Chapter Eleven #3
Lachlan added, “I just live over the hill, so I’ll walk home.
Could use the fresh air after the club.” He took the chair next to Tim with a nod in his direction—did that seem casual enough?
—and sipped his beer. “I’ll leave you in peace soon, don’t worry.
” Maybe he should’ve left immediately, but Liam had just opened him a beer. It would be rude to leave already.
He was hyperaware of Tim sitting in arm’s reach but kept his eyes on his drink.
Was that a whiff of Tim’s cologne in the night air?
After making a bored Chemist Warehouse employee spray every likely bottle, Lachlan was positive it was called “Cool Water,” and he’d bought one to better torture himself.
“How was the club?” Liam asked.
“Great!” Cody replied. “They seem to be making a go of it. Heaps of hot people, but it’s a chill vibe, not just picking up.
You can have fun with your mates. I’m sure lots of people were scoring, though.
” He laughed and nodded to Lachlan. “You definitely could’ve gone home with half that queer rugby team if you’d wanted to. ”
Tim choked on his beer, and Liam’s smile vanished as he said, “Sorry, Bull. You don’t want to hear this.” He seemed to shrink into himself.
Cody rested his hand on Liam’s arm. “I’m sure Bull doesn’t mind.” He smiled, but there was a hint of tension. “Straight people can hear about gay things. It’s not like we’re showing him a video of Lachie getting railed by a fullback in the toilets.”
Tim coughed, his face going red and jaw tightening. A thrill zipped down Lachlan’s spine. Could Tim be…jealous?
“Cody, stop!” Liam hissed. “He is our boss.”
Cody gasped softly, eyes widening. “Oh, shit. I forgot. We’re so close with Teddy that we don’t really think about him like that.” He winced. “But of course we totally respect your boundaries. And you’re our tenant. Sorry, I forget not everyone’s cool talking openly.”
Liam sighed long-sufferingly. “He really loves talking about this stuff.” He and Cody shared a sweet smile that made Lachlan’s heart ache in the best way. He didn’t let himself even glance at Tim.
“I can talk about this,” Tim declared with an air of stubbornness that made Lachlan want to kiss him even more than he already did.
“Bull, you don’t have to,” Cody said with a laugh, giving Charlene another scratch as she lifted her head. “I’m sure you and Liam were discussing footy before we rudely interrupted.”
Liam lifted his hands. “Guilty as charged.”
“It’s my only regret about you being able to enjoy AFL again,” Cody said. “I really don’t know how there is so much for fans to say about it.”
“Just imagine we’re talking about sex,” Liam deadpanned.
“Come on, sex is way more interesting than footy. Bull, you can even talk about straight stuff,” Cody joked. “Sorry, I’m a little drunk.” He gulped his beer, and Lachlan did the same.
After a few moments of silence that threatened to become awkward, Tim exhaled sharply and said, “I’m not straight.” His face was still rosy, but he spoke calmly. Confidently.
Lachlan sensed this was a big moment, and he itched to reach out and take his hand.
Cody and Liam shared a glance, eyebrows raised, before Cody blurted, “Shit! For real, or is this a stitch-up?” He narrowed his eyes. “No. I don’t think so. Is it?”
“Not a stitch-up,” Tim said evenly.
“I’m so sorry.” Cody shook his head. “I know better than to assume anyone’s sexuality.”
Tim waved off the apology. “Didn’t realize I was bi until my mid-forties, and not many people know. I’m getting there.” His eyes cut to Lachlan. “Actually told Ryan last weekend.”
Lachlan blinked in surprise. Ryan hadn’t mentioned that! Only that Tim had explained about the money and that his mum was in an open relationship. But naturally Ryan hadn’t told him. He was too loyal even after years of being angry with his dad.
The wave of affection for his best friend was chased by sour guilt, and Lachlan couldn’t forget about Ryan. Even when Tim was sitting a foot away and he wanted him more than ever.
Maybe Ryan would understand?
No. That was mental.
“Good on ya,” Liam said, giving Tim a nod. “I know it’s… Well. You know.”
Tim nodded. “Getting a little easier each time.”
“See? That’s why we need to talk about all of this!” Cody held up his hands. “I’m just saying.”
“You’re right,” Lachlan said, the shots at the club apparently loosening his tongue. “I was in the closet way too long. Afraid of what my dad would think. Just…afraid.”
Liam nodded solemnly, and under the table, Cody seemed to be rubbing his thigh.
In a rush of strange elation that felt like more than just the booze, Lachlan blurted, “I think I’m demisexual?” He was still wrapping his head around it, and the word felt foreign on his tongue.
The feeling, though? The feeling was so right. And he wanted Tim to know. To know him. This deep, vital part of his core that Tim had helped unlock.
Lachlan’s pulse raced, and he was very aware of the heat of Tim’s gaze on his face.
“I always wondered what was wrong with me. That I didn’t care about getting laid the way other people did.
It was…embarrassing. I couldn’t figure it out.
Guess I should’ve googled.” He shifted, suddenly self-conscious.
“I’m thirty in a few months. Took me long enough. ”
Cody smiled softly. “There’s no timeline. We’re all on our own journeys. Thank you for trusting us.” He nodded to Tim. “Both of you.”
“Demisexual?” Tim echoed.
Liam asked Cody, “What’s that again?” and Cody gave the definition.
Even hearing the word coming from Tim’s mouth was thrilling. Lachlan met his blue eyes for a moment. “It feels like…me.”
Tim looked at him with an expression Lachlan couldn’t decipher. What if he was turned off by it?
He’s not supposed to be turned on by his son’s best mate at all, so don’t bloody worry about it!
Lachlan did though. He wanted to beg Tim to see him. Accept him.
Heart tripping, he asked Cody, “The thing is, it says attraction is based on an emotional bond, right? What if the other person doesn’t feel the same way? But you can’t stop thinking about him.”
Cody pondered it. “My understanding is that it’s all about big feelings leading to attraction. You can definitely be attracted to someone who doesn’t feel the same way. There are no hard and fast rules. You don’t need to be demi a certain way. You can just be you.”
“Be me,” Lachlan echoed.
A memory of being walked out of the law firm wormed into his mind. His gut clenched, but he couldn’t think that now. He couldn’t think about his failure as a lawyer, or Ryan, or Tim being Ryan’s dad—and Lachlan’s boss—or what he should or shouldn’t do.
“You right?” Cody asked.
Here goes nothing.
“I met this man recently.” He was almost floating, listening to himself from a distance. He had to be seen.
Cody leaned forward eagerly. “Tell me everything.”
“I knew him when I was younger, and I had the biggest crush. He was so kind. Reassuring. Handsome. Big and strong. When I saw him again, even after so long, it was like…lightning. Now I understand why, thanks to you.”
He was tingling all over. Euphoric. This piece of the puzzle had been missing for so long. Tim’s presence so close to him in that moment felt huge, like the sun at noon, so powerful he couldn’t look at it even as he soaked it in. Whatever happened, this was his truth, and Tim was witnessing it.
Cody grinned. “I’m stoked I could help.”
“You’re the gay guru of Barkers.” Lachlan still felt the heat of Tim’s eyes on him. “That’s what Damo said.”
Liam snorted. “Think the council will make it an official title?”
“I do deserve a pay raise.” Cody laughed before sighing. “Look, sorry, I should get to bed, but we can talk more tomorrow, yeah?”
“Yep.” Lachlan reached for his beer. “I’ll finish this and go.”
“No, don’t rush on my account,” Cody said. “You won’t keep me up. We use a white noise machine or else Char will wake at every little noise.”
Liam stood. “I’m heading in too, but help yourselves.” He motioned to the bar fridge by the back door. “Tim, this is your home, and you’re always welcome to use this space.”
“Thanks, mate.” Tim nodded. “I’ll restock the fridge.”
Before Lachlan knew it, he and Tim were alone. Blood rushed in Lachlan’s ears as he drained his bottle. This was the part where he should stand up, say good night, and head up the hill in the darkness. Alone. He kept his face down as Tim scraped his chair back.
From the corner of his eye, Lachlan watched Tim walk to the fridge. There was a metallic clink and faint hiss of air, followed by a beer cap hitting the frosted glass tabletop. Then another. Tim replaced their empty bottles before sitting.
Trying to breathe, Lachlan swallowed the cool, crisp lager. He was aware he’d had enough to drink, knowing he was close to saying something stupid. He switched to small sips, which also gave him something to do.
Minutes ticked by as they drank in silence, an eternity as Lachlan looked anywhere but at Tim, silently begging him to speak. What was he waiting for?
Nothing could happen between them ever again. Maybe it was only acceptance Lachlan wanted. He tried to believe that even as the simmering desire in him neared the boiling point.
The lights in the house switched off, and without the moon, they were in darkness, the fairy lights like stars above. That faint, minty, marine scent reached him again as a breeze brushed his cheek. Goosebumps rippled over his arms.
He was going to do something stupid. Casting about for something to say other than, I’m dying for you to fuck me, he blurted, “Ry told me his mum’s poly? Was it always like that? Are you?” He knew the answer but wanted more info on what happened. He dared a look and found Tim staring at him.
Tim gritted out, “No.”
“Okay. Is that why you broke up?”
Looking away, Tim shrugged. “Partly. She fell in love with someone else.”
Though Tim said the words matter-of-factly, Lachlan felt them like a blow. His chest ached. “God. I’m sorry.”
“It was for the best. We had a good run, but I wasn’t making her happy. She wasn’t making me happy. We wanted different things.”
“Ah. That makes sense.”
“What about you?”
Lachlan looked up from his beer to find Tim’s intense gaze on him. “What about me?”
“Well, you know all about my past. What about yours?”
Lachlan wanted to argue that he hardly knew anything about Tim’s past with men, but it was his turn to shrug. It felt more like a muscle spasm. “Not much to tell.”
Tim watched him silently for what felt like forever. “You said you’re demi? Have you had feelings for someone before?”
“Um, yeah. My first boyfriend.” Honestly, Patrick from law school wasn’t even worth mentioning. It had been a flash in the pan.
“Was he your first everything?”
Shifting in his chair, Lachlan nodded.
“Was it a long time ago? You seemed nervous to me.”
He didn’t need to say that he was talking about Bali. Lachlan squirmed in embarrassment remembering how Tim had thought he might be a virgin at his age.
“How old were you?”
“Twenty.” He rolled his eyes. “Old, I know.”
“Nothing wrong with that.” Tim leaned closer, a furrow between his brows. “Did something happen?”
Lachlan shrugged again. Julian was the last person he wanted to talk about. It was his fault for bringing up Ryan’s mum.
Tim drummed his fingers on the table. Then he asked, “Did he do something?”
“He did a lot of things. Doesn’t matter now.”
“Did he hurt you?” Tim asked through a clenched jaw.
“Yeah. That’s life.”
Tim was suddenly on his feet. “Name.”
“Huh?” Lachlan blinked up at him.
“Tell. Me. His. Name.”
“Why? What are you—oh!” With a flood of inappropriate delight, Lachlan realized exactly why Tim was angry and looking ready to murder someone.
“He didn’t hurt me like that. He just broke my heart.
He was the first guy I was ever with, and I was in love.
He wasn’t. You don’t need to beat him up to avenge my honor.
” Even though the idea made his heart flutter.
Tim sank back down and took another swig of beer.
Trying not to grin at the evidence that Tim cared, Lachlan cleared his throat, excitement buzzing through him. “Thanks, though.”
“Who was he?” It was practically a growl.
“Another lifeguard.”
“Who?”
Lachlan could tell Tim was mentally scrolling through the roster. “It’s no one you know. He left years ago. He doesn’t even live here anymore—he’s probably in America. His name’s Julian. No one else ever knew about us but Ryan.”
“Mm.” Tim took another swallow of beer, his throat working.
God, Lachlan seriously wanted to climb into his lap and—
Focus. “Look, it’s not really Jules’s fault. He hit on me, and I fell for him, and we started seeing each other on the down low. He didn’t fall for me. Or maybe he did, but it didn’t last long.” With a bitter twist of his lips, Lachlan added, “I always seem to want more.”
Silence settled over them. The wind picked up, rustling leaves, and Lachlan shivered. He couldn’t look Tim in the face. He should get up and leave. Walk over the hill to home. Even if his empty bed was the last place he wanted to be, at least it was safe.
Finally, he dared to look. He had to.
Jaw set like steel, Tim’s eyes glinted in the fairy lights. “What do you want from me?”
In a rush of release, Lachlan leaned forward and whispered the truth—or at least part of it. “I want you to put me on my knees.”