Chapter 11 #2
“I get that. Had a shitty run-in with a club president myself. We’re not all built the same way, though.
Besides, I have experience in fucking over someone who didn’t deserve it.
Not looking to make the same mistakes. I’d like to hear about what went down from your perspective. Not now, though. You gotta rest.”
“All I do is rest,” I grumble as my brain stumbles over what he said. “You’re talking about Lola, aren’t you?”
“You remember her?”
I nod as he pulls open the back passenger seat door. “I only met her once. I went with Lee—eh, Snake—when he had to see Khan about something. She was the only one who made me feel welcome. Everyone else was really cliquey. Kinda reminded me of high school.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Why would you? I remember she was younger than everyone else, and they treated her as if she were dumb because of it. It gave off a whole mean girl vibe that made me grateful for the girls back at the mother chapter, at least until everything went down and they pretended I didn’t exist.”
He rubs his hand over his face, looking tired.
“I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No, I’m glad you did. I just hate how much I was so fucking oblivious to. Driller may have been the one to abuse her, but I might as well have held the door open for him to walk through.”
I hiss at the sound of Driller’s name. “Your brother was a dick. He was slimy and gave me the creeps. It always confused me how nobody seemed to see it. Though I noticed Lola did.”
His head dips and sighs before he makes me yelp as he picks me up under the armpits and lifts me into the truck.
“She’s coming up in the next couple of weeks with my nephew. You should come visit the clubhouse. She’d appreciate a friendly face.”
“I don’t know, Havoc. I’m not sure the clubhouse is somewhere I can go again.”
“The club is a part of him.” He nods his head toward the hospital doors as Kruger is walking out. “But I have a feeling if you asked him to choose, he’d choose you.”
I swallow hard. “I’d never ask him to.”
“You wouldn’t have to. He’s going to see it every time you flinch at the mention of the club, or insist he go alone.”
“I can’t help how I feel, Havoc.”
“No, you can’t. But maybe give us another shot. You’re not the only one who’s changed in the last few years.” He pulls back and winks at me before closing the door.
He moves over to Kruger, and they both talk about something.
I lean my head on the window and think it over.
I can’t lie, the thought of going back to the clubhouse makes me break out into a cold sweat.
But will I ever get past it if I don’t at least try to face the demons from my past?
Even taking Kruger out of it, my best friend is tied to the Ravens.
Do I want to miss out on birthday parties and family gatherings because I’m scared?
Of course, the answer is no. But knowing it doesn’t give me a random bolt of courage. All the bad shit is tied up together, so much so that it’s hard to pick the parts I want to untangle without getting trapped in the rest of it.
When they both climb in, Kruger turns to look at me, giving me the once-over. “You haven’t eaten since lunch yesterday. We can pick breakfast up on the way home if you tell me what you want.”
“I’m not picky. Though I wouldn’t say no to an iced coffee.”
“Doc said to be careful of caffeine for now,” he reminds me.
“Decaf is fine.” I sigh. His lips twitch, but he turns and straps himself in as Havoc pulls away. I do what I do best lately and drift off to sleep, waking up only when the truck door opens.
Kruger looks at me, amused.
“You sure I don’t have narcolepsy instead of epilepsy?”
He chuckles and helps me out. The second my feet touch the ground, I’m scooped up in his arms, and I’m carried upstairs.
I look around for Havoc and see him following behind with the bag of food in his hand.
He follows us in and waits for Kruger to lower me to the sofa before handing me an iced coffee.
“You fell asleep before I could ask you which kind, so I went with caramel.”
“Can’t go wrong with caramel,” I agree, taking a sip and groaning. “It’s good.”
“Well, my work here is done. Enjoy your breakfast. I’m going to head back and take my old lady some food too because when she’s in the zone, she forgets to eat altogether.”
“Thanks for picking me up.”
“My pleasure. Think of what I said.”
“I will,” I tell him. Knowing my brain, I won’t be able to think of much else.
“Kruger, see you at church on Wednesday. I’ll have someone sent over to keep Delphi company.”
“Not Pig.”
Havoc nods before leaving.
“You have a prospect called Pig?”
“What did Havoc want you to think about?” We both speak at the same time.
“Nothing for you to worry about.” I sigh.
“See, that’s where you’re wrong. If he said something to upset you, then president or not, I—”
“He didn’t upset me, I promise. He actually invited me to the clubhouse in a couple of weeks because Lola is coming to visit. I said I wasn’t sure I could handle it. He said I wasn’t the only one to change over the last few years, and to think about it.”
Kruger sighs, sitting beside me as he unbags the food. “If you don’t want to go, then we won’t go. It’s as simple as that.”
“We?”
“Not leaving you by yourself.”
“I can call someone else to come sit with me.”
“No. I’m good. I don’t want to be at the clubhouse without you, anyway.”
Is this what Havoc was talking about? Kruger pulling away from the club to be with me? Or am I overthinking things?
“I said I’d think about it, and I will. I’m just not making any promises.”
“That’s fair. Now eat, everything else can wait.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Careful, chestnut. I quite like the sound of that.”
I roll my eyes at him before getting to my feet.
“Where are you going?”
“Just to get changed into something more comfortable.”
“You need help?” He waggles his eyebrows at me.
I shake my head. “No. I can manage.” That sounds like a really fucking bad idea.
He doesn’t push, though. “Alright, I’ll plate up the food.”
I nod and head upstairs, trying not to let it look like I’m running when I know I am. When I reach the top of the stairs, I pause outside Kruger’s office, as it belatedly dawns on me that there is only one bed in this house.
I turn the knob and walk inside, not sure why. It’s not as if a bed will magically appear. I move over to the window and glance out. The neighborhood is as quiet as it was when I left. Hell, at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if he bought up the whole street just so I was reliant on him.
I groan. I’m being unfair, yet I can’t help but feel bitter about how the whole situation turned out. I rest my elbow on the desk, looking down at my feet with a sigh. I should have run when I had the chance, somewhere farther than a damn motel.
Noticing something sticking out of the bottom drawer, I tug it open, not feeling even a little bit guilty for snooping.
If he wants me to stay here, then it’s better he realizes how nosy I am from the start.
I reach inside and pull out the thick stack of envelopes before my conscience gets the better of me.
These could be work-related, containing people’s private information that I have no business reading.
Except when I move to put them back, I notice the top envelope has my name on it.
I lift it before noticing the second one does too, and the third.
I flip through them all, finding each and every one addressed to me.
“Delphi?”
I jolt at the sound of Kruger’s voice, turning to look up at him.
He sees what’s in my hand and grimaces. “Fuck.”
“What are these?”
He walks over and tries to take them from me, but I hold them to my chest. “They’re addressed to me.”
“Yeah, but I never intended for you to see them.”
I tilt my head and study him. “You wrote these to me but you never intended to give them to me?”
He runs his hands through his hair. “No, because then you’d know.”
“Know what?”
“That I was in love with my brother’s wife.
That I hated you were with him instead of me.
That every smile you aimed his way eviscerated me.
I couldn’t have you, but I couldn’t stop myself from wanting you either.
You’ve always been my weakness Delphi. There has never been a time when I pictured my future with anyone but you. ”
My breath stalls in my lungs, my lips move, but no sound comes out as I’m stunned into silence.
“Let me put them away. They don’t matter anymore.”
“No.” I hold them tight as he closes his eyes in defeat.
“Okay, read them, burn them, I don’t care, just don’t use them against me. I can handle a lot, but I don’t think I can handle you weaponizing my love for you.”
Before I can respond, he walks out, leaving me staring down at the bundle. I put them on the desk and start with the first one, not knowing if they’re in order, but I don’t suppose it matters much.
I pull out the paper, open it up, and start reading.
Dear Delphi,
You looked beautiful today. You look beautiful every day, but today, I don’t know, it was as if you had a glow about you. Every time you smiled at me it felt like the sun breaking through the clouds. Jesus, I sound like a sappy prick.
I snort because he’s not wrong. I don’t think poetry is going to be Kruger’s calling, but there is something to be said for a man who’ll wear his heart on his sleeve like that. Consequences be damned.
You asked me for a ride into town because Snake was busy, and I was happy to spend time alone with you, even if I knew it was wrong. Snake would gut me if he knew how I really felt about his wife.
I swear I can still smell you now, hours after you’ve gone. All I think about is breathing you in as I bury myself inside you, but instead, I’m halfway through a bottle of Jack, wondering if I should just transfer to another chapter before I lose my shit completely.
There’s a crooked line across the paper, and that’s where it ends, making me wonder if he passed out before he could finish.
I pull out the next letter and start reading again.
Dear Delphi,
I nearly beat a man to death today. I caught him trying to follow you into the bathroom at the diner. I dragged him out and beat him until Midas could pull me off. The thought of him touching you, or forcing you to do anything, makes me want to find the motherfucker again and set fire to him.
I ended up leaving, worried I’d scare you if you saw me because I’d never be able to stop myself from holding you, just to remind myself that you were safe.
I put the letter back in the envelope and carry the stack to the bedroom, spreading them out on the bed in front of me.
There must be hundreds of them. Part of me wants to rip them open and devour them.
But another part of me is scared. Scared they’ll be like Pandora’s box, that I’ll unleash something I can’t put the lid back on.
With a shaky hand, I pick up another envelope, knowing there’s no turning back now.
Dear Delphi…
I read until my eyes hurt before I force myself to put them away in the drawer next to the bed. I strip out of my dress and slip on a pair of pink candy-striped PJ shorts and a white T-shirt before making my way downstairs.
The TV is playing some old eighties movie, and the food Havoc picked up is lying out cold on the coffee table.
I walk around the sofa and see Kruger fast asleep, his head bent at an awkward angle.
I slide my hand over his jaw, feeling the stubble against my palm before I dip and press my lips to his.
His eyes flutter open before locking with mine. “Delphi?”
“You shouldn’t have to sleep on the sofa in your own home.”
“I don’t mind—”
“I do. I’m not ready for anything more than this right now, and I’m sorry about that. I feel like I’m the carrot and you’re the horse chasing me.”
“Baby, I’ll chase your cute ass anywhere.”
I chuckle before tugging on his hand. “Good, then you can follow me upstairs.”
His eyes widen before he jumps to his feet.
“Easy tiger. I’m offering to share the bed with you, not my body.”
“I’m okay with that. More than okay with that.”
“Yeah?”
“Fuck yeah.” He leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. “Thank you.”
“I’m doing it more for me than you.”
“Oh, you are, are you?”
“Yeah, turns out I feel safer with you beside me.”