Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Seeing those messages was exactly what I needed. The next morning, I wasn’t all over Levi, which meant I wasn’t horny and about to make another mistake.
Getting thrown back into reality wasn’t fun, but it was good for me. I felt more in control, more grounded than I had since this marriage started.
Levi had told me one day that this would all make sense, and he was right. It did now.
How did I forget about his busy nights? Why didn’t I realize that someone had to be filling that time? They didn’t just disappear into the ether. They were around.
I wondered what they talked about. If Levi was like this to me for a fake marriage, what was he like to someone he really wanted to be with?
It might not have been a woman. It might have been something else, but the guilt in his eyes told me it was something I wouldn’t like.
I slowly got out of bed. My first stop was to my purse to take my medicine, but I groaned when I only saw one pill left. Shit. I knew I was running low, but finally seeing one left was scarier than I wanted to admit. The medicine I took every day was key to preventing migraines, and going off of it wasn’t advised.
Too many things were going wrong.
I turned to Levi, wondering if there was something he could do, but after the quiet awkwardness of our entire night, I couldn’t ask him to shell out the thousands it would be for me to go to the doctor.
I took the last one and checked on my emergency stash. I had enough of that to prevent an oncoming one. All I could do was hope that my brain worked with me until I could get back on my usual medicine.
I put on a robe so I could go outside and think. The air was cool, but the view was worth it. And I needed the quiet time after spending so long in Levi’s orbit.
For a long while, I sat in silence. Then I pulled out my phone and opened the chat with V.
I think I was right about this one.
V
About what?
That I was doing something stupid.
What happened?
It’s gonna go pretty deep into my personal life if I tell you, but I’ll leave it at this. If there are signs not to trust someone, then don’t.
What if you’re reading the signs wrong?
I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, what if.”
I doubt it. But at least I can kinda vent to you. I know you’d never make me feel like this.
V typed for a long time. Stopped. And then started again.
I hope whatever this person did is simply a misunderstanding. It’s hard for me to imagine anyone hurting you, because you don’t deserve it.
His reply was too sweet. Just like he’d been this entire time.
Do you ever wish we’d met a different way? Like we had classes together and became friends in person?
Every day.
I know we have an unspoken rule against this, but maybe we COULD meet in person. There’s no harm in it. You’re probably the only guy I ever talk like this to.
I waited a few minutes for a response, but I didn’t even see him start typing. My heart pounded in my ears, and I was desperate to know what he was thinking.
Then the door opened and I turned to see Levi had gotten up. He had two cups of steaming coffee, and I took mine gratefully. It melted some of the ice that had gathered in my chest.
“Hey,” he started. “About yesterday.”
Oh no. I didn’t want to talk about this.
“I thought I said I didn’t see anything. I’m basically blind, actually. Especially when it comes to catching people doing things.” My tone was all wrong and my joke came out more bitter than I meant it to.
“We’re married, though. And I wouldn’t?—”
“We’re not married. Not really. This is for revenge with Calvin. So, it doesn’t matter what I saw. I don’t feel anything about it.”
“I don’t know if that’s true.”
I tapped my finger on my mug. He was right, but one thing was true. I shouldn’t feel this way. I knew what I was getting myself into. Seeing confirmation shouldn’t hurt.
Just like V’s lack of answer shouldn’t have hurt either.
“This isn’t ... entirely your fault. It’s been a rough few weeks. And I’m not acting in my best interest as usual, but this isn’t your fault. It’s not about you at this moment.”
It was mostly true. Now, V’s lack of answer was at the forefront of my mind.
“You could tell me, you know. Even if it wasn’t me.”
Some days, it felt like I was over all of the things that hurt me. It felt like the dull ache was reduced to nothingness and I was able to go on with my life.
But on days like this where I opened up and got no response, it all came flooding back.
“Just give me time.”
I could hear his response even now. We don’t have a lot of that.
But his hand threaded through mine as he sat in the empty seat next to me. “Take as much as you need.”
I looked down at where he held onto me, and the pain lessened, replaced by the familiar dull throb I had carried through most of my life.
And after a few minutes, it was bearable again.
“Today’s the last day we have the cabin, right?”
“Yes, but we could stay longer if we wanted to.”
“Would your company be okay with that?”
“Probably not,” he said with a sigh. “But they’d deal. What can they do, fire me?”
“I see CEOs step down all the time, though usually it’s through illegal dealings. Hey, you’re not secretly running a rich people’s sex ring, right?”
His jaw dropped. “Absolutely not.”
“Then, you’d probably be good, but for me ...” I thought about how my risk of getting a migraine was higher now that I was out of my medicine. And then I thought about how being in Levi’s orbit all the time made me act out in stupid ways.
I probably needed space too.
“We should head out,” I said.
“Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?”
I thought about it but then shook my head. “No. I’m ready to be back in my home. I want to read in my own four walls, and you need to get back to your job before you get in trouble.”
“The second one is a boring reason, but okay,” he said. “Then let’s head home.”
He walked inside, leaving me out on the porch. I was about to get up and join him, but I checked my phone to see if V had answered.
And I was still left on read.
I was able to get some peace on the way back when I pulled out one of the books I’d purchased. Leaving reality soothed me in the same way Levi’s hand had earlier. It was comforting to know books would still be there for me since I knew people wouldn’t be.
But it went by too fast. I was almost done with it by the time we got back to Nashville. Traffic was so bad that I put it up to prevent motion sickness from all the stopping and going.
“Was it good?” Levi asked.
“The traffic?”
“No, the book. You seemed so focused on it. I was almost jealous that I was driving.”
“You could have put on an audiobook.”
“And when it got to a smut scene?”
“Then I would either die of embarrassment or listen too. It just depends on the kind of smut you were listening to.”
A ghost of a smile crossed his face. “You sound better.”
“Reading always helps,” I replied. “And this was a good book.”
“Can I borrow it after you?”
“Technically, you paid for it.”
“It’s yours. I’m not gonna take it without permission.”
“But what about the saying what’s mine is yours?”
“Maybe I want to be respectful. Books are special.”
“That’s a point in your favor,” I said. “Books of mine are fine to read. As long as you don’t damage them.”
“What was it about?”
I glanced over at him. V leaving me on read was still on my mind, but I still didn’t talk about books with other people. It felt like a betrayal.
But Levi looked so curious.
“It’s about a woman who goes on a road trip with the wrong guy,” I said. “It’s hilarious, actually.”
“Reading about a road trip on a road trip, huh?”
“This is a little more in-depth. They’re going across the country.”
“We could have. Or we still could. Say the word and I’ll take you anywhere.”
I was happy with where we went, but even if I wasn’t, I didn’t like to take long trips. I could never guarantee I would be able to enjoy them like others could, and I didn’t want Levi, or anyone for that matter, to see me when I was at my worst. Being far away from home and getting a migraine would be terrible, and there would be no way to pretend to be normal.
“It’s okay. I like the mountains close to home. And besides, I can tell the authors did the journey themselves. It’s so detailed.”
“And the romance?”
“The characters are being idiots, but I love that.”
“Tell me more. I love it when they’re dumb.”
I did, going into detail about where they started out in their relationship and where they were at the seventy percent mark. Levi listened intently. If I had any doubts that he was a romance reader, they were gone now.
We pulled up to the house around midday. While being away from home was fun, I was more than glad to be where I knew.
When we got out, Levi waved at someone. “One of your neighbors is out.”
He wasn’t looking at the side of my house where Lily and Sebastian lived. Slowly, I turned and saw Mr. Buford was outside, watching us closely.
Shit. I’d never caught him up on everything.
I would have invited him to the wedding if he’d been outside at all over the last few weeks. I thought about leaving a note, but when I peered into his mailbox, it was full.
Almost like he hadn’t been home.
“That’s Mr. Buford,” I said. “You go inside. I need to go talk to him.”
“Is everything okay?” Levi asked.
“Yeah, everything is fine. I just haven’t seen him in a while, and we have some things to catch up on.”
I didn’t give Levi the chance for any more questions. I ran over to Mr. Buford’s house.
“Who is that?” he asked suspiciously.
“Hey,” I said. “Nice day, right?”
“You’re dodging the question, kid.”
I winced. “Okay, but I just need to preface this by saying it all happened really fast and you were also mysteriously busy.”
“What happened?” he asked, frowning.
“I got married.”
His eyebrows rose. “To who ? That guy on your porch?”
I turned to my house and saw that Levi was still outside watching us.
Damn it. If only he’d listened.
“A guy from my childhood. He’s nice, and it was all kind of a whirlwind, really.”
“I bet,” he said. “Considering you were single last time I talked to you.”
“We were keeping it a secret, but then we decided it wasn’t worth it. You only live once, why wait?”
Mr. Buford’s eyes were still narrowed. “Is he good to you?”
“He’s very good to me.”
“And does this mean you’re moving?”
“After everything I went through to get this house, I’m not giving it up. He moved in with me.”
Mr. Buford smiled. “That’s what I was hoping for. I can’t lose my favorite neighbor.”
“And I can’t lose my favorite garden to weed. I swear, yours grows back so fast.”
“It’s those damn invasive species. They multiply. When I bought this place, there weren’t any. But someone had to bring them here.”
“I’ll get rid of them for you.”
“This is why you’re my favorite neighbor,” he said with a smile. “Even if you get married and don’t let me know.”
“If you forgive me, I’ll forgive you for not telling me where you were.”
“Mandated family vacation for my health,” he said. “My niece has been trying to be sure I don’t rot away in my house.”
“That’s sweet of her.”
“I had to go to the beach,” he grumbled. “I hate the sun.”
“Oh, poor you. Getting taken on a vacation with family.”
“Keep that up and I won’t make you coffee anymore.”
I gasped. “That’s so cruel.”
Levi had to go back to work the next day. Just as I suspected, CEOs were very busy and needed to do their jobs rather than stay on honeymoons all the time.
I stayed around the house and kept checking Discord to see if V had gotten back to me. My message remained the last one sent as the day went on. His silence was loud. Had I made a mistake with my suggestion?
Probably.
But could I take it back without looking like a total fool?
Definitely not.
I’d do it anyway.
It was four when I finally sent him something.
Ignore my last message. Obviously, I wasn’t thinking clearly. Want to hear my last read?
He answered so quickly that I wondered if he happened to have the app open already.
V
Sorry, I was busy with someone. I might be in and out for a bit again.
That wasn’t a great answer, but at least he was being honest.
I tried not to think too hard about it, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop thinking about our interaction, or lack thereof, even while I watched for Levi to get home. He pulled into the driveway around six.
But then he didn’t come inside. Instead, he sent a text.
Levi
Hey, my car is in the driveway, but I have some plans tonight. Be back later.
I wanted to be over the many messages I saw, but him having plans right after I caught him looking at messages sent a stab of anger into my chest. What was he up to? Taking a woman to a bar? Going to her place?
The thought brought tears to my eyes.
I wasn’t even with Levi. Not really anyway. I thought of Gram. How had she had her heart broken and survived it? How was she able to move on when someone who loved her hurt her?
There was no way that I loved Levi. But I liked him.
And this was eating me up inside. I couldn’t sit with this feeling. I needed to see someone and talk this out.
Checking outside, I saw that Lily’s car was there and asked if I could come over. Thankfully, she said yes.
“Where’s Sebastian?” I asked as I walked in.
“He’s getting groceries and he takes forever.”
“How does it take him that long?”
“He finds grocery stores fun. He never was able to go when we worked under his dad.”
“That’s so cute.”
We sat on her couch and ordered pizza. Once that was settled, she leaned toward me. “So, how was the honeymoon?”
Memories of how it ended flashed through my mind, but I shook them off. “Levi tried to kill me by dragging me on this bridge high up between the mountains.”
“Do you have pictures?” I pulled out my phone, showing her everything Levi had sent me. “Wow. A lot of these are of you.”
“He’s good at pretending.”
“Better than Sebastian was,” she said. “You look happy in these. And somehow even better at pretending. Why?”
“It all started when we ... kinda slept together.”
“ What? Why wouldn’t you open this conversation with that?”
“Because I caught him talking to someone else later in the day. It may have been innocent, but he hid it.”
“Okay,” Lily said, shaking her head. “So you’ve kissed and slept together.”
“The kiss was practice, but the other stuff ... Can I blame it on the mountains?”
“I don’t think they’re responsible.”
“Then it was a slip of my judgment. I told myself I wouldn’t, but I think I forgot this is all revenge.”
“And obviously he did too.”
“Maybe he didn’t. He could have just slept with me for revenge purposes.”
“That would be gross on many levels.”
“It would be, but who knows? He’s hurt me before, and I let him do it again.”
She stared at me, and I wondered if she was working out how to tell me how much of an idiot I was.
I wouldn’t blame her if she did.
As I said it out loud, I could see that I was heading for one hell of a heartbreak. As much as I told myself I wasn’t going to let it happen, I also knew that I liked him. I’d liked him since that first day when he seemed to choose me over Calvin. And now all of the gifts and appreciation were making it worse, and all I could do was be along for the ride.
But this was Lily, and above all else, Lily was so kind.
“Okay, so you’re making some choices.”
“I know they’re not the best ones. And I know I’ll only get myself hurt in the end.”
“Yeah, kinda. Unless you have things wrong about Levi.”
“I don’t think I do.”
“I thought I knew everything about Sebastian, and look at where that got me. We wasted four years of our lives on assumptions we made about each other.”
“Yes, but I know Levi is using me for revenge. And maybe my mouth? He seemed to enjoy the blowjob.”
Lily’s eyes went wide and she was looking at the door. I turned, and my face flamed to see Sebastian had just walked in.
“What the hell did I just walk into?” he asked.
“Girl talk,” she said. “I thought you’d take longer at the store.”
“Maybe I should have. I’m going to the kitchen and putting headphones in. I do not want to know the rest of it.”
“Are you sure?” I called. “I mean, you’re kinda like a girl too.”
“Nope!”
He was gone before I could say anything else.
“Why does this always happen to me?”
“To be fair, we always have weird conversations. Besides, I think it’s funny.”
I glanced in the direction of the kitchen one more time and then turned to Lily. “Now where were we?”
“Assumptions and how you might be wrong.”
“I think I was telling you how right I was.”
She pressed her lips together. “No, that’s not true.”
“It’ll be fine. If I break my own heart, at least I should have money for ice cream.”
“And you’ll find someone better.”
I thought of V, who I regretted not meeting in person, and sighed. “Yeah. I’m sure there is.”
If he would only open up to me.
The pizza arrived not long after, and we all sat to eat. Sebastian got over his embarrassment and was able to look me in the eye by the end of the night, and we had a fun time.
I left at nine, expecting Levi to be home.
But he wasn’t.
I could have gone to bed and let him come home whenever he wanted to, but I knew that if he was with a woman, there might be evidence. And as much as I wanted to pretend I was fine with him doing whatever he wanted, I knew I wasn’t.
Sitting, I pulled out my phone and got comfortable. It was eleven before he came home.
“Oh, you’re still up?” he asked, but his words were off.
I narrowed my eyes. “Are you drunk?”
“No.” But then he hiccupped.
I frowned but kept my thoughts to myself. Just because I didn’t like drinking didn’t mean other people were the same way. At least he’d parked his car here before going out.
But who was he drinking with?
“Did you have fun, at least?” I asked as I got up to take his work bag from him.
“Yes, but whiskey was a poor choice.”
“Maybe you should sleep it off.”
“I definitely should,” he said and stumbled in the direction of the guest room. I put a hand on his shoulder in case he tripped on one of the rugs. I checked his neck, hoping and praying I wouldn’t find either lipstick or a hickey.
Thankfully, I didn’t find either.
“You’re so nice,” he mumbled. “And so pretty. So fucking pretty.”
Despite my annoyance, my cheeks heated. “It’s good to know that when you’re drunk, you’re nice.”
“How do people not see you, Amy? How do they only see your turdhead of a brother?”
I paused. “Did you just say turdhead?”
“Yes. It’s what he is. A big, fat, fucking turd. And you’re nothing like him.”
“Thanks,” I said quietly. They were words I needed to hear, and yet he wouldn’t remember them in the morning. “Let’s get you to bed before you come up with any other ideas of revenge for my turdhead of a brother.”
“I don’t like revenge,” he said with a sigh. “I hate it, actually.”
“Whatever you say,” I hummed. As the only sober person in the room, I knew the truth. This was all for revenge, and when he was sober, he would remember that too.
“I wish Calvin would stop trying to ruin my business. I wish he didn’t exist so we didn’t have to deal with him,” he said as we got to the guest room and he took off his shirt. I averted my eyes out of respect and ensured he made it into bed before shutting the door.
The words didn’t hit me until I was alone.
Ruin his business? I knew Calvin was stealing physicians, but I didn’t know it had gone that far.
And I knew my husband wouldn’t tell me if I asked.
I hated secrets, and I hated that he hid things from me even more. If my brother was doing something to him, I needed to know. I needed to prepare for the fallout that I’d be in the middle of. That was how things always went when it came to Calvin.
And now that I knew there was more, it was time for me to try to figure out some of what he was doing.