Chapter 17
W
“Mama has been sick for a week. Dr. Clarke hasn’t said she could die, but he is frowning a lot. I know the vicar would tell me not to be selfish and to be happy that she would be in heaven and away from all her pain. But instead, I keep praying she can stay.”
I found Julia in the library. She had several books laid open in front of her on the table. I stepped into the room, but her eyes didn’t lift from the book she was reading, so I knocked softly on the door. Her eyes shot up, and a hand came to her chest. I had startled her.
“Anna,” she said in relief, looking behind me.
“I’m alone.”
She nodded, and I took that as a welcome to come into the room. An extensive rug covered most of the floor, and my feet sank into it with each step. When I reached her, I inspected the books that had her so enthralled.
Latin.
Julia was studying Latin.
I wasn’t certain what I’d been expecting, but not that. “Latin?” I asked her.
Her cheeks reddened slightly. “Yes. Mr. Allen will be coming tomorrow, and I wanted to go over the chapters he will be teaching beforehand.”
“Are you almost finished?”
She shut the largest book in front of her. “No, but I have all day.”
“I don’t want to interrupt.”
Julia shook her head. “I want you to feel welcome here. I didn’t think any of us would ever marry, least of all me or David. I want your time here to be pleasant.”
I was silent, suddenly glad I hadn’t told Mama the complete truth of our marriage. Little words like the ones Julia had just spoken, reminding me my time was limited, hurt, even though I had no right to be hurt by them.
I forced a smile onto my face. I was here to bring happiness, I reminded myself. “I spoke to David this morning about a few tasks to keep me occupied while Mama and I live here. In the end, we decided perhaps planning a garden would be a good idea. Would you be willing to help me with it?”
Julia stilled, her only movement a finger sliding back and forth along the edge of the tome she’d just closed. “Do you think that is a good idea?” she asked softly. “Perhaps something less permanent would be better.”
“I . . .” I wasn’t certain what she meant. “Do you think it will be too expensive? David said he would look into the books.”
A corner of her mouth lifted. “I’m certain if you want a garden, David will find a way to pay for it.”
My smile faltered. It wasn’t for me. David wanted the garden for her. “If you don’t think I should work on a garden, I can think of another project. I’d like something to occupy my time.”
“No.” She shook her head. “I like the thought of a garden at Tate Hall.”
She hadn’t looked like it was a good idea a moment ago.
“Would you help me with it? I’ve never planned a garden before, and you will be the one who has to live with it if I end up needing to leave.”
“Not only me.” I’d never heard Julia speak loudly, but her voice was even softer than was typical. “David will as well.”
“We will get approval from David. I won’t leave you with an elaborate courtyard filled with ceramic monsters and invasive vines.”
“I’m not worried about David’s approval.” Her deep-set eyes found mine. “I’m worried about the reminder of you after you’re gone.”
I furrowed my brows. Did she think I would make David’s life so miserable he wouldn’t even want to think of me?
Some wives might become embittered in a relationship like ours, but I wouldn’t.
I was David’s spot of brightness. I wasn’t about to ruin that, especially when I knew what kind of marriage I’d agreed to.
“I don’t think I will be such a terrible wife to him that he won’t be able to stomach looking at something I’ve left behind. ”
“No, I don’t think so either.” Julia sighed so deeply it sounded as if she’d given up on life ever being good and fair. “I think he will love the garden after you are gone. My worry is he will love it too much.”
She looked so solemn. So earnestly concerned for her brother.
But why? He was the one who’d said I had to leave.
Had David omitted that very large detail when explaining our marriage was to be temporary?
Did she think I was the one who didn’t want to stay?
“Julia, I think you may have misunderstood something about my relationship with your brother. I have no plans to leave him.”
She smiled at me like a mother might smile at a willful child. “I know.”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think you understand.
I wanted to marry your brother. True, this marriage does solve my financial problems, which is probably the main reason your brother agreed to it.
But I was the first to suggest making our engagement fulfill its natural course and end in a marriage, and it wasn’t to solve my problems alone.
I . . .” Humility was a strength, wasn’t it?
One I should improve upon? And if I wanted to help Julia, she needed to know that David was the one who didn’t want this to be a real marriage, not me.
I couldn’t have her sad for him that I would be leaving when he was the one who’d told me I had to go.
“I care for your brother. Very much. If, for any reason, I leave, it will only be because he asks me to do so. Otherwise, I plan on remaining here.”
“I know that.”
“Then why should it matter if I leave a garden behind me if I go?”
“It shouldn’t matter. But it will.” Julia glanced up at me. “But I think all will be well. I think it will bring him some joy.”
The two of these siblings—so concerned about keeping the other one happy.
Were they trying at all to find joy for themselves?
David wanted me to make Julia happier, and Julia wanted to make certain I didn’t leave David sad.
Between the both of them, it looked as though I would have plenty to do in whatever time I was granted in this house.
“What would you like to have in a garden, Julia?”
“I actually think I’d rather have an orchard,” she said. “I’ve always wanted plum trees.”
I nodded. “Then let’s look into ordering some plum trees. Would you walk in the back garden with me so we can decide where we will start?”
Julia stood. Now that trees had been mentioned, her eyes showed a bright spark of interest. “I’ll bring my sketch pad, and we can write down our ideas.”