Chapter 20 #3
But Meg shook her head, swiped away more tears. ‘That’s not why I’m crying. I mean, yes, it means the world to hear you say it now, but…’
‘But what?’
‘It’s gone. The job. The Cocoa Cupboard. It’s all gone.’ And then the sobbing started.
Chrissie’s natural reaction was to get up and go over to her sister and hold her in her arms while she cried. She couldn’t do anything else.
Meg told her the rest after Chrissie sat back on the bed and handed her sister some tissues. She told her about Grant, the lack of love between them, the lies he’d told about expanding the business, how her dream job was over.
‘So you see,’ said Meg with a wobble in her voice and a crumpled tissue disintegrating between her fingers, ‘I failed at that too.’
‘Oh, Meg, if you think you failed at that, then you’re crazy.’
‘But I have no job. Certainly not a job as lead chocolatier at a successful shop in London. My dream has gone.’
‘But you are a success.’ She paused. ‘I scoffed a huge wedge of salted caramel chocolate while we waited for more news from the hospital – my energy levels needed it – and believe me when I tell you it was the most exquisite chocolate I have ever eaten.’
Her eyes brightened. ‘They were from my own recipe. Grant had nothing to do with that one. Or many of the others, actually.’
Chrissie thought carefully about what to say. ‘The Cocoa Cupboard might have closed down, but not everything has gone.’
‘Grant has.’
‘And that’s probably a good thing, no?’
Meg smiled. ‘Definitely.’
Chrissie tapped the side of her head. ‘You have what’s up here. All your knowledge, all your experience. Plenty of people lose their jobs or are made redundant or go out of business. So rise up, find just as good a job elsewhere. No Grant, no interference. Just you taking control again.’
Meg looked down at her lap, her knees drawn up to her body. ‘You’re being so supportive. I don’t deserve it.’
‘You do. You deserved to have been given a chance over the years to make peace with me and I never let you.’
‘I can understand why.’
But Chrissie shook her head. ‘It’s gone on far too long. You made mistakes.’
‘Big ones.’
‘I won’t disagree with you there.’
‘I bet you never made any.’
At that she shook her head. ‘I have, and still do. Me and Sarah… I’m not sure what she’s told you about us, but things have been a little tense.’
‘How so?’
‘She says I’m always trying to interfere, to fix everything for her.’
‘And is that true?’
‘After Anthony died, I didn’t want anything to hurt her that much ever again. I try to fix whatever comes her way. I came here trying to fix things with her and Rhys.’
‘Isn’t that just motherhood?’
Chrissie thought for a moment. ‘At a certain point you have to let your kids grow up. She’s twenty, it’s time. I need to be in the background, but she has to be the one steering her own path.’
‘Do you wish Mum and Dad had tried to fix us?’
She thought about it. ‘I think if they’d pushed me more, it would’ve made it worse.’
‘You’re probably right.’ She added, ‘I think that’s what I was trying to do at the wedding. In a stupid way, admittedly, but I think I was trying to fix things for you so that your life would be easier.’
Chrissie smiled. ‘Sarah asked me something else, you know… She asked why, if I try to fix things in every other avenue of my life or hers, why I don’t try to fix things with you.
And she had a point. I was furious when I arrived here and saw you with her, but since Sarah has been talking about you it’s helped me see how different you are from the person I always kept in my head.
And part of me never wanted to reach out because I thought you might say “I told you so”. ’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, Anthony died and I got hurt, just like you said I would.’
Meg shook her head. ‘Even the old Meg, with a drink and a joint, never would’ve said something like that, Chrissie.’ She leaned forwards enough to reach Chrissie’s hand.
Chrissie felt a rush of affection, the missing years, the emotions behind all that time apart. And the tears almost fell freely when her sister said, ‘You must miss him so much.’
Chrissie nodded, her vision blurry with unshed tears, although she could still manage to see the clock: 1 a.m. ‘I should go and let you sleep. Jonathan probably wants to go to bed too – he was still up and about when I warmed the soup.’
Meg smiled. ‘I’ll see you again tomorrow?’
‘Yes.’ It was a single word but a word that meant everything to them both.
‘Are you and Jonathan…?’ But her words trailed off. ‘Sorry, shouldn’t be asking.’ She went to put on her coat ready to leave, but Meg patted the top of the duvet and she sat back down.
‘You can ask. But only if I can ask you if you’ve ever met any other men.’
When Chrissie smiled, Meg gasped.
‘You have met someone!’
‘No! Well… yes, kind of.’
‘I’m going to need more than that.’
And by the time Chrissie left almost an hour later it felt like they’d made a start. The past hadn’t been pretty, but what had happened wasn’t something she wanted to let rule her life any longer.
It was time to move forwards.