Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
Levette
How do you heal someone’s heartbreak when you are the cause?
I pondered on that question for some time as I tried to guide Warren through the throes of fledgling vampirism.
He had grown quiet, doubled in on himself, and become a shell.
I had expected it, of course—after all, had I not wished to do the same during those early years?
The hurt, however, remained as I watched him battle internally with his pain.
Being a new vampire meant the bloodlust was almost uncontrollable, and so when we hunted, I had to constantly be on guard and ready to fight to pull him away before he drained the victims entirely.
I did not always succeed, which was another point of contention between us.
I had promised to help hold him back, keep that last part of humanity within him, but he was incredibly strong in his eternal youth.
It was difficult to stop him and face the anger of his vampire side; then the ache of his humanity would shine through, and I had to battle that, too.
I had created this divide between us and it was a shame I carried deeply in my chest. I did not regret it, which only burdened me with more guilt.
To hate myself for taking his choice away from him, albeit accidentally, was natural, but I would always be grateful for not having to watch him die again.
I could not handle an eternity on my own, not after knowing his companionship and love in my heart.
My selfishness on that aspect would always win out.
He was lying in bed beside me, reading his book, when an idea formed in my head. I had to find a way to pull Warren out of his melancholy and make him remember that while he was technically dead, he was still among the living. We had a life together, if only he would let us discover it.
“Let me take you somewhere?” I asked, trying to mask the hopefulness in my voice.
Warren shook his head. “I hardly think it is safe for me to be out on the streets right now. I killed that woman only last night, Levette, because I could not hold back. How many victims do you want me to litter the streets of New Orleans with?”
“You cannot stay cooped up here forever! How do you expect to learn control when you do not leave apart from to hunt? Unless you spend time among the living of the world, hunger and thirst will take over, and that is all you will know!” I exclaimed, exasperated by his unwillingness to listen to me.
“You must get out, learn the world anew. You are but a newborn, and you must discover your firsts.”
“I said no.” Warren turned his gaze back to his book, effectively dismissing me, and I could not handle it anymore. I grabbed the blasted hardback and threw it across the room with a growl.
“It is not a question. Get up and get yourself dressed. I will not allow you to be lost in the darkness like this.”
Warren remained rooted to where he lay, fixing his gaze on me. “I already am, Levy. This is who I am now. I am sorry that it is so difficult for you.”
“C’est des conneries!” I yelled at him. “Do not insinuate that I am struggling for myself. Warren, you are my heart and I cannot bear to see you like this. I only want what is best for you.”
“Then you should have let me die!” he screamed in answer, jumping from the bed to pace.
He hit the palms of his hands against his temples, mimicking the pounding he felt there.
“I cannot handle what is in here, battering against my skull all of the damn time. I am sick of it, sick of feeling this need to destroy every human I see.”
Carefully, like one approaching a volatile animal, I made my way to him, grabbing his arms to stop him from hitting himself. “Mon cher, your death is the one thing I would not recover from. I beg you, please let me help. You have to trust me.”
Warren relaxed into me before shaking me off, his love and his contempt for me battling within him. “I trusted you before. Look where it got me.”
I winced at the volley, knowing there was truth to his anger and that I deserved it.
“Fine, do not trust me. But still, come out with me this evening. If not for me, perhaps meeting other vampires will help you.”
It was a cheap shot, manipulative even, but I knew it would work. Warren paused and I could practically see the thoughts in his head as his eyes met mine. “Other vampires?”
“Yes, there are others. So, will you join me?”
Warren had, predictably, agreed to accompany me. I was excited to show him what the life of the Louisiana underworld had to offer. Perhaps seeing others with the same affliction would create a drive in him to want to live, to be out in the world, and find the magic of it all.
“I have a surprise for you,” I told him excitedly as I rummaged through my wardrobe. I pulled the hanger out, revealing an outfit I had custom-ordered for him. “What do you think?”
The silver silk of the shirt was designed to fit loosely, draping over his soft skin.
The oversized cuffs and collar only accented the sultry look of it, and my mouth watered imagining it on Warren.
The pants were black and high-waisted, designed to fit against his tiny hips before flaring into wide legs that reached his ankles.
“Levy…” Warren said quietly, reaching out to touch the soft material. “This is gorgeous. But won’t I stand out? I have never seen such a style before.”
I laughed, handing it to him to go try it on. “Where we are going, darling, there are no rules. You dress in whatever makes you feel powerful.”
He tried to hide his excitement as he hurried to try it on.
Perhaps I should have looked away, allowed him some privacy, but he looked so happy that I could not divert my attention.
And, greedy as I was, I loved being in the seclusion of our own home where I could ogle him and his beautiful body without fear of what people would do or say.
“You’re staring,” he muttered as he pulled the pants on, buttoning them over his stomach.
“Indeed, I am.”
Warren, for what felt like the first time in such a long time, laughed. “Deviant.”
“Oh, without a doubt,” I replied, licking my lips as he pulled his shirt over his pale torso. I moved over to stand in front of him, eager to show him how it should be styled. “May I?”
“Yes,” he said a little breathlessly, dropping his arms down.
I slowly tucked the shirt into his pants, making sure it hung over the waistband just slightly to give it a ruched effect.
Then I pulled the material down, unbuttoning it until it revealed an exposed triangle of his chest. His hands went to stop me, but I shook him away, fixing it until the outfit sat perfectly.
“Go look at yourself in the mirror, mon amour,” I commented, guiding him by the shoulders when he didn’t move. “There are boots by the armoire. Put them on while I go and get the other gift.”
Warren rolled his eyes. “You do not need to keep buying me things. I am not a child who can be won over with materialistic things. You are enough as you are, Levy.”
I wanted to tell him that I was not enough; the way he had gone into himself over the last few weeks had been proof of that. But hearing the teasing note to his voice, I could tell that he was trying, and that in itself was enough for me.
As I heard him pull the black heeled boots on, I made my way to the dresser and pulled his final gift out of the drawer where I had hidden it. When I walked back to him, I saw Warren evaluating himself with his head tilted.
He was beautiful as a human, but his vampiric self was spectacular. I would never grow tired of seeing his sharp face, vibrant eyes, and glowing hair. He was picturesque and if I were an artist, I would have made him my muse.
I walked up behind him, admiring the view. He looked at me in the mirror, a sheepish smile on his face. “Do you like it?”
“It is beautiful,” he admitted, “but I feel like I am playing dress up.”
“Why should you not? Life is but a play; you may as well get lost in the drama of it while you can. Allow yourself to be whichever character calls to you each night,” I advised, running my hands down his silk-covered arms. He shivered at the touch, and I reveled in it, knowing that even when he was so conflicted in his feelings, his body still reacted to mine.
“Something is missing,” I commented as I ran a fingertip slowly down the exposed part of his chest. Warren sighed at the touch, his eyes flickering closed. I grabbed the chain from my pocket and draped it around his neck, fastening the clasp and making sure it was centered before he looked.
It was an ornate cross pendant made of silver. The cross itself was gothic in style, decorated with intricate metalwork to create the illusion of greater texture. It was elegant and timeless, a style that fitted Warren so perfectly.
He opened his eyes, gasping when he saw it. “Levette, I cannot—”
I held up my hand, interrupting his panicked thoughts. “Yes, you can, mon amour. Let it stand as a symbol for both versions of you, and as a reminder that you are not as lost as you think you are. You will find your way back to redemption, my love. You are not forgotten by your Father.”
Tears welled in Warren’s eyes, and I pulled him into me, holding him close.
It was a poor version of an apology that would never suffice, but if I could remind him that his soul had not been given to Hell, I would do so.
Warren had once thought I was redeemable—of that, I was not confident—but there was hope for him.
“D'accord, d'accord, no more tears.” I rubbed his back, pressing a kiss to his forehead as he stepped back and wiped his eyes. “Let us go so I can show you what the dark world of New Orleans has to offer.”
I pulled Warren along through the dark streets of the city until we reached the St. Louis Cemetery. “This is creepy.”