Chapter 24
R ival
The project had gone perfectly. The Reynolds were thrilled with my designs for their built-ins and we'd finalized the contract with a timeline that worked for everyone. To celebrate I stopped on the way home to pick up flowers for Sailor.
I pulled into our driveway just after six, noticing immediately that Sailor's car wasn't there. Not unusual because she often worked late but something felt off. I sent her a quick text as I unlocked the door.
Me: Just got home. How late will you be?
I moved through the house and switched on lights before I set the flowers in a vase and waited for her response. When fifteen minutes passed with no reply, I tried again.
Me: Don’t grab dinner on your way. I can start cooking if you're heading home soon.
Still nothing. I checked the time and tried to relax. It was still early.
By eight there was still nothing from Sail. Not a damn word and I got worried. I called three times and it went straight to voicemail. This damn sure wasn't like her. Even when she was in court or meetings she would at least send a quick text to let me know.
Me: Getting worried. Please text me when you get this.
Another hour passed and I paced the living room, checking my phone obsessively. What if something had happened? An accident? A client issue gone wrong?
When I couldn’t take it anymore, I broke down and called Gray.
"What’s good, fam?” I could hear the sound of his daughter playing in the background and wondered if Sail might possibly be there.
"Is Sky home?"
"Yeah she’s here. Everything okay?"
“Not sure, I had a question about Sail.”
“Aight, hang on…”
I heard a muffled conversation then Skylar’s voice replaced Gray’s.
"Rival? Everything okay?"
"I was hoping you could tell me. Sailor's not home and she’s not answering calls or texts. I'm getting worried. You talked to her?"
There was a pause then Skylar sighed. "She's at her apartment."
"Her apartment? Why?"
Another damn pause.
"Something happened today. Dad came by the office."
What the fuck did he do?
"Okay…"
"He found some information about you." Skylar's voice was careful and too damn measured. “…and a woman named Armesa Taylor."
Fuck! I hadn't heard that name in a very long time and truthfully I had deliberately pushed it from my mind.
"What about her?"
“Were you engaged to…”
“No, I wasn’t.”
"He found the marriage license, Rival. It wasn’t filed but it was filled out. You both signed it."
I closed my eyes and brushed a hand over my head. "Fuck."
"Yeah, fuck," Skylar agreed. "Sailor's pretty messed up. She found Armesa online, saw the similarities between them..."
"And she thinks I married her as some kind of replacement," I finished, running a hand over my face before I repeated the only word that apparently was in my current vocabulary. “Fuck."
"Did you? Is that what this is?"
"Hell no. Not even fucking close. Armesa and I dated for a while, things were good, but when shit got real she chose her career over our relationship. I was the one who ended things."
“How were you not engaged but you had a marriage license?”
“The same way Sail and I had a whole ass wedding and no engagement. The paperwork is one thing, the commitment is something else. I planned on proposing to Mesa, which she knew. The license was a promise that it would happen but we never actually got there. I swear I never actually proposed.”
“Sounds to me like you have a thing for unconventional ways of doing things.”
“Yeah but it’s not a pattern and she’s not anything to me.”
"Then why didn't you tell Sailor about her and about you almost being married before?"
It was a fair question, one I'd asked myself more than once over the past couple months. "I knew how it would look. Marrying a woman who superficially resembles my ex? Sailor would have assumed I had ulterior motives and be thinking the same damn thing you are right now, I was trying to replace Mesa. She would never have given us a real chance."
"Were there ulterior motives?" Skylar asked but I wasn’t offended. She was being protective of her sister.
"No. There are surface similarities, but in reality, they're nothing alike. Not where it counts."
"How so?" Skylar challenged.
I sighed and controlled my response because Sky was cool and I didn’t want to be rude. "No disrespect, but that's a conversation I need to have with Sailor first."
There was a pause but she gave in. "Fair enough. She's at her apartment. I tried to get her to talk to you, but she said she needed time."
I bet she fucking did. She was running and I was the one who gave her a reason this time.
"I'm not giving her time to build more walls."
"Good luck. She's hurt, Rival. Tread carefully and if you really mean what you say, I hope you can fix this."
"I’m going to fix this. Thanks for telling me where she is."
I hung up, grabbed my keys, and headed for the door. I still had the key to Sailor's apartment from when I was working at her place, which felt like a lifetime ago considering where we were now.
The drive to her building passed in a blur of rehearsed explanations and arguments I knew she would hit me with. I wasn't going to lose her over this shit, not when we finally found our rhythm.
I parked in the visitors' section and took the elevator up to her floor. When I reached her door I hesitated briefly before using the key.
The apartment was dark except for a single lamp in the living room. Sailor sat curled on the sofa with a nearly empty wine glass in her hand. Her eyes were red and swollen from crying and that fucked me up. The second I walked through the door those sad eyes were on me but her expression shifted from sadness to anger in a matter of seconds.
"Get the fuck out of my apartment.”
"Nah, can’t do that." I closed the door behind me. "Not until we talk."
"There's nothing to talk about. You lied to me."
"I didn't lie. I omitted something from my past that I knew would be misinterpreted, but I didn’t lie, Sail.” I moved closer but stopped when she tensed.
"Something?" She laughed bitterly. "You were engaged to be married, Rival. To a woman who could be my professional twin and you didn't think that was worth mentioning during our heart-to-hearts about trust and vulnerability?"
"I was never engaged. We discussed marriage, we obtained a license, but I backed out before it was officially filed."
"Semantics," she snapped. "The point is, you have a type and I fit it perfectly. Was that the plan all along? Find another ambitious attorney to replace the one who got away?"
"Is that really what you fucking think of me? You really think I could be on some shit like that?”
Something shifted in her eyes but she stood her ground.
"I don't know what to think. I opened myself up to you. I told you things I've never told anyone. I let myself believe this was real, that you saw me, the real me, and now I find out I'm just a replacement for another woman."
"You're not a fucking replacement. Stop saying that shit."
I felt myself getting angry and moved closer. “Anything similar is superficial and not fucking relevant."
"Bullshit. I saw her online. We could be professional doppelg?ngers."
"On paper, maybe, but you and Armesa are nothing alike where it matters." I choose my words carefully. "Armesa was calculating, always measuring the cost benefit of what we were and every fucking emotion. She saw vulnerability as weakness, saw relationships as transactions that either helped or hurt her career. When it came down to it, she chose advancing her career over building a life with me. Is that who you think you are? Because I damn sure disagree."
I sat on the coffee table, facing her even though she refused to look at me.
"Sail, you protect yourself because you're afraid of being hurt, not because you don't feel. You build walls because you care too much, not too little. When you let those walls down, you love fiercely, wholly. You're loyal to your family, committed to your clients, and even when you're being stubborn as hell, I feel your heart. She never had that. You’re not the fucking same."
Sailor's eyes finally lifted to mine. She was conflicted but listening.
"And for the record, you initiated things with me, remember? I wasn't out looking for a replacement. I was hired to do a job and you were the one who decided marriage was the only way to get me in your bed."
Realization settled into her expression but was followed by that same suspicion. "Convenient timing, though. You were available, celibate, resistant until I proposed marriage. You could have been waiting for the right woman to plug and play.”
I ran a hand over my face, feeling even more frustrated.
"That's not what fucking happened and I think you know that. I was celibate because my relationship with Armesa ended badly. I needed time. I was resistant to sleeping with you because I respected you and didn't want a casual hookup and I agreed to your insane ass proposal because I saw something worth exploring. It was only ever about you, Sail."
"Why didn't you tell me about her? If she meant nothing and it was truly irrelevant and your past, why keep it secret?" This was the real question finally surfacing. Sail’s insecurities had taken over.
"Because I knew how it would look and if I told you about her, you would do exactly what you're doing now. Assume the worst, protect yourself, retreat. I wanted us to have a real chance."
"That wasn't your decision to make.”
"No, it wasn't and I apologize. I should have trusted you with the truth but I was afraid of losing you before I even had a chance to have you."
She was quiet for a long moment, studying my face. "How do I know you're telling the truth now and that you want me for me, not as a replacement for her?"
"Because I'm here, Sail. When things got hard with her, I walked away. I didn’t even consider fighting because I knew she wasn’t what I wanted but with you I'm going to fucking fight. I'm always going to show up and I’m always going to choose you. Every fucking time, even when you're pushing me away."
I reached for her hand, feeling relieved when she didn't pull away. "It could only ever be you and not because you remind me of someone else but because you're you. Stubborn, brilliant, passionate, infuriatingly you. The woman who demanded I marry her while drunk off her ass. The woman who holds her stuffed hippo when she's anxious but would rather die than let anyone see that vulnerability. The woman who trusted me to be what she needed."
A tear slipped down her cheek and I reached up to brush it away. "I love you, Sailor. Not some idea of you, but you , exactly as you are."
"This felt real to me and then..."
"We are real. This doesn't change a damn thing. If you can say you don’t feel who and what I am to you, then cool, I’ll respect that but I know you do."
"You hurt me," she said softly. "Finding out like that from my father of all people..."
"I know and I'm sorry. I fucked that up. If I could go back and tell you everything from the beginning, I would, but I can't change the past. I can only promise to be honest going forward and earn back your trust."
She was quiet for so long I began to worry that she would shut down completely. "I need time, Rival. This is a lot to process."
"I understand and I can give you that but I'm not walking away. You’re going to give me this year to prove that you didn’t make a mistake."
"I'm not saying that. I just need space to think for a minute. Can I have tonight?"
“Nah, that don’t work for me.”
“It’s one night. I just…”
I could push but pushing didn’t work with my wife and regardless of what the hell happened I wasn’t letting her go. She could have one night.
"Aight, you got that but you’re coming home tomorrow so we can talk more?"
She hesitated then nodded. "I'll come by after work."
It wasn't the resolution I fucking wanted but it would have to be enough for now. I stood, knowing pushing further tonight would only make things worse. "I love you, Sail. That's never been in question, ever, and I need you to feel me when I say that. Don’t just hear the words, feel that shit, okay?"
She nodded and didn't pull away when I leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead. When I turned to leave, her voice stopped me.
"Rival?"
I looked back. "Yeah?"
"Thank you for coming after me."
It wasn't a declaration of love or forgiveness, but it was enough for now.
"Every fucking time, Sail. That’s my word.”