Chapter 21
S ailor
"Are you sure this isn't too much?" I asked, eyeing the expensive bottle of wine I insisted on bringing. "Maybe I should've gone with flowers."
Rival chuckled, navigating the rental car through palm-tree lined streets. "My mother doesn't need either, but the wine is fine. Stop overthinking. She’s just happy that we’re here."
Easy for him to say. He wasn't about to meet his spouse's mother for the first time after an impulsive drunken wedding that said mother had initially disapproved of.
We’d landed in Oakland two hours ago and despite Rival's reassurances during the flight that meeting his mother would be easy, my anxiety was now at a dangerous level, somewhere between meltdown and drinking the bottle of wine to fix this. Her opinion mattered and I was well aware that a drunken marriage to secure sex wasn’t exactly the foundation most mothers hoped for when imagining their sons’ futures.
"I want her to like me," I admitted, smoothing nonexistent wrinkles from my sundress. When did I ever care about anyone’s mother liking me? Including my own.
Rival reached across the center console and linked his hand with mine. "She will. Just be yourself."
"That's what I'm afraid of. Myself isn’t the most likeable.”
"My wife is pretty damn impressive. Let her see that woman. The real you, Sail, not the lawyer mask you put on for strangers or to scare the shit out of people and you’ll be fine."
I nodded, trying to absorb his confidence. So much had changed between us. What started as a transaction had evolved into something that actually felt real. So real that I had gradually moved most of my things to his house. We established routines that felt natural. Morning coffee, well coffee for me, Rival watching while I drank it.
The point was spending time together before work, texting during the day, sharing dinner most nights, and him fucking me like he couldn’t get enough of my body. I even started spending time with him in his workshop, just sitting and working on my laptop while he worked on his pieces. We didn’t even talk, it was just about being there and that was scary because I liked being there. I had also stopped thinking about the end date of our arrangement.
"This is it," Rival announced, pulling into the driveway of a single story home with vibrant flower beds that looked very cliché but fit the space perfectly. "Home sweet home."
I took a deep breath and clutched the wine bottle but didn’t move.
“Sail, relax. I promise you’ll be fine.”
I exhaled a breath and nodded. "Let's do this."
Rival chuckled and went out, coming around to open my door. We barely made it halfway up the walkway before the front door swung open. His mother was tall and elegant, with the same complexion and eyes as her son had but her smile was different. It was wide and expanded across her face.
"There's my boy.” She stepped onto the porch with her arms open and Rival quickened his pace until he reached her. He grabbed his mother in a hug that lifted her off the ground. "Hey, Ma."
She laughed and hugged his neck affectionately once he set her down. "Still trying to break my ribs every time you see me."
"It's been a while. I missed you."
“Visit more and you won’t have to.” Her eyes shifted to me. "And this must be Sailor."
I stepped forward and extended my hand. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hassan. Thank you for having us."
"Diana.” She bypassed my hand and pulled me into a hug. "You're family now, no matter how it happened. We don't do handshakes in this house."
The embrace was firm and genuine and some of my tension eased as I awkwardly returned it. When she pulled back, her eyes narrowed on my face.
"So you're the woman who managed to get my stubborn son to the altar. I might not love the way it happened but that alone makes you worth knowing."
"Ma," Rival groaned. "Can we at least get inside before you start embarrassing me?"
"Baby, I've got an entire weekend to embarrass you. I'm just getting started." She winked at me, linking her arm through mine. "Come on in. I've got lunch ready and I want to hear all about how you've been managing with this one."
The house was warm and inviting, filled with comfortable furniture, an overload of framed pictures of Rival, and handmade quilts. I also recognized several pieces I would be willing to bet Rival made just for her. As crazy as it was, being here made me feel the love between the two of them.
"Your home is beautiful.”
"Thank you, honey. It's nothing fancy but it's mine." Diana led us to a small dining room off the kitchen where the table was already set with colorful plates and fresh flowers. I lifted the bottle of wine I was still clutching. “I brought you this.”
She arched her brow and grinned. “That looks mighty fancy so I’m sure it will be great. Thank you.” She accepted it then motioned to her son.
"Rival, go wash up and grab the iced tea from the refrigerator. Sailor and I will get acquainted."
Rival shot me a questioning look that communicated you okay? and instead of begging him to stay, I nodded. He winked and disappeared down the hallway.
"Sit down, Sailor.” She gestured to a chair. "You must be tired after that flight."
"A little," I admitted, sliding into the seat.
"It’s a long trip for such a quick turnaround but I’m glad you’re here and first class probably helped I’m sure.” I cringed, assuming she was referencing that because of me, but then she added. “I told him to make sure you were comfortable. That son of mine appreciates nice things but hates spending money. Maybe you can help him live a little.”
I relaxed again and smiled. “Maybe.”
"You know, when he first told me he got married, I thought he'd lost his mind."
"That's a reasonable reaction.”
"But seeing you together just now, the way he looks at you and the way you watch him, there's something there. Maybe this is a good thing."
"We're figuring it out."
“I wasn’t so sure, all things considered. The contrast with the two of you. I felt like he was setting himself up for a repeat of a broken heart.”
Repeat of a broken heart. I made a mental note to ask who broke his heart.
“But it looks like this might work. I’m glad you two are figuring it out.”
“Me too.”
Rival returned with a pitcher of tea and we all blessed the food and dug in.
Lunch was delicious. Diana prepared what she called her "famous" crab cakes with roasted vegetables and cornbread. The conversation flowed more easily than I expected but that was mostly because Diana shared stories of Rival's childhood and asked thoughtful questions about my work and family. It felt like we had been at this table sharing meals for years.
"So your practice is with your siblings?" she asked, passing me a second helping of cornbread. "That must be nice, having family around."
"It is, most of the time.”
“And your family is more accepting of your marriage now?” I tensed and my eyes shot up to Rival’s before I shook my head.
"My siblings and mother are. My father is still processing."
She nodded. "Rival says he gave him quite the interrogation."
"That's putting it mildly but I survived."
"Of course you did," Diana said proudly. "You don’t back down from a challenge."
"Neither does Sailor. I think her father underestimated both of us and where we stood with this marriage.”
“You don’t owe anybody anything. What’s between the two of you is between just the two of you. As long as you stand for each other, then the rest of us can kiss your ass.”
I burst out laughing because that was not what I expected. Rival laughed lightly beside me, not as surprised because he probably had.
After lunch, Rival insisted on handling the cleanup, shoving us out to the back patio where chairs overlooked a small but beautifully maintained garden. I figured it was a set up to give us time to talk but I didn’t mind.
"He gets that from his father," Diana remarked as we settled with fresh glasses of tea. "Terrell was the same way. We were a team. If I cooked, he cleaned. Said it was the best way to keep balance in a marriage."
"You miss him," I said softly.
"Every day," she nodded. "It’s been years and there are days when I still turn to tell him things. You never get used to that type of loss but enough about that. Tell me how you're really doing with all this. My son gave me the sanitized version, but I want to hear your side."
I hesitated because I wasn’t sure how honest to be with her. We just met but something about her direct gaze that felt eerily familiar to her son’s made me want to open up.
"It's been interesting," I admitted.
"I imagine so. Based on what Rival has told me about you, being married to someone you barely knew couldn’t have been in your five-year plan."
I laughed, shaking my head. "Definitely not. Being married at all actually. I wasn't the marrying type."
"But you are, so what now?"
"Now I'm not sure what type I am anymore. Things with us have changed and so have I."
Diana nodded, encouraging me to continue.
"Rival is patient, kind, and infuriatingly persistent. I did this but he wanted this and sometimes I wonder..." I trailed off, surprised by my willingness to be vulnerable with her.
"Wonder what?" she said quietly.
"If I'm enough and if I can be what he needs and deserves."
Diana's expression softened. "Oh, honey."
"I'm good at my job. Law makes sense to me. There are rules, precedents, and a structure to follow. I studied and mastered it, but this, marriage, love, relationships, there's no way to study or prepare and master it. I'm terrified of failing."
Terrified of failing him. Disappointing him and then he decides to leave me…
"You think there's a right way to love someone?" Diana asked.
"There has to be and whatever it is, I'm pretty sure it doesn't start with how we ended up here."
Diana surprised me by laughing. "Let me tell you something about love, Sailor. There's no perfect way to do it. No formula, no prescription, no master class. Lord knows Terrell and I figured that out the hard way."
"But you had a good marriage?”
"We had a real marriage," she corrected. "With struggles and joys and everything in between. We fought like hell sometimes. We hurt each other's feelings. We made mistakes but we kept choosing each other and kept trying to understand one another better because the most important thing you can do to get it right is show up. It can’t work if you’re not there or if you’re not invested."
I absorbed her words and tried to process them in relation to my own fears.
"Let me ask you something. What scares you more? The thought of trying and failing at this marriage or the thought of walking away and not trying?"
The question gut punched me. I had been so focused on my fears of inadequacy that I hadn't fully processed the alternative.
"Walking away," I admitted quickly. “I want this to work. I want him."
Diana smiled, reaching over to pat my hand. "Then you're already halfway there, honey."
"But what if I'm not good at being his wife, at loving him right?"
"Child, nobody's good at marriage, not really. We're all just doing our best and learning as we go. The beautiful part isn't in being perfect, it's in being vulnerable enough to keep trying and keep growing together."
"Rival deserves someone who knows how to do this," I argued weakly.
Not a wife who wanted a temporary fix…
"Rival deserves someone who loves him for who he is, who challenges him to be better, and who is willing to do the work. From what I've observed today, that someone might just be you."
I blinked several times before my mouth decided to work. "You think so?"
"I do. You’ll take it one day at a time. There’s no finish line to cross or some huge goal to accomplish. Approach it all with honesty, giving grace, and with the understanding that love isn't always easy but it’s always a choice. Every morning, you wake up and choose that person again. Like I said, you show up."
I thought about this marriage to Rival and how we navigated conflicts, built routines, and had been settling into whatever we were. I also considered how I had begun to feel more myself with him than I ever had with anyone else. I wasn’t anxious or stressed and the most important thing was that I felt like I belonged. I wasn’t as resentful as I had been in the past when it came to my siblings and I was honestly beginning to understand that resentment was self-imposed. They never asked me to be the one to carry the weight of our father’s expectations, that was all me. I made the decision to do so and resented them for my choice. I had to be the strong one and that ruined me because…
"I'm afraid," I confessed. "I've spent my whole life avoiding this kind of vulnerability."
"Of course you're afraid. Love someone is terrifying. You’re giving them control to make you happy and that also means they can break your heart." Diana laughed softly. "It's the biggest risk we ever take, but baby, the alternative, living safe but closed off, is its own kind of heartbreak. Who the hell wants that?"
"How do you know if it's worth it?"
"You don't, not with absolute certainty, but look at you now, Sailor. You’re sitting here worried about whether you can be enough for my son. That tells me your heart's already made its choice even if your head is still playing catch up."
Before I could respond Rival appeared in the doorway with his sleeves rolled up and a dish towel draped over his shoulder. "Everything okay out here?"
I smiled when he protectively searched my face. This man…
Diana and I exchanged a look and shared a moment, understanding that felt like the beginning of a lasting bond.
"Everything's fine, honey," Diana assured him. "Just getting to know my daughter-in-law."
The term tightened my chest but not in panic. It felt good.
"I don't know if I should trust that and don’t believe everything she tells you. Especially if it involves my teenage years. I can’t be held accountable for the dumb ass decisions I made back then."
"Speaking of which…" Diana's eyes lit up. “I should show Sailor your prom photos!"
"Ma, no," Rival groaned.
"Ma, yes," I countered. “I want it all. I need to see everything."
Diana led us inside to retrieve photo albums but Rival caught my hand, pulling me back. "You sure you’re good?" he asked quietly, searching my face.
"Yeah. I'm really good." I lifted and pecked his mouth because I truly meant it. Diana was right. My heart had already made a decision about my husband. It was time for my mind to play catch up.