34. THEO
34
THEO
‘I know you’re pissed off at me, but if we don’t leave now, Anika, we’re going to get there at midnight.’
She turns on the hairdryer even though I know she never uses the hairdryer during the summer, and I can do nothing but sigh and go back to my room to wait.
A weekend in Alassio with Anika, Magdalen, Dante, Lucia and Maio. While normally I’d be psyched for a trip like this, I’ve been anxious to see Magdalen since yesterday. Do I apologize first? Do I ask her how the date went? I think about her in those jeans and wonder if he touched her leg under the table, feeling the length of her thigh. I have no right, I remind myself. No right to wonder when their night ended, or if it’s continuing as I sit here, knee bouncing with nerves, waiting until it’s appropriate to sprint downstairs and watch the front door for the next Savoy to leave.
Roberto Almeno, who I deduced was the fucking mystery man, went to primary and secondary school with Magdalen and only now insists on taking her out as soon as she’s back home. Get in line, buddy.
Then a heavy knock interrupts and the brief moment with Magdalen fades.
‘Busy?’ My father leans against the door frame as if physically unable to enter my room.
‘What’s up?’
‘Heading out soon?’ He looks at his watch, letting me know he’s disappointed. ‘Traffic will be congested if you wait any longer.’
I sigh. ‘Yeah, I know, just waiting for Anika to finish up in the bathroom.’
‘You should have woken her up earlier, Theo.’ Pinching my nose, I count down from ten, trying not to blow up.
Even as the door frame hides him, I can still see myself in him. His impatience. Endless. The divot in his nose. It’s painful to see exactly how I’ll turn out.
‘I saw your thesis.’ He jerks his head towards my desk. Open textbooks and the early copy of my paper lie scattered around my desk.
‘I fucking told you—’
‘I know.’
‘I told you not to—’
‘Then don’t leave it sitting there.’ He straightens himself. ‘I’ve been telling you to clean this room since you lived here.’
‘Sorry, I thought the verbal agreement we had the last time you tried to read it clarified that I want you to stay out of my shit.’
‘Again with this.’ He claps his hands together and sighs, lifting his foot to cross into my room, but his loafer just hovers over the divide, traversing his world and mine. Eventually, he lowers his foot back onto his side of the frame and lets out a breath of relief. ‘Don’t you get tired of always being so angry?’
A nerve in my temple pulses, and I imagine screaming so fucking hard my veins burst, and I drown in my own blood.
‘Where’s Mamma?’ I bite.
His eyes flash for a second. Ready for a fight. ‘Savoys’ house.’
‘Three a crowd?’
He glances back towards the bathroom door, and then, without warning, he’s on me. I blink, unsure of how I missed the moment he even began walking towards me, but it’s too late; his head is inches from mine, our noses almost brushing.
‘Excuse me?’ His breath is hot on my face, and up close, I idly wonder if this is what my nose looks like to others. ‘If you have something to say to me, say it.’
It takes very little to shake my father’s composure, but I’ve been doing it since I was a kid, and I’m still just as scared.
‘How many times have I told you.’ He grabs my chin between his pointer finger and thumb, squeezing so hard I feel my jaw beginning to crack in protest.
‘And how many times did you fuck her before I saw?’ I say through clenched teeth, my breathing ragged as I look him in the eyes so he knows. So he knows I will never forget. Even halfway across the world and a decade later, I can’t forget.
He stares at me momentarily before releasing my head and rolling his eyes. Absentmindedly rubbing my chin, I still feel his fingers pressing into me but I’m too exhausted to try to get him back. He walks to my desk and leafs through my thesis notes again. Knowing I won’t say anything this time.
‘Always so dramatic.’ He steps back and distractedly tucks his shirt into his trousers, then checks the time on his watch. ‘Put gas in the car on your way back.’