18 Gabriel
18
Gabriel
Seventeen Years Old
“Don’t push me, don’t push me, don’t push me,” Kierra cried out as she held the swing rope over the edge of the cliff. She stood in her yellow swimsuit on the verge of tears as she peered over the cliff and looked down at the water.
“Don’t overthink it,” I said, laughing. “You just swing and let go.”
“Oh, right, okay, Gabriel. It’s just that easy,” she sarcastically remarked, rolling her eyes. When she was scared, her sarcasm hit new heights. It was kind of cute, watching her lose her mind over rope swinging. Rope swinging was her idea, by the way. I told her she was batshit crazy for wanting to do it, and I knew she was a scaredy-cat and it would end up exactly how it was.
Yet that summer, she was determined to get out of her comfort zone, to try something new before we entered our senior year of high school. She was convinced that she’d spent her life being a loser who never took risks, so all summer we’d been doing the stupidest things together.
I didn’t mind much because I never minded hanging out with Kierra every day. Even if she came up with bad ideas and pretended they were mine.
“Listen, you’re the one who wanted to do this, not me. I wanted to go see the new Spielberg movie,” I joked. “But since we are here, you have to swing and let go, Kierra.”
“But…” She hesitated. “What if I fall?”
“That’s the whole point, I think.”
“ But ,” she said again, “what if I fall and break my neck?”
“Well, it will happen so fast, you won’t even realize you’re dead, so you’re all good.”
She shoved my shoulder with one hand as she held on to the swing with her other. “Don’t make jokes. I’m scared.”
I wanted to keep teasing her, but the fear in her eyes made me feel bad. So, I moved in, placed my hands on the rope, and held her close to me. “Okay,” I whispered, my voice low. “You don’t have to do it.”
Her eyes flashed with heavy emotions. “Really?”
“Yeah, really. You can be a little chickenshit if you want.”
Her mouth dropped open. She shoved me against my chest. I didn’t mind. A part of me liked whenever she touched me. A part of me teased her strictly so she’d react that way and touch me. I lived for her shoves. “I’m not a chickenshit, Gabriel Sinclair!”
I started making chicken noises.
She flipped me off.
I wanted to kiss her.
Whatever.
Ignore that impulse, Gabe.
“I’m just teasing,” I told her. “You don’t have to do it.”
She pouted. “And I’m not a chickenshit.”
“You’re not a chickenshit, no.” I wrapped my arms around her and inched her closer to the edge without her knowing. “You’re brave. And strong. And tough and—”
Before she could respond, I tightened my hold on her and the rope and launched us over the edge of the cliff. She held on to me, screaming the whole time as we flew through the air, until we hit the water with the biggest splash ever.
Kierra came to the surface splashing like wild, screaming at the top of her lungs. “Gabriel Ayodele Sinclair, I’m going to kill you!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at how livid she was.
She tossed her arms all over the place, shoving water at me. “You’re such a jerk!”
“I was just trying to help you cross this off your bucket list.”
She whined as she crawled out of the water and scrambled to get her towel. I was somewhat disappointed when she wrapped it around her. I liked the view without it.
I climbed out of the water and headed over to her. She gave me a stern look and pointed a finger my way. “I hate you.”
“You don’t.”
“I don’t,” she agreed. “But I could’ve died! We could’ve died!”
“We didn’t.”
“We didn’t,” she agreed. “But, ugh! You’re crazy.”
I smirked and nodded. “I’m proud of you, Kierra.”
“Yeah, yeah. Whatever.” She threw a towel at me, and I wrapped it around myself. I went and sat against a rock, staring out at the water. A few other people were swimming in the lake, splashing around like wild. Kierra came and sat beside me.
She grumbled and pouted.
I nudged her arm. “Sorry if I scared you.”
“It’s fine.” She sighed. “A part of me knew you’d get me to go over the cliff.”
“It was your idea, not mine. I just wanted you to have something to cross off your summer bucket list, seeing how you chickened out of the last five tasks.”
“Listen, four-wheelers seem very unsafe, okay?”
“No judgment here.” I bent my knees and rested my arms on top of them.
Kierra leaned against me and rested her head on my shoulder. “I’m just sick of being a loser.”
“Who the hell said you were a loser?”
“Everyone.”
“ But —”
“Everyone but you,” she corrected. “I mean, we are about to start senior year, and I have nothing to show for it. I’ve never been kissed. My softball career is in the crapper. My fashion designs probably won’t go anywhere, and I won’t get into the fashion school I want because they want the greats and I’m just okay.”
“Your designs are fucking phenomenal.”
“Don’t make me feel better just because you pushed me off a cliff, Gabriel.”
“I’m not. I think—”
“Gabe.”
“Yes?”
“I’m PMSing. Let me rant.”
I nodded. “Continue.”
She sighed. “My grades aren’t even good. I’m an average student. I’m an average person. I’m just a mid-list human.”
“What’s a mid-list human?”
“You know. The people who are the background characters in other people’s stories. The mediocre ones who never did anything exciting with their lives.”
“You know what? I dream of being mediocre. I want a mediocre life.”
She laughed. “No, you don’t.”
“Yeah, I do. I want a basic life, with basic life achievements.”
“Okay.” She raised her head from my shoulder and turned toward me slightly before laying out her towel. She lay on top of it. “Tell me about your basic dream life.”
I put out my towel beside hers, then lay down, placing my hands behind my head. “All right. First off, I’ll take on a normal job. If I could do something in architecture like my dad, I’d be happy. I’d like to be Midwest successful, not California or New York successful. You know, a decent salary, enough to have a life, but a life no one else would envy. A small house that I’d get on about an acre of land. Would I like it on water? Yeah, but that’s just me being a water sign, as you would say, since you believe in all that zodiac mumbo jumbo. Nothing wild with the house, either. I’d want it to feel warm and inviting. Mansions feel empty to me. Lonely. I want my house to feel like a home. Kind of like my dad did for Mom and me. I want a wraparound porch and rocking chairs so I can come home and complain to my wife about my crappy day at work. Then, we’d plan out our yearly vacation to Florida for us and the kids.”
“That’s very basic of you.”
I smirked. “Thanks.”
“How many kids?”
“One or two. Nothing too wild, otherwise we’ll never make it to Disney without them draining my bank account for Mickey ears. What about you? What’s your dream?”
***
Kierra
What’s my dream?
“I want a nice husband,” I told Gabriel. “A really nice husband who doesn’t mind if I’m moody. And a simple house, too. I want kids and a dog named Bentley, who we’d nickname Bent, so I can tell people to go ‘get Bent’ when I want them to go catch the dog. He’d be a German shepherd, with a heart of gold. My grandpa had a German shepherd named Swirl who I loved, so I’ve always wanted one.”
“See? There’s nothing wrong with a mediocre life. I think they are more fun. Corny Easter egg hunts. White elephant games on Christmas Eve. Fourth of July barbecues. I think sometimes people think the bigger the event, the better it is, but I don’t know. Sparklers on Fourth of July and lighting small fireworks in your driveway is more fun than cramming into an overpacked park to watch a display where kids are crying and people are drunk and ridiculous.”
The more he expressed the idea of a mediocre life, the more it didn’t seem like a bad thing. Maybe being a background character wasn’t an awful thing after all. But then again, Gabriel made anything sound better. I could listen to him talk about his mediocre dreams for the rest of my life and never get bored.
“I guess it’s not that bad,” I agreed. “But before I can get me a husband and a basic life, I should at least get my first kiss before I’m fifty.”
“It’s not a big deal that you haven’t been kissed yet.”
“Said the boy who has been kissed many times.”
“Yeah, but not by anyone that meant a lot to me. Meaningless kisses. Your first kiss is important. It should be from someone who cares a lot about you.”
“Good luck to me finding that, when guys don’t even notice me unless they are super drunk at parties.”
“I notice you,” he murmured. “I notice you all the time. So, I’ll kiss you,” he said as he sat up.
Butterflies began to swirl in my stomach as I bent my arms and sat up slightly on my elbows. “What?”
“I’ll kiss you,” he repeated. “Then you can get your first kiss out of the way. Besides, I figure I owe you for throwing you off a cliff.”
I bit my bottom lip and narrowed my eyes at him. “I can’t kiss you, Gabriel.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re my best friend.”
“Even more reason to kiss me. Like I said, it should be from someone who cares about you. I care about you, Kierra. I think I care about you more than I care about anything.”
Why did that create more butterflies in my stomach? “Oh, well…okay?” I said, but it came out as a question. I felt flustered and shy, which was new when it came to being around Gabriel. I sat up more. “What do I do? Should I chew gum first? Should I get ChapStick or lip gloss? Should I—”
Before I could reply, Gabriel cupped my face in his hands and pulled me closer to him. His lips brushed against mine and he kissed me slowly, tilting my head up toward him. His lips were soft, and he didn’t press them too much to mine. I kissed him back, my hands falling against his bare chest. My eyes closed as I fell into the kiss, allowing my thoughts to stop spiraling in that moment. Gabriel Sinclair. My very best friend. My very first kiss.
He kissed me deeper, his tongue slightly parting my lips. My heart pounded against my chest. I didn’t know what to do next or how to act, but luckily Gabriel took the lead in every way possible. His kisses felt like a promise. A promise that he wouldn’t hurt me. A promise that he’d always be there for me. A promise that he cared.
Even though he wanted a mediocre life, his kisses were nothing like that. His kisses were…passionate. And real. I’d thought about first kisses a lot, but I never knew they could feel like that. I never knew kisses could travel and send tingling sensations throughout your whole body. I never knew kisses could make life seem less scary and love seem more real.
If I could only have one kiss ever, I’d want it to be this one.
With him.
With us.
When he pulled back gently, it felt as if time had slowed down. My eyes fluttered open, and I found his brown eyes locked in on me. His lazy smile fell against those lips. Those lips that for a moment had felt like mine and mine alone.
Gabriel brushed his thumb against his bottom lip. “Cross that off your bucket list.”
Trust me, Gabriel. I will.
“And I’ll cross it off my list, too,” he said.
I laughed, trying to shake off the nerves I still had shooting through my system. “You’ve kissed people before. That was already crossed off your list. Multiple times.”
“That’s not what was on my bucket list,” he said, pushing himself up to a standing position. He held a hand out toward me. I took it. He pulled me up.
“Then what do you mean you’re going to cross it off?”
“My list only had three words on them.”
“And what were the words?”
“Kiss Kierra someday.”
I emitted a soft, reserved laugh. “Why would that be on your list?”
His eyes softened, reflecting a depth of emotion that I’d never seen from him before. He slowly shook his head. “Come on, Kierra,” he replied, his voice gentle yet firm. “Why wouldn’t that be on my list?” His words hung in the air, a poignant reminder of the unspoken bond between the two of us.
Was it possible that he felt what I felt, too? That even though we’d never spoken about it, he was falling, too? Maybe that was the thing about falling in love with your best friend. You didn’t have to speak about it because there were not enough words to express what that kind of love felt like. It was too big for syllables, too strong to be articulated. The love just kind of formed over time and fell into place, like perfectly placed puzzle pieces.
He was still holding my hand.
I was still holding his.
“Kierra?” he asked.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“Do you want to go get some sandwiches?”
“Yeah. I do.”
We gathered our stuff, and he drove us to our favorite diner, where we ate turkey sandwiches on rye with ruffled chips and Diet Cokes. We talked for over an hour about everything but the kiss, yet the kiss stayed on my mind. I figured it would stay there for as long as I lived.
Afterward, Gabriel drove us home, and I thanked him for pushing me off a cliff. He made me brave. Even when I didn’t want to be.
“Kierra?” he asked.
“Yeah?” I answered.
“If I were your husband, I’d be nice to you. I’d make you coffee in the morning and get you a dog named Bentley. And I’d tell you to get Bent, so we could go to the dog park. And I’d kiss you good morning and kiss you good night. Every single morning, and every single night, I’d do those things.”
I felt my cheeks heat up from his words. “Yeah, Gabe. I know.”
“Good night.”
I sighed. “Good night.”
***
The next day, I saw Rosie. She came over to gossip and flip through magazines.
As she sat on my bed, I said, “I kissed Gabriel last night.”
She looked up for a moment and paused. “Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” She went back to flipping through her magazine. “About fucking time, Kierra.”