Chapter 3 #2
When death broke through the darkness and stole life from the young, people crowded in, ensuring that you were never truly alone for the first moments.
They had phone trees and casseroles. There was always a covered dish ready for me to dive into so I wouldn’t have to cook.
Only cooking and baking was how I focused, how I was able to push through my own thoughts.
Eventually the visits ended and they went back to their own business. Their own lives. People moved on, because life continued. Even when death lied.
Part of me wanted to scream at the world and ask why it kept moving on. Why it kept trudging through as if my world hadn’t ended.
But that would just be selfish.
So I smiled at Ms. Patty, squeezed her hand like she needed me too, and continued my jog with Lucky.
We trekked up a hill to the edge of the forest where the trail continued on.
We would have to turn around soon because Lucky would get cold, but he was still having fun, and I just needed to focus on trying to breathe.
Of course, the pace was a little more than I bargained for, and at this high elevation, my lungs seized.
I was an idiot. I hadn’t brought my meds, hadn’t even thought about them. So when the first sting sliced into my lungs, I tried to suck in a breath. Only shards of glass replaced my air, and I gasped.
I ran my hand over my chest, forcing myself to stop as I bent over, trying to catch my breath. Lucky nuzzled my face, and I ran my hands through his fur.
“I’m okay. We just should head back.”
He gave me a look as if he were judging me, or maybe he was just worried. Or maybe I was losing my damn mind.
I knew better than to jog in the cold at this altitude without taking care of myself. After everything my body had gone through, I knew I should take it slower. Who was I trying to impress? Why was I even bothering?
No, I wasn’t going to think about that. That was a very bad road that I was not going to go down.
Instead, I turned back down the path and went over the hill so I could go back to the center of town and get through my day.
One step at a time, and then maybe it would stop hurting. Maybe the numbness that they kept telling me would sweep over, would finally settle in.
Lucky barked and sped up. I groaned and tried to keep up, but the leash slipped from my grasp.
“Lucky! Stop. Heel. Lucky!”
He sped up, leaving me behind, and I ran, ignoring the sharp pains in my lungs as panic seized me.
“Lucky!”
As I turned the corner, I slid on an ice patch, and my feet went out from beneath me. My hips slammed into the ground, an arc of pain radiating through me as I landed awkwardly on my shoulder.
Of course, that wasn’t the only pain that decided to make itself known as I realized why my damn dog had run away from me.
“Harper. What the fuck?”
Dorian limped towards me, Lucky at his side, as he scowled down at me.
“What the hell were you thinking? Running out here alone? You’ve hurt yourself, dammit.”
I hadn’t seen the man in almost a year, and the first time I do I’m bruised and battered on the ground, and humiliated, and he was yelling at me.
Sounded about right.
I tried to shove off his arm as he reached for me, but the man was too big, even though he had lost weight since I had last seen him. Instead, he lifted me up, and I couldn’t help but notice the pain in his eyes as he did so.
It seemed I wasn’t the only one hurting. Not that he would ever admit it. But hell, I wasn’t about to admit it either.
“Are you okay? Let’s go to the hospital.”
“I’m fine. My pride hurts more than anything.” Though I did rub my hip.
I scowled down at Lucky. “Traitor.”
He just did his little golden retriever smile before he looked longingly at Dorian.
“Seriously. Are you okay?” His hands went to my hips, and my cheeks burned before I batted at him.
“Stop it. I’m fine. I’m a klutz. We both know this. You’re the one limping. Are you okay?”
I could have rightly bit off my tongue at that. Because we both knew he wasn’t okay.
He had been badly burned on his side, and he’d broken his leg, twisting it in a way that I couldn’t even bear to think about.
According to Hudson, eventually Dorian would walk without a limp, and his scars would remain, but it could have been worse.
That’s what everyone kept saying. It could have been worse.
But it had been worse for Joshua. No, I wasn’t going to think about that. I couldn’t. Not if I wanted to stay sane.
“I’m fine,” he bit out. “Let me walk you home.”
“You’re here. In Cage Lake. Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
“We need to get you back to your place,” he said in lieu of answer.
“That’s where I was going until my dog deserted me. I need to go home and shower and then get to work. How long are you in town for?” I asked, trying to keep my voice level. I didn’t want to sound accusatory, or like I was begging, because being in Dorian’s presence was always a war of emotions.
Because I had loved him since I was eighteen, in the way that the younger sister loved the older brother’s best friend.
But he had always been there, always sweet, always caring.
And always not for me.
“I don’t know. I’m just here. So, let me take care of you.”
Exasperated, I shook my head. “I’m an adult, a big girl. You don’t have to take care of me, Dorian. But I’m glad you’re here. You haven’t been back in a while.”
“I’ve been a little busy,” he ground out.
“Doing what?” I asked before I held up a hand. “No, that’s not my business. I’m sorry. Are you staying at your place? I know Hudson’s been keeping it up.”
“No. I got another place.”
I frowned. “What? Where?”
“The old Ackerson place.”
My brows winged up. “Really? That place has been abandoned forever. I didn’t know it was habitable.”
“It’s fine. I’m working on it for a while.”
“So you’re here working on a house? In the dead of winter?” Confusion didn’t begin to explain the emotions running through me.
“It doesn’t matter. I’m here because I want to be. And fuck, I told Joshua that I would take care of you. So I might as well live up to the deal.”
It felt as if another slash to my heart would be one too many, but I was used to this. Because of course he was here to take care of Joshua’s baby sister. That’s how it had always been.
It didn’t matter that I was in my twenties and a woman. I was the baby sister.
But from the strain in his eyes, and the dark circles that rivaled my own, Dorian needed to take care of himself.
“Is Amy with you?” I asked, and I was happy I kept the bite out of my tone.
Storm clouds covered his eyes, and he glared. “I have no idea where Amy is. Seems she didn’t like staying with a cripple.”
I fisted my hands on my sides. “Oh, I’m going to find that bitch. Did she say those words?”
He shrugged. “Water under the bridge. She’s gone. Your brother was right, and I’m going to be here for a while. So stop running alone and hurting yourself, okay?”
“Are you serious right now? You haven’t seen me in nearly a year. You don’t answer my calls or texts. And suddenly you show up and try to order me around, while you’re being all secretive with the Ackerson place. What the hell, Dorian?”
“Stop arguing and just get back to a safer place. And make sure that you don’t have anything worse than bruises. You need to be more careful, Harper.”
I stared at him, wondering who this Dorian was. Then again, I didn’t think I was the Harper he had seen last.
Death was inevitable, and it didn’t judge you. It sliced through you and left nothing but agony in its wake. There was no numbness, there couldn’t be, not for the living.
“Whenever you decide to stop being the grumpy Cage, let me know. Because I’m pretty sure Hudson already has the mountain man, grumpy asshole Cage locked in. I don’t think we need a second one.”
“Watch your tone and watch your language, Harper. That’s not like you.”
“You don’t know me, Dorian. You never did.”
With that, Lucky and I moved past him, and ignoring the pain in my lungs, I jogged back to the bakery.
I ignored the worrying looks from others as they milled about Main Street, and as I bumbled up the stairs and back to my apartment, I locked the door behind me, only then realizing that I wasn’t shaking from exertion, but from the sobs racking my body.
Dorian Cage was back.
The one man I had ever cared for.
But the Dorian Cage I had just seen wasn’t the man that I knew.
But that only made sense. Because I couldn’t recognize the Harper that I saw in the mirror as it was.
Two peas in a pod. Joshua would be so proud.
Lucky slid his body against mine as I sat on the floor, held my dog, and let the sobs come.
But no amount of crying would bring Joshua back. And no amount of crying would help me figure out what the hell to do about Dorian, let alone myself.