Chapter 66 Delilah
DELILAH
On the island, I was safe. Time stood still.
Helene understood me. She knows it wasn’t my fault, things happen, but Kane is going to hate me like she said as soon as he knows.
I remember her combing my hair when I couldn’t get out of bed because I didn’t want to see my stomach wasn’t as round.
She explained it was a blessing Kane was dead, so I wouldn’t have to deal with our relationship breaking down since men always blame women.
The vials clink as I roll over on the bed with sweat coating my entire body. I’ve controlled my need for escape for three days. The vial I got after leaving the room is tightly clasped in my hand as the others from the previous two days lay in front of me. One more and I’ll be safe with my family.
My wait is over when the dorm door slides open, the telltale glass tinkling as the guard places the vial and needle on the floor.
I wait until the door slides closed, then run to collect them despite the tremor seizing my muscles.
Going back to my bunk makes my stomach churn, but I keep my goal in front of me as I drop to my knees.
My fingers are still trembling as I wrap the sheets around me in an effort to counteract my shivering.
Then carefully sit each vial on the floor in front of me.
“Mommy, Daddy, baby one, baby two.”
I’m too numb to cry despite the pressure building behind my eyes. Yet my tears manage to fall as I shakily fill one syringe with all the vials. They burn, racing down my face to soak the front of the simple cotton dress while I wrap the torn piece of fabric I’ve made around my bicep.
The shaking stops below the tourniquet as I pump my fist, testing the inside of my elbow for the spot to give me my family back forever.
I don’t even wince as I push the sharp point of the needle through my skin or when it enters my burning veins.
The euphoria floods my blood, my eyes drooping as I’m finally pulled away from this horrible world I never wanted to be in.
Wrapping the sheets tighter around me, I lay in a ball on my side. I did it correctly this time as Kane and Baby Girl wait for me with an older girl—a teenager who slips her hand in mine as warmth surrounds me.
“We’ve missed you,” she says.
She looks like Scarlet with her dark hair and sharp features, but she has Kane’s eyes.
I grip her hand with both of mine as I plead, “I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry. I don’t think I’d be a good mom, but I never wanted you to be hurt.
I’m sorry they took you away from me before I could find you a good family. ”
Kane walks towards us with Baby Girl on his hip. The scar he gave himself isn’t there anymore. Neither is the hate as he kisses Baby Girl’s chubby cheek, making her giggle. I smile with tears in my eyes as her giggles fill the wide-open space. Turning to my eldest child, I ask, “What’s your name?”
“You haven’t given me one,” she says.
“Scarlet?” I offer. “You look like your auntie Scarlet, so c-can I give you her name, please?”
“I’d like that.” She smiles as Kane stops in front of us.
Baby Girl stretches her hand out to Scarlet. “Who that, daddy?”
He tickles her as he says softly, “Your sister, silly.”
I don’t know where the name comes from, but when she opens her arms to reach for me, I say, “Luna.”
She claps as I lift her out of Kane’s arms, pointing at her big sister. “Scarlet.” Then herself. “Luna.”
Kane wraps his arms around all three of us. One by one, he kisses our crowns before whispering, “My girls.”
“Dad,” Scarlet groans. “I’m not a kid.”
My eyes close as I bury my face in his chest, content for the first time in so long. Just as the peace settles, my entire body shakes as someone further away grits, “You fucking idiot.”
Cold liquid is pushed up my nose followed by a sting to my cheek. I hold my family tighter, refusing to allow anyone to take them away. Yet it doesn’t matter how hard I cling to them, they’re violently ripped from me. The harder I try to stay with them, the more it hurts as I’m dragged away.
There’s more cold as something hits me in the face. “Wake the fuck up.”
Another cold splash that makes me choke.
I’m turned on my side as I throw up. My eyes burn, but the only word I can croak is, “No.” I look up at Nova who gently rubs circles on my back while I cry, “Why did you stop me?”
“Because, stupid, do you think dying here is a good thing? If it was, we’d all be dead. It’s not a fucking end. It’s how you go to The Dollhouse.”
“I don’t care. I had them. I finally had all three of them.”
She remains in front of me in the small dormitory bathroom as I throw up, cry, trying to recall the warmth of Kane’s chest she’s taken from me.
Kane, Scarlet, Luna. My family, my husband and children.
Our daughters. Ours. No one else’s. We were in a world away from everyone.
All four of us were finally fucking safe.
I did something right, but she’s taken it away from me and I can’t fight my trembling body to lash out at her.
When my stomach stops sending bile up, Nova slowly sits me up so my back is against the tiled wall.
She sighs as she stands, grimacing at the vomit pooled on the floor, then wets a hand towel to lay it over the mess.
She rinses her hands four times before filling a plastic cup with water and sitting opposite me beside the sink.
“Here.” She holds the cup out to me. “Your face is dirty.”
I shakily wet a clean patch of my dress to wipe my face as she continues staring at me.
I don’t give a fuck about her opinion. I know I’m disgusting, otherwise I wouldn’t continuously be shunned.
She doesn’t threaten or berate me for once.
I gulp the water down as I stare at a spot on the wall beside her head.
Once I can breathe, I ask, “What’s The Dollhouse? ”
“Where the dead go. This,” she waves her hand, gesturing to everything outside of the dorm, “is better. One of the boys who would go there had scars all over his body. Sometimes he’d stare into space or he’d watch everyone like he wanted to join in on what we were doing but he didn’t know how.”
“How do you know so much?” I slowly sip the remaining tepid water.
“Are you dumb?” Her brows slam together. “Everyone knows what happens where they live.”
I didn’t. Maybe I am dumb.
Nova nods to herself then tilts her head, creepily assessing me.
“Yeah, you look dumb with that stupid look on your face. The big eyes like you’re lost, and your tears.
It’s why they keep choosing you.” She leans forward as she whispers, “Some advice, stare right at them next time. Look at them like you know who they are, take their power away, then they won’t pick you. ”
“Who?”
“Did you ever look in your empty dorm and wonder why there’s no one staying with you?
It’s because you’re the only one they want in the Silver Room.
So stop giving them what they want. Stop screaming.
Laugh. Laugh until it hurts your stomach, then they’ll have to choose someone else.
Or be like Sienna.” She shrugs. “Keep crying, letting them think they scare you. What do I know when I don’t get sent to the Rooms anymore? ”
“Nova?” I ask softly, careful of her temperament since she’s decided to stop threatening me.
“What?” she snaps, scowling.
“What is this place? I know it’s a perverted club, but you’re talking like this is all you know. You’re young, way too young to be here, so you should remember your life.”
“Life?” she scoffs. “There is nothing outside of here, apart from the Green Rooms. Jasper’s lucky because he always gets picked for those.”
“What’s green?” I whisper, fearful of her answer.
“You leave, stay with the client until their term is over, and they’re not allowed to kill you. If you’re really lucky, they don’t chain you to their bed and you breathe outside. Trees, grass, everything the filters in this place remove from the air.”
“Am I going to die here?” I ask myself more than her.
She crawls forward to sit next to me. I don’t touch her given her whole violent aura, but she doesn’t move away when my shoulder brushes hers.
“People have died. No one knows how. We hear the whispers about them going to the other place. Some get too old or the clients don’t want them anymore, so they get taken away.
Like Xanthe, she was Jasper’s room mother.
It’s funny, isn’t it? None of us have parents but we call the person who looks after us mother. ”
“I think that’s nice,” I whisper. “Even in this place, you find a way to have comfort.”
“Hmm, it might be. Jasper is a father now. He watches the younger ones like Xan did for him. I think you’re like me, you don’t want to help other people.”
“Thank you.” I look at her, catching the small smile on her lips she tries to hide. “I think being like you would make me stronger than I am.”
She watches me, that armor of violence she carries cracking a little as she whispers, “You’re from outside?” Narrowing her eyes at me, she leans closer to stare at every point of my face. “You are. Why are you here?”
“I don’t know,” I admit.
I’ve never said anything truer. I don’t know why Helene sent me here. I did everything she wanted. Helene knew what it was like to be me—abandoned by everyone—so we had each other as long as I was obedient. But I’m here, and I don’t know how to complete the task correctly in order to leave.
Nova’s anger gives way for curiosity as she asks me different questions about outside, each one highlighting the true horror of where I am.
I was wrong thinking it was a club—this is a world within a world, depravity hidden from the masses because children only know what they’re taught, and this child doesn’t even know what the sun feels like.
“I’ve heard about it,” she whispers. “Jasper said it’s warm. Sometimes it makes his skin change color.”