Chapter 12
12
2001
I sit on the carpet and try to ignore Alice, who is behind and flicking my hair. Tonight I am going to start my plan to find a proper friend, in after-school club. It might mean I have to put my book away.
If Alice wasn’t so mean, I’d be perfectly happy. I don’t need a best friend. I share my problems with Tinker and my teddies. I’ve got my books. My drawing. My favourite telly programmes. It’s just that it bothers Mum. She thinks I don’t know, but every day, when we walk home, she asks the same questions.
Who did you sit next to in the lunch hall?
Did you play any nice games at break?
Would you like anyone to tea?
She hasn’t made lots of friends in her new job yet, so I don’t understand why she’s worried about me. It hasn’t even been one week, although it feels much longer, with Alice and her stupid jokes. At break she comes up and presses a bit of chewing gum into my hair. Mrs Warham has to cut it out.
At lunch time, one of the boys accidentally kicks a football into my face and it cuts my lip. I don’t understand how, since it hasn’t got any sharp edges. It’s a bit like Alice. She hasn’t punched me in the face or jammed my head down the loo. It’s just all the little things and comments add up and damage my time in school.
I don’t mind about the football even though the boys laugh. It means I get to go to first aid. One of the dinner ladies dabs my cut with something that stings. She asks if I want to rest inside for a few minutes. I say yes and ask if I can go to the library. What a treat. I enjoy tidying up all the books and then I read. It’s exciting to listen to the grown-ups talking in the office opposite. As the end of play nears, at two o’clock, the teachers keep gasping. One woman even rushes to the toilets after listening to the radio. Her voice is full of tears. I hear the words ‘aeroplane crash’. Something about a tower. And New York. Teachers must get to watch movies when we are all outside. That’s so cool. Today’s must be what Uncle Kevin calls an action movie – a scary one, because I peek, and the headmistress keeps covering her eyes.
Uncle Kevin loves those films. We watched one together once about a big wave. Mum got cross and said that it wasn’t suitable.
Mum worries too much.
At five to two, the dinner lady comes to find me. Her face looks funny, as if she’s holding in words that she’s afraid to say. She tells me to run along to class. I get into the room early. The bell hasn’t been rung yet. The other children file in and we settle down to maths. It’s not my favourite subject but I don’t find it difficult. I take after Uncle Kevin that way. The girl next to me copies my answers. The afternoon drags, unlike when we do story-making and it flies. Finally the last bell sounds. I get my coat and am ready for after-school club, but in a weird jelly voice, Mrs Warham says my mum is in the playground and that I’m going straight home.
I hurry out. Her eyes are red. She must be poorly. I give her a big hug. Some of the other parents turn away. One of them pats Mum’s arm.
‘Are you okay?’ I say as we leave the playground.
A strange noise comes out of her throat. Like a cross between a sob and a snort.
I don’t ask her again. Instead I tell her all about my lip. I explain it was my best lunchtime yet because I got to go to the library. She doesn’t talk as much as usual. Doesn’t even ask me those questions about whether I’ve made friends. When we get home she won’t let me watch telly. She says something about it being broken. I sit with Tinker on my bed. He listens while I tell him about my day. Then I write a story. I like doing that. Today’s is about a hedgehog called Pinhead. Mum stays downstairs on her computer. But finally I get hungry. I go to see her. She’s got her head in her hands.
I clamber onto her lap and put my arms around her. We hug each other tight.
‘What’s the matter, Mum?’
Tears stream down her cheeks.
‘Nothing. I… I’m just not feeling very well.’
It’s as I thought. ‘Do you want me to make a marmite sandwich? Or peanut butter? And a glass of squash?’
‘How about I get you a takeaway pizza? And tomorrow, I don’t think I’ll be up to going into work. Have the day off school if you like.’
My eyes widen. Today really is the best day ever.
I hug my knees the next morning as I sit in bed. No school. No Alice. Just me and Mum. The sun’s shining. And my book is all dried and less smelly now, so I finish Charlotte’s Web . Mum spends the day making phone calls and fiddling on her computer. Because the telly is somehow working for videos now, but not the telly channels, I watch two of my favourites. I eat biscuits. At lunch I help make sandwiches.
I ask if we can go to the park but Mum isn’t up to it. So I go into the garden and play with Tinker. When I come back in, I huddle on my bed with my drawing. The sun is setting when Mum finally comes up.
She sits on the bed and takes my hands.
‘Mum?’
Her eyes fill.
‘What’s the matter?’ I say. ‘Have you got to go to hospital?’
‘It’s Uncle Kevin. I’m sorry, Violet. There’s been an accident, sweetheart. Uncle Kevin… he died.’
What? That doesn’t make sense. Just yesterday he was at a party. Mum’s got muddled.
‘What happened?’
‘The big tower where he worked. It fell down.’
‘How?’ Lego towers fall down. Not huge ones made from bricks.
‘An aeroplane flew into it. Lots of brave people like police officers and firemen did everything they could to help, but the damage was too much.’
This news is massive, it’s hard to swallow, just like raw carrots, my least favourite food.
My mind flicks back to yesterday at school. The woman crying. The comments about an aeroplane and New York. No. Mum’s got to be wrong. I shiver.
‘But he’s only just started his new job. And he was going to bring me American candy home at Christmas. He said maybe next year we could visit and…’ My brow knots. ‘Who will I talk to about books?’ I pick up the copy of Charlotte’s Web and hold it to my chest. I think about the tower that caught fire and why that meant we had to leave ours. ‘Towers are dangerous things.’
Mum squeezes my hand. ‘What’s happened to Uncle Kevin’s tower is very, very rare.’
‘Like that limited dishun book he bought?’
Mum nods.
‘But why couldn’t the police help? They are supposed to keep everyone safe.’
‘It was too smoky. Too many steps to climb.’ Mum gets up. ‘Come downstairs. Let’s have dinner. It’s pasta with garlic bread. Your favourite.’
‘Uncle Kevin loves garlic bread. We should have it when he gets back.’
Mum skims her thumb across my cheek. ‘He loved you very, very much, Violet. And he’ll always be with us through the fun memories and good advice he gave.’
But I’m not listening. Uncle Kevin can’t be dead. Mum’s just being silly. She’s not well. He will be home for Christmas.
I’ll be able to tell him all about horrid Alice and hopefully by then I’ll have a new friend to introduce.
‘It’ll be all right. You’ll see, Mum.’
I take out my felt tips and draw her a picture of her, me and Uncle Kevin. We are in the park. Tinker’s there too. The sun is shining.
* * *
Before school the next morning, I draw another picture of Uncle Kevin standing next to a tall pile of books. He’s wearing his silly Christmas jumper and laughing. I’m going to school today. Mum is going back to work.
People look at us when we reach the playground. Mrs Warham takes me inside early. She asks if I’m okay. She must have heard that Mum’s been behaving oddly.
The day carries on as usual – assembly, more maths, and painting. Except Mia with red hair gives me a chocolate bar. Her mum thought I might like it. And the headmistress comes in. She admires my picture. Then Mrs Warham gives me a gold star for tidying up the pencil pots.
At break, Alice comes over with her friends to where I’m standing in the playground, near the boys playing football. I’m hoping to get hit again so that I can go indoors and read. Alice’s face looks pinched as if she’s eaten something disgusting.
‘Bet you reckon you’re special with all this attention just because your stupid uncle died.’
Where did she hear about that? ‘He’s hasn’t. My mum’s got it wrong.’
Alice laughs. ‘Of course he has. My older brother told me all about it. Mum wouldn’t let me watch the telly so he showed me on his computer.’ She puffs out her chest with importance. ‘His tower got hit by a plane. Bad people were flying it. There was a fire. It fell down. Another tower did too.’
‘It’s not true,’ I say and jam my hands in my coat pockets.
Her bottom lip juts out. ‘Tis so. I watched it happen. Mum thought it would scare me but it didn’t. Not even the people jumping out of windows or the scared faces with flames behind them. What a horrible way to die. I’m never going to America again.’
Her friends pull her away and I run – run as fast as possible, down to the bottom of the field. I hide my head in my lap until footsteps approach.
Mrs Warham sits down. ‘Everything okay?’ she says gently.
‘Alice says it’s true,’ I whisper. ‘Uncle Kevin’s tower fell down. She saw people jumping out of windows.’
Her face colours for a moment.
‘Is she making it up?’
‘What did your mum say?’
‘She said the same as Alice – without the jumping bit. She said the police couldn’t save him.’
Mrs Warham bites her lip. ‘It’s true, Violet. Lots of people from the tower went to heaven yesterday. Your uncle wasn’t alone.’
I tilt my head. She looks well and doesn’t seem like the sort of person to lie.
‘Do you think he was with his new friend Cindy?’
‘I’m sure he was with people he knew.’
‘I want to hug him.’
Mrs Warham hugs me instead. We sit in silence for a moment.
‘What if Mum dies? What will happen to me?’
Mrs Warham pauses. ‘I don’t expect your mum will die for a long, long time – but if she did, there would be lots of kind adults to make sure you were okay.’
I crush the blade of grass in my hand. ‘Secretly I didn’t want Uncle Kevin to go to America. Is this a punishment for me being selfish? Am I a bad person?’
‘No, Violet. Never think that. These things happen.’
‘Well, I’m never going to die.’
Mrs Warham doesn’t argue with that and I feel a bit better.
I thought last Wednesday when I started school was the worst day of my life, but it’s not. It’s the second.