Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
Levette
Warren was staring at me, wide-eyed. The look of his bewilderment across his face was so warm and full of emotion that it brought warmth to my heart.
He was so pure, and I wished I was good enough for him.
It was selfish that I wanted him, anyway, but I was a selfish creature.
I had lived for so long alone that I would do anything to keep him.
“You’re not evil, Levy.”
“You thought I was a monster,” I countered.
“In all fairness, I had just watched you kill someone.”
“Oui, and I will again. You see the good parts of me, but you also have to acknowledge the downright detestable parts, too, mon amour. Otherwise, we won’t survive whatever comes next. If you choose to allow me in your life after you learn all of my truth, and you have to see all of me.”
Warren nodded, though I could tell he was still trying to take it all in. I understood, but I was desperate for him to accept me. I wanted him, he wanted me; why did it have to be more complicated than that?
“Cassius and I were hunting on the outskirts of town. There was a place known as lac des amoureux, the Lovers’ Lake.
Cassius said that the endorphins of lovers made blood sweeter—he was right—which meant he often hunted couples.
We found one out in the lake in their little boat, having the time of their lives.
Cassius waded through the water, sneaking up beside them.
The woman shrieked, her screams piercing the night as Cassius clamped down on her neck and began to drain her.
Her lover jumped from the boat, abandoning her and attempting to swim away.
I was disgusted that he would leave her so easily, not bothering to try and help.
I recognize now that the anger and disgust I felt was a reflection of my buried shame over Leroy’s death. ”
“You killed him?” Warren asked, though I felt no hint of judgement in his voice which was a curious thing.
“I did. Brutally, I might add. Afterwards, when I saw how I had torn him apart, I felt an intense shame over what I had done. Even my wildest kills did not turn out quite like that, but again, buried feelings tend to find their way to the surface.”
“Where was Cassius?”
I shrugged. “He was still killing the girl. He liked to take his time, coax them into believing he was giving them a gift as he took their life. His killing technique had changed over time, it seemed. I made my way out of the water where I had hidden a stake, hiding it beneath my coat as I went back to the boat.” I remembered it all so clearly.
How scared I had been, how determined. All I wanted was revenge and if it meant damning myself further, at least I would have destroyed one monster in the process.
“While he was still distracted by feeding, I plunged the stake through his torso. I had expected him to die, turn to ash, do anything other than what he did: laugh. His laugh echoed through the trees as he cackled, pulling the wood from his chest. You thought you could kill me, fledgling? he asked, throwing the stake into the water. I am hundreds of years old and cannot be killed so easily, you fool. His mocking infuriated me further. I asked him if he remembered me, Leroy, but he only laughed louder. Killing people like your sad little friend is barely a fleeting thought in my mind. He was food, just as you should have been. You were never supposed to become one of us. So undeserving.”
Warren was gripping the pew at either side of my hands, his fingers twitching in anger. “How dare he! He could show not even an ounce of shame for you? After he had gotten to know you so?”
I laughed bitterly. “Mon amour, do not let yourself be so unsettled. Cassius was a cruel man, and while his answers made me furious at the time, I have long since realized he would have had no other reaction. I had just tried to kill the man and failed because I had missed my aim. It was diabolically hilarious to him, as I’m sure it would be if someone tried to kill me, now, and they failed in the same manner. ”
The mention of someone trying to kill me made Warren wince and I tucked that piece of information away for later. It gave me hope, and it had been a long time since I had felt hope.
“Cassius lunged for me, planning to kill me for my betrayal. We fought and I struggled against his strength. At some point I managed to flip myself into the boat, grabbing one of the oars and hitting him. The girl in the boat was whispering with her last breath, praying to God to save and protect her. Her faith didn’t save her—Cassius had mostly drained her already—but it did save me. ”
“How did her faith save you?” Warren asked inquisitively.
I smiled. “The girl was propped up against one end of the boat, her hand dangling in the water. Her faith was so pure and beautiful that it transformed the lake.”
“Transformed?”
“Just like the Holy water my brother had given me that wounded Cassius all those years ago, the girl had unknowingly blessed the lake. As she let out her last breath, the water began to smoke. Cassius screamed, floundering, his skin red and welting. Save me, you fool! Help me! I ignored his cries, watching in abject horror and fascination as he burned. He screamed and screamed until he was pulled under the surface of the water, melting into nothing, I presume. He never resurfaced, and I doubt that he was able to survive.”
Warren opened his mouth to speak, closing it again quickly. His heart was beating erratically in his chest, and I knew he was confused and intrigued, too. I had felt all those things at the time.
“But you didn’t burn…”
“I was still in the boat. I lay there, the girl’s dead body beside me, contemplating all that had happened.
I wanted to cry, for myself and for Leroy, but my tears did not come freely.
Instead, all my emotions poured out of me into the air as I stared up at the stars and wondered what would happen next.
Who would I be now that I had avenged my best friend?
I did not feel any different, nor did the world around me.
I was still a monster, and unfortunately even though my maker was dead, I remained alive. ”
Warren gasped. “You thought you would die with Cassius?”
I blew out a breath, nodding slowly as I met his eyes.
“It was a possibility. The little information I had gathered on the myths and lore on vampires had mostly pointed to the line ending once the maker was dead. I had made peace with it, and welcomed it. If I died with him, my last act would have been ridding the world of him, and I would have escaped eternity of being this.”
“Then you are not the monster you think you are, Levette. A monster would not wish to die so that they would not become a worse version of themselves.”
His words were like a small hammer, slowly chipping away at the icy walls I had built to protect myself. If I believed I was not a monster, then it laid me bare to have to analyze everything I had ever done and continued to do. I was not ready for that yet, even if Warren made me want to be.
“Perhaps not, but I am still a monster, a killer, someone who delights in death and blood. I killed Cassius because I believed it to be the right thing to do, but mon cher, I’ve done horrid things just for pleasure.”
“You know, that does not scare me as it should.”
That should have been a pleasant thing to hear, but it worried me that Warren was not seeing everything.
I needed him to know me for both human and monster, to choose both parts of me, so that he would never see the monster in me at a later point and be scared.
If he was rationalizing it to himself now, there was the possibility of him leaving later.
“That scares me. I do not wish for you to view me as an abominable creature, but it is important that you see my darkness. My very existence is something that goes against the gentleness of your heart. I am damned, Warren, and it is impossibly greedy of me to want you to have me in your life, knowing what I am. But I do want that—want you.”
Warren stood up, holding his hand out for me.
“You have told me enough to earn my trust. I do not think that you are greedy for wanting to find a companion in the darkness of your life. I expect you to tell me the rest of your story and answer my questions so that I may decide whether your darkness would eradicate my light, or help me embrace the shadows of my own life. But for now, let us leave this place of falsehoods and continue the conversation elsewhere. I want to see you in a place where your eyes are not so haunted by the imagery.”
We walked to my apartment in silence, occasionally stealing glances at one another. I wanted to pull him aside, in the shadows of the buildings, and whisper my strongest confessions in his ear. Patience was the only way forward, but I was miserable waiting.
I shrugged off my undercoat and threw it over the end of the sofa, watching as Warren sat down and placed his hands in his lap nervously.
“Mon cher, you’ve been here before. Why do you look so sheepish?”
Warren blushed, taking off my coat and laying it neatly beside him. “Because all of this is crazy, and I’m not entirely sure that I am not insane and imagining it. Maybe I hit my head and it’s all an illusion.”
I let out a low chuckle, moving to sit next to him.
“It is absolutely absurd, but very real, I’m afraid.
” I reached out and took his hand in mine, linking our fingers together.
His skin was warm and pale against mine, a comforting contrast. He didn’t pull away, which I had expected, and instead tightened his grip.
“I am sorry for coming into your life and causing this severe existential crisis.”