Chapter 6
Noah
Students will be able to establish—and then destroy—boundaries.
All right. We were doing this. We were having another conversation without the buffer of my niece and I was more than likely to fuck things up. Here we go.
Gennie ran down the hill toward the dog run, yelling every step of the way, “Doggies! I’m coming for you!”
Shay watched from the edge of the gravel drive, one hand shading her eyes from the last of the day’s sun.
The extremely annoying fact of the matter was that Shay was gorgeous. Just drop-dead gorgeous. The more I tried to ignore this, the more aware of it I grew. That awareness chewed at me day and night, accompanied by the lurking whisper of you could marry her .
I walked toward Shay, my gaze fixed on Gennie and my hat pulled low. I shoved my hands in my pockets. “Have you given any thought to our partnership?”
Shay turned to face me. “Have I—what?”
“The partnership I proposed last week. For your inheritance.”
“Yeah. That.” She shifted back to watch Gennie and the dogs. “To be honest, I don’t—”
“I need to clear up a few things,” I interrupted. “We’ll draft a prenup, of course. You’ll keep as much of your property as you want, we’ll share ownership in the event space, and I’ll keep my property. It’ll be a clean agreement.”
She shifted the tote bag filled with books to her other shoulder, saying, “I’m going to need a bit more time to consider all of that. Like, a lot more time. It’s not just about the land for me.”
“It’s not just about the land for me either,” I said. “I have a kid and I should’ve been explicit about her involvement in this from the start. I’m not letting anything hurt her. Not a single fucking thing. Gennie cannot—will not—get caught in the middle if we do this.”
“I would never want that,” she replied, her words sharp around the edges.
“If we do this—and I think you should know this is one of your better options if you’re dead set against taking the estate to court—we have to make it safe and stable for Gennie.
That means keeping it under wraps for the year, living our separate lives, and quietly dissolving the marriage once the estate is cleared.
She knows nothing, not a single word. I’ll negotiate anything except for Gennie.
” I shot a glance at her but that was a mistake.
It was nearly impossible to enforce limits when instinct told me to give this woman everything in the world she wanted.
“Take that with you while you’re considering the matter. ”
“I would never do anything to hurt her,” Shay said.
“Not intentionally, no. The problem is that Gen already adores you and she’s going to be heartbroken when you leave.”
Shay set her bag down and turned to face me. “You say that as if I’d just walk away from her without a second thought.”
That’s exactly what I’m saying because it’s exactly what you did to me.
“No,” I replied. “You’re—you’re good with kids.
Obviously. You know what to do with kids and you know how to talk to them.
I’m sure you’re really great as a teacher too, even if I can’t wrap my head around that career choice for you.
But Gennie doesn’t have room in her life for more disappointment.
She can’t fall in love with you over the next year and then you drop out of her life. If we do this, we protect her.”
“Actually, that’s a topic I’ve been meaning to discuss with you,” she said. “It’s what I wanted to talk about tonight.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t like the sound of this.
I didn’t want to continue this conversation at all.
I’d said everything I needed to say and didn’t dig myself into any new holes, and now I wanted to be alone so I could properly exhale for the first time since the afternoon. “Yeah. Sure. What’s up?”
“Gennie has mentioned a few things to me that I think you should hear about,” she said.
“There have been a bunch of comments about not having friends at school, or having a tough time with the other kids. I think her pirate persona is a defense mechanism. She uses it to manage the discomfort of these social issues.”
Shit. Just…shit.
I met Shay’s eyes and waited a long beat before asking, “Is there anything else?”
“She’s embarrassed about her hair,” Shay said. “She says it never looks nice or pretty, and my guess is that also feeds into the pirate thing.”
“Why didn’t she tell me? I would’ve—I don’t know, I would’ve done something.”
Shay shrugged. “I’m not sure but she did mention that she’s worried you don’t know how to do girl hair.”
I ripped my hat off and rubbed my forehead. “Every time I think I’m getting a handle on this parenting thing, ear piercing and girl hair pop up and I’m right back at the start again.”
“You’re wrong about that. You’re so far from the start, you can’t even see the start.”
“The start is a goalpost that moves every day,” I replied. “And it’s going to keep moving. Today it’s girl hair. In a few years, it’s going to be—I don’t know—training bras and periods and Jesus Christ, I’m not equipped for this.”
“I think you are,” she said. “You’re doing a great job with her, Noah. You’ll figure it out as you go, and that’s the best you can do. I mean, she eats vegetables and does chores, and—”
“And drops fuck into most conversations.”
“Mmm. That’s true. But listen. One year, on the first day of school, I was outside in the morning, greeting students as they arrived.
One kid gets off the bus, walks right up to me, spits on my shoes, and says I better not be the bitch-ass cunt who’s going to make him go to school.
Then he runs out of the parking lot and into oncoming traffic.
The day had barely started and that’s where we were at. ”
“Oh my god.” I wanted to ask what that kid’s home life was like but my niece referred to the chickens as shithead bastards, so I had no legs to stand on here.
She glanced down the hill at Gennie, who was flat on the ground while one of the old dogs licked her face.
“He was a handful that year. The runners always are, but he was extra special. He’s starting fifth grade in a few weeks but he goes to eighth grade for math.
Special children will always demand the most of us. ”
How did she do that? How did she make things seem infinitely possible?
Not even possible but likely? As if I’d be able to reform this rogue child into a fully formed human person over the next decade despite the fact her childhood was pockmarked with trauma.
As if I’d figure out how to do this and manage to keep my head above water.
And where did Shay get off being so—so tolerant and accepting? The girl I’d known never would’ve considered a career in teaching, let alone one where kids cussed her out first thing in the morning.
The girl I knew in high school—
I shoved my hat into my back pocket and shifted to stand in front of Shay. To look at her, really look at the person I’d known all those years ago.
Was it possible she wasn’t that girl anymore?
If I could change, couldn’t she? And I’d changed . If we ignored the part where I still blushed and stumbled over my words when it came to Shay, I was nothing like my high school self. I’d projected all my insecurities onto this town, and I’d made resenting this place my entire personality.
Thank fuck I’d changed.
“Gennie had a hard time last year,” I said. “When she first came here, it was rough. For both of us. It didn’t occur to me she’d have trouble in school until I started getting calls.”
“Being the new kid is overwhelming under the best of circumstances. I would know.”
I stared at her. I wanted to know when she’d changed. Whether it was sudden or a slow shift. And I wanted to know why. What happened along the way?
“Is that why you’re helping her? Because you were the new girl so many times?”
She offered a loose shrug. “A little of that. A little of knowing what it’s like to feel as though you don’t belong anywhere. A little of remembering what it was like to be six or seven and my mother leaving for an overseas assignment.”
“Eva isn’t a war correspondent. She’s not embedded with a military unit or spending a year tailing a crown prince to uncover decades of corruption.”
“Maybe not but the details aren’t as relevant when you’re a little kid being bounced from place to place.
I didn’t know my mother was a famous journalist at that age.
I just knew a rotating cast of nannies were my only family and no one ever knew when my mom was coming home.
We might have different stories but I know a lot about Gennie’s.
I know about fathers who donated sperm and literally nothing else, and I know about feeling like there’s no one to claim you. ”