Chapter 13 #2
He smirked, looking up at the ceiling. “I believe I was already in a crisis before you, Levy. You have certainly not helped matters, but such is life.” He sat back against the couch, tilting his head to look at me. “Why did you come back here? You had been away for so long.”
It was a good question, one that I did not have a good enough answer to. I had no real reason for returning, no momentous decision to return to my home. It had just happened as I travelled.
“I assumed enough time had passed since I was last here that I could return and nobody would know me. My family are certainly all dead by now, and I thought Leroy’s would be, too.
No one to identify me or remember my name.
I guess I wanted to see if New Orleans still felt like home.
I was being pulled here without explanation. ”
Warren laughed. “My sadness called to you, that’s what you said before, right? Maybe it’s true. If vampires are real, maybe you really did sense me.”
He was laughing, but there was doubt in his voice.
I caught his gaze and held it, making him look at me.
“I don’t think it is a maybe. I know I returned to Louisiana for a reason and you are that very reason, mon amour.
It was not your sadness that called to me, but the very nature of your soul.
You spoke to me before I had ever heard your voice. ”
“A divine intervention,” Warren mused quietly, half lost in thought.
“What’s on your mind?” I asked, curious to see where his thoughts were heading.
“You said you’d been with men and women…” He trailed off, embarrassed.
I nodded my head, leaning back against the sofa and watching him.
I could look at him forever and not get bored by his handsomeness.
He was all sharp angles and defined features, a perfect nose and arched brows.
And those emotive eyes that I found myself lost in all too often.
In all my years, I had never seen anyone quite so perfect.
He elicited every part of my attention and I wanted it no other way.
“Indeed. Immortal life is somewhat boring when you’re on your own.
I have a preference for the male physique, but when it comes to hunger, I would feed on anyone.
And unfortunately Cassius was right about blood tasting better during sex.
If you feed on someone who is stimulated and in the throes of pleasure…
” I licked my lips, taking my own dark pleasure in the fact Warren watched my tongue with his mouth open ever so slightly.
“Feeding and pleasure mix so well together, it almost doesn’t matter who the other person is.
Now, can you imagine it was with someone you did love?
I imagine it would be an unforgettable sensation. ”
It was a loaded hint, one I hoped he would pick up on.
Warren remained quiet for a moment, tracing circles on his pant leg with his fingertip. A nervous tic, it seemed. “You said you imagine—you’ve never fed on someone you’ve been in love with?”
“I have never had the urge before you.”
“Right. Because you weren’t a vampire with Leroy,” he said, nodding.
I sat forward, placing my hand on his bicep.
“No, darling, because I have never loved anyone before you. I need you to understand that while I loved Leroy, it was the discovery of one’s self.
It would not have been a momentous romance for the ages.
When I think of bloodletting with someone I love, the ecstasy it would bring, I imagine it with you. ”
He chewed on his lower lip, staring at me. He was thinking it over and I wished I could hurry it up for him, make the realization dawn quicker. “Are you saying that you—”
“Yes, mon amour. I tried to tell you before, but you would not allow it. I love you, Warren. In all my miserable years of immortality, I have never loved another soul. I did not think I could love, feel something so human, but my thoughts are consumed by you. I am utterly enthralled by you, Warren Hayes.”
Warren stood up and began pacing the length of the room, running his hands through his long hair. I worried that I had made a mistake, thrown too much at him at once. I should have held back and allowed him to make a decision on everything else first.
“I apologize. I should not have said that.”
He stopped pacing, turning to me with hurt on his face. “Because you do not mean it?”
“Of course I mean it!” I practically yelled, groaning as I covered my face. “This is maddening. I do not know how to act, how to do things properly. If I say too much, I will scare you. If I hold back too much, you will think I am keeping secrets.”
Warren began to laugh which became tears and he slid to the floor, burying his face in his hands.
“It is maddening to me too. A vampire—which I didn’t think existed—just confessed his love to me, as well as all his other sins.
If I give in to what I feel, I will be damning myself alongside you.
And if I do not, I will spend the rest of my life regretting it.
Tell me, Levy, how am I supposed to decide? ”
It broke me to see him like that. He sounded so sad and defeated.
Dropping to my knees in front of him, I forced his hands away from his face so I could see him.
I ran a hand through his hair, cupping his cheek.
“My love, you deserve to be happy and free. That is all I want. If you tell me to leave you because that’s what you desire, I will do it.
You can return to your life as it was and find a way to forgive yourself for not being the image of perfection you think is needed to earn God’s love.
” I wiped his tears away again, keeping his chin raised.
“You are beautiful and perfect as you are, mon cher. Do only what will make you happy because after all you have been through, you deserve it.”
“I don’t know how to reconcile who and what you are, and how I feel about you, with what I was raised to believe.
I don’t want to be damned, Levy,” Warren cried, dropping his head onto my shoulder.
I held him tight, rubbing circles on his back as I tried to calm him.
“I don’t want God to hate me for choosing you. ”
“Shh, shh,” I whispered, trying to ease his thudding heart.
“God will not hate you for being happy, love. But no matter what, I will not make you choose. If all you want or need is friendship, I can offer you that, too. I will not leave you to perish in your own sorrow. I am here, and I have nowhere else I need to be.”
“I don’t want to choose,” he whispered again through the onslaught of tears, his hands gripping at my shirt like a lifeline. I pulled him closer still, enveloping him so he could feel me hold on and not let go.
We sat like that for some time until his panicked tears eased, my grip on him remaining the entire time.
I would hold him until his last breath if that was what he needed, my own heartache be damned.
I had caused him more pain, and righting that wrong was not something I knew how to do; all I could do was wait until he was ready to decide what he needed.
I hoped that he could love me back, and if he could not, then the time and kindness he had given me would have been enough.
Whatever Warren could offer would always be enough.