind it?”
I crinkle my brow. “Do you really want to know?”
Jeremy shrugs. “Yeah. That’s why I asked.”
I sit back in my seat. “Okay…well, my mom had no idea what to name me. So she decided to wait until I was born. As soon as she was admitted to the hospital, this awful storm took hold, and for seven straight hours she labored through the sound of howling wind, and rain, and thunder…”
She worried it was ominous. A sign that she was in over her head. How would she manage to raise me without a family? She never said as much, but I’m sure she wondered if she’d made the right choice.
“But the minute I was born, the sun came out.” I smile.
That’s when she knew we’d be okay.
Jeremy nods. “See? That’s a good story. And I never would have known unless I asked. ‘The important thing is never to stop questioning.’ That’s an Einstein quote,” he adds. “For the record.”
“Let me guess. You want to be a litigator, right?” I’m a little more relaxed now. At least my leg isn’t shaking anymore.
He laughs. “Wow. You’ve known me for three minutes, and you already have me pegged.
I’m inquisitive, yes. I got kicked out of the main library yesterday for asking the reference librarian too many questions.
Not the first time that’s happened to me, actually.
At least they let me check out the book I wanted.
Really good primer on astrophysics. I was up half the night reading it. ”
“ Astrophysics? You read that instead of our law homework? Why?”
He shakes his head. “I dunno. It was interesting?”
I’m still looking at him with a furrowed brow when our professor walks in.
He’s easily in his seventies, and wearing a tweed sport coat with a sweater vest and slacks.
His bifocals are sitting on the tip of his nose, and his white hair is sticking out in every direction.
He looks like someone you’d cast to play a law professor in a movie.
Unfortunately, this is very real. My right leg starts bouncing again.
There’s a low rumble of voices around the classroom as our professor holds the class roster at arm’s length and peruses it carefully.
“Now. Who shall be my first victim?” he asks, rubbing his chin.
He’s going to pick a student to call on, to engage in a discussion and ask questions about our homework assignment.
The Socratic method, they call it. My worst nightmare. I’m terrified he’ll call on me.
Thankfully he doesn’t. But it’s a near miss, because he calls on Jeremy. What are the chances? I feel sorry for him. I wonder if the professor will get mad at him for not doing the assignment.
The pages of Jeremy’s untouched law treatise are still stiff when he cracks them open. He sets the book down in his lap. I guess he’s going to try to wing it. My heart is racing on his behalf. I look around the room, and all eyes are on him.
Then something incredible happens. The professor spends nearly thirty minutes grilling Jeremy about the chapters he didn’t read and, somehow, he manages to answer every single question correctly.
Effortlessly. I read each chapter twice and still wouldn’t have been able to give such thoughtful answers.
Is Jeremy a genius? Or am I out of my depth?
When the interrogation’s over and the professor moves on to someone else (not me, thankfully) I realize that I’ve been clenching my teeth. I was obviously much more unnerved by the experience than Jeremy, who leans back in his chair, totally relaxed.
“How did you do that?” I whisper to him after class. “You didn’t even read the assignment.”
Jeremy’s lips curl ever so slightly. “I just scanned the pages real quick while he was talking,” he says, nodding toward our professor. “Tried to figure out what he was going to ask next. No big deal.”
Well, this guy obviously belongs here. But what about me?
The jury’s still out.
“You have Torts next?” Jeremy asks as we pack up our things.
I nod.
“Cool,” he says, looking at his cell phone. “I have to call my girlfriend first, so I’ll meet you in there. Save me a seat?”
“Sure,” I say as he turns to leave.
He has a girlfriend . I’m relieved. I haven’t made any friends here yet, and he seems like a nice guy. Now I don’t have to worry about him hitting on me.
When I get back to my apartment later that afternoon, there’s a bouquet of bright yellow sunflowers outside my door. My eyes well up with tears. I call Dex right away.
“Thank you so much,” I say when he picks up.
“Congrats on your first day of law school,” he says with a smile in his voice. “How did it go?”
I take a breath. “You know what? It wasn’t that bad. I actually kind of enjoyed it. But…I really miss you.”
He sighs. “I know. You won’t have to miss me much longer, though.”
I wipe my eyes with the backs of my fingers. “What do you mean? Are you coming to visit already? You just got back to LA a couple of days ago.”
He lets out a little laugh. “Yeah. I booked a flight to Indianapolis and rented a car.”
I’m grinning ear to ear. “Oh my god, Dex! When do you get in?”
“Uh—let me look at my flight info again. I get in…two hours ago.”
I shake my head. “What?”
“Come downstairs.”
I run over to the window and, sure enough, Dex is standing outside my building on his cell.
I fling my phone onto the couch, grab my keys, and run down two flights of stairs. When I make it outside, I jump into his arms and wrap my legs around him. I’m so happy, I’m shaking. And crying. He kisses my tears.
“I promised you I’d visit,” he says with his half-smile .
I squeeze him even tighter. “What about your auditions?” I say into his ear. “I hope you didn’t cancel anything.”
I feel him shake his head. “I had one yesterday, and my next one’s on Friday. I want to spend the days in between with you. We’re going to make this work, Sunny.”
I meet his gaze and kiss him. Then I let my feet fall back to the ground. I grab his hand and lead him upstairs to my apartment.
And I get none of tomorrow’s reading done.
After Dex leaves, I use the weekend to catch up on my assignments and, by Monday, I’m back on track. Which is a good thing, because as soon as our Civil Procedure professor walks into class, something in my gut tells me she’s about to call my name. And I’m right.
But once I get going, the Socratic method isn’t nearly as bad as I anticipated. I’m pretty pleased with myself, in fact. I’m prepared, and I give intelligent answers. I come across as confident, even though my palms are sweating. When it’s over, my entire body is buzzing from the thrill of it.
“Well played,” Jeremy whispers from his seat next to me.
He’s looking straight ahead, his eyes on our professor, but I can tell by the hint of a smile on his face that he’s impressed.
Over the past week, Jeremy has gotten called on three times, and I think it’s safe to say he’s the smartest person in our class.
So, coming from him, it’s a true compliment.
“It’s a rush, isn’t it?” Jeremy says to me later, when we’re packing up our things.
I smile. “I thought I’d hate the Socratic method. I’m not used to being the center of attention”— that’s always been Dex —“but every time I came up with the right answer, I’d get this little endorphin boost, and by the end of it I felt…giddy.”
“You’re quick on your feet,” he says. “I bet you’d like litigation if you gave it a chance.”
I shake my head vehemently. “No way. It’s one thing to get called on in class, but actually going in front of a judge? I’d be a nervous wreck.”
Jeremy snorts. “Don’t sell yourself short. You’ll be bored out of your mind writing contracts all day. Come to the dark side with me.”
“Not gonna happen,” I say with a laugh. “My boyfriend’s the performer. Not me.”
“Oh, yeah?” Jeremy asks as we head out of the classroom and into the hallway. “What does he do?”
“He’s an actor. A very talented one. He’s done a lot of theater. One commercial so far. He just auditioned for another.”
“So I assume he’s not living here. I mean, Bloomington, Indiana isn’t exactly the epicenter of the entertainment industry.”
I giggle. “It certainly is not . No, he’s in LA.”
Jeremy sighs. “My girlfriend’s in Chicago for med school. Sucks being long-distance.”
I frown. “It’s awful. I miss him so much.”
Jeremy nods. “We can commiserate, at least. Well, I’m heading out,” he says as he begins to turn away. “I’ll catch you later.”
“You’re not going to class?”
He shakes his head. “I’m meeting with this professor in the philosophy department.”
“Philosophy?” I ask, confused.
He shrugs. “Yeah, I’m reading this book about the paradox of idealism, and I just…really wanted to talk to someone about it, you know?”
I can’t help but laugh. “So now you’re reading philosophy instead of doing your law homework?”
Jeremy smiles, but not with his mouth so much as his eyes. “No, I’m caught up on all our schoolwork. I figure I won’t miss much if I don’t go to class today. It’s all a little basic right now, don’t you think?”
My eyes go wide. “You think this is basic ,” I repeat after him. “Why aren’t you at Harvard Law…or some other Ivy League school?”
Jeremy runs a hand over the scruff on his face. “Well—I kinda dicked around a lot in college.”
I laugh. “See you later,” I say as I start to walk away.
“Hey, Sunny?” he calls out. I turn around.
“You wanna meet up later to study?”
I guess there’s no harm in it. We’re both in relationships. Jeremy’s a friend. Plus, he’s brilliant, so I could probably learn a lot from him.
I shrug. “Sure.”
“Cool,” he says with as close to a smile as Jeremy can muster. “I’ll email you.”
Dex calls me late that night.
“Oh my god, Sunny,” he says right when I pick up. “You’ll never believe it.”
“Believe what?” I ask. He sounds so excited. But something in my gut tells me I won’t like what I’m about to hear.
“I got a job,” he says. “I’m going to be on Passions. ”
I shake my head. “ Passions ? Like…the soap opera?”
“Yes! Isn’t that incredible? One of my professors hooked me up with a friend who works on the show. And it’s a real part, Sunny. I’m going to be one of the main characters.”
My hands are shaking. “Dex, oh my god! I’m so happy for you, I just—” I let out a breath. “I think I’m in shock.”
My boyfriend is going to be a soap star.
I close my eyes and get a glimpse into the future: Oliver Dexter on the cover of Soap Opera Digest . Shirtless. Women lining up to meet him at soap opera conventions. Slipping him their phone numbers and flirting with him. His sexy co-stars kissing him. Touching him.
Falling in love with him.
I squeeze my eyes shut and will myself not to cry. Dex is over the moon. I can’t ruin this for him.
“I’m in shock too,” he says. “I want to fly you out here to celebrate, okay? I’m going to buy you a ticket as soon as I get my schedule.”
I nod. “I would love that…thank you,” I say with a hand over my hammering heart. “Um, I’m meeting with my TA early tomorrow morning, so I have to get some sleep. But I’ll talk to you soon, okay? I’m really happy for you, Dex. You deserve this. ”
“Thanks,” he says with a smile in his voice. The half-smile I love so much.
I hang up and stare at the wall for a while. I don’t have an early meeting, I just didn’t know how much longer I could pretend that I’m not terrified of what this means for our relationship.
I wish there were someone I could talk to. I haven’t heard from Mia in weeks. Sam is taking a gap year to travel, and I’m pretty sure she’s in Thailand. Claire and I haven’t spoken much since we graduated. I obviously can’t talk to my mom.
I’ve made small talk with a few women I’ve met so far in law school, but we’re definitely not at the point where I feel comfortable talking to them about my love life. The closest friend I have in Bloomington is Jeremy.
I pick up my phone. I scroll to his number, which he added to my contacts earlier today, when we met up to study. My finger hovers over his name.
But I decide to go to sleep.