29 Kierra
29
Kierra
Claire Dune was having an average day. No big highs and no big lows. Just a coasting sort of day.
Me on the other hand? I was seconds away from breaking down in another wave of tears.
After Gabriel left my office, I’d only had a few seconds to pull myself together and make myself professional. I only had moments to act as if I hadn’t just gone through one of the hardest breakups of my life seconds before Claire entered my office. I had to pretend that my heart wasn’t shattered into a million pieces.
Unfortunately for me, my acting skills were not up to par, and Claire recognized my distress instantly. As she sat down in her chair, she raised an eyebrow. “You were crying.”
I shook my head and pushed out a smile. “No, no. I’m fine. How are you?” I asked, taking my seat. I pushed up my sleeves slightly, not realizing that the marks Henry left on my wrists were still visible. We’d gotten into an argument the night prior, in which he fought with me over his business plans not going through. He grabbed my wrists so hard that he left bruises. I was happy Gabriel hadn’t noticed because I could only assume that would’ve made him spiral even more.
Claire’s eyes widened when she saw the bruises and she sat up, alarmed. “Oh no.”
“What is it?” I asked.
She pointed to my wrists. “Those marks.”
A wave of embarrassment swept through my system as I quickly pulled the sleeves down. It made me feel awful that Claire had noticed the bruises, especially knowing her history of abuse. “Oh, it’s nothing. I was just—”
“Did he do that to you?” she asked, cutting into my words.
“Did who do what to me?”
“Henry. Did he hurt you?”
I shook my head. “No, no, it’s not like that. He didn’t…” My words faded as realization clicked in my head. “How did you know my husband’s name?”
A flash of panic filled Claire’s eyes as she shook her head before she began to ramble. “I’m so sorry, Kierra. I didn’t think… I had no idea that he’d hurt you, too. I thought it was just me, and that I was some oddity, because you two seemed happy for so long. I just thought it was me who was the issue because I was so messed up, but you’re not messed up, and he hurt you, too, and I didn’t think he’d do that. I didn’t think he’d hurt you, too. And—”
My stomach knotted up as I stared at her in bewilderment, completely baffled by the words falling off her tongue. I pushed my chair back from my desk and tried to grasp what she was saying. “Claire. What are you talking about?”
“Henry. He was the person from my youth that messed me up. He was my abuser.”
No.
There was no way.
That was impossible.
How?
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
“Henry Hughes… We met when I was only seventeen and he was in his late twenties. We fell in love. Well, I thought it was love, but I realized, through you, that it was love bombing. He presented himself as something he wasn’t, and I told him everything. I told him about my family trauma, and he seemed to use that to get me closer to him. When I turned eighteen…I got pregnant…”
A knot sat heavily in my gut as I kept shaking my head. “No, what? I…” I felt uncomfortable and unsafe as the words were falling off her tongue. What was she saying? Was she saying Ava was hers? There was no way.
Her eyes moved to the photograph of Ava on my desk, then back to me. Claire’s eyes were flooded with tears as she nodded. “He gaslit me. He told me I was nothing and I’d be an awful mother like my own. I was depressed when I had her. I was so lost and he made me feel like scum. I signed away my parental rights, and he had a restraining order placed against me. I haven’t been able to see Ava through all these years. All I could do was creep around his property to just get a glimpse of her, but—”
“No,” I stated sternly. “Stop, Claire.”
But she didn’t.
She continued. “Then you began to raise her. I was jealous of you. I wanted to be you. I hated you for a while because you were living my life. I hated that you were beautiful and smart and everything I wasn’t. When I found out you were a therapist, I thought therapy would be a good way to get in to know you. To see what you were about and to see how you were treating my daughter. I didn’t expect you to save my life, too, Kierra.”
“Claire, I need you to leave,” I stated sternly, standing. I felt terrified and nauseous from what she’d shared.
But I saw it, too.
I saw Ava’s eyes in hers.
I saw my daughter’s nose against Claire’s face.
I saw parts of Ava that I wished I could unsee.
She stood, too. “I hated him. I hated him for finding you and seemingly loving you right. I hated him for stealing from me and making me seem like I was the broken one, when he was really the messed-up one. I hated him for making me think I deserved to be hit because I was crazy. I hated him for hurting me and loving you. But now I see that it wasn’t me. It was him all this time. Because how could he hurt you? You’re good, Kierra. You’re such a good person,” she said with tears rolling down her cheeks.
She stepped toward me, and I stepped backward, on high alert. “Claire. I need you to go.”
Her eyes widened and she shook her head. “No. Don’t you see? You’re just like me! We’re the same. We’re victims. You need to understand. You understand, right, Kierra? I was going to tell you at some point, I swear. I wanted to figure out a way that maybe I could see Ava and—”
“ Claire ,” I snapped. “Leave now.”
A flash of hurt filled her eyes. “But…but you’re supposed to understand.”
“Joseph!” I shouted as Claire kept approaching me. I didn’t know what she was going to do, so all I could think to do was call for Joseph to come and have her removed. I shouted his name repeatedly until he entered my office.
He looked alarmed as he raised an eyebrow. “What’s going on?”
“Can you please remove Ms. Dune from my office?” I asked as calmly as possible.
Claire shook her head. “But I’m just like you! He messed us both up, Kierra! Don’t you see?” she sobbed. “I just wanted to see my daughter. I just wanted to see her through you. And then you guys moved, and I couldn’t stop by your place to get a glimpse of her, to see her…”
Oh my goodness.
She was the person on the property at our old place. The fanatic creeping on our property, going through our trash bins.
I felt sick.
“Okay, okay, it’s all good,” Joseph said, placing a hand against Claire’s shoulder. “I think that’s enough for today. Let me get you safely out of here.”
“No, you don’t understand,” Claire cried. “He’s the monster, not me! I’m not crazy.”
“I never said you were crazy,” Joseph swore.
Claire shook her head. “But you’re looking at me like I’m crazy. I’m not crazy. Tell him, Kierra. Tell him I’m not crazy and tell him how Henry is the one who is! Tell him how Henry is hurting you the same way he hurt me. Tell him!”
I stayed quiet.
She looked betrayed as Joseph walked her away.
I stayed frozen in place while Joseph dealt with the system out front. The cops were called. They came to speak with me. I told them everything I knew without thought. My mind was a jumbled mess. I had a stalker. My client was a stalker. My client was my daughter’s mother.
This was all too much.
Life was becoming all too much.
When the cops left, Joseph reentered my office. The look of heartbreak in his eyes was heavy. He walked over to me and slid his hands into his slacks pockets. “Are you okay, Kierra?”
I shook my head.
He nodded in understanding.
“Is she really Ava’s mother?” he questioned.
“Yes. I think so.”
“Fuck,” he murmured, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Listen, I hate to ask this, because I know it’s a lot, but I’m now very concerned. Claire told me to look at your wrists. She said Henry is hurting you the way he hurt her. So…I need to ask because I love you, Kierra. Is your husband hurting you?”
My eyes filled with tears, and I burst into uncontrollable sobs as I nodded my head. Within seconds, Joseph’s arms were wrapped around me, and as I crumbled in his embrace, he held me tighter.
Everything in my world was falling apart.
I wasn’t certain how much more my heart could take before it gave out, too.
***
I wished Henry had a work trip to fly off to. It would’ve given me a breather to gather my thoughts for a few weeks, but it appeared that he was home more than ever before. The tension of the home was indescribable. It felt as if I were walking on eggshells, not knowing what might set Henry off. Not knowing what to say or do or even think.
Ava wasn’t herself, either. I couldn’t blame her. Henry took away the one thing that made her happy, and she didn’t even get a reason why, other than “because I said so.” It was one thing when my own happiness was being stolen; watching it happen to my daughter brought about a whole other realm of sorrow.
“Why can’t I keep going to Gabriel’s?” Ava asked at dinner. “I don’t get it.”
“Well, it’s not for you to get. Besides, with you back in school, you should be focusing on your studies. Not some silly mentorship.”
“It’s not silly. And I could go after school. I can bike over there.”
“You’ll do no such thing. Stay away from that place,” Henry scolded.
“But—”
“Ava,” I cut in. “Let it go.”
“No,” she said, looking at me as if I were insane. “I’m not letting it go. Why would you side with him? You know what that mentorship means to me, Mom!”
Watching her eyes fill with tears broke my heart. I hated that I had any involvement in it. I hated that I was a big cause of her heartache. “Listen, sweetheart,” I started, but Henry cut me off.
“Stop babying her. I already said no, so that’s the end of the conversation,” he ordered.
“You’re being a jerk. You can’t stop me from going,” Ava said.
“ Shut the hell up ,” Henry shouted, slamming his hand against the table. “I don’t want to hear another word about that man in my house, do you fucking understand?”
I saw it happen—the moment my daughter began to shrink from her father’s tone. It was as if a bright light was being forced to dim.
At least he never yells in front of Ava.
Her tears fell down her cheeks, but she sat tall. “You’re just mad because everyone likes Gabriel more than you.”
Oh no. This wasn’t going to be good.
He cleared his throat. “Ava—”
“You are! You’re mad that I like him more than you, and Mom likes him more than you! And did you know they were in love?” My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. Oh no, Ava. Please stop… “They were in love when they were kids, and he treated her better than you ever treated her! Because he’s not a monster. She’s actually happy with him because he’s not mean to her and doesn’t hurt her feelings and doesn’t—”
“ Enough !” he hollered, slamming his hands against the table again. “Shut your mouth before I shut it for you, Ava Melanie.” The whole table shook, glasses falling over. My stomach caught in my throat. The rage shooting through him sent a panic through me that I wasn’t ready to face. That I wasn’t ready for Ava to witness. His breathing was erratic.
Ava had tears rolling down her cheeks as the room filled with silence. She pushed herself away from the table, looked Henry straight in the eyes, and said, “I hate you.”
She stormed off to her bedroom, and I was right behind her.
“Ava—”
“Why wouldn’t you stand up for me?” Ava cried as I entered her room. “Why do you let him talk to you like that? Why do you let him hurt you so much?”
“It’s complicated.”
“It’s not,” she argued. “The only thing I don’t understand is why you don’t stand up to him. I hate him, Mom. I hate him so much and I know you do, too, but I don’t understand why you’d let him do these things.”
“Ava, you have to understand. I’m working to figure this out. I’m working harder than you’d ever know to make sure we are good.”
“We’d be good without him,” she told me. “I’m going to Grandma’s. I already texted her, and she’s on her way.”
“Ava—”
“I love you, Mom,” she cut in as she rushed to me and hugged me. She hugged me tighter than she’d ever hugged me before. I choked on my next breath, pushing down the sob that was trying its hardest to escape from between my lips. “I just wished you loved you, too.”
I shut my eyes, kissed her forehead, and let her go.
I stayed in her bedroom after she headed off with Tamera. A part of me wished I’d gone with her. I wished I’d packed a bag and headed over to Tamera’s, too, to escape the prison I resided in.
After she left, I headed back to the dining room to clean up the table. As I was doing so, Henry reappeared in the room, a look of disdain on his face.
“You knew Gabriel Sinclair before he began working on the project?” he asked.
Chills raced through my system, knowing that this conversation wouldn’t lead to anything good. “We don’t have to talk about that.”
“The hell we don’t. What the hell did Ava mean about that? Were you in love with him?”
“I knew him when we were young. It was a long time ago, Henry, and Gabriel didn’t even remember me.”
“But you remembered him,” he urged. “Were you playing me this whole time?”
“What?” I chuckled slightly, stunned by the question. “Of course not. I wasn’t the one who hired Gabriel, remember? That was you.”
“But you were mocking me this whole time.” He moved over to me as I gathered a stack of plates. “Did you get off on embarrassing me? And did you enjoy having Ava mad at me?”
“I didn’t embarrass you, Henry. Also, Ava being mad at you has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you. If it wasn’t for you and your lies, this Gabriel thing would’ve never happened.”
I turned to walk toward the kitchen, not wanting to go back and forth with him. I was burned out both mentally and spiritually. My heart was exhausted, and I was running on empty. All I wanted to do was disappear for a while. I wanted to crawl into a dark cave and stay hidden away from the world, from Henry.
I wished I were invisible.
I placed the dishes into the sink, and Henry appeared right behind me. He gripped my wrists from behind and slammed my hands against the edge of the counter, pinning them down. His body pressed against mine as I closed my eyes, scared of what he’d do next. Everything slowed whenever he pinned me down. I hated that I didn’t go with Ava. I should’ve gone with her.
His hot breath melted against my skin, reminding me of his control over me. He tilted my head slightly and rubbed his nose against my earlobe. “Did you fuck him in our house, too?” he whispered.
What was I supposed to do when the devil was the man who I said “I do” to?
Henry wasn’t strong, but he was stronger than me.
Henry wasn’t big, but he was bigger than me.
And he was beginning to unravel faster and faster with every passing moment.
“Please let me go, Henry,” I whispered, praying he didn’t sense the fear in my tone. He fed off that—my fear. He loved to know that he made me uneasy. That he had control over my comfort level, over my feeling of safety.
He tightened his grip on my wrists.
Did he do the same to Claire?
She was only seventeen when they’d met.
A little girl.
Only three years older than Ava was now.
My mind couldn’t wrap around the idea of a grown man preying on a child. Let alone someone who had been through as much as Claire had.
“I’ll let you go when I’m ready,” he hissed against my ear.
“Is that what you told Claire Dune?” I replied.
The words slipped through my lips and must’ve felt like a slam against his chest, because he dropped his hold on me.
He stepped backward and arched an eyebrow toward me. “What did you just say to me?”
“So you know her?” I asked.
“How do you know Claire?”
“Is she Ava’s mother?”
He shook his head. “No. Of course not. I told you, Ava’s mother was a junkie psycho.”
“Yes, that’s what you told me. But is that actually true?”
“How do you know Claire Dune?” he asked again, avoiding my question.
“She’s a client of mine.”
The confusion in his eyes was as clear as day. I was nervous about what was going to happen next, because I never knew how he was going to react. Especially as of late, because he seemed easily triggered.
He took a step back, turned away from me and muttered something before saying, “I need space. Maybe you should stay somewhere else tonight like Ava. I can’t leave because I have to pack. Tomorrow I’m heading to China for work. We can talk when I’m back in town.”
I didn’t know what else to say except for one word. “Okay.”
This release of me sent a chill down my spine as he walked away. I was thankful that he let me go, and I realized how quickly his reaction could’ve gone badly. Relief raked through my system as I realized the next steps I’d need to do while he was gone to China.
I had no plans to talk to him once he made it back into town. I had no plans to work things out.
The only thing on my mind now was for me—and Ava—to escape.
All I wanted was to be free.