Chapter 48
I always get angry when things don’t go according to plan.
I’d think things through for a while, wasting time and energy to clear the coast for myself.
But life swoops in and throws me onto a rough path filled with obstacles.
I’d get angry and curse everything, but once I reach my goal, I do feel grateful.
I sat in the living room with my arms crossed, swinging my leg. I stared at the wine rack.
Eric took me to another meeting despite me begging him to let me stay home.
I told him I had a headache. That I had hangover, which, of course, wasn’t true.
But I was careless and lost whatever trust he still had in me.
The reaper saw right through me. He refused to leave me alone even for a little while at that point.
He’d leave Norman to babysit me. Norman’s loyal to him. Too much so. There was no negotiating with him, no way to blackmail him or pull at his heartstrings.
I jumped to my feet and headed towards the rack.
Norman grabbed my arm and yanked me back onto the couch.
“Your boss won’t like it when he finds out how you treat his property,” I hissed.
“My boss allowed me to treat you like this,” he replied calmly.
“What do you mean he allowed it?” I snapped back.
“You’ve upset him.”
I huffed, crossing my arms over my chest.
“He needs to chill, then,” I mumbled under my breath.
The telephone rang. Norman took the call and got up, heading to the door. There he stopped and turned back to me.
“You’re coming with me.”
I sighed audibly.
My good pal red semisweet was going to have to stay behind the rack.
We were about to leave when the sound of gunshots from the room further down the hall stopped us in our tracks.
I instinctively ducked.
Heartbeat was ringing in my ears.
“Get back,” Norman whispered, clicking the safety switch.
I ran back in and closed the door behind me.
I paced back and forth, rubbing the fingers on my left hand.
Eric was going to be okay, right? They couldn’t have killed him, could they?
I quickly ran to the shelves, looking for anything sharp.
I slammed open the cabinets, rummaging through them and praying I’d find something useful.
There was nothing.
I stood up and began looking around the room.
My eyes fell on a large bronze figurine.
It depicted a lion with a beautifully wavy mane.
Its mouth was wide open, revealing the sharp teeth, and its large paws with sharp claws stood on the paws of a wolf that looked more like a hyena.
It reminded me of the sculpture called Animals Fighting.
I grabbed it as a man stormed into the room, pointing a gun at my head.
I froze.
My gaze fell on his left hand. Blood was dripping from it, falling onto the floor.
“Drop it,” he said in an even tone .
I swallowed a lump of panic hard and threw the figurine next to me without any sudden movements.
It fell with a loud thud. The floor beneath me shook under its weight.
I froze, as if I’d turned into the statue lying at my feet.
The wooden floor creaked under his quick steps. He came up to me and wrapped his left arm around my neck, pulling me closer.
The icy barrel was pressed against my temple.
I became speechless and my head felt empty. And it was never empty. There was always chaos, storm, a whirlwind, but not emptiness. This emptiness scared me as much as his weapon.
We stood silently, staring at the door.
I felt the blood from his arm soaking up my lily-white dress like a sponge.
I hated this color.
There was a clatter of shoes and Eric ran into the room, with Norman following suit.
My eyes darted all over him, trying to figure out if he was hurt.
But he was unharmed.
The realization hit me over the head like a baseball bat.
Eric wasn’t going to keep me alive. He wasn’t going to sacrifice his goal for me, especially when it could be solved with just one bullet. He told me I’d have to die if he told me to. And that day was finally here.
I was going to die with a gun to my head, and then Eric would kill him. That’s the end. That’s how I die.
The feeling of freedom made my body relax.
I was going to win after all, right? I would finally be free, wouldn’t I?
“You’re out of luck. You’re gonna die today.”
“Shut up,” the man hissed, pushing the gun barrel to my temple harder.
“I hate to break it to you, but you have nothing to offer him. You’re a deadman. And to be fair, so am I,” I uttered the last sentence under my breath.
“What do you want?” Eric asked.
My gaze turned towards him.
I watched him closely, trying to guess what was on his mind.
What was he doing? Was he going to negotiate with him? But why?
Eric I knew would never cave in to anyone. Especially when someone gave him an ultimatum. He didn’t like losing control over everything.
“You know what. Just your signature.”
“Norman, get the papers,” Eric said, looking at the man.
“What are you doing?”
Why was he complicating things? Why was he betraying his principles?
Anger from the unanswered questions boiled inside me.
Norman left as quickly as he’d return, handing the papers to Eric.
“You don’t give a crap about me.”
He looked up at me with his dark eyes and turned to Norman.
“I need a pen.”
Norman nodded and left the room.
“Why do you act like you give a damn?”
I saw his jaw clench.
“Let him shoot me, like you would anyone else standing here. Act like you always do,” I was almost screaming.
“Zoe...”
I wasn’t just angry, I was enraged.
“You told me once I’ll have to die if you say so. Now’s the perfect time to let me die. Sacrifice me.”
I was panting. I could feel my limbs shake from all the adrenaline. My ears throbbed .
It pissed me off to know he wasn’t willing to sacrifice me. Wasn’t ready to let me go. Because that meant he cared.
Than I was important for him, and I didn’t want to be. I didn’t want to mean anything. I wanted to be a nobody. Wanted to free myself from him.
“Zoe, please, shut up,” he said coldly, not even looking at me.
I snapped.
“You want me to shut up?” I blurted out, “Fuck you, Eric!”
I thrashed about, trying to free myself.
“Shoot. Shoot me. He’s gonna kill you the moment you sign the papers anyway. Shoot,” I shouted.
“Stop fucking fidgeting,” the man yelled.
He gripped me tighter.
My heart was throbbing, muffling the voices.
“Say you don’t care if I die.”
He wasn’t looking at me.
“Eric.”
He raised his eyes to look at me.
“Say it.”
Norman brought a pen and Eric signed the papers with a swift motion of his hand.
Everyone lowered their guns. The man was no longer holding me.
Eric handed him the papers and he came closer to pick them up.
I was panting heavily, trying to accept the fact that he actually gave a damn about me.
My gaze fell on the gun in the man’s belt.
I quickly ran up to him and grabbed it.
I pulled the gun on my attacker.
“Zoe, what are you doing?” Eric growled.
“Answer my question.”
Eric let out a heavy sigh .
He pulled out a gun and shot the guy twice in the chest. The man dropped dead.
My eyes widened in horror. My chin was shaking.
I put my hand down and let the gun fall at my feet.
Another death that could’ve been avoided.
When will it stop? When will there no longer be blood on my hands? When will my dress stay white?
I raised my eyes to look at him.
He put the gun down with a calm expression, ignoring me outright.
I walked up to him quickly.
“What are you doing? You were supposed to let him kill me. Isn’t this my job? Or do I no longer work for you? If I no longer work for you, does it mean I can leave?” I hissed through gritted teeth.
“Did I tell you to die? Did I let you sacrifice your life? Or provoke him?”
He was yelling at me, no longer holding his anger back.
“The problem is, you really care. You never have before. You always walked all over me. I was less than nothing to you. But why now?”
My voice was quivering.
“Why have I become important to you now?” I saw something behind the anger in his eyes, something new.
It was doubt.
I had never seen doubt in his eyes before.
That’s when I realized. He didn’t know the answer to this question, either.
It was getting harder to breathe.
I couldn’t bear it anymore. I wasn’t going to enter his circle of affection.
I hastily walked towards the door on the opposite end of the room .
I ran downstairs to the nearest door, but it was closed. I hurried to another door and pulled the iron handle.
It opened and the icy air hit my face.
In the distance I saw a gazebo and decided to hide there.
On my way there, I slipped a few times, falling on the cold ground and staining my white dress.
I ran into the gazebo, panting heavily.
Thoughts swirled in my head like a blizzard.
What now? What was he going to do now? Maybe he’d kill me himself at this point?
No. Had he wanted to, he’d have finished me back there, in that room.
Was I his type? Could he really have feelings for me? Did I want him to have feelings for me? Could we end up together? What about the brunette?
I stopped pacing around the table and sat down on the cold wooden steps of the gazebo.
Tiny snowflakes fell to the ground, trying to cover it with a blanket of fluffy snow.
I held my hand out and a couple snowflakes landed in my palm. They melted the second they met my skin.
That’s what happens when two worlds collide. One of them dies.
On the floor to my right lay a pack of cigarettes, a lighter and an ashtray.
I took out a cigarette and struggled to make the lighter work.
My thumb got tired of clicking the wheel.
I shook the lighter and tried again. A small fire flared up and I quickly pushed the cigarette towards it.
Taking a drag, I felt the bitter taste invade my mouth. The burning sensation in my throat was choking me, and I coughed violently.
It was horrible! How could anyone smoke that ?
I cleared my throat and sighed heavily, but left the cigarette to smolder in my mouth.
When was anything good going to happen? When were the changes coming? When was it going to get easier? When would I finally get the chance to live the life I’d been dreaming of? When?
I no longer wanted to run away after the Judgement night at that party. I didn’t want to escape because there was no point in it anymore.
It scared me half to death that I’d lost faith in myself. Faith in freedom. Faith in my future. Faith in having a life of my own.
Why wouldn’t anything change? Why wasn’t it getting better? Why was everything getting more complicated when time should have cleared things out? Why do we get attached to those we’re supposed to hate? Why do we care about people who don’t deserve it?
I was looking at the snowflakes on the snow-covered ground when I heard the crunch of someone’s approaching footsteps in the snow.
Eric covered my shoulders with a heavy fur coat.
The wooden steps creaked under his weight.
He took the pack of cigarettes and began clicking the lighter.
The lighter wouldn’t obey him, either, and it made me smile.
He threw it aside and came closer to me, trying to light his cigarette on mine.
His dark eyes looked into mine and I didn’t want to look away. I enjoyed staring into them.
My stomach twisted with excitement and a sudden rush of heat.
He turned away and blew smoke.
“I’m surprised you didn’t snatch my cigarette.”
He chuckled and took a drag, blowing the smoke.