Chapter 20. #2
Reuben’s eyes narrow. We’re staring each other down for what feels like forever before his jaw twitches, “Fine.”
Small mercies.
“I gave Xavier everything we’ve discovered so far.” He pours milk into a small saucepan for me before placing it on the countertop stove next to us. I want to ask him why, but I also don’t want to distract him again. “He has a plan. We’ll hear from him soon.”
“Why aren’t you working on a plan with him?”
“He ran it by me.”
“… What I mean is, why are the roles reversed this time? You didn’t lead the last meeting either.”
His eyes dart to me briefly before shifting away. “We agreed a long time ago that Xavier leads all operations when it comes to the Harvester.”
There’s a story there for sure; for some reason, I’m reminded of the meeting room and the chaos I saw there. From the looks of it, Xavier’s been gathering every bit of information he could find on the Harvester for years.
And I rolled in and gave him a lead within minutes.
It’s no wonder he went… ‘off’ on me that day.
“Well, now that we’ve found him, why don’t we just kill him?” I rest my head on my fist, watching Reuben move around the kitchen, but his expression only darkens.
“Xavier… doesn’t want just the Harvester’s head anymore.” He pours the milk from the saucepan into a tall glass for me and slides it over the counter with a troubled look. “He wants them all. The ‘team’ supporting this guy, the backer… I can’t tell him no.”
I have a hard time believing that. I pull the glass towards me with both hands, and the heat is sinking into my palms and my body like a warm furnace on a cold day.
My shoulders relax without them meaning to and when I take my sip, I can vaguely understand why he heated it on the stove and not the microwave.
It doesn’t make sense, but it tastes better.
Another new something learned.
When I look up, Reuben is watching me and suddenly I feel vulnerable.
I wonder what my emotions looked like just now.
“How is it that you’re able to do that?” I huff.
He hums, already catching my meaning, “Not sure.”
“But it must get exhausting,” I stare into my glass, “seeing colours all the time.”
“… Sometimes it does. That’s part of the reason why I took so well to killing others. When people die, the colours go away. It’s the only time I can feel… normal.”
An inconsistency.
To Reuben, killing is as close to normal as he can possibly get. But I remember Lucia’s first response when I told her I’d get rid of those men on the ship.
Killing… isn’t normal.
“And what about this place?” I change the topic as I gaze around the room, “Is it yours?”
“It is.” His brow rises. “It was a gift from Father. He gave it to me when I was 21, after the team’s first successful commission.”
I’m sure he can see my curiosity, because a chuckle bubbles from his lips, “It was just me and Tobias then. Gabriel came after. Then Xavier. It was simple things at first. Rescue a kidnapped child. Kill someone. Find their weakness. Steal a document. Then suddenly it became bigger than me.” Reuben washes out the saucepan in the sink.
“People wanted protection. To safeguard the delivery of their assets. To secure events. To shut them down. I built up a reputation on gratitude. Loyalty. Respect.”
There’s a twinkle of pride in his eyes as he sets the saucepan in the dish tray, “It’s why I’m the favourite.”
I drink from my glass silently but there’s a different feeling settling into my chest as I watch him. A mixture of admiration and envy. Everything Reuben accomplished, he earned with his own hands.
One day, after all this, I want to have something of mine too.
Something that’s really mine. That I can take pride in.
“Your turn.” Reuben sits beside me at the bar with curious eyes, “What was so great about the Adler Squad?”
I swallow. One moment this man is my comfort, and the next he’s my greatest enemy again. I don’t know much about the Adler Squad’s history. I wasn’t there from the beginning, and I don’t have Christian’s memories. If he asks me about them and ever discusses it with Dahlia, I’ll be found out.
The only way to fool his eyes is to tell the truth.
I begin hesitantly, “The Adler Squad was my home. My first. I didn’t care what we did, or why we did it—it didn’t matter… as long as we could stay together. I wouldn’t have minded. Staying like that. For all of our missions, it was us or them… and I would’ve always chosen us.”
But now there’s no one.
Now there’s just… me.
A ghost.
A new realization pulls my brows together, and I meet his eyes steadily, “If you hadn’t ordered me to Seattle with you, ‘Christian Adler’ would not have survived. You knew that.”
“… I did.”
“… Did you pity me?”
He doesn’t break my gaze. It’s not very fair, that he can read everything on my face, while I’m left trying to guess what he’s thinking.
“A little.” The corners of his mouth twitch, as though laughing at a silent joke, “But from the start, it was a bit more than that.”
I open my mouth to ask more, but a ringing sound cuts through us both and the familiar tone makes my face pale.
Reuben immediately bursts into laughter, “Is that Syndicate’s opening song?”
If my gaze could incinerate him, he’d be dead already.
His laughter only gets louder and I can feel myself… pouting? for the first time as I slide off the chair. He’s still chuckling like a bastard when he presses his hand against my chest to stop me and he takes his coffee with him before walking off in the direction of the bedroom.
The ringing stops, but it’s only a few more seconds of silence before it starts up again and Reuben resurfaces in the hallway, “It’s Xavier.”
“You answer it then. Where’s your phone?”
“Dead somewhere I think.”
Ridiculous.
“Reuben.” He answers the call for me, but I can hear Xavier’s words even from this distance.
“Evie’s agreed to the plan.”
My face falls. For a moment I think I’ve heard wrong, but Reuben’s earlier amusement is gone, and he’s watching me with pursed lips.
The Harvester’s kill a few days ago—the first of the three on his list—had dark skin and bright golden eyes.
Just like Evie.
“We’ll proceed like we talked about and prepare the background for her.” Xavier sounds tired, but I’m already on my feet. “It should take a few days, but she should be able to make contact next Monday—”
“What the fuck is he talking about?” My voice cuts him off and there’s a thick tension in the room between us now. The only thing I can see in my mind is Evie’s face. Her long braids, the dark freckles splashed across her skin, her shy smile—
“You didn’t tell him?” Xavier’s ire is familiar.
Reuben sighs hopelessly, “I didn’t get many chances.”
“You did!” I can’t control the rising of my voice, “I asked you—!”
“Xavier, I’m going to call you back.”
“No, tell him to explain!” I step forward, but pain stings up from my spine and I wince.
“You need to convince him, Reuben.” Xavier ignores me with a soft growl in Reuben’s ears. “This is the only option we have.”
The call disconnects, Reuben is still, and for once, I’m glad he can see emotions, because he can see with his own eyes how livid I am.
“Convince me?” I ask softly. “Is that what this was about? This whole thing? To get me to be okay with this—?”
He’s in my space so quickly I’m unprepared for it, and his arm reaches past me to rest on the counter, boxing me in. I don’t step back, but the anger on his face is already snapping my mouth shut.
“Don’t.” His low voice is a familiar warning in my ears. “Ever.”
When we’re this close I can’t seem to think properly. I can feel the heat emanating off his skin and the scent of him is sinking into my bones.
“Then how else do you plan to convince me?” My gaze is cold. “Evelyn’s a kid. You can’t—”
“She’s the only one who can do this for us.”
“You’ll get her killed. You’ve seen what the Harvester does to people, Reuben. She has no training—”
“Then we’ll train her.” He places both hands on my arms in an attempt to reassure me. “As best as we can. And she won’t even need to use it, because we’ll be there with her. In her ears. Around every corner. Watching her every move.”
My brows furrow. We’d just need to protect her… but it still doesn’t sit well with me.
“No.” My tone is final. “She’s too soft. There’s no way she’ll be able to keep her composure—”
“Evie’s not as childish as you think.” Reuben’s grip on my shoulders tightens. “And she’s not your responsibility, Christian.”
My lips purse.
“You already saved her life once. You don’t owe her anymore.”
“She wouldn’t have been in this situation if it wasn’t for me,” I grind through my teeth, knocking his hand off me, “so she is my responsibility, Reuben.”
“She made this decision on her own.”
“She’s too kind to tell you no in the first place.”
“Then we’ll protect her!” He looks beside himself trying to convince me but his words do strike a chord inside me.
“Together,” he promises. “It’ll be a two-part mission. Track down this guy’s backer,” his knuckles brush my temple in a gentler voice, “and protect Evie.”
We’re both silent for a few moments, each of us watching the other as we hold our breath.
“It’s dangerous… but there’s a lot hanging on this,” he continues gently. “Evelyn’s our gold star at shutting this entire operation down. The women of this city won’t need to feel afraid for their lives because of this ever again.”
I swallow. Maybe he’s right. He knows better than I at these things…
“But why does it have to be Evie?” I touch Reuben’s hand on my cheek, speaking in a soft voice. I wouldn’t care if it were anyone else…
“Evie’s the only one willing to do this for us,” he answers honestly as he rubs his thumb across my skin, but I know it’s more than that.
She’ll do it because I’m the one who saved her life.
It feels heavy. By trying to save someone, I gave the team their best weapon against the Harvester.
The fight drains from me, slipping away like sand through my fingers, and I lean forward to rest my head against Reuben’s neck, breathing in the scent of his shampoo. His skin is cool to the touch, a balm for my fear and uncertainty. Relaxing. Comfortable.
“I don’t like this,” I speak into his neck, and it reminds me of his words from a long time ago, making me huff, “Does that mean I should hit you as hard as I can?”
‘If I ask it of you, knowing how much you hate it, be sure to hit me as hard as you can.’
It’s Reuben’s voice, the morning after Aster’s test.
The rumble of laughter in his chest reverberates beneath me, and his hand through my hair, his fingers against my scalp, is equally soothing, “I won’t go back on that. Hit me whenever you want. But trust me too. She’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of it.”
I’m not sure when it started, but I think—I think Reuben became the person I trust most, after Christian.
And I’m glad he can’t see my expression or read my emotions from this angle.
Because I’m realizing now how much my heart is going to shatter when he realizes the truth.