Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
KRUGER
I lean against the bathroom counter and stare at myself in the mirror.
“What the fuck are you doing, man? Get it together,” I snap at my reflection.
I will my dick to go down so I can think clearly.
I have to leave Delphi off-center to have any chance of getting anywhere with her because she gets caught up in her head.
The problem is, I didn’t anticipate how easily I’d get lost in her.
I blow out a deep breath before heading back out to her.
She’s standing where I left her, looking so fucking forlorn.
I want to wrap her in my arms and never let go, but I’m not sure I’m enough to fix what’s broken inside her.
For this to work, it’s going to be a collective thing, not dissimilar to what Hannibal went through with his chapter and Lola.
Raven Souls need to pay penance. The problem is that there are still those who are on the fence about Delphi’s innocence, particularly among the old timers.
“Con brought some food. Think you can eat something while I take a quick shower?”
She turns to look at me before nodding. “I’ll try.”
“Good enough for me. Take a seat on the bed.”
I rummage through the bags until I find the one holding food and place it on the bed.
I pull out a to-go box laden with pancakes and cups of syrup, as well as one filled with scrambled eggs and sausages.
In another are crispy hash browns, which she immediately reaches for.
At the bottom of the bag are containers of yogurt, along with bowls of chopped fruit and a bunch of plastic utensils.
“Mmm… these are good,” she mumbles, taking another bite.
I reach for a pancake when the door goes again. With a frown, I head over and swing it open, finding Con with a couple of coffees in one hand and a bag in the other.
“I forgot to bring the drinks up.”
“Cheers, man.” I take them from him before he salutes and disappears.
“I like him. He reminds me of a puppy.”
“Just what every man wants to hear, I’m sure.”
“Not sure he can be classified as a man yet. He makes me think of a Labrador for some reason.”
“Well, at least I don’t have to worry about you running off with a younger model.”
“Kruger—”
“I’m joking. Eat before it gets cold. And here, take this. I remember you saying caffeine was good when you had a migraine.”
“Iced coffee seems to help. Yeah, the combo of caffeine and the shock of the ice. I asked my doctor about it once, and he said that many people find it helpful. I can’t believe you remembered that.”
“I remember everything, chestnut.”
“Again with the chesnut.” She groans, taking another bite of hash brown.
“Be right back.” I shove half a pancake into my mouth and leave her in peace while I take a quick shower.
I keep the door open, not trusting her enough not to sneak out, though I’m hoping the food distracts her for a minute.
I wash up using her stuff, more than happy to smell like Delphi for the rest of the day.
I rinse off before climbing out and wrapping a towel around my waist. I grab a smaller one and rub it over my hair as I walk back into the bedroom.
She watches me avidly as she forks a heap of eggs into her mouth.
I don’t make a big deal about it as I move to the bags.
One of them has a change of clothes for me.
I grab the boxers and drop the towel, grinning at the surprised squeak she makes as she gets a flash of my bare ass before I pull the shorts up over them.
I don’t bother with the rest yet. I toss the wet towels back in the bathroom before joining her on the bed to eat.
We sit in comfortable silence, though I suspect I’m more comfortable with the situation than she is. Once we’re done, I clean the mess away, leaving behind just the bottles of water and juice.
Moving back to the bed, I sit facing her, lifting her legs so they overlap mine. I get a glimpse of her pussy and have to fight the urge to roll her over and thrust inside her.
“We need to talk.”
“I really don’t think we do,” she says softly.
I reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ears. “Baby, I know you’re scared—”
Her eyes flash with fire. “Scared? You think I’m scared? I’m so far beyond scared, it’s a joke. I’m terrified. I’m barely surviving this life as it is. And now you and your mc want to pull me back in when you have no idea how hard it was for me to claw my way out?”
“So tell me.”
She looks distressed and moves to pull away, but I hold her in place.
“Don’t do this, Kruger. Trust me when I say you don’t want to go there right now.”
“If not now, when? How long will it take until you crack yourself open and allow others in?”
She huffs out a laugh, but it’s laced with malice. “I let you in before. I let you all in, and you tore my insides to shreds when you threw me away. Why the fuck would I put myself through that again?”
I reach up to grab her flailing arm and grasp her wrist, my thumb grazing over the scars there. She tries to pull away, but I won’t let her.
“Baby.”
She knows I’m aware of the scars. I think a part of her has left her cuffs off, pushing me to ask, but it would only unravel her faster.
“I’m not your baby. I’m not your anything, just some woman you used to know.”
“You’re so much fucking more than that, and you know it. Tell me about these scars.”
“No.”
“You—”
“I said no,” she screams at me, making me freeze. “You don’t get those. They’re mine. You think you can thrust yourself back into my life again, and I’ll be a good little bitch and just roll over so you can rub my belly? Fuck you, Kruger, and fuck that damn club of yours.”
She struggles in earnest then, trying to hit me, and screaming.
She gets a few good shots in with her cast before I pin her down using my whole-body weight to hold her in place.
Eventually, her yells give way to tears and full-body sobs.
God, she cries so much. It’s a wonder she doesn’t drown us both.
“It’s okay, Delphi. I’ve got you. I swear to god I’ll never let you down again.”
She hiccups but doesn’t speak, as her hands wrap around my forearms and hold me close.
“I know you don’t believe me, but you will. One day you’ll get it.”
“Get what?” she croaks out, surprising me. Up until that point, I wasn’t sure she could hear me.
“That I don’t want just a moment with you, I want forever.”
She drifts off to sleep, tears still dripping down her face onto the bed. The mask of pain is still firmly in place, making me want to roar at the whole damn world.
When I know she’s out cold, I gently pull away from her.
I tug the blanket up to cover her before gripping the end of the bed, my head bowed as I sort through shit.
I feel like the deeper I dig, the further away she falls.
At this point, I’m holding onto her with my bare fingertips.
One wrong move, and she’ll slip right through my hands.
I tug on my jeans and socks before slipping on my boots and lacing them up.
I throw on the T-shirt packed for me, rolling my eyes when I realize what it says.
“You should see the other guy.” Hilarious.
Someone’s idea of a joke because this ain’t my T-shirt.
With a shake of my head, I grab the key card and shove it in my back pocket before sliding my cut on.
Something settles in me when it’s on. I feel like half a man without it, and it guts me that the same cut that centers me is a constant reminder to Delphi of all she lost.
I head out to the corridor and call the only person I know might be able to offer me some insight. I wait as the phone rings, wondering if they’re going to pick up at all before they answer.
“Hey, Kruger. Is everything okay?”
“Legs? I need your help.”
It’s been years since I smoked, but the urge to spark one up hits me hard as I wait in the hallway for Midas and Legs to appear.
I turn when I hear the ding of the elevator.
Midas steps out first, his eyes scanning the space to make sure it’s safe before he guides Legs out.
He’s been extra protective since the attack, and I can’t say I blame him.
Luckily, Legs doesn’t seem to mind. Despite everything that happened, I’m glad they finally opened their eyes to what was right in front of them.
When she spots me, her eyes light up. She walks over to me as fast as she can with her heavily pregnant belly. “Hey, Kruger.” She wraps her arms around me from the side and gives me a hug. I pat her on the back, earning a glare from Midas.
“If I’d known there was going to be touching, I wouldn’t have come.” He crosses his arms.
Legs sighs. “Behave, Midas.” He grumbles something, but Legs ignores him. “Okay, tell me what’s going on.”
I lead them farther away, to the little alcove with the window and a bench seat underneath it, nodding for Legs to sit. Midas takes her hand and eases her down.
“I miss being able to stand up and sit down by myself, and don’t get me started on my cankles.”
“Cankles?”
She lifts her leg to show me. “You see my ankle? No. Exactly. I have a calf and a foot, but my calf has absorbed my ankle. I have a cankle.”
I look at Midas for help, but he shrugs.
She sighs. “Men. Okay, talk to me, Kruger. Tell me how you fucked up this time.”
“What makes you think I fucked up?”
She folds her arms and glares at me.
I blow out a defeated breath and tell her everything—from spending day after day at the hospital with her, even when she wouldn’t let me inside her room, to her crying herself out just over an hour ago. I don’t hold anything back, sparing neither of them the details.
“Jesus, Kruger,” Legs groans.
“I love her,” I admit out loud, something Midas already knows.
“Sometimes love isn’t enough,” she says quietly, her words landing like a bullet.
“It has to be, or what’s the point?”
“Has she spoken to you at all about the past?”
I shake my head. “Every time I bring it up, she shuts me down.”
“Can you blame her?”
“No, but she can’t keep silent forever. The MC still has questions.”
“Well, that’s just tough now, isn’t it?”
“It’s not that simple, Legs,” Midas says softly.
“No, I know that. The problem is, so does Del. Why do you think she wants no part of this? You’re all still acting like she owes the club some explanation when she owes you nothing.
I don’t even know everything that happened.
I don’t push because I’m worried she’d break, and there are only so many times you can break something before it is damaged beyond repair. ”
“So tell me what to do then, Legs, because walking away isn’t an option.”
“Why? Because it’s what you want. What about Del? What about what she wants? Do you know? Do you care? I’m not trying to be a bitch here. I’m just trying to understand your motivation.”
“I told you. I love her.”
“How do you know? Up until recently, you hadn’t seen her for years. You never looked for her, never watched over her, never once sought her out. Midas thought I was carrying someone else’s kid and still stalked me like a villain in a cheesy B-rate movie.”
“I resent that.” Midas sighs.
“Where’s the lie?”
“I didn’t say you were wrong.”
Even my lips twitch at that.
“It’s different for us. There has always been a wicked chemistry between the two of you. The only ones oblivious were you. Delphi never saw me like that. She only had eyes for Snake.”
“And now?”
“She reacts to me with every touch. Her eyes follow me everywhere, and she hates herself for it,” I admit.
Legs looks at me before patting the seat beside her. I sit down, careful not to touch her so Midas doesn’t lose his shit.
“Tell me about Snake.”
Midas hisses, and I straight up curse his name. Legs shakes her head, her eyes taking on a soft, sad smile.
“That’s gonna be your first hurdle. If she can’t talk to you about him, he’ll always be between you.”
“What’s there to talk about? He was an evil motherfucker who deserved to die,” Midas snaps, but Legs just looks at me.
“He was a bad man. Nobody is debating that, least of all me. Del knows this. If all this had come out and Snake lived, she’d have left him and never spoken to him again, no matter how she felt.”
“How she felt?” I shake my head, clearly not getting it.
“You know she loved him. That’s why you were so quick to assume she was somehow a part of all that went down. I’m not going to touch how fucked-up that is.”
Midas shakes his head. “You weren’t there.”
“Neither was Del.”
“She should have been, though. The last few months, we barely saw her. Seemed like she was putting distance between herself and the club, like she knew something was going to go down,” Midas tells her.
“And nobody asked?”
“Snake kept making excuses—”
“So nobody actually asked Del.”
Neither of us says anything to that. In an MC, a brother’s word is usually enough, though given the source, she’s right. We should have checked.
“Regardless of all that, the man who died was evil, yes. But up until that point, he was also the doting husband. He treated Del like she was spun from gold. And then he was gone. All that was left was this darkness that was almost like an infection that spread into every aspect of her life. And all the while, people expected her just to turn everything off. Turn off her love, turn off her grief, her sadness, and heartbreak. To do that, she had to amputate parts of herself just to stop herself from bleeding out. He was a bad man, but he was a good husband, and nobody remembers that but her. Until you can find a way to bridge that gap, you’ll always be stuck floundering on the outside of her walls.
It’s the only way she knows how to protect herself. ”
“Shit.” The thing is, on a fundamental level, I get it. Everything she says makes sense. But when I think of Snake, I’m consumed by a white-hot rage, making it impossible to have any rational kind of thoughts.
The sound of a door cracking open has us all turning. I can see it’s the door to Delphi’s room, but before I can make her out, the door closes again.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Legs sighs.
“I’m not sure—”
Legs cuts Midas off with a glare, holding out her hand so he can help her up.
“I wasn’t asking for permission. She’s my friend. All we have right now is thanks to that woman, and I’ll be damned if I let her think for even a second she has to figure this out alone.”
“She’s not alone. She has me,” I bite out.
“You don’t count. Your perspective on shit is different than ours.” She holds up her hands. “Until you have to jump and jiggle to get into a pair of jeans and hover over a toilet seat to pee in a public toilet, your perspective is different,” she snaps before waddling off down the hallway.
We both watch her go before I turn to Midas. “She carrying a kid or a demon?”
“I ask myself the same thing daily.”