Chapter Nineteen #2
He was about to text Damo for help when he spotted a ledge above. Heart in his throat, he clambered up and squinted into the darkness. For a second he thought it was some bloody animal’s den.
Before he could think of what kind of animal it could be and whether it would kill him, Lachlan said hoarsely, “Tim?”
The sweetest relief flooding him, Tim hauled himself up onto the covered ledge. “It’s me. C’mere.”
Lachlan fell into his arms, shaking. On his knees, Tim held him, murmuring little nothing words and stroking his back. Lachlan pressed his face into Tim’s neck, his damp breath hot and oddly comforting. He was safe.
“I’m sorry,” Lachlan mumbled.
“It’s not your fault.”
The stone floor was punishingly hard under his knees, but Tim wasn’t letting go. It was Lachlan who sat back, and Tim shifted to sit on his heels. His eyes had adjusted to the cave, and the moonlight was enough to make out Lachlan’s beautiful face.
“Someone died because I didn’t do my job.”
Tim opened his mouth to argue—then recognized the terrible echo of his own words after Lachlan had fallen from the Jet Ski.
“No. Oh, no, no, no. You did everything right today. You did everything I would’ve done. Everything every single lifeguard on this beach would’ve done. It’s us versus the ocean, and the ocean loves to win.”
A shudder ran through Lachlan, and Tim stripped off his hoodie. “Here.” He put the thick cotton over Lachlan’s head and guided his bare arms through the holes.
Then he quickly texted Ryan to call off the search and say he was taking care of Lachlan. Ryan’s response came immediately:
Will U text later and tell me how he is?
Tim said yes and asked Ryan to make sure the others were okay, knowing he could depend on him without a doubt. Then he took Lachlan’s face in his hands and pressed their lips together. Tim wanted to climb into his skin and warm every cell of him.
Lachlan trembled. “Don’t kiss me because you feel sorry for me.”
“I’m kissing you because I can’t fucking breathe if I don’t.”
With a little gasp that might have been a sob, Lachlan pressed their lips together, fingers grasping for the neck of Tim’s T-shirt and spreading over his collarbone.
Their tongues met, searching, stroking. Part of Tim wanted to fuck Lachlan right here. The need to be inside him was powerful—to take away his hurt and give him pleasure.
But he couldn’t stop kissing him.
When their kisses finally slowed, Lachlan ran his blunt nails through Tim’s chest hair, tracing patterns Tim wished he could see.
“It’s not pity,” Tim whispered against his lips. “It’s sympathy. There’s a difference. Or maybe it’s empathy. I could never keep those straight.” Running his hands over Lachlan’s back, he said firmly, “You did your best.”
“Wasn’t good enough.”
“Our best is all we have.” He brushed back Lachlan’s hair from his forehead. It had dried funny, and he worked his fingers through a few tangles.
“I need to be there in the morning.”
“No. You have a rostered day off, and you’re taking it.”
“But—”
“You’re not seeing the body.” The only way that was happening was over Tim’s. He’d experienced his fair share of corpses that had been in the water for extended periods, and the images of bloated, gray flesh that had once been breathing, laughing people were carved into his brain.
Lachlan might have seen a few in the past too—Tim wasn’t sure. But he was damn sure he wasn’t seeing this one.
“I owe it to him.”
“Bullshit. You and Mark warned them to get out of the water. We all did. And like usual, some people just won’t listen. He and his mates didn’t listen. You did everything you could. If Mark had hit the water first and gone for the farthest patient, would you think this was on him?”
“No, but—”
“Sweetheart, it’s not your fault.” He traced the shell of Lachlan’s ear. “It’s not mine. It’s not Mark’s or Cody’s or Mia’s.” He wanted to take Lachlan’s pain and do more than fix it. He wanted to wipe it off the face of the planet. “Do you hear me?”
A tear slipped down Lachlan’s cheek. “I know you’re right. I know I’d be saying the same thing if it was anyone else. But…”
Tim nuzzled his cheek, salt on his lips. “I know. It doesn’t stop the guilt.”
They sat with their heads together, listening to waves breaking, sharing breath in the darkness.
“Will you say that again?” Lachlan whispered.
“It’s not your fault.” He’d scream it from the rooftops until he was blue in the face.
“Not that.”
It took Tim a few seconds to catch on. “Sweetheart.”
Lachlan’s breath hitched, and he wrapped his arms around Tim, holding on tightly. Tim ran his hands over Lachlan’s back and shoulders and head.
“I don’t want to go home,” Lachlan mumbled against Tim’s neck. “I keep thinking about my parents. It’s stupid.”
“It’s not.”
“It’s not like they drowned. It was a car accident. I had nothing to do with it. Wasn’t with them or anything.”
“It’s not stupid, sweetheart.”
Lachlan took a shuddering breath. “They always taught us to be responsible. To try and help people. One time, we were driving back from a holiday in Margaret River, and we saw a ute lose control and hit a tree. There was so much smoke from the engine, and Dad told us to stay in the car with Mum. He ran over to pull out the driver even though it might’ve blown up. Didn’t hesitate.”
“You didn’t hesitate today. Your dad would be bloody proud. You help so many people. You’ve saved so many lives.” A huge wave crashed below, the sea spray splattering them. “Let’s get you warm. Something to eat.”
“I’m fine. I don’t want special treatment.”
“You’re not getting it. This is traumatic, and every lifeguard in this situation needs help.” He brushed his thumb over Lachlan’s mouth. “All right, maybe it’s a little special.” Leaning in, he kissed Lachlan tenderly.
“I won’t tell,” Lachlan whispered with a beautiful little smile.
It was still dark.
Lachlan was asleep in Tim’s arms in the pod, breathing deeply. Tim had ushered him into the pod without seeing Liam or Cody, and while Lachlan took a hot shower, Tim had answered worried texts before posting in the lifeguard group chat that Lachlan was safe at home.
Whose home, he didn’t say.
He’d warmed up a can of beans and toasted bread, relieved when Lachlan had eaten it while Tim had his own shower. They’d curled naked under the covers together, and Lachlan had thankfully fallen asleep quickly, wrung out physically and emotionally.
Tim had slept for a few hours, then dozed on and off. He’d set an alarm just in case, but he reached carefully for his phone now and switched it off.
He was flat on his back with Lachlan sprawled onto his left side, drooling on his bare chest. His hand rested solidly on Lachlan’s hip.
He wished they could stay like this all day.
But soon, Tim would have to ease out from under him and tug on his clothes. Slip out of the pod in the dark and walk the familiar steps to the beach. Get ready for the search to resume and keep the entire beach closed until they could be sure the body wasn’t there.
Tim expected Lachlan to wake, but he only snorted and burrowed deeper under the doona. It was bloody adorable, and Tim wanted to kiss him. Instead, he wrote a quick note telling Lachlan he was welcome to stay as long as he liked.
Then Tim crumpled that note into his pocket and wrote another:
Please stay unless you want to go home. I’ll be back this arvo. Rest and eat whatever you like. And remember it wasn’t your fault.
He underlined the last three words, signed with a simple letter “T,” and left the note on the kitchen bench. The pod was too small for Lachlan to miss it.
The door creaked as he eased it open, but Lachlan didn’t stir. Outside, Tim zipped up his lifeguard jacket and shoved his feet into the thongs he’d left there.
It was Sunday, and he was almost positive Liam and Cody were rostered off. Cody had mentioned something about a family barbecue, so hopefully they’d be out later and wouldn’t see Lachlan.
Though soon it wouldn’t matter anyway.
As the eastern sky behind him brightened to a smoky gray, Tim walked to the beach. It was too early even for the runners on the coastal path. Soon, headlamps would bob along the trail, the runners determined to stick to their routines even as the short days of winter loomed.
Tim opened the tower and filled out paperwork, then went down to the garage and drove out the Jet Ski trailer, getting everything in place. A slim figure approached in the murky predawn, and he recognized Teddy’s sloping shoulders and buzzed head.
“Hiya,” Teddy said, and they shook hands. He inhaled deeply. “Shit, I’ve missed this place.”
“Even today?”
Teddy’s lips quirked into a sad smile. “Even today.” He peered out at the dark waves, which were gentler now. “I’ve stayed away because Jill thought it would be too much like work to be here even just for a swim.”
“She’s probably right.”
“Usually is.”
“Cyclone, is that you?” Damo called as he walked down third ramp in his bare feet.
“Too right.” Teddy shook Damo’s hand and they slapped each other’s backs in a hug.
Damo’s smile faded. “Wish this wasn’t the reason you’re paying a visit.”
“Me too, mate.”
To Tim, Damo asked, “Lachie’s right?”
“He is. He’s feeling guilty as hell but that’s to be expected.”
Damo puffed out his cheeks. “Yup. It’s the worst feeling, hey?”
Teddy and Tim nodded.
“Bull, you want me out on the ski? I can go get a wetsuit on.”
“You up to it?” At Damo’s nod, he said, “Right. Get ready, and you can go out with Chalkers.” Damo wasn’t a newbie, but Tim wanted him paired with an old-timer for this kind of job. “Chopper’ll be back at first light, and the police boat.”
Damo disappeared into the tower to get ready. For a minute, Teddy and Tim simply stood side by side and watched the water.
“How’re you going?” Tim finally asked.
“There’ve been some bad days. Good ones too. Then more bad. Doc thinks I’m through the worst of it, though.”
Relief flowed through Tim. “Bloody glad to hear it.”
“It’s helped to know Barkers and the boys are in good hands.”
Tim groaned. “Oh, mate.”
“What?” Teddy laughed. “It is. I heard there could be a lawsuit coming against Mark, but that’s bullshit. And you know this drowning wasn’t on you.”
“It’s not that.”
Tim took a long, slow breath. When he’d woken with the small, cooling patch of wetness on his chest, Lachlan warm and safe and beautiful in his bed, his resolve had only grown.
Maybe if it was over the way he’d insisted time and time again, he could justify keeping quiet. Put his head down and do the work, ignore Lachlan, and hand back the reins to Teddy when the time came.
No chance.
“I have to tell you something. You’re not gonna like it.”
Teddy stared at Tim. “All right.”
“I’m sleeping with Lachlan.”
“You’re…what? Who?”
Tim spread his toes and dug them into the cold sand. “I should’ve started with the fact that I’m bisexual.”
Teddy blinked. “Okay. Wouldn’t have guessed, but that’s not a problem. ’Course it isn’t. If—”
“Lachlan Yang.”
Teddy’s brow furrowed. “What about him?” He stared at Tim. “Wait, Lachie? You…he…” His jaw dropped. “Are you kidding?”
“Nope.”
“Mate. Mate.” Teddy’s jaw was on the sand.
“Shit, I know. I’m sorry, Teddy. It was the last thing I expected. Haven’t fallen for anyone in years. Not like this.”
“He’s Ryan’s best friend! He’s a kid!”
“He’s turning thirty. Not a kid!” Tim couldn’t stop the defensiveness.
“Fair cop, but he is your subordinate!”
Tim winced. “He is. I’ve got no excuse for that.”
Teddy rubbed his face. As dawn broke, pink light blinking over the hills behind them, Tim could make out the bandage behind Teddy’s ear and on his neck, surely from the radiation treatment.
“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I let you down.”
Teddy’s lips pressed into a thin line. “You did. Not gonna sugarcoat it.”
Tim nodded miserably. Should he have stayed quiet? Broken it off for good with Lachlan and never said a word to anyone?
Maybe that would’ve been the smart thing to do, but Christ, no. They had to back themselves and give this a chance. If it didn’t work, at least they’d know. The what-ifs would do him in otherwise.
“You can’t stay on.”
“I know. However you want to handle it, I’ll do it. Not that you have to handle anything. You’re on leave. I’ll call HR at the council first thing tomorrow.”
Teddy sighed. “Don’t call them yet. With the drowning, the boys need leadership. Let’s find this body before dropping any more bombs.”
“Right. Whatever you say.”
“No funny business while you’re working.”
“No. I promise.” And he’d keep his word this time.
Teddy was quiet a minute. The silence stretched out until he muttered, “You and Lachie?”
“I didn’t remember him at all until it was too late. It was—we—” He shook his head. Teddy didn’t need his excuses.
“This didn’t just happen last night, I hope? Emotions run high after a drowning.”
“No, no.”
“Reckon that’s good, strange as it sounds. I’d hate to think you took advantage when he was in a bad way.”
Tim felt like spewing. “I’d never do that. I hope you know me well enough to believe it.”
Teddy sighed heavily. “I’d like to think so. But you blindsided me here, Bull.”
“I know. Sorry, mate.”
“I hope it’s more than a fling?”
“We tried to break it off. When Ryan found out, we swore it was over for good.”
“But?”
“I can’t give him up.”
With each passing minute, he was more sure. It wasn’t over with Lachlan. If Tim had his way, they were only beginning.