Chapter Eleven #2
“Oi, next shout’s yours, lover boy,” Kat said. “We’ll be on the dance floor.” They tugged Blake and Lachlan’s arms.
“I’ll give you a hand carrying,” Lachlan said, eager to avoid dancing if possible.
As they waited in the three-deep crowd at the bar, Damo asked loudly, “How ya going?”
“Great,” he lied. “You and Blake seem to be going strong?”
Biting his lip and trying not to beam, Damo nodded. “We’re talkin’ about properly moving in together later this year.”
Lachlan smiled genuinely. “Good on ya.”
“Still doesn’t feel real sometimes. Like, I have a boyfriend? And we’re gonna live together? I’m really getting out of my house for good—proper grown-up and everything. The house is up for sale. It’s happening.”
“Your parents are moving?”
The light of Damo’s smile dimmed. “Mum and my sister are moving to the Northern Beaches.”
“That far north of the river?”
Damo shuddered. “I know. But it’ll be a good thing in the long run. My dad’s…” He took a breath before continuing. “He’s been unwell for a long time. He’s getting help now at a care facility.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
“Yeah.” Damo smiled ruefully. “I didn’t want anyone to know. But keeping the hard stuff secret doesn’t actually make it easier.” The light returned to his expression. “Blake helped me see that.”
“He’s a good bloke.”
“Blake the bloke. The best.” Damo laughed to himself before asking, “How about you? Seeing anyone?”
Over the opening strains of “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” Lachlan shook his head, trying not to be jealous of Damo’s happiness and the affection and tenderness that were so clear between Damo and Blake.
“No worries. You’ll have your pick tonight.”
He tried to laugh. “Nah. I’m a freak.”
Damo jerked in surprise. “What’s that mean?”
“Nothing. Forget it!” Damo was still frowning at him, so Lachlan added, “I’m just not into hooking up. I’m weird, I know.”
“You’re not weird. What’s wrong?” He nudged Lachlan with his shoulder in the press of people waiting for drinks.
“It’s nothing. Really, no worries.”
Damo was still frowning. “Dunno. You haven’t seemed yourself since you came back to Barkers.”
Myself. Who even is that?
“I’m fine. Don’t know why I came tonight. Can’t dance and I’m not looking to hook up. I should be, but…”
“You don’t have to do anything. Look, I know I’m always up for a laugh, but if you need to talk…”
“Thanks, mate. I’m just weird. It’s fine.”
“Cody! Just in time.” To Lachlan, he said, “Cody’s the gay guru of Barking Beach. He’ll sort ya.”
While Lachlan gave the drink order to the bartender, he could see Damo talking intently to Cody from the corner of his eye.
Once the drinks were handed out to their friends on the dance floor, Cody suggested he and Lachlan head to the rooftop patio.
They squeezed past a group of friends vaping and laughing loudly and found a spot in the corner.
The night was unseasonably warm, and Lachlan inhaled the fresh air gratefully.
Leaning an elbow on the top of the concrete wall he asked, “You didn’t dress up either?
Unless I’m missing a jeans and white T-shirt reference.
” He sipped his Jack and Coke and thought of Tim saying he kept the tinnies in the fridge.
Cody laughed. “Nah. I’d do it as a kid on Halloween to get candy—especially when I was little in Canada. When I got older, I used to say I was dressed as a muggle, but now that JK Rowling’s a transphobic monster, I don’t use that excuse anymore.”
Lachlan grimaced. “Good call.”
Looking around, Cody said, “This place is cool, eh?” He laughed. “Wow, I sounded very Canadian there.”
“You did. And, yeah, it’s cool.”
“You don’t sound convinced.”
“Guess I’m just not much for clubbing. Can’t dance.”
“You should see me. Terrible. But it’s never stopped me. Who cares what anyone else thinks?”
“You’re right. I’m just…” Did he really want to talk about this?
If you want to figure out your life and connect with mates…
“The thing is that I’m not like this.” He motioned vaguely to the others on the roof. “I don’t pick up random people. Every time I’ve tried it, it left me cold.” He gulped his drink, the glass slick under his fingers. “Dunno what’s wrong with me.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you!” Cody gave him a stern look. “You don’t have to like hookups. Or sex, for that matter.”
“Sure, but I do. There’s this bloke right now and I think about him all the time. I shouldn’t, but I do.”
“Okay. Why shouldn’t you?”
“It’s wrong.”
Cody’s brows knitted. “Wrong how?”
“Just that he’s—” He broke off, trying to think of a way to put it that wasn’t that Tim was twenty years older and his best mate’s dad. “Out of my league.”
“Out of your league?” Cody looked decidedly dubious.
“Trust me.”
“Okay. And you want to have sex with him?”
“All the time. I did once, and I can’t let it go.”
“You enjoyed the sex you had with him?”
Nodding, Lachlan shifted anxiously. “Isn’t it weird talking about this?”
“Not for me. I think we’d all be better off if we could just talk about sex and sexuality openly without—” Cody laughed.
“I’ll spare you my thesis statement. Sometimes, I think I should’ve gone to uni after all.
Point being, I’m cool talking about anything and everything.
I’d tell you to ask Liam to confirm this, but he’d turn bright red and wish for the floor to swallow him. ”
Cody’s smile was tender and affectionate, and Lachlan was so, so glad Liam had found him. He hadn’t realized how sad Liam was before, but the difference now was stark.
“He didn’t want to come out tonight?”
Cody sighed, his smile fading just a bit. “It still makes him uncomfortable. Not that he’s actually been here, but the idea of a queer space in public is still…intimidating. Given how deeply closeted he was, it’s not surprising.”
Lachlan nodded. “Totally understandable. It’s a shame, though.”
“It is. Maybe one day. Anyway, you were telling me about this guy you hooked up with? It was good?”
“Too good. The weirdest thing is that usually, I can take it or leave it. Hooking up, I mean. But sometimes, I feel so much, and I really, really want them.
“Ah!” Cody lit up. “Are you demi?”
He blinked. “What do you mean?”
“Demisexual. It means you’re only attracted to someone you like. That you care about. I’m sure there’s a better definition out there, hold on.”
Lachlan could only stare as Cody opened his phone and tapped. There was…a name for this? For him?
Cody read out, “Demisexual people only feel sexual attraction when they have an emotional bond with the person.” He glanced up. “Does that sound like you? Keep in mind, it’s a wide spectrum. You don’t have to match a definition perfectly. Let’s see…” He tapped again.
Demisexual.
It felt like a light bulb had flashed to life on the dark rooftop, the glare painfully bright.
“Lachie? You right?”
“Yeah.” He laughed. “There’s a name for it? I could never figure out what was wrong with me.”
Cody’s hand was warm and firm on his arm. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“There you are!” Damo and Blake appeared, Damo loose-limbed and flushed, red lipstick smeared on his mouth. “Come dance!”
Lachlan’s eyes burned with sudden tears, as if the light bulb had seared his retinas. Cody said, “We’ll be down in a few. We’re just having a chat.” He squeezed Lachlan’s arm kindly.
“It’s okay,” Lachlan said. “I’m good. Really. Thanks for your help, mate.”
“Too easy,” Cody said.
Damo and Blake shared a glance, and Damo grinned. “The gay guru does it again!”
On the dance floor, Lachlan shuffled and tried his best, feeling strangely light after the conversation with Cody.
Demisexual.
Puzzle pieces had slotted into place, but did it explain why he’d had such a strong reaction to seeing Tim again? Had his innocent childhood crush sparked such adult emotion? He opened a search on his phone.
Damo elbowed him. “You’re supposed to be dancin’!”
“Just reading more about something Cody said. That I might be demisexual.”
“What?” Damo shouted over the music.
Lachlan repeated it and read the definition from his phone.
“Good on ya!” Damo offered a fist bump. “Knowing’s half the battle. Take it from me.”
“What I don’t get is that I have an emotional bond with loads of people. But I don’t want to, you know.”
“Right. There’s gotta be something extra.”
“But what?” Lachlan shouted.
“Who knows? The sparks are just there sometimes. It’s like your numbers coming up on the lotto.
” His gaze found Blake dancing with Kat and Cody, the three of them laughing as they moved.
“And if it’s gonna last, they’ve got to be able to back it up.
Has to be more than sex. They need to make you feel…
everything. Need to take care of you. You take care of each other.
” He smiled goofily. “How good’s that? Nothing better. ”
Lachlan’s buzz from the drinks—and a few rounds of shots—had him floating as he greeted Cody and Liam’s dog, Charlene. It wasn’t only the alcohol, but the revelation that he wasn’t a freak and—
His heart boomed.
As he petted Charlene, her tongue wagging and golden curls soft under his hands, he clocked that Liam wasn’t sitting alone at the round table under the amber fairy lights in the yard.
Nights were typically cooler in Barking, but the wind was low, and with the autumn heatwave, it was still comfortable. Tim was in jeans and a white singlet, his chest hair peeking out over the curved neckline. Under the table, his feet were bare.
Lachlan wanted to hurl himself onto Tim’s lap and kiss him senseless. Run his fingers through that chest hair. Drop to his knees between Tim’s legs…
“Aren’t you opening tomorrow?” Liam asked Cody with a sly smile as he brought him and Lachlan cold beers.
“Yeaaah, but we were having such a good talk.” Cody gave Liam a grin. “I know, I know, I’ll regret it when the alarm goes off.”
“Just don’t whinge to me,” Liam said, still smiling.