Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
“Quarry,” I said, placing the tiled letters onto the board, totaling them in my head. “That’s forty-two points.” I wrote down the number on the scratch piece of paper I was using to keep score.
“You’re a cheater.” Jaylon narrowed his eyes and leaned closer to squint at the letters.
“She writes her own songs. Maybe it’s not a shock that she has a better grasp of the English language than you,” Barrett pointed out.
He and Danny were sprawled out on the couch behind us, while Jaylon and I were seated crisscross on the floor around the coffee table. Snow fell softly outside while the crackling fireplace kept the room toasty.
My phone remained blissfully silent.
It was perfect.
“Cow.” Jaylon placed the letters, counting underneath his breath before scowling. “Nine.”
Barrett whistled. “Killing it.”
“Shut up. Like you would do any better.”
I smiled, catching Danny’s eye. He had one arm propped against the arm of the couch, chin resting in his hand. He had been looking out the window, but now his gaze had shifted to me.
“We’ll have to go check out the mountain tomorrow, see what kind of coverage it’s getting,” Barrett said.
As much as I wished Danny and I could have another day like today, just the two of us—him showing me around, deep conversations mixed with laughter and stolen touches—I knew he had to get back to the reason he’d come out here in the first place.
His documentary. After the revelation about his father, I now realized more than ever how important this was to him.
“You should come, Trace,” Jaylon said, picking new tiles from the bag.
Danny’s entire body visibly tensed at the suggestion, but he didn’t say anything.
I studied him while Barrett chimed in. “Yeah, you should. You can stay in the van while we’re skinning up. It might be kind of boring, but it’s beautiful out there. And you can see what Danny is working on.”
“She won’t want to,” Danny said
Barrett furrowed his eyebrows. “Let Trace speak for herself.”
I hugged my knees into my chest. “Oh, uh. I don’t know. Won’t you guys be out there all day?”
Barrett shrugged. “Nah, maybe three or four hours. We’re just going to be hiking around the perimeter instead of up. We’ll use the drone to scope everything out and get some good aerial shots.”
Danny’s face remained unreadable. Did he not want me to go? I couldn’t think of a valid reason why. I mean sure, his lifestyle was one of the reasons he said it would never work out for us, but surely he must realize now how dense he was being.
I didn’t want to push so I finally said, “Maybe another time. I’m kind of feeling inspired to do some writing tomorrow.”
Danny just stared back at me. I half-expected him to say something, but he just nodded. His energy felt a little off, but I chose to ignore it.
“We’ll get you up there eventually,” Jaylon said.
“Yeah, you have to see it. It’s freaking gorgeous up there,” Barrett said, standing and stretching. “I’m going to crash. We’ve got an early morning.”
Before making a move to the steps that led to their downstairs bedrooms, he paused by our Scrabble game. When Jaylon finally looked up, he gave a not-so-subtle jerk of his head toward him.
“I’ll go to bed when this game is over,” Jaylon said, returning to studying his letters.
Barrett walked over and smacked him on the back of his head. “Shit, ouch.” Jaylon blinked angrily before looking at me then at Danny and taking in the situation. He shuffled to his feet. “Actually, we can finish this tomorrow. You’re just going to smoke me anyway.”
“Goodnight, you two. Trace, don’t keep our guy up too late,” Barrett said, as he and Jaylon shuffled toward the door to the lower level.
“Night,” I called after them, chuckling at their abrupt exit.
Danny’s expression remained as stoic as ever. Completely unreadable.
I got up, curling up on the couch cushion next to him. I thought about not saying anything, but I told myself this time would be different for us. We wouldn’t shy away from the hard conversations.
“Can we talk about why you don’t want me to come to the mountain?” I asked, hating that I felt self-conscious all of a sudden. “Are you worried I’ll be in the way, or…”
His dark eyes widened. “What? No.” He dragged a hand over his face before dropping it and placing it on my knee. My whole body lit up at the simple touch.
“I want you there,” he said. “I do…It’s just…a little hard thinking about you watching me. I’m trying to picture it through your eyes. The last thing I want is you getting there, seeing what I’m doing, and thinking how fucking stupid I am or something.”
“I won’t,” I said softly, lifting his hand to my lips and pressing a kiss there. Since he had opened up to me, I had this deeper understanding of him. And as hard as it had been when he’d ended things with me, I understood him now.
His hand left mine to brush my cheek. “Maybe in a few days I can take you out there, just the two of us.”
“I’d like that.”
When I’d arrived last night, I hadn’t been entirely sure what to expect. But Danny looking at me like he was right now—like he wanted me and that I was still important to him—was more than I’d dared to hope for.
“Thanks for today. For showing me around,” I said.
“Thanks for coming.” His words were clear. Direct. Like he didn’t want there to be any misunderstanding on my part. “You had every reason never to talk to me again, but I’m glad you did.”
I shrugged. “I can’t hold what you said to me on a reality TV show over your head for the rest of our lives. Producers are manipulative. Tensions are high. Emotions are amplified.” My voice quivered. “I was always going to regret not giving you another chance.”
His eyes widened slightly as he scrubbed his jaw with his hand. “I regretted everything the minute I said it. Telling you it would never work, not even giving it a shot…I told myself it was for the best. But just because I wanted that to be true, didn’t mean I felt it.”
“I know,” I said quietly.
“And when I texted you a few weeks ago…It was because I physically couldn’t restrain myself from finding out how you were. I hoped you were happy, at least. Living your dream and all.” He shifted on the couch, bringing one leg up so that his whole body faced me.
“I am happy,” I said it like I was trying to convince myself more than him.
“It’s okay if you aren’t.” His deep voice sent chills along my arms, and I squeezed my eyes shut.
“I just feel so…alone. Like no one is ever listening to me. This album I put out wasn’t me, not even close. I wanted to do something more stripped down. I still want that, but now they’re threatening not to re-sign me.” I huffed, shaking my head. “I thought I’d have more autonomy over my life.”
My voice had risen a couple octaves as I got worked up. It was freeing to finally release all that I had been bottling up these past few months.
“And my mother is driving me crazy,” I added.
Danny barked out a laugh at that. “You need to get some space from her, Trace.”
Did I ever. She’d latched onto me, and I’d let her. She loved control and, like an idiot, I’d given her too much. She’d been this way my whole life. It was so hard to say no to her—or to anyone, really. I was raised to be polite. Quiet. Sweet.
“She’s even staying with me right now,” I admitted.
His eyebrows drew together in concern. “What? Why?”
“It’s a long story,” I said, even though it really wasn’t. I picked at a stray cuticle. “She kind of guilted me into my guest bedroom.”
“Doesn’t she have her own house?”
“It’s a couple of hours away. With her doing so many managerial things for me, it just made sense for her to stay in Nashville.”
He groaned, dragging a hand along his face. “I hate that.”
I’d told him how emotionally manipulative she could be.
I’d shared many of my cherished childhood memories of her.
Telling me we were going on a diet together.
Wrinkling her nose in disapproval when I picked out a new outfit I was excited about.
Telling me if I got my nose pierced it would ruin my face.
“I hate it, too, but it’s only temporary.” As I said it, I realized there was no end in sight.
The cushion sagged as Danny shifted over on the couch. My stomach leapt into my throat as he placed one of his large arms around the back of the couch, by my head, and put his other hand in my lap, scooping up my hands.
“I need you to be okay,” he said, searching my face.
I sucked in a breath, my entire body heating in his presence. “I’m doing a lot better now.”
He smirked at that. “I need you to be okay all the time. Even when I can’t see it for myself.”
I chewed on my lip, trying to gather myself to say something brave.
“What if you could see it for yourself?” My voice was smaller than I wanted it to sound. Vulnerable.
I half expected him to pull back—to rake a hand through his hair, start pacing, and let me down easy. But he didn’t do that. He leaned in closer and just said. “Yeah?”
“I mean, I’m not sure exactly how. I know we’re both busy, but that’s what phones are for. And we don’t have to put all this stupid pressure on ourselves. We can just—”
He interrupted me then, placing a strong hand at the base of my neck and pulling me in. He kissed me slowly as I leaned into him. His smell consumed me. Just being near him brought every spark I’d ever felt for him back to life.
His mouth moved over mine, carefully, sealing me to him. When he pulled away, he remained close, our noses brushing, his eyes dark and searing right into mine.
“I want you, Trace. In whatever way we can figure out.”