Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Jagged snow-covered cliffs that were every bit as harsh as they were magical whizzed by my passenger side window.
A river wound itself along the highway that had been built right into the side of the mountain.
I wasn’t sure what was harder to comprehend—that I was here right now, or that Danny was actually, physically next to me.
“I can’t believe this is just a casual drive out here.” I pulled out my phone to take a picture.
“It’s only casual if you start to take it for granted. I’ve always tried not to. It’s my favorite place in the world.”
“Did you come a lot?” I asked, craning my neck to see what was up ahead.
Danny sat in the driver’s seat of his truck, one hand on the wheel, the other arm resting on the center console, his hand dangerously close to brushing my thigh. I wiggled a little in my seat to bring my leg closer to him, just in case he wanted to make contact.
“All the time when I was growing up. With my dad.”
“And after?” I asked cautiously, wanting to know more, but also not wanting him to be hurt by discussing his late father.
“My mom let me come out with my uncle once a year. It was too hard on her to go after my dad died. Everything reminded her of him.”
There was pain embedded in his voice even if he wasn’t outwardly displaying it.
I couldn’t relate to pain like that. It made me feel guilty for the mental struggles I’d been having lately.
I couldn’t write my own music? Boo-hoo. I had to conform to someone else’s idea of a popstar?
So what. An overbearing mom prone to insults and a father who couldn’t be bothered to have a ten-minute phone call?
That was practically a run-of-the-mill problem for girls like me.
“Does your mom ever come back now?”
He glanced over at me briefly before shaking his head. “I’ve tried to get her out here a few times, but she said she’d rather remember it from before. The last time she was here was with him.”
I didn’t wait for him to touch me this time. I took the hand that was dangling off the center console in both of mine, squeezing it and rubbing circles against the back of it.
He didn’t pull away. He held on tight.
“I’m surprised your phone isn’t blowing up after you missed your flight,” he said.
“It’s on airplane mode. I’m too scared to turn it back on.” It made me nauseous to think about what would happen if I switched it on. I’d much prefer to pretend my life didn’t exist for a little while. “My mom is going to be so pissed.”
“Wait, Rebecca? I was thinking that your label would be freaking out.”
“You remember my mom?” He’d only met her once, briefly on the set of Tough Love.
He glanced over at me. “I remember everything about you, Trace.” Then under his breath he muttered, “And I definitely remember the shitty way that woman spoke to you.”
I winced. That had been a hard day. It was right after Danny had ended things, but we still had to film the ‘meet the family’ portion of the show.
I was practically a walking zombie, but if I remembered correctly, Mom had asked me what I’d done to blow my chances with him.
I’d been quiet, meanwhile a shocked Danny had stood up for me.
He’d told her it wasn’t anything I’d done. That it was all on him.
“She’s always been tough.” I gulped. “She’s actually kind of my manager now.”
“What?” His face scrunched in obvious disapproval.
“It was easier that way. Everything happened so fast after the show. She just started fielding phone calls for me and setting up meetings…and I was so overwhelmed, I let her.”
“Is she…is she more supportive now?”
He was tiptoeing around the subject. Probably because he knew he had zero right to pass any judgements on my life after he chose not to be a part of it.
“She is. In her own way.”
“That doesn’t sound promising.”
“I mean, she wants me to succeed.” There, that was true enough.
“Wanting you to be a success and supporting you are two completely different things.”
“Can we talk about something else?” I asked, anxiety starting to bubble in my gut. I had come here because I wanted to escape my life, not examine it.
“Sorry, I’m being pushy.” He sighed and squeezed my hand. “I’m really happy you’re here.”
I hadn’t been expecting him to say that. So open and clear.
“I’m happy I’m here, too.”
He tapped the steering wheel a few times before glancing over at me.
I could spend forever underneath his gaze, curled up in his passenger seat while he drove us somewhere.
I’d never gotten to experience Danny in the real world, although I’d had about a million fantasies about it: What I wanted to show him.
Visiting him. Sleeping with him in our own beds.
The puppy we’d adopt (hey, I know I’m delusional).
I’d fallen for him. Quick and hard.
Funny, that was also how the breakup had gone.
But I still wanted all those things. Even though he’d said all those months ago that he couldn’t do this, part of me wondered if he’d changed his mind.
And if he hadn’t yet, I’d just have to make him.
Him making first contact with me had exposed the first crack in his resolve.
Me showing up here unannounced was just widening it, burrowing deeper until I was firmly inside.
A happiness had settled inside me since being back in his presence. Danny made me feel seen. My whole life people have been watching me constantly, but nobody ever saw me. Not the way Danny did.
He continued along the winding roads as I drank in every last drop of the gorgeous scenery. We got off at the next highway exit, and Danny turned left onto a small main street.
“This is the closest town,” he explained.
“It’s adorable,” I gushed, taking in the lodge that looked like a ski chalet and the short row of restaurants and shops.
We drove through it, all the way to the end.
Danny parked in a nearly empty lot. I zipped up the coat he’d loaned me, as he’d deemed the one I’d brought insufficient.
In my defense, the weather in Denver wasn’t nearly as frigid as it was out here, and I’d had no intention of dropping everything and driving to the mountains when I’d first packed.
“There’s a spot up here I want to show you.” He opened my car door and gave me his hand before helping me down.
The sun peeked through a cloud, providing instant warmth with every ray that hit me. It was a beautiful day. We hadn’t even done anything, and it was already the best time I’d had in recent memory. Was that sad?
Danny didn’t let go of my hand as he led me to a path at the end of the dirt parking lot. He positioned himself behind me as we stepped onto the snow-packed trail. We walked the short distance in silence, Danny either taking my hand, or steadying me at the waist the entire time.
When we reached the end of the trail, my jaw dropped. In front of us were layered mountain ranges as far as the eye could see. Some were solid white with snow, some still with charcoal stone bases. I had my head on a swivel taking it all in.
“Wow,” I breathed.
When I looked at Danny, he was watching me instead of the view.
“There’s a bench over there.” He dipped his head and pointed to an old wooden bench to the side of the trail. It must be a popular spot, because any snow that had fallen had been cleared off already.
“Are you cold?” he asked as we took a seat.
“Not really,” I said, even though a brief shiver did course through me as my pants made contact with the hard, icy bench.
I wasn’t sure if it was the sun keeping me from freezing or Danny himself.
Just being this close to him caused the memory of last night—his mouth on mine—to slip back into my mind.
I brushed my lips with my fingertips, practically tingling with anticipation.
I remembered how badly I’d wanted his hands to shift from my face or my waist to explore the rest of my body, but Danny had held back.
I probably should have been holding back too, but who was I kidding? I wanted him. Bad.
“Do you come here a lot?” I asked to keep my focus on conversation rather than my wandering mind.
He nodded, eyes glued to the horizon. “Yeah.”
I waited for him to say more. Danny was the quiet, stoic type. He didn’t mind sitting in silence. But I knew that if he wanted to share, I just needed to give him space to do so.
He let out a breath. “I used to come out here with my mom and dad. We’d get doughnuts from town and eat them here.”
It was like my heart ripped right out of my chest and flew toward him. I gripped his bicep and squeezed before rubbing my hand up and down his fleece jacket.
“What a perfect spot for that,” I said.
“It was.” He stared down at his feet, knocking his fist against the seat of the bench. “I still try to make it back here whenever I can.”
“Would you ever want to move out here for good?” I could picture that for him. Seeing him out here, against the mountain backdrop, just felt right.
“I think about it all the time.” His eyes met mine. “But my mom is still out in California. I can’t leave her.”
“I get that.” He slung an arm across the back of the bench, and I nestled into him.
After a minute, he sighed and shook his head. “Not that I’m not insanely happy you’re tucked into my side right now, but are you going to tell me why you’re here, Trace? And don’t just say to see me, or give some surface-level answer. I want to know what’s going on in that head of yours.”
Wow. That was direct for him. I hadn’t been expecting it, and the question caught me off guard. “I don’t know…”
“Try.”
I closed my eyes, trying to collect the thoughts flying around my brain. “I guess…I guess the pressure was getting to be a lot.”
He waited for me to continue, arm securely around my shoulders.
“I was supposed to be out here as sort of a test with my label. My tour isn’t selling like they wanted it to, and they’re trying to decide if they want to sign me for a second album.”
“Trace—”