Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
DELPHI
A light tap at the door has me looking out the spy hole and hesitating. I love Legs, I really do, but I’m not sure I’m ready to answer the questions she’s bound to have.
“Come on, Del. I know you’re there, and I have to pee.”
I huff before opening the door. “You would, of course, play the pregnancy card.”
She rubs her belly with a grin. “Gotta use it while I can. I can’t believe how fast my due date is approaching.”
I step back and let her in before closing the door.
She looks me over as I tug the robe tighter.
“I thought you had to pee?”
“Shoot,” she hurries off to the bathroom, making me chuckle.
I walk over to the window and pull the drapes open, allowing the light in. I wince, but barring slight fogginess, my head feels fine for now.
Spotting my bag, I rummage around in it until I find some clean underwear and a long strapless maxi dress with an built-in bra. I slide the underwear up my legs before tugging the dress on, which is made so much harder thanks to the damn cast.
I toss the discarded robe on the end of the bed just as Legs walks back into the room. She walks over to the bed and plonks herself down on it before patting the pillow beside her.
“Come lie with me.”
“I’m not into women.”
“Please. Everyone’s into me. I’m hot as fuck.”
I laugh at her ridiculousness, though she is one of those annoyingly beautiful women who just rolls out of bed and looks put together. If I didn’t love her so much, I’d hate her.
I climb on the bed and lie down next to her, our heads touching as we stare at the popcorn ceiling that’s seen better days.
“You know I’m not going to judge you, right? I mean, mine and Midas’s story is anything but pretty.”
I sigh. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to help yourself.
” Her hand slides down my arm, pausing when it reaches my wrist. I freeze.
I forgot my cuff. As much as I left it off to taunt Kruger, I knew he had already seen it.
I didn’t want Legs to know. I didn’t want her to see my darkest shame, how weak I once was.
“This changes nothing.”
“Kruger told you,” I hiss.
“Midas did. I didn’t ask how he knew. I think they saw them when they found you.”
“I’m not going to do it again.”
“I know. Because you have me now and I’d kick your ass.”
I roll toward her, tucking my hands under my chin, and watch as she does the same.
“Did you know that I had fertility issues?”
She frowns and shakes her head.
“I struggled to conceive, and then when I did, I struggled to hold on to them. Doctors couldn’t find anything wrong with me.
And I wonder now, looking back, if it was because the universe knew what kind of man Lee—or should I say Snake—really was.
I lost seven babies before I ever hit the second trimester.
It got to the point where we stopped telling people because I just couldn’t handle the pity anymore.
“And then I became pregnant one final time. I was prepared for the worst, but when I went to my twelve-week scan, he was still there, and everything looked good. I still wasn’t ready to share him with the world.
It just felt safer to keep him between me and Lee.
As my bump started to grow, I started wearing baggy clothes and eventually stopped going to the clubhouse as much.
I just wanted to get to my third trimester.
Then I knew it was safe for everyone to be excited and start buying stuff again.
People don’t realize how fucking hard it is to pack away booties that never got worn, and onesies they’d never grow into. ”
My eyes drift closed as I tell her the next part. “I went into labor at nineteen weeks. The doctors did everything they could to stop it, but my body refused to listen. Samuel was born sleeping four days later, weighing just nine ounces.”
I feel tears running down my face as I think back to that day when I wanted nothing more than to curl up and die right along with him.
“If it wasn’t for Lee, I think I’d have given up there and then.
He was my rock, though. He kept his hand locked around mine so I didn’t drown.
” I look at Legs and see she’s quietly crying, too.
I reach out and grab her hand, squeezing it.
She holds on tight, offering me comfort in the only way she knows how.
“The hospital let us spend time with him, taking photos and footprints. And then he was gone, and I had to go home with a heavy heart and empty arms. The next few weeks were a blur. I blamed myself, I blamed Lee, I blamed God, and even the devil himself. I was so angry, and Lee never once held it against me. And then my rock was gone too. And everything else around me crumbled to dust.”
“You wanted to join them,” she whispers, sorrow in her voice as her thumb slides over my scar.
“I don’t know if it was a conscious thought.
I just wanted my family back. But I didn’t do it when I found out what kind of man Lee really was, or when I found out he was dead.
I didn’t even think about it when Ravens threw me out like yesterday’s trash and threatened to murder me if I came back.
I went home and found my house engulfed in flames.
The only thing I had left of my son, those five photos and his footprints, were in that house. ”
She covers her mouth to smother a sob, and I belatedly realize I shouldn’t have told a pregnant woman this story. But once I started, I couldn’t stop. There were only a few people who knew about Samuel, and my baby deserved more than to be a statistic.
“Oh god, Delphi, I’m so sorry.”
I shrug. “What was done can’t be undone.
There is so much rage inside me, Legs. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get past it.
It took me a long time to find the strength to keep going.
The whole thing shattered me. Don’t get me wrong, I eventually found a way to rebuild myself, but I’m different now.
Harder, more standoffish. I have to be, because I know I don’t have it in me to survive something like that again. ”
“I can’t even imagine the amount of pain you must have been in. The fact that you’re here with me now is a testament to just how strong you are. You don’t give yourself nearly enough credit.”
“Nobody gives themselves credit for surviving, especially when you’re the only one who made it.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
I look at her warily but nod.
“Kruger? You never thought about him like, you know, that before?”
“For an ex-club girl, you sure do beat around the bush.”
She playfully elbows me, her smile lighting the mood. “Did you ever think about fucking him?”
“No. When I say all I saw was Lee, I wasn’t lying.”
“But now he’s gone…” She leaves it hanging, but I’m not sure what she wants me to say.
“He says he loved me even way back when I was someone else’s girl. But that Delphi had stars in her eyes. This one has scorch marks.”
“Can’t walk through hell without getting a little singed, babe.”
I chuckle. “I guess I can’t argue with that.
My point is, he’s in love with a woman who doesn’t exist anymore.
I might have survived this,” I hold up my wrist to show my scar, so there is no confusion.
“But younger me didn’t. She bled out before anyone could find her.
And honestly, I’ve made peace with that.
I think she needed to die so I could find a way to live with this insanity. ”
“If you strip everything else away, pretend none of the bullshit exists between you and the club, would Kruger be someone you’d be interested in?”
If this were anyone else, I’d lie or give them a sharp response so they’d know to back off. But Legs is immune to it, especially now. I close my eyes and picture Kruger’s hands on my body and the way my skin sings whenever he touches me.
“Yes. I’m attracted to Kruger. That’s probably the only part of this whole mess that makes sense.”
“I’m not sure what you mean by that.”
My lips twitch. “Remind me to show you a picture of Snake one day. Let’s just say I have a type.”
“Okay, now you have me really curious.”
“My dad has a couple of my wedding photos in his attic. Mine were destroyed in the fire, and I doubt the club has any, so I guess you’ll just have to wait.”
“Ugh, fine. And I seriously went off track. What was I talking about before my baby brain did a mind sweep?”
“That I’m your best friend,”
“Obviously.”
“And that you’re not going to push me on this.”
She bites her lip. “I want you to be happy, Del.”
“Happy is overrated. I just want to be left alone.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not a troll living under a bridge, so that’s not an option.”
“You clearly haven’t seen me in the morning.”
“Haha. Look, I won’t push for now. But at some point, you’re going to have to push yourself.
You’re living half a life. I know when you had the diner, you were too busy for much else, but I can’t help but wonder how much of that was by design.
You’re too fucking awesome to walk through this life alone.
I know you got fucked over royally and, of course, that’s made you wary to put yourself out there again.
But do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life? ”
“Yes. Yes, I do,” I deadpan.
She throws up her hands in exasperation. “You nearly died again. You’re really fucking good at nearly dying, Del. Maybe you could give living a shot. Who knows? Perhaps it’s not a biker for you, maybe it’s a banker or a baker or a—”
“Candlestick maker?” I drawl, making her laugh.
“I get what you’re saying, Legs. I do. Just let me maybe recover from cracking my head open and scrambling my brains.”
“Fine.”
“Thank you.”
“You got any snacks in here?”
“No. I kinda made a mad dash here in the middle of the night. Snacks were not on my mind.”
“Lucky you, snacks are always on my mind lately. Why are you here anyway? I’m confused. Kruger said you agreed to stay with him.”
“Oh, he did, did he?”
“Crap. He didn’t ask you, did he?”
“Bikers tend to ask for forgiveness instead of permission. And that’s if you’re lucky.”
“It’s a good thing they’re all good with their hands.”
“All of them, huh?” I tease, making her flush.
“Obviously, Midas is the best.”
“Obviously.”
“So what are you going to do? And think before you answer, because there is no way I’m letting you stay here. If you really can’t handle living with Kruger, then you can move in with me and Midas.”
“I’m not moving in with you guys.”
“Sorry, did I make that seem optional? Pick someone, Delphi, because I’m pregnant and hormonal and I can’t sleep worrying about you.”
“Again with the pregnancy card?”
“I’m working with what I have.”
“The baby will be here soon. I will only be in the way.”
“How? Are you planning on sleeping in their crib?”
I groan. “You’re not going to give up, are you?”
“Would you give up on me?”
“Goddamn it, woman. Fine, I’ll stay with Kruger. But as a roommate. That is all I have in me right now.”
“No more running away in the dead of night?”
“There was no running involved. This body is built for comfort, not for speed.”
“Del.”
“Fine, no running. Not unless I feel like I’m in danger,” I add as an afterthought.
She pauses at that and frowns. “Do you really think you’d be in danger?”
I stare at her. Surely I don’t need to remind her of just how cursed I seem to be.
“Okay, good point. I’ll allow it. No running unless you’re in danger. Awesome. Now roll me off the bed. I’ve gotta pee again, and then the baby really needs a burger.”
“I’m sure they do.” I huff out a laugh as I help her up off the bed.
I take a second while she’s gone to think over what she said.
I can’t deny some of the stuff she was saying.
When I was driving my car one-handed so I could hold the grenade with the other, I couldn’t help but look back on the reel of memories in my head—the good, the bad, and the heartbreaking.
What struck me the most, though, was how gray and lonely I’d been until Legs walked into my life.
I have no idea why we clicked the way we did.
Even when I realized her ties to Raven Souls, I knew instinctively she was special.
That if I were brave enough to take a risk, I would get a sister out of it.
And so I did. And yeah, I might have lost my job, home, and part of my skull for my efforts, but given a do-over, I know I’d still offer her that job.
I scrub my hand over my face and think about Kruger.
Things aren’t quite so black and white with him.
Because dating, fucking—whatever you want to call it—isn’t just between me and him.
It’s between me, him, and the whole mother chapter of Raven Souls MC.
That’s the part that holds me back the most.
Legs stroll back in, pausing long enough to look at me before nodding at whatever she sees. “I’m gonna let the guys in.”
“They’re waiting outside in the hallway?”
“I wanted to talk to you alone. They’re big boys. It’s not like anyone is going to kidnap them.”
I roll my eyes as she opens the door, puts her fingers between her lips, and whistles. I stand up and brace myself, donning my frown once more. Things can go either way with Midas.
Speak of the devil. The man himself walks through the door first, kissing Legs before his eyes land on mine. I open my mouth to greet him, but he storms over to me and tugs me into his arms. I’m so shocked I forget to breathe for a second before my arms lift of their own accord, and I hug him back.
He pulls away and looks down at me, his eyes gliding over my scar before they move over the rest of my face. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m okay.”
“Liar. But you will be.”
“You’re as bad as your old lady.”
He grins, moving away from me so he can pull Legs into his arms. Kruger walks up to me then, moving in closer than I expected him to do in front of people.
“How’s the head?”
“Good for now,” I tell him quietly.
“Ready to go home?”
I open my mouth to snap at him, but my eyes land on Legs. She cocks her eyebrow at me in what can only be described as a challenge.
Damn the woman.
“Yeah, I’m ready.” As I’ll ever be.