Chapter 39
CONNOR
“Thanks for inviting us to join you.” I accept a back pat from Roman as we arrive at his place on Christmas afternoon.
“The more the merrier.”
Mildred folds Lexi into a hug. More than once I’ve caught my wife on the edge of what I hope are happy tears today.
“I just want Mildred to be surrounded by the people she loves the most.”
“I get it.” Roman claps me on the shoulder and then turns to Meems, offering her his arm. “It is so wonderful to see you again, Lucy.”
She smiles up at him, and he bends so he can hear whatever she’s saying as he guides her into the living room.
Callie stands off to the side, looking a little unsure of herself.
I open my arms, and after a moment of hesitation that hits me right in the chest, she rushes over so I can scoop her up. “How’s my favorite goalie?”
“Awesome! Roman and I went down to the gym and shot a stress puck around this morning before everyone else woke up. And Fee is back for a few weeks, and we’re going to watch all our favorite movies together while she’s home from university.”
“That sounds like an amazing Christmas so far.”
“Yeah. And Roman dressed up as Santa again this morning, but don’t tell him I know it’s him.”
I make a lips-zipped motion and toss the imaginary key aside. “Did he bring any elves with him this time?” I ask quietly.
“He said they had the day off.” She narrows her eyes. “And now you and Dred are a family, which is good because Dred deserves to have one.”
“I think so, too.”
I put her down, and she pulls me over to the tree to show me her gifts. Roman’s gift-giving prowess is stamped all over the place. There’s a huge stuffed axolotl that’s nearly the same size as Callie, new hockey equipment, books, and clothes.
“Wow, you must have been really good this year, huh?”
“Mostly, yeah.” She nods and fiddles with the end of her ponytail.
“I sort of hoped Lexi would have the baby for Christmas, so I’d get to be an aunt, but she said the baby is still growing.
” Her lips push out. “I don’t know though, ’cause Lexi’s belly is really big.
She looks like a balloon that’s ready to pop. ”
I laugh.
“Can you imagine that? Just boom!” She makes explosion hand motions. “And instead of confetti, out comes a baby.” She thinks for a moment. “Are you and Dred going to have a baby?”
“Callie!” Fee appears and covers her sister’s mouth with her hand. “Sorry! She’s fully focused on being an aunt these days.”
Callie pulls at her sister’s hand. “They’re married. Married people have babies,” she says defensively, wrinkling her nose.
Everly nods. “You and Dred would have really cute babies.”
“Lexi and Roman’s baby will be the cutest,” Callie declares. “I’m going to go say hi to Victor.” She stomps off.
Everly snorts an indelicate laugh. “Someone has some feelings.”
“She had her and Connor’s whole wedding planned out last year,” Fee explains. “They were going to get married on the ice when she turned eighteen.”
“I’m sorry, what?” I glance over to where Callie is now hugging Victor, still looking over her shoulder at us.
“She even asked me to draw their fictional ceremony,” Fee confides.
“Did you?” Everly asks.
“Oh yeah. It was proudly displayed on her wall until he married Dred, and then it moved to the closet.” Fee gives me a look. “But the picture of you riding the unicorn is still on her wall.”
“You’re not hard to look at,” Everly blurts, then covers her eyes for a moment. She grabs Fee’s arm. “Why don’t you show me your art stuff?” She steers Fee away.
Mildred sidles up next to me. “What was that all about?”
“Apparently Callie had plans to marry me.”
She laughs, then nods to the couch where Callie is sitting cross-legged, showing Victor one of her sketchbooks. “Looks like maybe that crush is shifting.”
“He could be her babysitter,” I mutter.
“Give it ten years.”
There’s suddenly a flurry of activity at the door, followed by loud feminine excitement. “Hollis and I are engaged!” Hammer shouts.
Mildred and Lexi rush over to check out the ring, followed by Fee, Everly, and Callie. Hammer’s mother and Roman’s ex, Zara, and her life partner, North, are there, too. Suddenly, Christmas turns into a whole different celebration.
After the whirlwind subsides, I end up standing with Roman, Hollis, and North, while Victor gets pulled in with the girls. He doesn’t seem to mind the attention.
“Congratulations, man.” I clink my drink against Hollis’s.
“Thanks. I’ve been waiting for the right moment and figured I better get a move on before someone else jumped in to steal my thunder again.”
I nod. “Sorry about my role in that.”
He shrugs. “I had to stop worrying about making it perfect.” He sips his eggnog. “Dred said you surprised her with the twins today.”
“I did. She’s rather attached to them,” I explain. “They make her happy.”
“You make her happy,” Roman replies.
“She’s good for you.” Hollis claps me on the shoulder. “You’re having a great season, the best of your career.”
I’m gelling with my team in a way I haven’t before, and my stats are up.
“She settles me.” If not for Mildred, I’d have entertained Meems for a while today, gotten day drunk, watched bad movies, and felt sorry for myself.
Instead I’m surrounded by people—everyone who loves her.
My heart feels like it’s expanding and contracting simultaneously.
Would she choose me the way I would choose her, without the contract?
I’m afraid to burst this bubble to find out. But I may burst if I don’t.
Once everyone has arrived, we gather in the living room. Mildred settles in my lap since couch and chair space is at a premium. The kids lounge on beanbags.
“It’s time for the Secret Santa gift exchange!” Roman calls.
“Yes!” Callie bounces to her feet. “Can I hand out all the presents?”
“Of course you can, kiddo.” Roman ruffles her hair.
“I didn’t bring anything for a gift exchange,” Mildred whispers, suddenly panicked.
“I took care of everything, darling. No need to worry.”
She looks at me. “Did you plan all of this?”
I skim her cheek with my fingers. “I wanted Christmas to be special for you.”
“Such a lovely villain.”
The warmth in her eyes makes me want to believe. “I don’t even mind if people find out and it ruins my reputation.”
She brushes her lips over mine.
“Hey! No making out in public! It’s a house rule!” Callie gripes.
I laugh, and Mildred presses her face against my neck while our friends chuckle.
Callie hands out gifts. Mildred’s Secret Santa gets her a new holiday outfit for Dewey.
Everly receives a special hardcover copy of her favorite book, and Victor gets a new book with all his favorite hits arranged for piano.
I shake my box. It’s suspiciously light.
I peel the wrapping paper free and carefully peek inside.
“What is it?” Mildred asks.
“It’s…nothing.”
She skims the shell of my ear. “The color of these tells me you’re lying.”
“What’s your gift?” Callie asks.
“Yeah, Connor, what are you hiding?” Roman asks.
“This was you.” I point an accusing finger at Roman.
He shrugs. “It’s Secret Santa.”
Everyone heckles as my wife tries to pry the box out of my hands.
“You don’t want to do that, darling.”
“Oh, I think I do.”
“You might regret it when we’re alone later,” I warn.
“I’ll take my chances.” She digs her fingers into my ribs, finding the ticklish spot—she discovered it once when she kissed her way across my tattoos. It’s enough of a distraction for her to wrestle the box free. She hops out of my lap and plucks the object from the box, tossing it to Hammer.
Hammer bursts into laughter. “It’s perfect.”
“What is it?” Callie asks.
Hammer holds up the annoyingly adorable, grinning, stuffed sandwich.
More people laugh than I would like.
“Why is the smiling sandwich so funny?” Callie asks, adorably oblivious.
“Connor really loves sandwiches,” Lexi explains.
“Oh.” She nods like it makes complete sense.
“I don’t think the other sandwich was quite so joyous about its situation,” Mildred muses.
“You do one stupid thing as a teenager, and you never live it down,” I grumble.
Thankfully the sandwich discussion ends when Roman announces that it’s time to set the table for dinner.
My phone buzzes in my pocket. My sisters promised to let me know when they landed, but it’s not Isabelle and Portia.
It’s a message from my father, bitching about my social media posts.
I leave it for now. He doesn’t get to ruin a perfectly good day.
I tuck my phone in my jacket pocket and leave it in the front hall.
I have Meems, Mildred, the twins, and my team, and that’s all that matters.
Callie ends up sitting between Victor and Roman at dinner, with Everly beside Fee. There seems to be an instant connection among those kids. They all know what it’s like to be without parents. I stretch my arm across the back of Mildred’s chair.
She kisses my cheek. “Thank you for making today so special, not just for me, but for the twins, too.”
I smile down at her. “Are you happy?”
Her eyes sparkle, and she nods.
“Good. That’s all I wanted.”
Again, her expression shifts at my words, but this time, I refuse to panic. I want her to see what’s in my heart.
We eat and laugh and talk. It feels good. I’ve spent so much of my life avoiding connections, afraid to have them and lose them. Now I just want to figure out how to make them permanent.
Meems is tired after dinner, so we thank our friends, gather our gifts, and hug everyone goodbye, congratulating Hammer and Hollis again on their engagement before we leave. The twins help Meems settle in the back seat while Mildred and I load the trunk.
“Do we have to take the twins back tonight?” Mildred asks quietly.
I shake my head. “Not until tomorrow, but they don’t know yet.”
Her eyes light up.
“If they want to stay the night, they can.”
She throws her arms around me. “Thank you. This is the most incredible gift.”
As I press my face against her neck, I want to tell her we can keep them forever, that we can be our own misfit family.
But then she’d have to spend the rest of her life dealing with my family on the holidays—and a lot of other days too.
And she’s still bound to me by a contract.
So I leave that thought inside my head and help her into the car instead.
Everly can’t say enough nice things about Fee on the ride back home. We take Meems to the guesthouse, and when we return, the twins are sitting in the living room, their gifts neatly stacked.
“I guess we should probably get back, huh?” Victor says, working hard to hide the sadness in his voice.
Everly runs her hands up and down her thighs, looking just as unhappy.
“Do you want to go back tonight?” Mildred’s voice wavers slightly.
They look at each other.
“Don’t we have to?” Victor asks.
“I checked, and you’re allowed to stay the night, if you want,” I offer.
“Here?” Everly’s eyes go wide. “With you?”
“Only if you want. We understand if you’d feel more comfortable in your own bed,” Mildred says.
“No. Nope. No way. Those beds kinda suck, and the ones here look super nice.” Everly looks to Victor. “You want to stay, right?”
“Yeah.” He nods and swallows, voice cracking. “Yes, please.”
“Okay, great.” Relief eases the tightness in my chest. “Why don’t we pick your rooms for the night, and then we can watch a movie.”
It only takes a minute for them to decide. We all change into comfy clothes, then make popcorn and hang out in the theater room to watch their favorite holiday movie.
It’s late by the time we climb the stairs for bed. The twins seem caught somewhere between relentless excitement and overwhelming exhaustion.
They disappear into their rooms, which are down the hall from Mildred and me, but right next to each other.
Mildred loops her arms around my neck once the door to our room is closed. “Thank you for making this the most amazing Christmas.”
“It was my pleasure.” I press my lips to hers.
I would give her the world if she asked for it. I would give her anything if she’d just stay for me—not because she has to, but because she wants to.
“It was almost perfect,” she whispers, fingers moving to the collar of my shirt. “Just one thing was missing.”
I trail my hand down her side. “What was that?”
“You.” She tugs my shirt from my pants. “Inside me.”
“Let me fix that for you, darling.” I allow myself to believe that what we are is more. That she doesn’t owe me; she wants me.
We undress each other, and she guides me to the bed and pulls me on top of her. I can’t get close enough, can’t get enough of her hands on my skin or her soft whimpers and sighs. I want every part of her, not just her body, but her heart, too.
When I reach for a condom, she shakes her head. “Not tonight, please.”
And with that, my heart leaps again. “You’re sure?”
Mildred runs her fingers through my hair. “I’m on the pill. I trust you, and I want to feel all of you.”
I shift my hips, the head nudging at her entrance. All it takes is a tilt of her hips, and I fill her in one smooth stroke. It’s an avalanche of sensation, and I tumble into bliss. Into the warmth of her surrounding me.
I frame her face in my hands, eyes on hers as we move together. I’m in so deep. I’m too far gone for her. I’ll never break free. I don’t want to. Eventually she comes in glorious waves, and I follow, drowning in heady bliss.
Afterward, I clean her up and turn off all the lights. But I check my phone before I climb into bed and find a new email from Meems’s doctor.
It doesn’t seem right for it to have come today, but I fight the wave of anxiety, open it, and scan the contents.
I can just make out Mildred’s silhouette in the darkened room as she sits up, the sheets rustling in the quiet. “Connor, what’s wrong?”
“It’s Meems.”
“Is she okay?”
I look up and meet her eyes in the darkness. “She qualified for surgery.”