Chapter Twenty-seven
She fidgets in the passenger seat; the car bumping along the road as we make the journey toward Scott Ranch. Her nerves fizzle in the air between us, the skin on the edge of her thumb picked raw. Reaching over the console, I take her hand in mine, stopping her from doing any more damage.
“We can turn around,” I tell her softly. “I can do this alone.”
She turns her wide, brown eyes to me, a few strands of hair brushing over her face as the breeze sweeps in through the crack in the window. It’s a perfect, sunny day, not a single cloud in the sky, but a storm is brewing in her eyes.
“No,” she flicks her eyes to our joined hands and slowly curls her fingers around my hand, until she’s clasping it tightly. “I want to do this.”
I had given her the choice. She could come with me to confront Calvin and get her horse, or she could stay behind.
Part of me was just going to go without giving her the option, but so many choices have been taken from her, I will not add to the list of people to do that.
And she chose quickly; she wanted to be here.
To stand against her ex and to show the strength she possesses, the strength she’s been forced to hide for too many years.
“I want to say it to his face,” she continues. “To tell him it’s over and has been for a long time. I was just too afraid to leave. I want him to know I stopped loving him a long time ago, that he has no control over me anymore.”
“Good girl,” I praise her, reveling in the little shiver my words give her.
She keeps her hand in mine but returns her attention to beyond the window, to the rolling hills and fields that stretch out on either side of us.
I lost sight of the mountains some miles back, and I always feel a tremendous loss whenever they’re not dominating my field of vision.
They offer a sense of protection, great pillars of strength that remind you that you can weather any storm, battle any disaster.
They stand the test of time and will continue on even when everything around them wants to see them fall.
We’d spent the night together again last night after we made the plan to come here today.
She had led with her head resting on my chest, her leg thrown over mine as if she were ivy clinging to me, and she didn’t let go once.
She stayed glued to me and slept the whole night, and when I woke this morning, I’d forgotten that what we were doing had a time limit.
I’d allowed myself to imagine doing this every morning, and every night, dreamed of having her like this forever.
She makes my soul feel at peace, pushes away the shadows and the cobwebs that had grown around my heart, a small bundle of light that had worked its way into my core, into the fabric of who I am.
She’s making me believe in something that I thought I had lost.
Stroking my thumb over her knuckles, I settle into the chair, glancing at the clock. There’s still about twenty minutes to go before we reach the ranch.
“Can I ask you something?” She speaks, still facing the window. “You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”
I look at her and smile, “Ask.”
“What happened to Rosie and Caleb’s mom?”
My spine stiffens. I knew the question would come up eventually, but I wonder what has brought it up now.
“You don’t have to answer,” she repeats. “I was just watching them this morning, and they seem so happy. They’re good kids, Silas. You’ve done a wonderful job of raising them, and I wondered why their mom wasn’t there to see it.”
“She left,” the two words rasp from my throat, sour and raw, “Rosie was still a baby, not even a year old. She was having an affair, well multiple affairs, and after I found out, she decided it wasn’t worth sticking around anymore.”
“Oh,” her fingers tighten.
“She signed over custody of both of them and hasn’t returned since.”
“Not once?”
I shake my head, “I don’t know where she even is.
Caleb hopes she’ll come back one day, but I don’t think she will.
Maybe when he’s older, and she’s full of regrets, but…
” My shoulders lift on a shrug, “If that happens, it will be down to him whether he wants to see her. I won’t keep him from his mother. ”
“And Rosie?”
Shifting uncomfortably, I try to bring back my hand, but Juni refuses to let go of it.
The relationship with my daughter doesn’t change, but talking about it hurts.
One day I will have to tell her that, biologically, she isn’t mine.
It terrifies me that there’s a possibility she won’t choose me back.
“After the affair, I had a DNA test done.”
“Silas…” Juni breathes.
“She isn’t my biological daughter, but she is mine.
I’ve raised her, cared for her. I’m the one who bandaged her knees when she fell and hurt herself; I put her to bed and read her stories.
I’m the one who knows how many berries she likes on her pancakes and the exact brand of chocolate milk she drinks. No one else, it’s me. I am her dad.”
“You are,” Juni whispers.
“She was too young to really remember her mom,” I continue, “So it hasn’t affected her the way it did Caleb, but I know she’s curious, just like anyone would be. She doesn’t know anything else.”
“She’s yours.” Juni agrees, and I nod.
“I’m so sorry.” She squeezes my hand.
I press the button to wind down my window and allow fresh air in.
“I gave up on love a long time ago.”
“Because you were hurt,” Juni sighs, “I get that.”
The back of my head bumps against the headrest.
I gave up on love a long time ago, but for you, I’m willing to try again.
I don’t say that out loud; instead, I revel in the feel of her soft hand in mine, how she tries to give me her comfort through the contact.
Little does she know she doesn’t need to try; she just does.
Her mere presence is enough: the sound of her voice, the sight of her smile.
Her touch could bloom flowers, spark life into the things long thought dead.
How do I tell her I want her to stay? To try this thing together. We’ve both been hurt in ways that should have closed us down, and for me, it did. Until her.
“Thank you for trusting me with that,” she eventually says. “I know that must be heavy.”
I don’t say anything in return, and the cab falls quiet as we make the last stretch to the ranch.
When I turn onto the road, I feel her stiffen, but still, she doesn’t let go of me, and I have to wonder how much she needs that to ground her, just the same way I need it in return.
I pull the truck to a stop and cut the engine.
Something is different.
It’s too quiet.
I can’t see anyone in the fields or working the horses, no people at the barns or on the equipment.
“Where is everyone?” Juni releases my hand and reaches for the handle to let herself out just as the front door swings open and a furious looking Cal steps onto the porch.
His eyes burn into both of us through the windshield, hands wrapping around the top rung of the porch railing. When Juni gets out, I’m quick to follow, meeting her at the front of the truck.
Cal’s eyes flick between the two of us, back and forth and then again before his mouth twists in disgust.
“Whoring yourself out already?” He spits, eyes burning into where Juni stands at my side. “Your side of the bed is barely cold and here you are, legs spread for the next man who showed you some attention.”
“Watch your fucking mouth,” I snap, placing my body slightly in front of hers as if I can protect her from the blow of his words.
Cal chuckles, “Good, isn’t she?” He stares me down, feeling big and strong standing above me on the porch. “Pussy that sucks you in, am I right? Moans pretty too.”
A hand clamps around my arm, stopping me from moving closer. My nails bite into my palms with how hard my hand is fisted, fucking ready to use his face as a punching bag. “Don’t. It’s what he wants.”
“And I’ll give it to him.” I growl under my breath, “No one gets to talk about you that way.”
“You enjoying my sloppy seconds, Knight?” Cal spits. “How does it feel knowing I already ruined her body?”
“Silas,” Juni warns.
“Close your eyes.” I tell her.
“Silas,” her eyes widen, and I gently take her hand off me.
“Close your eyes, baby.”
Stepping away from her, I close the gap between me and Cal, towering over him. He laughs at me.
“Do it.” He provokes.
I know he’s trying to set me up. I spotted the investigators a few seconds ago, coming out of one of the barns. He probably thinks they’ll help him, but they won’t.
So, I do it.
I draw my arm back and slam my fist into his cheek, dropping him with one hit and follow him down, my hand going to his face, fingers pressing in on each cheek until I know his teeth are cutting in.
“Say one more word about her and I’ll make sure you won’t ever say another word again,” I promise him, my voice too low for anyone else to hear me. “Do you understand me?”
He stays quiet, so my hand tightens even further, and I pull him toward my face. “I said, do you understand me?”
He attempts a nod, eyes wide.
I drop him and get up, dusting myself off.
“I’ll have you arrested for that!” He gets up behind me, spitting blood, but I’m already making my way back to Juni, who didn’t have her eyes closed at all.
“For what?” I yell back.
“They saw!” he hollers. “Someone call the cops!”
“Saw what?” One of the department agents calls back, “That you fell?”
Cal’s jaw drops open, a trickle of blood slipping from the corner of his mouth.
“Quite a nasty fall too,” his partner shakes his head, “should watch where you’re going.”
I offer my hand when they’re in reach, shaking both agents’ hands.
“Sam, Lionel,” I greet them both by name.
“Silas,” Lionel taps my shoulder, “Didn’t think I’d see you out in these parts.”
“Come to collect something that belongs to Juni here.”
“Ah, well, you best get to that,” Lionel lowers his voice, “The investigation is closing. We have our case.”
“And?”
“Mr. Scott won’t have this place for much longer, or any place for that matter.”
“And the horses?”
“We have to go through all the right avenues, but we’ll be in touch about them.”
“Got it,” I nod. “Juni, should we get Ginger?”
“Please,” she rolls her lips.
“She’s not yours!” Cal comes running down the porch steps, tripping over his own feet in his attempt to get to Juni. I can’t tell if he’s talking about the horse or Juni herself.
Either way, I put myself between him and her.
“Juni, baby,” Cal tries to look past me, but I block his view of her. “Juni, I’m sorry. I love you. No one can love you like I can.”
My spine stiffens. “You don’t get to speak to her.”
“You didn’t love me, Cal,” Juni says from behind me, stepping away from the shelter of my body, but she remains close. I offer her my picky and she takes it immediately, something Cal doesn’t miss.
“You loved the idea of me. The control. But you didn’t love me.”
“Do you think he’s better?” Cal snaps, “Please. You’re good for fucking nothing. When he tires of that tight little body of yours, he’ll throw you out and you’ll come crawling back.”
Fuck. I didn’t hit him hard enough.
“You’re fucking mine.” Cal continues.
“No, I am not,” Juni replies quickly and firmly before she reaches into her pocket and throws something at his feet. The sunlight glints off the wedding band just in front of his shoe.
“I will never be yours again.”