15. Darius
The clap of hands yanks me from my reverie.
“Right, we’ve got a date,” my father says. “They’re rescheduling some things so you can have your return performance in two days’ time.”
“Great,” I say without feeling. “Is Laney coming?”
“I’m not sure. I haven’t asked her.”
Laney was my light, and now I’m back to living in darkness. It’s not as though she’s completely out of reach, but it feels as though we’re living a lie. She shouldn’t be somewhere that we’re not. None of this feels right.
I have my suspicions that the other two have been over to see her. It’s not as easy for me, though. I could get a cab, but it feels irresponsible. I wouldn’t know who was following me or if anyone was watching me arrive.
I can’t bring myself to play either. I’d told her I’d play when we were back in civilization again, and here I am, but I still can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t think my promise was so much about being back in the city, but more to do with us being home.
Us being safe.
Technically, we are, but I can’t seem to get the part of me that’s a musician to recognize that.
“Do you think she would come?” I ask.
“Honestly, I don’t know. She’s got a lot on her plate, and placing her right in the public eye so soon might not be her thing.”
The worst part is that I know he’s right. Laney would hate it, and I don’t even want to put her in that position.
Cade’s been drinking again. He thinks we won’t notice—or perhaps he simply doesn’t care if we do. I’m worried he’s in self-destruct mode, but what can I say? I probably am too, just in a different way.
Reed lets out a sigh, and the couch cushions sink as he drops down beside me.
“Come on, Dax. Stop moping around.”
I twist slightly to face him.
“How can you be so fucking…normal?” I throw back at him. “Like nothing has happened.”
“This isn’t easy for me either, but we have to get on with our lives. If we don’t, we might as well have died in the cabin.”
Sometimes, I wonder if that might have been for the best.
“I’m going to play, aren’t I?” I say. “What more do you want from me?”
“I don’t want anything from you except to see a little of the man I feel like we’ve left behind.”
“Yeah, well, maybe he’s gone for good.”
He tuts his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “What do you think Laney would say if she heard you talking like that?”
“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t seen her in days.”
The pause is long enough to be loud.
“Is that what’s wrong? You’re missing her?”
“Aren’t you?” I throw back.
“Sure. We just have to be careful.”
Is that guilt I hear in his tone? “You’ve seen her recently, haven’t you?”
He exhales. “Cade went around there. He’d been drinking and he upset her. I just wanted to make sure she was all right.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“Seriously, Dax?”
I suddenly understand the phrase about a green-eyed monster. That’s exactly how I feel—as though I’ve suddenly been overtaken by a jealous beast.
I get to my feet, my hands balled into fists. “You did, didn’t you? Fucking hell. All this talk about us needing to be careful around her, to prevent the paparazzi making assumptions and writing stories about us, and you go over there and fuck her.”
“It wasn’t like that. She was upset. Things just…happened.”
I snort. “Convenient.”
I hear the scrub of his hand over his face, the rasp of stubble.
“Okay,” he says, “maybe we do all need to spend some time together. It could help us all.”
“As a family, right?” My tone is sarcastic.
“Yeah. As a family.”
“Okay, fine.”
It feels like scraps, but even scraps of Laney are better than nothing.
I’m still jealous that he got to be with her while I’ve been trying to stay away, for her sake. I can’t think of the concert I’m going to be playing in a couple of days. My head is full of her. Maybe spending some time with her will help, and then I can focus on the violin again.