Chapter 18
R ival
The Reynolds' property in Virginia-Highland was exactly what I'd hoped, a beautifully restored Craftsman with good bones and owners who understood the value of custom work. Morris and his wife Eliana walked me through the spaces they wanted built-ins and described their vision with enough detail to be helpful but not so much that it felt restrictive. It was hard for me to create with confinement.
"We want it to feel like it's always been part of the house," Eliana explained as we stood in what would become their library. "Nothing too modern or trendy but also not antiquated."
"I understand completely.” I was already sketching ideas in my mind. “You want pieces that complement the history of the home but still fit your needs."
"Exactly. That's why we chose you. Your portfolio shows you really get that balance," her husband added.
“I get it and I will make it work. If that’s all…”
He looked at his wife and I grinned. She was the one in charge. I respected that. She smiled widely. “Yes, that’s all.”
“Let me walk you out.” Morris motioned to the door and we moved through his home discussing a few other details. I noticed their children playing in one of the rooms and my mind went to Sailor. I wanted this, all of this, and I fucking prayed she did too, because I wanted it with her.
I walked to my truck, mentally working through what I needed for their job. The consultation had gone better than I expected and they’d loved my initial concepts, which meant approving a budget that would allow me to use the quality materials the project deserved. This was the kind of job that reminded me why I loved this so much.
As soon as I was in the driver’s seat, my phone vibrated with a text from Sailor.
Sailor: Meeting running late. Don't wait on me for dinner.
I frowned, feeling annoyed. This was our first day back to normal life after a weekend in our bubble. I was looking forward to reconnecting tonight, hearing about her day and telling her about mine.
Me: No problem. I'll save you some.
Sailor: Don't bother. I'll grab something on the way.
I could feel the distance in her messages and that annoyed me even more. She was returning the barriers she’d lowered over the weekend. I had expected this but still didn’t fucking like it.
Me: Okay. See you when you get home.
I dropped my phone in the passenger seat and pulled away from the curb. The drive home gave me time to think about Sailor and how best to navigate this new phase.
This time, sex was about more than just physical release. We had a connection, an emotional connection, but I was learning Sailor well enough to recognize her patterns of advancing and retreating. The closer we got, the more she would pull back, testing whether I would still be there when she decided to move forward again.
My wife was guarded and stubborn as shit. She needed space to come to terms with her own feelings and reconcile the woman she was used to being with the woman she was transitioning into.
When I made it home, I was surprised to see her car parked. I walked in expecting to find her holed up in her room or working at the kitchen table. I smiled big as shit when I found her in the kitchen.
"Thought you had a late meeting."
"It ended early."
I nodded and went with it instead of calling her on the lie. She looked guilty as fuck and kept fidgeting. "What are you making?"
"Dinner. Well, sort of. PB don’t give me shit."
"I’m not giving you shit, Sail. I fuck with it. This is very domestic."
"That sounds terrible and definitely not sexy."
I walked up on her and dropped my chin. She lifted her head. “Sexy? Is that what you were going for?”
“I was trying to be a good wife, but again, this is terrible.”
I chuckled and leaned down enough to kiss her. "It’s not terrible. I appreciate you thinking of me.”
She nodded and stepped around me, sliding a plate in my direction. "I was thinking we could eat outside."
“Yeah that works.”
We took our food out to the back porch and settled in the Adirondack chairs I'd built last summer. The energy between us was relaxed and the vibe felt chill as hell. Being like this with her was easy.
"How was your first day back?" I asked, taking a bite of my sandwich.
"Fine. Busy. Skylar stopped by the office with my niece Skylynn. That kid is always on ten." She smiled before lifting her beer.
"Sounds like her aunt.”
Sailor grinned wider. "Pretty much because she’s beautiful and brilliant. Definitely a mini me."
"I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not?"
“It’s a great thing. The world could use more of what I bring to the table.”
I chuckled and nodded. “You like kids.”
We’d grazed over the conversation a few times but never really did a deep dive. I wanted a family. If she didn’t…
She shrugged. "In small doses. When they're related to me and I can give them back when they get cranky."
"So no real mini-mes in your future plans?"
"Hell no." She said it so damn quickly that it took a minute to catch herself. "I mean, I never thought about it. My career has always been my focus."
I nodded and struggled to keep my expression neutral. "Yeah."
"You want kids?"
"Yeah, I do, and it doesn’t have to be right now, but eventually."
She studied me for a minute. "You’ll be a good dad."
“That’s a compliment from someone who just said hell no to the idea of children."
"I didn't mean it like that. It's just… I’ve never seen myself as a mother. I'm too selfish, too focused on my own goals."
"Being focused doesn't make you selfish. More like self-aware. More people need to be that way instead of having kids they don’t want or for the wrong reasons."
"Most men aren’t that understanding."
"I'm not most men."
“You're definitely not."
“But in all honesty, just as much as I want us to make it beyond this one year, I want kids, with you. Even if that’s not something you’ve considered before, I would like for you to consider it now, with me.”
She frowned and nodded before lifting her beer. “I already have.”
“Then that’s good enough.”
She grinned. “But in order to have kids, you can’t keep holding out on me. Seems like you’re the problem.”
I chuckled and my eyes did a slow crawl over her body. “Trust me, that won’t be a problem.”
When we finished eating, Sailor cleared our plates and took them inside. I headed out into the yard and returned with an armful of firewood.
"What are you doing?"
I nodded toward the fire pit I'd built in the center of the stone patio. "Unless you have something you need to do inside?"
She shook her head. "No, a fire sounds nice."
I arranged the wood in the pit and fired it up. It took a minute for the flames to burn at a full blaze.
"Another beer?"
She nodded. "Yep."
When I returned with the bottles, Sailor had moved to one of the chairs closer to the pit. I handed her a beer and reached for her hand, demanding that she stand. After the space was empty, I sat and pulled her down into my lap.
"I got that job today. The Reynolds project.”
"That’s good.”
"It's a beautiful house with good bones."
"Like this one." She gestured to my house. Our house, at least for now.
"This place is a work in progress but I think that’s the part I like the most. The restoration is part of the appeal."
"Like your wife. I feel like I’m one of your restoration projects."
The comment caught me off guard. “You’re no different than the rest of us. We all have shit with us.”
"Why are you so adamant about this marriage? Why put up with my moods, my resistance?"
I tightened my arm around her waist. Sailor was so damn night and day. Professionally she was confident and assured but personally she was always second guessing where she belonged.
I set my beer down on the ground next to us and dropped my eyes to hers. "Because you’re worth it. There’s something real beneath all those walls you've built. You fight so damn hard to show people who you feel like they need you to be—your parents, your siblings, hell even the people you work with—but I see you, Sail. And I fucking like what I see."
She grinned. "Even though I only married you for sex?"
"As much as you want me to believe that’s the only reason you married me, we both know the truth."
“Which is?”
“You’re very fucking transparent, Sail. You don’t like being told what you can and can’t do and you love a challenge, but agreeing to this was very intentional. You could have given yourself an out.”
Our eyes met and she blinked a few times then narrowed hers. But when she opened her mouth to argue, she sighed. “I’m good at my job.”
“You are, but it’s not about that. Can we just be honest for a minute?”
“I’ve been honest.” She frowned.
“Nah, you haven’t. Something shifted in your life. I don’t know what but whatever that thing was, it made you want more than what your life had previously been. You’re good at reading people, Sail, it’s what makes you so damn good at your job. You knew I wouldn’t half ass with this marriage. You also knew I wouldn’t let you bullshit me when it came to what we were. You agreed because you wanted me to give you what you were too afraid to ask for.”
She tensed. “I didn’t want to be married and you’re insane if you believe that.”
“Maybe not married but you wanted something real. You trusted me to give it to you or you would have bullshitted your way onto my dick with a temporary resolution of getting around what you knew I wanted.”
This marriage.
She was quiet for a long time and I half expected her to bail but she surprised me when she softened. "I don’t belong anywhere. Not even with my family sometimes and that was scary. Teej and Sky were moving on with their lives and I didn’t know how to do that. They expect me to be…"
"You're here, Sail. You fucking belong."
She scoffed. “The disaster wife who doesn’t know how to be a wife.”
“You feed me and fuck me. That’s a pretty good start.”
She barked a laugh. “That’s a terrible argument.”
I dropped a kiss to her mouth. “You made me dinner, I feel like that’s a very valid argument…”
"PB&J isn’t a real dinner.”
"It’s an effort. You could have stayed at the office, or picked up takeout for just you, but we’re here having a real conversation and I respect that more than anything."
“It’s hard for me to not be here.”
"Is that good or bad?"
She groaned. "I don't know yet.”
I laughed. "Good fucking thing my confidence isn’t lacking."
She smiled and rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean."
"Yeah, I do. You’re difficult as fuck but I have no complaints, so stop second guessing, aight?”
“Okay.”
Sailor dropped her head on my shoulder and her body relaxed against mine. I slipped an arm around her waist and tugged her closer. I loved when she was open like this so I just enjoyed the silence. Sailor drifted to sleep and I was stuck in my head with how the hell this was gonna work out. She was here but that didn’t mean she was all in. Sailor didn’t like being vulnerable and being with me meant exactly that. By the time the fire was just an orange glow, she shifted and peeled her eyes open.
"We should probably go in. It's getting late."
"Yeah, we should,” I agreed but didn’t move.
She snuggled closer and lifted her head. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For being patient, not pushing and giving me space to figure this out."
"I told you I got you, Sail.” I lowered my mouth to hers and she leaned into the kiss.
"Come on.” I tapped her thigh so she would get up. "Let's head inside so we can get to bed."
"Yours or mine?"
“You fed me, so I’m going to fuck you. The location doesn’t matter, you decide.”
She laughed and leaned into me after I placed the lid on the pit to kill the fire. "Yours… If that's okay?"
"More than okay.”