Chapter Twenty-two
Sliding down the wall, my head thumps back against it as I listen to her crying through the door. I can tell she’s trying to stifle it so I don’t hear, but I do anyway. And she’s crying because of me.
Because I was fucking selfish and I kissed her.
I kissed her when I knew fucking better and then dismissed her.
My glass of whiskey dangles from my fingers, swinging between my legs where my forearm is resting on my knee. I keep my restraint in check, despite wanting to slam the door open and gather her to me, tell her I’m sorry.
Kissing her just proved that once wouldn’t be enough. I have her taste on my tongue, the feel of her burning my palms. She is like the first hit of a drug, slipping deep into my veins, making me crave more. A high I never want to come down from.
Lifting my glass, I finish the whiskey in one gulp, but not even the burn of the alcohol can wash away the taste of her on my lips.
Honey and sunshine.
I want so much more.
Eventually silence falls beyond the door; either she stopped crying or she cried herself to sleep, but I don’t move. She’d looked so damn pretty under the stars, relaxed and at ease. Happy. She looked happy.
I couldn’t have stopped myself from touching her even if I wanted to. Her hair had slipped through my fingers like silk, her skin so damn soft, and when she didn’t tell me no, there was no holding me back. I had needed her kiss more than I needed my next breath.
With a sigh, I push up off the floor, leaving my glass beside her door and lock myself in my bedroom. I’m too wired to sleep, but if I stay outside her room any longer, I’ll go in there. I’ll wake her up so I can kiss her again, take from her again when I can give nothing back.
I’d allowed myself one selfish moment; I won’t do it again.
I dump my clothes in the hamper and yank back the sheets to collapse onto the bed, her scent immediately coming over me. It’s on my sheets and my pillow, that sugary, mouthwatering aroma everywhere; I can’t escape it.
Hours pass with me staring up at the darkened ceiling, hours of replaying the kiss in my head, the way she had chased my touch when I pulled away. How do you come back from a kiss like that?
I rise with the sun the following morning, the house around me still sleeping, and make a coffee before I stand at the window and watch the ranch wake up too.
A herd of horses is running through the field opposite the house; their hooves a vibration I feel in the planks beneath my feet.
This is what I know. This is what I have dedicated my life to. The horses. The ranch. And my children.
I told myself I’d never want a woman again.
Want love again. And now Juniper Scott has come into my life, and I’m finding myself imagining opening myself up again like that.
Mornings spent on the porch, watching the sun rise and set fire to the mountains; evenings chasing the stars before we tumble into bed and lose ourselves within the sheets.
Soft touches and knowing glances. Dinners spent around the table, quiet moments where music fills the house and we dance with no one watching.
I didn’t believe I’d miss having someone like that, that I’d be fine just the way I am, but even I can admit it’s a lonely life.
The click of a door opening steals my attention, and I watch Juni emerge, her blonde hair disheveled from sleep, eyes a little puffy.
She freezes when she spots me standing at the window, lashes fluttering a little.
I can’t help but drop my eyes to her lips, slightly parted as she figures out whether she’s going to bolt or say something.
They felt so damn good, soft and pillowy, her kiss something I’ll never be able to scratch from my memory.
Swallowing thickly, I place my coffee down and start toward her, pausing when she takes a step back.
“Juni,” My hand curls over the back of the couch, fingers tightening as if to physically hold myself in place.
“It’s okay,” she rasps, her voice a little croaky, edged still with sleep.
My head shakes, “About last night, I wanted it. I need you to know that.”
“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” She looks at her feet, a wobbly breath leaving her. “I get it.”
“Do you?” I pry.
Her shoulders lift in a shrug, and she sighs, “Not really.”
I feel the corners of my mouth lift in a slight smile. “I’ve been on my own an awfully long time.”
She finally meets my eyes again. “So have I.”
I search her face, letting those three words sink under my skin. Physically, she’s not been alone, but emotionally… Yeah, she’s been just like me. Surrounded by people with no one to talk to. She’s been surviving. Merely existing in a world that has been more than cruel to her.
“But really,” she shakes her head, “You don’t have to explain anything to me. I’m leaving eventually anyway; it’s not like I’ll be around forever, and well, that would just complicate it all, right?”
“Right,” my molars grind, “complicated.”
“Yeah,” she breathes, wetting her lips, which draws my attention back to them.
So damn pretty.
She is a work of art you simply can’t look away from; from the top of her head to the tips of her toes, she is perfection.
A magnet.
I’m finding it nearly impossible not to go to her, not to follow the incessant tug that makes me want to close the gap between us and drag her into my arms.
“Would you prefer I find somewhere else to stay?” Her eyes bounce around my face as she fidgets on the spot.
“No,” the word snaps out quickly. “I don’t want you to leave.”
As I say the words, I realize I mean more than just this house. I mean this ranch, this town. Me.
“Okay,” she whispers, taking a step closer. My fingers tighten on the cushion as she starts to close the gap. I almost warn her to stop, to stay right there, my restraint on a fraying rope, but then her hand lands on my chest and she presses up onto her toes, her lips brushing over my cheek.
“You’re a good man, Silas.” She whispers close to my ear, “And in any other lifetime, I think I would have followed you to the ends of the earth.”
Fuck.
She moves to turn away from me, but it’s too late. I stop her with a gentle hand on the nape of her neck, and then my mouth is on hers. I’m fucking burning with need, too far gone to even deny myself this. Her.
She pushes on my chest a little, forcing me away as her wide eyes stare up at me, questions swirling there that I don’t have answers to.
“Juni,” I rasp her name in desperation, say it like she is the beginning and the end and everything in between.
She lunges for me, but I’m ready, catching her to haul her up my body, my mouth back on hers in a kiss to claim.
My tongue sweeps past her lips, and she tilts her head to allow me in deeper, arms looped around my neck, legs around my waist. She fits against me like she has always meant to be there.
Tangling my hand into her hair, I hold her to me as my legs stride through my house, to the kitchen counter where I sit her down, staying firmly between her thighs as I claim her mouth as mine, barely coming up for air.
My cock jerks as I push into her, the thin leggings doing nothing to hide the heat of her. She whimpers as I roll my hips, her spine arching a touch, breasts pushing into my chest.
Leaving her mouth, I trail kisses down to her jaw, then to her throat, my fingers sweeping away her hair so I have unobstructed access to her warm, soft skin. I feel her pulse hammering against my lips as I pass over it, the tempo a match to mine.
“We shouldn’t.” The words leave her on a breathy moan, tipping her head to the side, giving me more.
“We shouldn’t,” I agree, but my tongue licks across her skin, honey and sunshine, a taste to get me drunk.
Her hands slip up my shirt, nails scraping over my muscles that jump with her touch.
“It’ll get complicated.” Her nails bite harder, likely leaving marks, but I don’t give a shit. Let her mark me. Let her carve her name into my chest.
“Fuck it,” I growl, pushing the neckline of her tee to the side so I can scrape my teeth across her collarbone.
“Oh God,” she shivers under my touch, “Are you sure?”
Reluctantly, I pull away from her, forcing my hands to the counter on either side of her thighs and meet her eyes, forcing her to look at me.
“Sure?” My voice is all gravel, rough and breathless.
“I’ve never been surer of anything, Juniper.
I have wanted you from the moment I laid eyes on you.
I have been dreaming of you, of your taste, your lips, how your hair will feel slipping through my fingers.
Every single night since you arrived, I have laid in that bed opposite you and forced myself to stay fucking still because you deserve peace, but goddamn it, Honeybee, I have never wanted anyone the way I want you. ”
“Silas,” she whispers my name, trembling as I lean forward and press my forehead to hers, giving her a minute to decide.
“If we can’t have forever, Honeybee, give me right now.” I plead, “Let me have you while I can, while you’re still with me.”
“And when I leave?” She asks, kissing the corner of my mouth. “What then?”
“I’ll never hold you back,” I promise her. “You deserve the world, Juni, and nothing less.”
“Kiss me,” she demands, “Silas, kiss me right now.”
I don’t make her ask again. I cup the back of her head and kiss her.
I kiss her the way I have been dreaming, like she is mine and will always be mine.
She pulls me closer, her legs tightening around me, heels to my ass until I’m flush between her legs, my hard as fuck cock leaking into the confines of my pants.
“For now,” she whimpers, “Please.”
“Tell me where I can touch you,” I ask.
“Everywhere,” she answers immediately.
Sliding my hand up the back of her shirt, I lay it flat over her spine, “Here?”
“Yes.”
I bring it around to her ribcage, feeling the bumps before I come to a stop just below her breast, her skin like a brand against my palm. “Here?”
“More,” she pushes her chest out as her head falls back, skin pebbling with my touch. Dragging my hand up, I cup her breast, feeling the hardened peak of her nipple, listening to the sounds she makes as I roll that nipple between my fingers.
“I need you to be sure, Juniper,” My mouth is damn near watering at the thought of taking that nipple between my teeth.
“I’m sure.”
“What do you want me to do?” I slowly lift her top until it slides over her breasts, and then I hold it there, her bare tits as perfect as I could have imagined. Dusty pink nipples, a little birthmark between them.
“Can you—” She stops herself, a blush creeping onto her cheeks.
“Can I what?” I urge her, “You can ask me anything.”
“Can you use your mouth like you just did with your fingers?”
I grin, “You want my mouth on these perfect tits?”
“Yes,” she hisses it out as I run my tongue over one nipple and then the other, closing my lips around it and scraping my teeth gently over the hardened bud.
She responds so beautifully to my touch, needy and hot, just like she makes me. I use my mouth on one breast and my hand on the other, working her up with this alone, until I feel her begin to roll her hips as best she can while sitting on the counter.
“Fuck,” I grumble against her, “I could lose myself in you.”
Her fingers slide into my hair and then she curls them, forcing me to stay against her as if I’d want to be anywhere else.
We need to move, go into the bedroom in case Caleb or Rosie wakes up.
We have time; it’s still too early for them, and I want to be able to lay Juni out.
Explore every inch of her, learn her body and how it ticks.
“I’m going to take you to the bedroom,” I force myself away from her. “Hold on to me.”
She does as I ask, and I lift her off the counter, carrying her through to my bedroom where I then kick the door closed and stride to the bed, spinning so I sit on the mattress and she’s straddling my lap.
“You’re in control, Honeybee,” I tell her gently, hands running over the curve of her waist. “You tell me what you want, and if you want to stop, we stop, you understand? You will always be in control.”
She nods softly.
“Words, Juni,” I rasp, “Tell me you understand.”
“I understand,” she says breathlessly. “I want you.”
“You have me,” I promise her, “Now tell me what you want me to do.”