Chapter 16
W
“If anything, I will have more scars because I’ve learned to be happy. Father can’t understand why I’ve changed, and he doesn’t like the things he cannot understand.”
The next morning, David was waiting outside my bedchamber when I left it to go down to breakfast.
That was one advantage of having servants. They could act as spies between husband and wife. The maid who’d helped me ready myself must have let him know when to expect me.
He held out an arm. “I thought it would be best if we went down to breakfast together. I was so tired yesterday, I’m afraid I may have neglected my new wife.”
My eyes wanted to glance back at my bedroom door, but I forced them to remain on David. He’d been very clear about what our marriage was to be, and I’d chosen it, regardless. I’d been frustrated when I’d gone to bed, but a good night’s rest had set me to rights.
I happily took his arm. “You didn’t. I had everything I needed in my room, and Julia’s maid helped me this morning. I’m settling in splendidly.”
“Good.” His smile was broad, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way I did—that any day we were able to spend together was bound to be a good day. “Shall we cross one thing off our marriage list?”
I gave him a mock scowl. “I should be the one completing the items on our marriage list. Just as you were the one to send flowers and plan walks. If you mark off anything by your own merit, I’m going to have to add another item to it.”
“But it’s my list,” he said, leading us down the corridor to the stairs. “You don’t get to add items.”
“Then I’ll have to make you add one.”
He chuckled. “Somehow, I don’t think you are as threatening as you think you are. You think it a punishment for me to add to a list of actions that will make our marriage feel conventional? It isn’t.” We descended the stairs.
“My goal is not to punish you. I’d like to make you happy.”
His eyebrows furrowed, and he shook his head. “Anna, are you in earnest?”
“Of course I am.”
With another low chuckle, he turned his head to look at me as if didn’t believe me. “You’ve been making me happy for years.”
He led me to a set of double doors I hadn’t seen last night, then stopped and turned toward me.
I put a hand on my hip. “You say things like that, but I have no idea what you mean. We only had one summer together.”
He grinned, his eyes bright in a way that made me feel young again. “You taught me what happiness was, Anna. Anytime I’m happy, it makes me thankful for you.”
“Oh,” I said, that sneaky warm feeling encompassing my chest and working its way up to my cheeks. When it became clear that I wasn’t going to add anything else to that statement—because how could I?—David pulled the doors open to the breakfast room.
Mama and Julia were seated at a table with plates less than half full of food, and they both jerked their heads toward us in surprise when we walked in.
“Awake already?” Mama asked. “Julia and I were just conspiring as to how to make ourselves scarce for the next few days. I suppose we will have to come to breakfast half an hour earlier tomorrow.”
“No, Mama,” I said quickly. “There is no reason for that.”
Mama ignored my reproach. “Or I suppose we could have breakfast sent to our rooms, couldn’t we, Julia?”
Julia glanced at her brother. “If you would like us to, David, I wouldn’t mind.”
“Don’t do anything of the sort on our account,” David said as he reached for two rolls from the sideboard and placed them on a plate for me and a plate for him.
“Ah.” Mama snapped her fingers. “Better yet, I’ll ask the servants to have a breakfast tray sent to the two of you.”
Was she trying to embarrass us?
“Mama, we are happy to eat breakfast with you. If David and I want to be alone, this home is quite large enough for us to find a place without anyone in it. Do not feel the need to conspire with Julia over such things.”
Mama shrugged an I-was-only-trying-to-help shrug. She had three pieces of fruit and some sliced meat on her plate when David started dishing up our breakfast, but by the time we had gathered our food and sat down, she’d already finished eating and was pulling on the back of Julia’s chair.
“Come, we will visit with them more tomorrow, if they insist. Today, let’s allow them to take their breakfast in peace.”
Julia glanced at David, unsure of what she should do. David gave her a slight nod. She nodded in return and trudged after Mama, leaving behind half a plate of food.
I grimaced and turned to David. “I don’t believe I’ve ever been happier to see my mother leave a room.”
David lifted a berry from his plate and threw it into his mouth. “Somehow, I think she knows that, even if it is not for the reason she presumes.”
I practically snorted. “I’m certain you’re correct. It is a little strange to me that she imagines us so very much in love when I told her you were only marrying me to help us, and we have only spent a few weeks in each other’s company.”
At that, David raised an eyebrow. “I’ve told you several times already that she believed it the moment she and the Prestons opened the door and found you in my arms.”
I waved away his explanation. “I think in her case, having my happy marriage solve all our problems doesn’t hurt.
” She’d also seen me crying over him, and in general, I wasn’t one to cry over trifles.
But I didn’t want to admit that to David.
Not when we were enjoying our first breakfast together, crossing an item off his list.
His memories of me were the kind that brought happiness.
He’d as much as said so just before we’d entered the breakfast room, so I would hide my growing longing for him, and I wouldn’t melt in the face of the lovely things he said about me.
I would be a delightful wife within the bounds he’d set and tuck my yearning deep inside my heart.
“I believe my next duty as your wife is to enjoy some time with Julia. What are her interests?”
“You don’t need to march through our whole list in one morning,” he said with a chuckle. “I think just having you here will help her immensely.”
“This is the one thing you’ve consistently asked of me while giving me so much. I’m not going to put it off for another day.”
He looked as though he might protest but then changed his mind.
David might not know all my thoughts, thank goodness, but sometimes I felt as though he understood me better than anyone.
I needed something to do to repay him for his kindness as well as to keep busy while living here, and I wanted it to be something that would help his family.
David leaned back in his chair and tapped a finger on the table in thought.
“The only thing she has shown interest in is her studies. She plays the pianoforte at times, but she doesn’t engross herself in it, not like she does learning.
She sits in on my lessons with Mr. Allen, but I’d like her to go outside more, to breathe fresh air and feel the wind in her hair.
I’d like to see her taking more enjoyment out of life. ”
I nodded. A few weeks ago, the task of bringing a young woman back to life had seemed impossible, but being around David had changed me.
His confidence and trust in my abilities made me feel more capable.
Honestly, even having him sit next to me, facing the world in his own surefooted way, made me feel more capable.
“We could work on designing and planting a garden. Or perhaps if she is interested in animals—”
David’s finger stopped its tapping. “No animals.”
I glanced up at his face. It was closed off in a way I had only seen since he’d told me he wouldn’t marry me.
I gave him a wary smile. Was that because of Charlotte?
Had he ever allowed himself to care for any other animals after her?
Or did he worry about bringing any living thing into a household where his father might visit? “A garden, then?”
It took a moment, and it looked as though he had to force his features back into their more familiar, relaxed form, but he managed it. “I think a garden project would be ideal.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Spring has not yet arrived.”
“Prepping for a garden should be done in winter, should it not? Then when spring comes, we can be ready to plant. You wouldn’t mind feigning interest in making a part of the estate your own while you are here, enlisting Julia’s help, would you?”
My interest in planning a garden for David’s home would not have to be feigned.
The idea of having the space and capabilities to transform a piece of land into something beautiful was so far removed from who I’d been only a few weeks ago that it was difficult to digest. It would be an indulgence I would never have the chance to pursue without David, even if I wasn’t certain to be around to see it when the beauty of spring came.
“I would love to do that. I will need a budget.”
“I’ll look into it this afternoon. I’m fairly certain we could enlist some help from the Mortensens. Their two oldest boys at home would be happy for some extra work.”
“Do you have any streams on the estate?”
“Several.”
“Ponds?”
“Not near the back garden. Some of the tenant farms have ponds for watering their animals.”
“Do you think Walter and Anders Mortensen would be interested in digging us a pond and diverting stream water to fill it?”
David smiled. “I think if you asked them nicely, they would jump at the chance. And while you are asking, you can speak to Mrs. Mort-ensen and Maren about her training to be a lady’s maid.
I’ve become very particular about the servants who live here since my father moved to London permanently, and I think her lack of skill is more than outweighed by her trustworthiness.
” Maren would be perfect. “But before talking to the boys,” David continued, “speak to Julia to see what she thinks of the garden idea. I’ll get to work on the budget.
” He stood from the table and bent to kiss the top of my head before taking his leave.
His touch was so quick and so familiar, the touch of a husband and wife. Not a couple who’d wed only the day before but one who had lived years together in peaceful coexistence.
It robbed me of my breath and made my spine stiffen, but David had turned away from me, and if he noticed my reaction to him, he didn’t show it.
Did he think doing things like this would make simple contact like that become ordinary?
If so, it was only working for him. Nothing about his touch, even when brief and familiar, felt ordinary.
Since my agreeing to marry him, he’d kissed me twice and I him once.
True, only one of those kisses had been on the mouth, and all of them had been very brief, but if David didn’t mind kissing being a part of our marriage, perhaps I would encourage Mama in her plan to offer us privacy over the next week after all.