Chapter 67 Kane
KANE
The illusion of choice is how Delilah described Asher.
It’s what I have now as I watch Sasha sleep in the empty house we’ve been staying in under the dim glow of the streetlights filtering through the grimy windows.
Her cheek is on my shoulder, and her small snores are muffled by the thick skin covering her face.
She snorts, waking herself up with a fright.
I bring a cigarette to my lips, leaning to the side to provide myself the illusion the secondhand smoke isn’t reaching her.
“An aunt and an uncle, but they’re dead.” She yawns, stretching as she leans further into me to go back to sleep. “They weren’t nice like you.”
“They hurt you?”
“They didn’t feed me.” She shakes her head, tilting the mask on her face. “You made me food.”
“You’re the only one who would miss her,” Asher whispers at my other side as I take in another drag of smoke.
He doesn’t understand that’s the problem.
I will miss her. I’ll know I’ve killed someone else that I got close to.
Three years of making her masks, watching her while she sleeps, comforting her when she’s scared doesn’t just go away.
Over time, she’s worked her crazy into the empty spot that always craved a family.
If it wasn’t for Sasha, I’d be dead. She’s kept me human by allowing me to keep Delilah’s memory alive, so I can’t kill her.
A car door slams, dragging my attention past the torn drapes covering the filthy windows as a woman walks into a bakery like she does every night in this shithole neighborhood.
The most obscure places always serve the best food, so I’m going to miss that bakery when this job is complete.
I kiss the top of Sasha’s head without looking away from the window.
“I love you, little one. Thank you for staying with me.”
She’s fallen back to sleep.
Resting my head on the wall, I use the smoke to remind me to breathe. My tears don’t fall, but I can feel them building, altering the taste of the nicotine.
“See, being a big brother isn’t easy, is it?” the smug fuck says.
“Fuck you.”
“Look at the good little reflection becoming worse than his horrible monster of a big brother. Poor Kane.” He laughs.
“No one knew you like I did. You didn’t even know yourself until I showed you.
I knew you were worse than me. It’s why I took Delilah away from you because you will never deserve her.
Now, you’re going to hurt the one person who was stupid enough to help you.
Do you think Sasha will know it was you in her final moments?
Is she going to regret saving your life when 4 put a gun to your head? ”
“Shut the fuck up. She won’t die.”
“She will. If she’s lucky. Or you’ll give her to the Wards, and they’ll torture her for information on Rowan like you planned to.”
I stub the cigarette out beside his knee, singeing the threadbare carpet, filling the room with that disgusting, stale scent as I kiss Sasha’s crown. “I’m sorry you only have me to miss you.”
I slowly slide her with my hand under her head then gently lay her on the floor.
There’s no blanket to cover her, so I take off my hoodie to lay over her small body.
Fuck, I’m going to miss her crazy ass. I’ve never seen her face without a mask, but I’m still going to miss seeing her, hearing her voice, listening to her crazy shit, and having her with me.
Using the tip of my finger, I move her hair away from her face as I silently say goodbye.
I love you, crazy pants. This is going to be easier if I don’t know your real face so you can’t haunt me.
I don’t know what you’ve been through to make you crazier than me.
I’m going to tell myself it’s your personality to stop the guilt.
But I love you. We won’t be able to celebrate hitting a milestone number like you wanted.
I’m doing it alone. Every single number I add will be done with the thought of you.
I’ll take their faces like you’re still next to me, and I’ll miss you more with the scent of blood in the air.
My heart beats slower as I walk through the dusty remains of what was once someone’s family home. My hands move on instinct to lift my hood, meeting the cold air as I leave through the side door, walking through the overgrowth between the houses until I reach the car of the woman in the bakery.
Her back is to me while she selects her cakes, so she doesn’t see me pop the lock on the back passenger door, or when I lay on the back seat before softly pulling the door closed. Lifting my hips, I take the gun from my waistband and wait.
The central locks beep as muttering comes through the glass.
“Oh, shut the fuck up.” She’s busy tapping away on her phone while she balances the bakery box on her forearm, so she doesn’t notice my legs in the shadowed backseat as she climbs into the car.
The dim light illuminates the center console, but one of the small bulbs is out so it doesn’t reach the back seat as she dumps her things on the passenger seat.
She’s so fucking oblivious that I don’t know if I should be thankful for making my job easier or if I should tell her to pull the fuck over to teach her about personal safety.
Why the fuck did she get in without checking the car?
So what if she locked the doors? I clearly fucking bypassed it without leaving a mark.
Even now, she doesn’t drive straight away as she hits the central locking, fiddles with the fucking radio, then pulls out onto the road.
Her music is fucking awful, so is her voice as she sings along to some old power ballad.
She’s still using her phone as she drives, and I nearly laugh at the thought of her recklessness killing us both.
Lowering the music, she holds the phone in front of her face as the line trills.
When it connects, there’s a little girl’s voice on the other end, asking, “Did you get them?”
“Yes, my little diva. Tell your dad his favorite song just came on the radio. I’ll be home soon, love you.”
“You’re going to kill that little girl’s mother who’s waiting for her to come home with treats.”
She ends the call, throwing her phone on the seat while I contemplate how the fuck to get out of this situation. There’s nothing. I can’t fucking do anything as she tortures me with her warbling.
“Scar?” I ask, slowly sitting up.
The tires screech as Scarlet swerves and screams, “What the fuck?” She manages to stop herself from colliding with anything, but her breathing is ragged.
Wide blue eyes stare at me through the rearview mirror, quickly flicking back to the road, then to the mirror again.
“Kane? What the fuck? We thought you were dead.”
“Keep driving.” I press the gun to the back of her seat as my vision blurs. “I’m sorry. I’m really fucking sorry, Scar.”
Sasha will be safe now. Everything I’ve earnt over the last three years is waiting for her when she wakes up.
She’ll find the letter I left her and remove her mask to live a normal life.
I’ll never know what she looks like without it, but this way I’ll save someone like I couldn’t with Kid. If I kill Sasha, I’ll fucking implode.
“Kane,” Scarlet says softly as I dig the gun into her spine through the seat, her wide eyes filling the rearview mirror. “I’ll keep driving. Okay. Remember when you were younger? You wanted to buy Dilly a birthday present, but you didn’t know what she’d like?”
I nod, repeating, “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, you haven’t done anything yet. I’m fine. It’s just like that day when I took you to the mall to pick her birthday present.”
“We got a necklace,” I whisper.
“Yeah, we did. She loved it.”
I keep apologizing to her as my hand trembles around the gun.
The plan was to follow her until she got home, then kill her there.
Make it look like a suicide so no one would have any questions.
If Delilah ever found out, she’d never suspect me.
I was going to explain why I’m doing it, and she’d know it’s all for Delilah.
She’d write a letter to her sister, give her closure or whatever the fuck else.
That way, no one was being tortured. She’d be at peace, Sasha would be safe, I’d have Delilah.
I can’t kill her in front of her child I didn’t even know she had. Why did she have to have a fucking child?
“Turn left here,” I instruct, which she does without argument. “Scarlet, I need you to know I’m sorry. You know that, right? You know I don’t want to hurt you?”
“I know.” She blows out a long breath, tears welling against her lower lashes. “I know you, Kane. Tell me what happened.”
“I don’t know.” Reaching around the seat, I lift her phone and tuck it under my thigh. “It’s all fucked up. I have to get her out of there. They made me hurt her.”
“You wanted to,” Asher snaps. “No one made you shove your fist inside her, or your fingers in her ass. You loved it. You wanted your worthless cock to work so you could fuck her while she screamed how much she hates you.”
“That’s okay,” Scarlet lies. “She’ll understand. None of us are blaming you, Kane. Why don’t you tell me where she is?”
“I don’t know!” I shout, digging the gun harder against her back. “Do you think I’d be fucking doing this if I did? No. I have to because if I don’t, they won’t fucking tell me.”
“If you do, Delilah won’t forgive you.” She keeps driving as I direct her to the empty streets leading to the church the Wards told me to meet them in once I’ve made my choice.
“I know you love her. It was clear as day when you were kids. You couldn’t stop yourself looking at everything she did with a smile on your face. ”
“I’m sorry,” is all I’m capable of saying while she revisits the past.
“Do you remember when you wanted to learn how to drive?”
“I’m sorry.”
“I taught you. How old were you? Twelve or thirteen? You were too cautious and you wouldn’t go above ten miles per hour, but when it was Dilly’s turn, you were encouraging her and checking the mirrors for her.”
“I’m sorry.”
“That was the first time I realized how much you loved her,” she says softly as I direct her to turn with my free hand. For some reason, I don’t focus on what she’s saying as the blinker clicks like a metronome. “She was so happy when you said she’s good at driving.”
“I’m sorry, Scar. I’m really sorry.”
“I know. I know you are, and I am too. I’m sorry you had to find out everything the way you did, that you’ve been ripped apart so many times in your short lives. I’m sorry you were born into a family who could never appreciate you.”
“You know I’m sorry? You know I have no other choice, right?” I beg. “That I have to do this? Please don’t hate me.”
“Kane, I know you. I knew you when you were six, laughing at Dilly’s shit jokes like they were delivered by the world’s best comedian, when you would sit next her while she watched your awful movies but you’d be watching her, and when you were released from prison.
You were so different then. I wish I asked you about it instead of waiting for you. ”
“Nothing happened,” I repeat out of habit. “I’m sorry.”
“Okay, nothing happened,” she agrees as we get closer to the church. “That nothing wasn’t your fault, Kane. It was never your fault.”
“Scar…” I try to get Asher to quiet as he urges me to pull the trigger while she’s driving slow enough for me to safely get out.
“Scar, I-I lied. Delilah doesn’t hate you.
She was just angry in the moment. I—” My tears soak into the collar of my t-shirt.
“I lied to you because I needed you away from her. She misses you. I swear she loves you so much.”
I watch the electronic dash increase, skipping numbers as she puts her foot down.
“Slow the fuck down,” I grit.
“Shoot her now.”
“Tell me where she is and I will,” she fires back, staring at me through the rearview mirror without any trace of the previous care she held.
“Don’t fuck with me or try to act like you’re going to kill me.
The safety is still on; you have tears in your eyes.
You don’t want to do this, so I’m making the choice for you. ”
Is she going to kill us both, so I don’t have to?
The engine roars over the low music as she reaches 105 miles per hour.
“Kane! Fucking tell me!”
I scream back, “I don’t fucking kn—”
My entire body is flung forward as the brakes creak.
Glass shatters from the impact of me hitting the windshield, the shards scraping my arms and back as I sail through the air, landing on the concrete with a thud echoing around my skull.
My vision doubles as I roll across the tarmac, grating my skin.
I’m still moving when squealing and burnt rubber taint the air but I crawl onto my knees, unable to fucking breathe.
The cool night air on the road rash burns but so do my insides as I watch the taillights get further and further away.
Asher is unharmed as he stands in front of me, taunting, “You had to talk to her.”
“Fuck. Off,” I wheeze.
I cough through the searing pain in my ribs as I try to stand, chips of Scarlet’s windshield embedding themselves into my palms as I drag myself up. The empty street full of condemned buildings don’t offer any help, just the fucking church where one of the Wards will be waiting for me.
My leg is fucked, barely able to accept my weight as I take one step only to instantly fucking crumble.
My pained scream is trapped as I grit my teeth and pull myself up again.
Ten feet, that’s all I have to walk. I’ll get on my knees and fucking beg for the information about where they’re keeping Delilah.
Ten feet. I can do it. I can crawl over broken fucking glass for her. Then we’ll be together. I’ll make another deal with the motherfuckers to get Helene’s location, kill the cunt, then we’ll be safe. Just. Ten. Fucking. Feet.