16. Laney
It’s been a few days since I picked up my mother’s ashes, and they’re still sitting in the same spot.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out what to do with them.
The rumble of a car engine comes from outside, and, a moment later, someone knocks on my door.
I open it to find Darius, Reed, and Cade all waiting outside for me.
“What are you all doing here?” I ask.
I’m delighted to see them.
“We thought we’d take a day trip,” Reed offers.
“A day trip? Where to?”
Already I’m thinking of the paparazzi, of being in public with the three guys, and doing or saying something that might give us away as being involved with each other in a way that isn’t considered moral.
“Down the coast. Let’s get away from the city for a while.”
It sounds like exactly what I need, but I still hesitate. “I’m not sure.”
He offers me a half smile. “Come on, Laney. We can’t hide away for the rest of our lives. It’s not right.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No. You’re young, and beautiful, and should be shown off to the world.”
I give a strange little hiccup that’s somewhere between a laugh and a sob. “I don’t feel either of those things.”
How can I have such an old heart and head inside such a young body?
Eighteen years. It doesn’t sound like much, but I’ve been through more in that time than some people do who live to be eighty.
I can’t imagine how that must be, just to be able to live out your years in peace.
My chest aches for the life I’ll never get to live.
“Well, you should,” he insists. “Let us take you out. Nowhere too busy. A restaurant on the beach, so we can look out over the ocean. Remember all those times we pined about food when we were in the cabin, but now we’re back, it’s like we’re taking it for granted again.”
“People will see us,” I say. “They’ll recognize us.”
He shrugs. “So let them. We’re not doing anything wrong. We’re only eating a meal, Laney. Spending time together, as a family.”
My heart flutters. I love the thought of being able to spend time with them like that. It feels so normal, so…wholesome. Just us as a family, eating dinner in front of the ocean.
“Okay,” I agree. “But there’s something else I need to do, too.”
“What’s that?”
“Spread my mom’s ashes. Is that weird? I just don’t know what to do with them.”
“Of course. If that’s what you want.”
It is.
“What shall I wear?” I ask.
“Whatever you want.”
I appreciate that he’s not trying to strongarm me into dressing up.
It’s not as though I have many clothes, anyway, and most of what I do own is old and faded.
I don’t want to wear what the airline bought me—they still don’t feel like they belong to me for some reason.
That’s okay with me. I want things that’ll help me blend in with the background.
I dress in a pair of faded jeans, a sleeveless tee, and push my feet into a pair of sandals.
I pull my hair into a high ponytail, slick on a bit of mascara and lip gloss.
Finally, I grab a pair of oversized sunglasses.
They’re not only to shield my eyes from the sun, they’re also to give me something to hide behind.
The last thing I pick up is the urn containing my mom. I need to use both hands, and I clutch it to my chest.
Reed has rented a car. I slide into the back with Darius, pressing my thigh to his, and then place the urn down in the footwell, beside my feet and the passenger door.
I let out a sigh of happiness and rest my head on his shoulder.
He turns slightly and kisses the top of my head.
Then he takes my hand, lacing his fingers through mine and squeezing tight.
“I missed you,” he says. “So much.”
I snuggle in closer. “I missed you, too.”
For the first time in forever, something in my chest loosens just a fraction. Maybe this will all be okay.
Reed takes a route out of the city. I’d assumed we’d be going to Venice Beach or maybe the marina, but instead we take the coastal road south.
I watch the scenery go by. None of us feels the need to speak, to fill in any silences. We’re all completely comfortable together.
Finally, we arrive.
Reed parks the car, and we all climb out.
The restaurant is set high on the cliff, a bitemark of a white sandy beach far below us. The slow, rhythmical crash of waves on the shore lulls my soul. I breathe in the tang of salt in the air. Seagulls whirl against the blue sky, their mournful cries reaching my ears.
I find myself smiling. “This is beautiful. I don’t know how I’ve never come here before.”
“Describe it to me,” Darius says.
So I do, leaving nothing out.
The restaurant is more of a shack than an actual building. Food is being grilled outdoors, the fish and chicken charring over the coals. The tables are all set in the open air, too.
I find myself laughing. “This is nothing like I was expecting,” I tell Reed.
“What were you expecting?”
“Somewhere a little more…formal.”
“It’s good to see you smile,” he says.
“It’s good to have a reason to smile.”
We’re ushered over to a table and handed menus that are just pieces of laminated cardstock.
I choose a Portuguese chicken, fries, and slaw, and order an iced tea. Darius gets the same as me, while Cade orders the burger, and Reed goes for the steak.
There’s a gaggle of girls, all in their twenties, sporting barely there bikini tops and tiny denim shorts. I feel completely overdressed compared to them. Their laughter penetrates our conversation, and I’m finding it impossible to ignore them.
Our food arrives. It smells great, but once more my appetite has deserted me.
One of the women approaches our table. She leans her butt up against it, a pouty smile on her face.
“Hi, Cade. Hi, Darius. I bet you don’t remember me, do you?”
Cade looks disinterested. “Should I?”
She giggles. “Uh, yeah. We spent an interesting night at a hotel a few months ago. The two of you, and just…me.”
Darius shifts uncomfortably. Does he recognize her voice?
“I’m so happy you guys are okay. I’d been so worried about you after hearing about the plane crash. I can’t believe you went through something like that and survived. It must have been tough out there.”
Cade pushes his food around with his fork. “Yeah, it was.”
The woman’s girlfriends whisper to each other. A couple of them hold up phones and snap photos, or even a short video. My stomach sinks, my appetite fleeing even further. This is exactly what I’d been afraid of—us being recognized.
The beauty of the setting seems to fade.
I need to learn how to deal with this. Reed is right in saying I can’t hide away in my trailer for the rest of my life.
Darius was famous before this, but now he’s practically infamous.
I need to expect people to recognize him, and after the sort of press coverage we’ve had, recognize the rest of us, too.
That doesn’t stop me wanting the woman to go away, though.
She carries on, apparently oblivious to the effect she’s having on our group. “If you want a repeat performance of that night we spent together, you only have to give me a call. I gave you my number, but I didn’t hear from you.”
“Maybe that should tell you something,” Cade says.
Her lips thin. “You should thank me, you know. All the publicity that’s been surrounding you has made people’s stories about you worth something.
I could get a good payout if I sold my story about how I spent the night with the pair of you.
The things you did to me, both of you. You’re into some kinky shit.
I bet the press would love to hear about it. ”
I hate the thought of them being with her. It hurts, and I’m filled with jealousy. They didn’t even know I existed then, so it’s completely irrational, but I can’t help myself. I want to be the only woman they’ve ever touched.
Cade shrugs. “Do what you like. We’ve got nothing to hide.”
She shifts her attention to Reed. “This your daddy? Does he like to get in on the action, too? ’Cause if he did, I’d be game, you know?” She winks at Reed. “Three of you, and I’ve got three…”
She doesn’t fill in her sentence but flicks her gaze up and down her own body, and parts her pretty lips, her tongue sneaking out as though to call attention to one of the places she’s inviting them to fuck her.
Reed hardens his jaw. “We’re trying to have a family meal. I’d like you to leave now, and take your gaggle of friends with you.”
The woman ignores Reed and turns in my direction instead. I’m wondering if she’s going to invite me to join the party. Maybe she likes a little girl-on-girl action.
“What about her?” she says. “She the one who went down in the plane with you? Did you go down on anything else, sweetheart? Being lost out there in the wilderness for more than a month with nothing else to do, I bet you had to create your own fun.”
Reed gets to his feet, and slams both hands onto the table. “That’s my stepdaughter you’re talking about. Now, shut your mouth and fuck off.”
People are looking. The girl’s friends are all laughing and talking about us, taking pictures and videos. My face burns, and I slide farther down in my seat. I want to slide right under the table and vanish.
I get to my feet. “Let’s leave.”
Reed takes my wrist and tugs me back down with him. “No. We’re enjoying our meal. I won’t be chased out by a group of women who have no manners.”
The owner of the restaurant approaches us, a white napkin wrung between his hands. “Mr. Riviera. Is everything okay?”
“We’re being harassed.”
“I’ll ask them to leave right away.”
Cade is staring at me from across the table, but he addresses his father. “I think we should go.”
I’m shaking, I can’t catch my breath. Behind my dark glasses, tears trickle out and run down my cheeks.
“She needs to go,” Cade says.
I’m terrified I’m not going to be able to catch my breath. My heart is beating so fast, I think it might just explode. There’s a pressure in my head as well. The world seems to have retreated so now I only exist inside this ball of panic my own brain has created.
“Come on, Laney. Let’s go back to the car.”
Reed throws some money onto the table—probably far more than the bill will actually be. We abandon our half-eaten meals.
In the dark coolness of the car, the air blasting, I finally catch my breath.
“I’m sorry. I ruined everything, didn’t I?”
“It’s not your fault,” Darius says, taking my hand. “We shouldn’t have pushed you.”
My feet knock against something hard, and I glance down, my heart sinking. My mother’s urn is still in the footwell, where I’d placed it when I’d gotten into the car at the trailer.
I’d completely forgotten about my promise to spread her ashes.